Shamelessly cheating my liquid diet
dezbie
Posts: 19 Member
Okay I am really disappointed with myself, I don't even want to post this because of how bad I've been cheating but I really need the support. The day I began my liquid diet I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year, this has taken such an emotional toll on me that I was just like I don't even care I NEED food right now. I can't believe how attached I am to food this is embarrassing. My surgery is this Thursday and I really need to get it together and commit to shrinking my liver but I'm just going through a lot, I'm really upset but trying to distract myself and pretend I'm okay with this but last night I cried over a bag of dark chocolate covered pomegranate. I'm really disappointed in myself for being so weak. This makes me wonder if after surgery how I'll handle stressful life events. I've never considered myself an emotional eater, like when I'm sad I usually prefer not to eat at all. But if I DO eat I have comfort food. Sweets are comfort food to me. Candy, donuts, brownies, cookies, ice cream, as long as it's sweet I'm in. So please I just need like some kind of advice or scolding or anything to help me. My friends wouldn't understand entirely, all they can do it talk me through my first breakup but it's so much more than that, I'm sabotaging my future for a snickers....several snickers. 
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Replies
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First of all, don't beat yourself up any more. None of us is perfect, and the fact that it bothers yo so much is a positive. Recognizing the things you want/need to change is huge. Making the changes is another thing, but you are capable of doing it!
Now for the tough love.
This is a major undertaking you are heading toward. It requires a deep down commitment to accept the tool you are being given and use it for the rest of your life. It will rearrange a bunch of your innards, but it isn't brain surgery. Our behaviors around food are how we go to the weights we are. The surgery will help jump start the physical stuff, but the behaviors need to come first. Call your nutritionist/nurse tomorrow and let him or her know what has been going on. They will advise you as to what to do. I have no idea if it will cause a postponement, but what I worry about is making the surgery more difficult if your liver is not what they are expecting.
Either way, you will need to figure out your behavior issues. Therapy might be useful. Talk to your program people. They have seen so many more patients than any of us, they will be able to point you toward help.
This is a great group for support, so stay here and use us. We all wish you the best
Rob0 -
If it was shamelessly cheating you wouldn't feel so guilty about it. It's ok to feel the full range of emotions, you need to find a way to face these emotions without turning to food. Get the troublesome food out of the house so you don't have it to turn to. Find another outlet. Go for a walk with some music, curl up with your favorite book or movie, call a friend or loved one, journal. find something that works for you.
Most of all, don't beat yourself up over this slip, rededicate yourself to this journey.0 -
Hi Dezbie, perfectly human to cheat on the liquid diet I found it incredibly hard. However your op will go so much smother if you stick to it and lose as much weight as possible beforehand. Consider pushing your surgery date back a week or two if you don't feel its long enough. Definitely try not to eat any carbs or sugars in the last week prior to operation cause it can put your liver back to square one so I've heard.
The more you can stick to the liquid diet and lose weight pre op the more you will have;
Less bruising
Less need for painkillers
Less chance of a complication
More optimistic feeling about the whole operation
More chance of no leaks along the stomach sleeve
Good luck - its hard but I know you can do it!
DJH0 -
Thank you to all the members here who offered such kindhearted advice to help someone....I find all of you guys amazing.
Thanks for reaching out to help someone who needed you.
The best advice I could give was this 3x5 index card I kept at my desk...I used a fancy label machine and made a little sign
that said "I CAN DO THIS" I kept that by my side all during my pre-op stages...saying that to myself over and over, it helped me
get past the things I didn't like. Find some inspirational phrase that might work for you...make your own sign and keep it with you as your ANCHOR...as they used to say in Weight Watchers.
Hang in there....perfection is not what it is all about...but you owe it to yourself to get this job done!
Take care,
David0 -
The pre-op diet is to make the surgery safer for YOU. It's not a test of your willpower, or your worthiness as a human being. If you were waiting to get your liver transplanted and this were the criteria, would you be so cavalier about breaking the pre-surgery protocol? Would you sneak a sandwich after midnight on the day of surgery and hope nobody notices the crumbs at the corner of your mouth?
I do not say these things to be mean and it's not my place to scold you. You are an adult. You are doing this because you want to do this. That said...
Put on your big girl panties, girlfriend, and put down the donuts!
No worries about dealing with those cravings after the surgery, you'll be too nauseated to even think about it and your stomach size is going to keep you from indulging. Hopefully, by the time you get through the initial healings, those cravings will be either history or manageable.
You can do this, but not until you put all the junk you're not supposed to be eating down the garbage disposal and start feeding your body the stuff your surgeon wants you to feed it so you can have a good outcome from this surgery.
And do not let a MAN make you stop doing what you are supposed to be doing. There are plenty of other men out there. The world is full of men. This guy doesn't need chocolate-covered pomengranates to mourn his exit from your life.0 -
It's a good step that you can come here and talk about this. But the number one issue right now is if this binge is going to put you in danger on the operating table. So, as embarassed as you might be, you should absolutely talk to your surgeon about this, and see if it is safe to go ahead with the surgery. The worst that can happen is they postpone it a little. But I'm sure you'd agree that it would be better than putting your life at risk.
When you get this sorted out, you should look into therapy. We all have major food issues, and therapy really helps a lot of us.0 -
This has nothing to do with your post but I love your hair...its beautiful!
2nd...I just completed all my requirements and now Im just waiting to get a definite date...yay!
Its sad that you & your bf, split up during this critical time in your life but imagine what he will be losing out on...if he thought you were great back then...youre gonna send his head spinning when all this is said & done and HE will be the 1 losing out on you!
They say losing weight & getting into shape is the best come back revenge...he actually skipped out before the going got good...his loss!!
Please keep us posted...as Im always interested in the latest from you all...those that have gone before me
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The hardest thing I ever had to learn was to be open to the pain that is a normal part of the human experience. You are heartbroken so cry- don't eat, so grieve-don't eat. Do not use sweets to give you pleasure to avoid the pain. Allow the pain to be there. After all this is a huge change and sad upheaval in your life. Prayer is very helpful to strengthen you as you go thru this process of grieving and becoming a healthier you. God loves you and if you ask for his help as you work thru your day you will find Grace. Chocolate pomegranates don't love you, they don't cure heartbreak and now they are bringing you guilt and more suffering. 90% of this process is getting a handle on why you eat. All of life's problems will still be there after surgery. Please contact your bariatric support team. I was warned by my surgeon if my liver was to big for the laparoscopic he would have to do open abdominal surgery which leaves a huge scar and I had to sign a document allowing it. Cause they aren't going to stop, wake you back up and do the surgery on a different day, Ins won't pay to do surgery twice. praying for you, good luck.0
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Brush it off and finish strong, you made it this far and I doubt a bag of candies expanded your liver back to the starting size. This should just reconfirm your making the correct decision, you'll be limited on what you eat after surgery and it'll be difficult to emotional eat. Hang in there, tomorrow is a new day, start fresh focused on the liquid plan and just know you can do this. You got this girl!0
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I have sympathy for your situation.
However, if you can't cope with these feelings now, you will probably have a much harder time post-op, when you can't self-medicate with food. The risk of cheating post-op is greater than pre-op, and can be seriously dangerous to your health. You should reconsider whether it is a good idea to have surgery on Thursday - maybe you can wait one month? I would talk to your MD's office about this.
I know you want to go through with VSG, but you have to heal from surgery, and that takes commitment and focus, which you may not have right now. It is most important that you be safe and healthy through this process!0 -
I definitely encourage you to address your issue of medicating with food sooner rather than later. I say this because, I'm nine months post-op and still struggle with this issue. I, too, will stiffle the pain with the pleasure of my favorite foods. And every time I do it, I instantly regret it and am filled with overwhelming guilt. This is a terrible cycle to be in. Before surgery, if I "cheated" on a diet, I would throw caution to the wind and just ball out in my pantry and eat whatever the heck I wanted until Monday, when I would dutifully re-start my diet program. The sad thing is that I could have done the "cheating" on a Tuesday and not re-started my diet until the following Monday. Post-op, if I have a "cheating" moment, I treat it just as that...a moment. I don't use it as an excuse to continue to eat horribly. Once I feel that regret and guilt set in, I tell myself that this behavior cannot continue. My next meal or snack will be a healthy one that is on plan. No more waiting for Mondays. We all strive for perfection, but the truth is that we are human and most of us will stumble and fall. Just pick yourself and move on. I'm hoping that I will soon find a tool that helps to prevent the self-medicating with food in the first place. I really like the idea of the laminated index card with an encouraging phrase, maybe I could put it on my phone and computer background too. This is a journey and I'm still learning!0
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Relax, we don't learn everything pre surgery. Sometimes we just learn things as we go along. Post surgery has lots if learning curves as well. Imagine how amazing your going to feel once you stop owning his decision. You would not be in here if you didn't own yo'ur own decisions too. So let his go. They're his responsibility. Yours is just you. That's enough for now. Life is amity you.:-D0
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Life is about you.0
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I agree with everyone else here, talk to your doctor now. If this pospones the surgery, that's better than getting into it and having problems. I know it's hard to make that call and admit your stumble, but it's better for you in the long run.
Second point, you already know the food isn't taking away the pain, no matter how much you want it to. It's actually causing you more pain in the guilt you feel. Truth is, emotionally you are in pain and that's normal considering the breakup. Nothing is going to make it better except letting it run it's course. Cry, grieve and then pick yourself up and go on with your life, because really, either you go on or your curl up in a corner and die, and the second option isn't really an option, you know? You are a survivor, if you weren't, you wouldn't be trying to improve your life with WLS.
Like others said, get the food out of your house. Then find a way to deal with your emotional pain, because although right after surgery you won't be able to physically binge like you are now, there will come a time when you will. It might be a few years out, but there will come a time when you can eat this way or close to it again, and if you do every time something hurts you, you will regain. You aren't going through the surgery for it to be a temporary thing. So find a way now to deal with the pain without throwing food at it. You will be so much happier and healthier in the long run if you can.0 -
I totally relate to what you are going through. I did HORRIBLY on my pre op diet!! For some reason just about every night was a major drive thru binge up until the last 48 hrs. I was freaking out and so sure that my surgery would get cancelled. Everything went well and there were no complications. I took very little pain medication and was up and walking within a few hours. I walked around the unit several times during the night as well. I had all of the very same fears about my success as you are having, but for some reason when I woke up from the procedure it was like someone had flipped a switch and I entered full on serious mode. I am 3 weeks out today and down 24lbs from date of surgery. So don't beat yourself up, you are just having a prolonged "food funeral" like so many of us have had. Food has been my all time favorite part of life and now I can barely stand the smell of anything. It is one day at a time and all you can do is your own personal best. No judgement here!0
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I totally relate to what you are going through. I did HORRIBLY on my pre op diet!! For some reason just about every night was a major drive thru binge up until the last 48 hrs. I was freaking out and so sure that my surgery would get cancelled. Everything went well and there were no complications. I took very little pain medication and was up and walking within a few hours. I walked around the unit several times during the night as well. I had all of the very same fears about my success as you are having, but for some reason when I woke up from the procedure it was like someone had flipped a switch and I entered full on serious mode. I am 3 weeks out today and down 24lbs from date of surgery. So don't beat yourself up, you are just having a prolonged "food funeral" like so many of us have had. Food has been my all time favorite part of life and now I can barely stand the smell of anything. It is one day at a time and all you can do is your own personal best. No judgement here!
This is really horrible advice. Why would you encourage people to disregard their surgeon's advice and cheat on their preop diets? What the OP is going through is not a "food funeral." The ability and willingness to follow a surgical program is important for both safety and success. Please don't undermine it.0 -
There is a big discrepancy with the way my post was perceived. I was in no way telling the OP that it was okay to ignore her surgeon's advice. I was simply trying to let her know that she is not alone in her struggle by sharing my own personal experience. I am actually a Registered Nurse currently working toward my FNP and so I am well aware of all of the possible ramifications of the choices that I made. I did let my surgeon know of my struggle and he advised me to just do the best that I could. The surgical practice has a PhD on staff that handles the counseling aspect of bariatric surgery and this is where I heard the term "food funeral". It is not an uncommon phenomenon in those with binge eating issues. Believe it or not, there are some pre-op bariatric protocols that do not even require the strict diet that many prescribe. There are plenty of current medical research articles that support both schools of thought.0
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Agree with @grim_travelle; I had a "Food Funeral" or as I called it "Farewell to Food Tour" but that ended the day I started the pre-op liquid diet. When you have a funeral you mourn, bury the body and go home. You don't take the casket with you!0
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Here's something else to think about; You should not be crying about the breakup you should be celebrating. I have no idea what your personal situation is or why your relationship would end but I do know that it takes a special kind of prick to break up with someone one week before a major surgery. At a minimum a man who invested a year with you could have stayed on for 2 weeks to support you through a very tough time before breaking the relationship. It really is the decent thing to do. I can only say this because your post insinuates the breakup was not your idea and did not make you happy.
That said, and if he walked out on you, just consider it the first 200 pounds of dead weight lost! You will get through the surgery and start a fantastic body transformation which will open some doors for you. And you never know what, or who, will walk through that door. Good luck!0 -
I'm sorry I didn't reply to these when I first read them! I haven;t been on MFP since my surgery last week but I truly appreciated all of the helpful words I received from everyone! I told them the day of surgery about the cheating and expressed my concern that my liver may not have shrunken as much as they expected, my surgeon told me if it hadn't they would open me up but she had never had to do it before so she wasn't worried, thank god everything went well and they didn't need to open me! She said she'd seen worse. I managed to lose 7 pounds on the liquid diet despite the cheating, the last 2 days I really pulled it together. I do see a therapist, but I'm going to join an overeaters group because even though I feel no hunger I just want to eat for no reason. My relationship with food is much worse than I ever believed, I really thought I had more self control than I did. It wasn't until I was told I couldn't eat did I see how attached I was. So after some tough love from you guys I want to do that for myself because it would be a shame that after my stomach is healed for me to revert to my old ways. I'll keep y'all updated on my progress and it comforts me to know I can come here and talk to people who understand what I'm going through !0
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Great to hear everything went well! That's all that really matters. Good luck making the permanent changes you know you need to make!0
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I was thinking about you and wondering how it had worked out for you. I'm so glad to hear surgery is done and you're doing well.
I struggle sometimes, thinking I want to dive into a box of donuts. What stops me is realization that food doesn't really taste all that great to me anymore. I'm fascinated by it still, but I can't really eat that much of it, so it's more a curiosity than anything. I've noticed that a bowl of soup is fine for me and before it would have been nice, as an appetizer, or maybe with a whole sandwich and a salad, too. I'm still getting used to the fact that a single meal for most people is now three meals for me.
I'm noticing that since I can't feed myself, now I want to feed other people. So that may be my outlet in the future.0 -
Well done Dezbie. So glad for you. Now your exciting journey begins. During the healing phase I would mistake healing pains for hunger pains. I thought about food a lot. But it does settle. As your body changes new adventures come up and take your mind elsewhere. Just last night whilst grocery shopping I actually stopped to look at some of the clothes they had for sale. Not being a dept store they do not stock larger sizes. I have never bothered looking before now as there was no point. Didn't buy anything but couldn't get the grin off my face because I could have easily. You will really focus. Your rewards will come thick and fast.0
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WELCOME BACK!!!
Thanks for the update Dezbie. I am so happy to hear that not only are you back on the forum but that you had your surgery and it went well. I used to attend Overeater's Anonymous meetings and found them very helpful. It's the 12 Step AA approach but they substitute alcohol for food. They have some really great literature too. Their website is www.or.org if you want to check it out online while you are recovering at home.
I look forward to reading your posts and following your journey. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
WELCOME BACK!!!
Thanks for the update Dezbie. I am so happy to hear that not only are you back on the forum but that you had your surgery and it went well. I used to attend Overeater's Anonymous meetings and found them very helpful. It's the 12 Step AA approach but they substitute alcohol for food. They have some really great literature too. Their website is www.or.org if you want to check it out online while you are recovering at home.
I look forward to reading your posts and following your journey. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
i love my support group. we have mentors that are 8 yrs out. I need that reminder that i am not cured of obese brain. i will always have to monitor my intake. my husband once asked how long i will continue to go to support group. i replied "as long as i am still eating food"
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Welcome back. I hope things continue to go well for you post-op.0
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Thanks I'm enjoying the weight loss but not eating is so hard, 4th of july was so hard to stomach....literally. I bit the tiniest piece of a hot dog and that was day. Fluids and a piece of hot dog the size of a marble. I don't know why I did this, I love food more dearly than anything, smelling the hot dogs, burgers, chicken...sheesh. I thought this process would go by fast and I'd be in the dream life in no time, the life where I eat healthy and enjoy working out and am a zumba instructor....instead I'm experiencing the day by day of I'm still me minus the things I love most, swimming and eating. One more week til I can return to the water but 3 1/2 more months til I'm on solids, I don't think I was ready for what I got myself into and I'm starting to get a little depressed. I was really hoping I could be strong through this and I'm trying but the reality is I feel like I ruined my life. Can't talk to my best friend about it because she's so wrapped up in her jealousy I think she'd be happy to hear I regret it. I wish my mind would just get over food. :explode:0
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From my first post to my most current I might be sounding like a weak person but I'm not, I just have a lot of big things happening at the same time that are making me feel extra emotional. I just lack the support I need to get through it, I knew this was going to happen though. I tried to prepare myself for dealing on my own but it's all a bit much, I return to therapy this week so I'm hoping that helps me relieve some of my stress.0
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From my first post to my most current I might be sounding like a weak person but I'm not, I just have a lot of big things happening at the same time that are making me feel extra emotional. I just lack the support I need to get through it, I knew this was going to happen though. I tried to prepare myself for dealing on my own but it's all a bit much, I return to therapy this week so I'm hoping that helps me relieve some of my stress.
You're not weak, you're human *HUGS* Don't be too hard on yourself. This surgery alone is an emotional rollercoster add in everything you're going through, and your bound to be having a hard time.
I know I am an emotional eater. When things are down, I turn to food for comfort. Coming home after my surgery, I was a hormonal, emotional wreck, first thought was to turn to food like I normally would. When I realized I physically couldn't, it was really hard.
I love food too. I understand that. I've been watching the food network for two weeks dreaming about all the food that I see.
I do have to say that it's getting easier. I'm 2 weeks 1 day out now, and i'm not such a wreck LOL I feel pretty human now, and I feel like I have a better grasp on things.
I've also moved on from fluids to purees, so that's helping. I'm able to actually eat things even though they are pureed.
Give yourself a break, and take it one day at a time. All those foods that *we* loved before will still be there in a few months. We can still have them in moderation, they aren't going anywhere.
Focus on YOU right now. You deserve to be happy!
Take care0 -
Thank you I'm trying so hard to deal but I honestly thought that once the surgery was over everything would be easy from there, that because I wasn't hungry I wouldn't mind not eating, but it's so much more complicated than that and I'm like what did I get myself into? I just wasn't mentally prepared for this but thankfully tomorrow I'm going to get started on purees and get approval to start working out and that's going to be amazing!From my first post to my most current I might be sounding like a weak person but I'm not, I just have a lot of big things happening at the same time that are making me feel extra emotional. I just lack the support I need to get through it, I knew this was going to happen though. I tried to prepare myself for dealing on my own but it's all a bit much, I return to therapy this week so I'm hoping that helps me relieve some of my stress.
You're not weak, you're human *HUGS* Don't be too hard on yourself. This surgery alone is an emotional rollercoster add in everything you're going through, and your bound to be having a hard time.
I know I am an emotional eater. When things are down, I turn to food for comfort. Coming home after my surgery, I was a hormonal, emotional wreck, first thought was to turn to food like I normally would. When I realized I physically couldn't, it was really hard.
I love food too. I understand that. I've been watching the food network for two weeks dreaming about all the food that I see.
I do have to say that it's getting easier. I'm 2 weeks 1 day out now, and i'm not such a wreck LOL I feel pretty human now, and I feel like I have a better grasp on things.
I've also moved on from fluids to purees, so that's helping. I'm able to actually eat things even though they are pureed.
Give yourself a break, and take it one day at a time. All those foods that *we* loved before will still be there in a few months. We can still have them in moderation, they aren't going anywhere.
Focus on YOU right now. You deserve to be happy!
Take care0
