Family's health and resulting drama :(
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robingoblin
Posts: 46 Member
Hey everyone,
This isn't the happiest post, but I really need to get it out there, so I hope this forum is an okay place to talk. My situation with my mom is very, very frustrating, and pretty sad, too.
I'm having a Jewish wedding in October. The parents are supposed to stand under the wedding canopy or "chuppah". My dad passed away a few months ago so he clearly won't be there, and that already stings more than I know how to say. My mom (who I don't get along with nearly as well) is very overweight and VERY weak. She definitely won't be able to stand the whole 30-40 minutes of the ceremony that she's supposed to in her current state. I asked her nicely to start training and increasing her stamina so she could stand during the most important 30 minutes of my life. She is very closed minded and doesn't even sound like she's going to try. (She's requesting a "special stool" to sit on instead, which I think is rude and distracting... and not at all part of my very meticulous wedding vision.) She even said she doesn't want her hair and makeup done because it will "tire her out" - which is ridiculous. I'm paying for it - she just has to sit in a chair for half an hour for pictures that will last a lifetime. Is that really so much to ask?
I'm not asking for such a ridiculous thing. I know if she actually wanted to put in even a little effort, she could do it. And standing is important for every day life... She's not disabled or sick - she's just very sedentary and afraid of pushing herself - literally her only problem is excess weight and no muscle. Even a 5 minute walk tires her out. Maybe if she were helping even a little with the planning, I wouldn't be upset. Before my dad passed, he helped me plan so many details... He was really involved, and we both really cared about it. Now she's doing nothing, and just making my life harder.
I just feel like I'm putting SO much work into this, and I'm just asking her to do one thing that's really important to me (that's really important for every day life!) ...
Okay. Sorry for ranting, guys. I really appreciate all your support.
This isn't the happiest post, but I really need to get it out there, so I hope this forum is an okay place to talk. My situation with my mom is very, very frustrating, and pretty sad, too.
I'm having a Jewish wedding in October. The parents are supposed to stand under the wedding canopy or "chuppah". My dad passed away a few months ago so he clearly won't be there, and that already stings more than I know how to say. My mom (who I don't get along with nearly as well) is very overweight and VERY weak. She definitely won't be able to stand the whole 30-40 minutes of the ceremony that she's supposed to in her current state. I asked her nicely to start training and increasing her stamina so she could stand during the most important 30 minutes of my life. She is very closed minded and doesn't even sound like she's going to try. (She's requesting a "special stool" to sit on instead, which I think is rude and distracting... and not at all part of my very meticulous wedding vision.) She even said she doesn't want her hair and makeup done because it will "tire her out" - which is ridiculous. I'm paying for it - she just has to sit in a chair for half an hour for pictures that will last a lifetime. Is that really so much to ask?
I'm not asking for such a ridiculous thing. I know if she actually wanted to put in even a little effort, she could do it. And standing is important for every day life... She's not disabled or sick - she's just very sedentary and afraid of pushing herself - literally her only problem is excess weight and no muscle. Even a 5 minute walk tires her out. Maybe if she were helping even a little with the planning, I wouldn't be upset. Before my dad passed, he helped me plan so many details... He was really involved, and we both really cared about it. Now she's doing nothing, and just making my life harder.
I just feel like I'm putting SO much work into this, and I'm just asking her to do one thing that's really important to me (that's really important for every day life!) ...
Okay. Sorry for ranting, guys. I really appreciate all your support.
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Replies
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awe I'm sorry about your dad, that really sucks! Your mom is probably feeling sad too and it is a hard thing to celebrate a wedding when you are in mourning. Maybe there is an underlying issue that she is upset about, like your father passing, being self conscious of her weight and having to stand in front of everyone, etc..
No family is perfect and no wedding is perfect. remember at the end of the day the most important and essential part is the man you love. If he is there, you have yourself a wedding!
With your mother, that is frustrating she is not taking her health seriously. Regarding logistics of could you have her participate without standing for the whole ceremony under the Chuppah? Could she perhaps join after the vows? That way she doesn't have to stand up there the whole time. You don't want a fainting mama at your wedding! And unfortunately you can't change her (health, stamina or attitude). The best you can do is revise your vision or the way you feel about it.
I hope it all works out for you!0
