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July 16, 2014
KarenZen
Posts: 1,430 Member
Most important topic today:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER!!!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER!!!
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Replies
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*blows party blower* *pops confetti* *dons festive hat* Happy birthday, Heather! You've made AMAZING progress since you started your challenge! Being so good to your body is the best gift you could give yourself, for sure, but I hope you've got some other good things planned!0
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:flowerforyou:
Happy Birthday Heather!!
I raise my glass of Slim Fast to you! Cheers! :drinker:
Diana0 -
I'll chime in, too!! Heather always makes a Happy Birthday post for folks, so I think we so need to do that. As much as she's been down lately, we totally need to lift her up.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISS "ROCKING EVERY STEP OF HER DAY" HEATHER!
*waves* to everyone else.
Hugs,
Carly in OK, suddenly feeling uplifted by the awesome inspiringness that HEATHER!!0 -
I'm trapped in my car by a downpour, waiting to drag the groceries in--mostly lean cuisine and fruit! Today I came to a realization as I struggled to drag myself out of bed again. I know that some of the lethargy and depression I'm struggling with comes from being in a period of active Still's flares, but some of it is really the breaking of the cycle of food addiction. I've babbled about brain studies and high sugar/high fat foods lighting up the brains of food addicts, causing the release of feel good hormones. Well, today I got up and ate a good, healthy breakfast (broccoli omelet) and still felt like crap. Then I drank a latte. A bit better, but still so depressed. So on my way into town, I got some high fat/high sugar junk (I won't specify just in case it's triggering), shoved my face full. Now my stomach hurts but WOOHOO do I feel awesome finally. High as a kite on sugar, baby!
So, my realization... when I "diet," my brain gets pissed because it's not lighting up, and gradually I get more and more depressed, especially if I'm fighting other factors like stress or illness.
A year ago, I halved my antidepressant dose because I was getting hit with two copays. Now I think I made a mistake, because if I look back to that time, I can see a gradual shift to isolating from my friends and more time feeling ugh. So, call to my doctor today to up the dose again. I'd love to NOT take an antidepressant at all, but I think to be successful in beating morbid obesity, I'm going to need this tool.
Has anyone else had similar experiences?0 -
I've taken meds off and on over the years, but not specifically to treat this. I had one doctor who told me if i just divorced my husband (now EX, actually), I'd been less stressed and happier. I fought tooth and nail, but in the end, she was kind of right. Meds never work for me for long. And the BCP help moderate my moods, but I don't know if this is depression or what exactly. But when I get moody, PMS, angry, whatever, I become mentally self-destructive. I don't strike out at others, I turn on myself. The more I talk about all this, the more I realize I probably need intense psychotherapy...but who can afford it? I'd be interested to see what others say on this front.
Carly0 -
Karen, I've dealt with the depression side of things. Finding a combination/dose of antidepressants that worked for me was truly like a miracle. It was like I had been seeing the world and myself through dirty glass, and the medication was a window cleaner. I didn't necessarily feel better right away, but I was finally able to see that things COULD get better. After about 6 months of medication and therapy, I realized I had a little bit of energy and drive, so I started here. Sometimes, we need help to get to a point where we're able to take control of things. That little boost from the right medication can lead to a massive transformation that is mostly driven by us, not by the medication.0
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Thanks, guys! I'd never struggled with depression before the last few years, so this is very new territory to me. Even now, I want to just say that it's not depression but fatigue from Still's that's immobilizing me, and maybe it's a combo of both, but obviously I'm not going to make much progress until I address it.
In the meantime, I'm just doing the things on my list , one by one. Hope to get a swim in soon before the rain starts again.
K.0 -
Good afternoon everyone. I have been on an anti-depressant since shortly after Cody was born. Mine actually serves two purposes....depression and anxiety. After Cody was born I hit rock bottom with my depression. I realized that having a baby wasn't going to make my abusive marriage any better (I was ready to leave when I found out I was pregnant and stupidly thought that would make it better). I was morbidly obese and could barely take care of myself and he did absolutely nothing to help with taking care of Cody. My life was out of control. There were many days I honestly thought about killing myself except for the fact that I was too chicken and I wouldn't leave Cody alone with him. One day Cody started crying and I went in to his room and yanked him up out of his crib. I had the urge to just shake him and scream shut up. I instantly dropped him back into his crib and ran out of the room and into the bathroom. As a teacher of special education children in my pre-morbidity days, I know exactly what shaking a baby can do. After I calmed down I took care of Cody and then I called the doctor. That's when he put me on an anti-depressant. At one point about 7 years ago I thought about discussing coming off of them with my doctor but knowing my family history (depression runs rampant) I talked myself out of it. About 2 years later I was as deep in my depression as I had been in the beginning and thought my anti-depressant needed to be increased. He actually added a second one that worked on another part of my brain. I will probably be on them for the rest of my life and I've accepted that because I know what I'm like without them. Sorry, didn't mean for that to turn into a novel but really just wanted to get across the point that sometimes we need medication whether we like it or not.
As for my day today, it's another beautiful day here in St. Louis. It's 77 degrees at 20 minutes before 2. Swimming is not an option....too chilly for that. I think I'll take Daisy for a nice long walk around the neighborhood or I might just walk to the grocery store. I need to pick a few things up. Or heck, I might do both, lol. Depends on how I feel.
Dee in St. Louis0 -
Dee, thanks for sharing your story! How brave you were to put Cody down and ask for help. And thank you for mentioning this idea of a second antidepressant working on another part of your brain. I'll ask my therapist about this. It's hard to make the decision to change treatment because some days I feel pretty good, and there are so many other factors, but I will definitely start the process.
I know we've talked about this before. To me, the morbid obesity and eating disorder are symptoms of a lifetime of running away from and denying childhood trauma, and" fixing" myself is definitely a mix of learning to eat for fuel (not comfort), dealing with depression, resolving issues in therapy, and learning to love myself no matter what.
Thank you, ladies, for reading my rambling today. I'm definitely working things out in my head and on the page today.
Hugs to all.
K.0 -
Carly, does your insurance cover therapy? My doctor uses a sliding scale for co-pays and only charges me $2 per meeting even though my insurance (a Medicare advantage plan) doesn't pay her the going rate. I'd love to see you get help--you're dealing with some difficult circumstances!
K.0 -
Yes and no. Because I make too much money to qualify for benefits, but not enough to support people with debts, I don't get any allowances. I am looking at $25-$45 per appointment, and I have to pay up front and wait to be reimbursed. I simply can't afford it. Right now, I can't really even afford to eat unless I leave something else unpaid. Things are about to hit the fan, so to speak, without options for anything else... It's been building for a while. Anyway, that's another topic.
With meds, I've tried this one or that one, lower dose, higher dose, add this, subtract that, try anti-psychotic instead of anti-depressant (yeah, that one was a sucker punch), etc., etc., etc. Nothing works for any length of time. Everyone I have seen is out of ideas... Hence the endo. If he can figure out the underlying chemical issue, because at least part of it is chemical, then maybe I can see a way forward.
I too went kind of wacky after my daughter was born almost 14 years ago. Something broke in my system, and while I didn't have the levels of frustration and out of my sanity moments, well, I did of a different sort. All the fuel for my mess turned inward. I haven't been the same since. When I was 8 months pregnant, I found out my company had been sold and I wouldn't have a job once I came back from maternity leave. I think that was when the stress stuff snapped something for me. I did go back to work for a while during the transition and all, but I was out of work for a while. I literally had days where if I hadn't had my daughter to take care of, I would have sat in a chair all day and stared at the walls.
Now, my mental status has improved somewhat (divorcing my ex helped with some of that), but my body seems to have flipped on itself - and while the side effects are really similar, almost the exact opposite hormonal stuff is going on in my body, or so my doc suspects. I've got a permanent case of my give a damn is busted, as far as certain things go.
I want to get back to that mysterious person I used to like that I haven't seen in almost 20 years... Too bad I'm no closer than I was 14 years ago...
SIGH...
carly0 -
It's been brought to my attention that I have been too quite as of late. I've been hear, just hanging out it the back people watching. Any who I thought I should post to let you all know that I haven't fallen off the wagon or left for green pastures (the animals in the greener pastures are far too sociable, I like our nice, small, but slightly moodier herd).
Apparently we all have depression issues, to bad we don't closer, we could probably all get a discount rate on group therapy. I'm not and have never been on antidepressants, and for the moment my depression hasn't been too much of an issue. I can be thankful that it hasn't been for a couple years. My depression was/is/has come form experienced and issues I have had to deal with and I can be thankful that I have delta with most of them. But years of chronic depression id middle school left their scares, so it rears it's ugly head from time to time. But it has been a long time since I have been suicidally depressed, so thats good.
Anywho, that was a fun conversation. I need to eat something. So i'm not dead, gone, or off. Just give me a wave when you see me in the corner.0 -
<Waving>
Hi Pat!0 -
Happy Birthday, Heather!
I've never been diagnosed but I too have on and off symptoms of depression. I also have symptoms of PTSD. I don't have the time or money for therapy but Hubby is here whenever I need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or a just a hug. I will say I can beat my depression without meds. It takes a conscience effort but I've done it before. The PTSD symptoms, however, like to spring without warning sending me into an anxious, paranoid, overtired (from nightmares) state. I do have more good days than bad so that's something.
On a happier note, I actually came on here today to tell you all about my NSV yesterday. We had some errands to run downtown. I forgot to do my laundry so I was wearing one of Hubby's shirts. He likes them a bit baggy so I can wear them but they fit tighter than mine.
Anyway, I caught sight of myself in one of those big windows and thought, "Wow! I look good." My rolls are still visible through Hubby's shirts but they way they fit you can tell my belly is smaller than my boobs. With my currently baggy clothes, you can't see that and I just look like a round blob.
I want clothes that fit so bad but we don't have extra money right now and the baby will need fall/winter clothes in 2 different sizes. I think my 2-year-old will be ok but I'm not sure. If she gets a sudden growth spurt though she'll need clothes too. The kids come first so I'm not sure what I'll do between now and spring if Hubby doesn't get the job he interviewed for last Friday.0 -
IlluminatedMa, I'm not exactly sure where you live but do you have any resale shops or Goodwill stores near you. Right after my gastric bypass surgery when I was dropping sizes every other day, and no I'm not exaggerating, I found that Goodwill was my best friend. I could get clothes that were in pretty good condition for little to no money. And I know they have a lot of kids clothes. Check it out if you can.
Glad to see you posting Pat!0 -
IlluminatedMayhem, we also have a group here that some of us use to sell or pass on clothing we've shrunk out of, etc.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/58342-thinner-threads
A friend and I started it, and it hasn't really taken off too well yet, but we're working on it.
As far as kids' clothes, look into freecycle in your area, most decent sized towns have a Facebook "Buy/Sell/Trade" for "Free" page. Check with the local laundry mats - clothes that are left behind for a month or so are usually donated, but many times, if you become friends with the workers/managers, they will set stuff aside for you. Craigslist might have clothing by the trash bag, etc. Just different ideas. Or find a parents/moms group and see if anyone needs the baby's outgrown clothes and find someone to inherit larger sizes from. Having kids in different seasons complicates things a little, but remember - LAYERS! Watch sales and clearance - I got a bunch of stuff at Walmart for $0.25 each because their clearance section had too much stuff in it, so for two hours, anything with a clearance tag was 25 cents. Let friends/family know what sizes/seasons you are looking for, because some of us may have free time, available resources, and miss buying those stinking cute little girl's clothes! LOL (I don't have resources atm, but when I do, I fall into this category!!)
Hugs and wishing you well,
Carly in Rainy Oklahoma...where at least the cooler temps are lovely!0 -
Anyway, I caught sight of myself in one of those big windows and thought, "Wow! I look good." My rolls are still visible through Hubby's shirts but they way they fit you can tell my belly is smaller than my boobs. With my currently baggy clothes, you can't see that and I just look like a round blob.
I want clothes that fit so bad but we don't have extra money right now and the baby will need fall/winter clothes in 2 different sizes. I think my 2-year-old will be ok but I'm not sure. If she gets a sudden growth spurt though she'll need clothes too. The kids come first so I'm not sure what I'll do between now and spring if Hubby doesn't get the job he interviewed for last Friday.
I agree with Goodwill. In the small town I live in (and just left), they have dollar Sunday's....each item is marked with a colored tag, and so one Sunday it may be $1 for the yellow tags, or Red tags etc etc!! Take them home, wash them and they are great!! You just have to look for the good...Goodwill stores, ones that are kept up well, clean and bright with dressing rooms so you can try on items!!
Hello Pat...nice to see you again!! I was one of those that thought you fell off the face of the earth...but then I saw your posts in 'small successes'!0
This discussion has been closed.