Gathering and building your support system
elifusa
Posts: 45 Member
Hello all,
Loving hearing about the struggles with food, but I'm going to step away from focusing on the eating/food and talk about some of the mental changes that are and will happen...
I'm getting closer and closer to my pre op goal weight. As I've modified my diet, I've also had to come to terms with some emotional stuff. After all it's the suppression of these emotions that led me down this road of poor health.
I have had to get over the feeling of being a failure, some times diet and exercise can't work. This surgery is a tool to better health, not a sign that I am weak or taking the easy way out. There is nothing harder than REMOVING 95% of an organ.
Also, unlike other things in my life I've had to face alone....this is something I can't do alone. I will need help emotionally and physically.
So, from there I started to tell people about my surgery (in my case I also have stomach ulcers that have to be removed so I stared with that discussion). I was terrified to tell people that this was what part of the surgery I was having, in that they would judge me. One person told me, "Elif I am so happy for you, you deserve this chance."
It's funny how easy it is for me to tell people who I don't know about my deepest insecurities and fear, but couldn't do it with very close friends and family. Well, I got the hell over that. Why? Well, because I am going to need their help after surgery.
Last night I talked to my adopted father....it was really hard. He has told me in the past, that only reason I am fat is because I lack self discipline and that surgery is not something I should do. But we have a long long conversation about it and he is in full support of what I am going to do.
My father wants to come to stay with me (He currently lives out of the country) before and after my surgery. I also have several people I will have that will come to my place to check up on me, and other who are giving me moral support. It's changed my outlook of this whole journey. I'm no longer dreading it as a purely a trial of physical and mental pain. I am excited for the opportunity to have my outside match my inside...to life the life I know I deserve...to not be held back because of my weight. I am excited to be able to cause just a little more mischief and mayhem than before. I am humbled by the love and support I have been shown both here and in real life. I am grateful to have this opportunity. I am honored to be able to meet the real me. again.
Thank all for listening!
Loving hearing about the struggles with food, but I'm going to step away from focusing on the eating/food and talk about some of the mental changes that are and will happen...
I'm getting closer and closer to my pre op goal weight. As I've modified my diet, I've also had to come to terms with some emotional stuff. After all it's the suppression of these emotions that led me down this road of poor health.
I have had to get over the feeling of being a failure, some times diet and exercise can't work. This surgery is a tool to better health, not a sign that I am weak or taking the easy way out. There is nothing harder than REMOVING 95% of an organ.
Also, unlike other things in my life I've had to face alone....this is something I can't do alone. I will need help emotionally and physically.
So, from there I started to tell people about my surgery (in my case I also have stomach ulcers that have to be removed so I stared with that discussion). I was terrified to tell people that this was what part of the surgery I was having, in that they would judge me. One person told me, "Elif I am so happy for you, you deserve this chance."
It's funny how easy it is for me to tell people who I don't know about my deepest insecurities and fear, but couldn't do it with very close friends and family. Well, I got the hell over that. Why? Well, because I am going to need their help after surgery.
Last night I talked to my adopted father....it was really hard. He has told me in the past, that only reason I am fat is because I lack self discipline and that surgery is not something I should do. But we have a long long conversation about it and he is in full support of what I am going to do.
My father wants to come to stay with me (He currently lives out of the country) before and after my surgery. I also have several people I will have that will come to my place to check up on me, and other who are giving me moral support. It's changed my outlook of this whole journey. I'm no longer dreading it as a purely a trial of physical and mental pain. I am excited for the opportunity to have my outside match my inside...to life the life I know I deserve...to not be held back because of my weight. I am excited to be able to cause just a little more mischief and mayhem than before. I am humbled by the love and support I have been shown both here and in real life. I am grateful to have this opportunity. I am honored to be able to meet the real me. again.
Thank all for listening!
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Replies
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What a powerful story. Thanks for sharing.
I am glad you are finding support from unexpected places and that you will have a strong team around you.
Rob0 -
Thanks Rob!
Anyone else have stories about needing building, their support system. How much do you rely on it, or did you go it alone?
Anything you would do differently or advise?0 -
I rely immensely on God and my friends and family for the emotional support in dealing with the crappy parts of life. I no longer medicate sadness, boredom, anger,depression,fatigue, fear,anger grief, etc with food. Loving yourself completely how you are right now is very key. Even if you lose to an ideal wt for your height all the crap of life will still be there. You cannot base happiness on wt loss. This is a lifetime process. Surgery is only 10%. 90% is you choosing to no longer medicate with food. Obesity is caused by "Why" we eat, not what we eat. Your physical hunger will be gone 6 months to a year but the surgery does nothing to cure food addiction or what we call head hunger. It is wonderful that you have this support but really focus on your relationship with yourself. I used to be viciously mean to myself. I fell in love with the miracle of me a year before surgery. I see myself now as God sees me. This has been the biggest part of my success. I speak and care for myself with great love and affection now. God bless. Welcome to the journey.0
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I am lucky that I have a wonderful support group of family and friends who have been so encouraging every step of the way. I am an emotional eater and have struggled with my weight my entire life. 15 years ago I lost 100 pounds just doing Weight Watchers and exercise. I kept it off for a short time, but it all came back steadily and was heavier than when I started. I can say that this is a tool and you still have to make the good food choices and exercise. I am very open about my journey with my friends and coworkers. I have only had one coworker react negatively. When I told her about the surgery she shook her head and said she didn't want to hear anymore about it because it was the easy way out. She then got up and left my office. Until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes you do not know about their journey. I got to where I did not want to go to movies, or sporting events with my husband (seats were uncomfortable) only traveled if I could drive because was worried about the plane seats. I realized then that my weight was affecting my quality of life and time I could be spending doing fun things with my husband. I can say that the next part of my journey is just beginning and I am so excited about all the fun adventures that are yet to come.0
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My husband, my children and two friends know I had this surgery. And the people at the support group, of course.
That's the way it will stay because my weight is my business and I've spent enough of my life under the world's scrutiny and with their disapproval.
That said. those two friends and my husband and my children are very supportive and that's good enough for me. The support group is turning out to be a real help to me. It's twice a month and I've been to three meetings. Very worth it.
Last night, a lady came who was 2 yrs out. Had lost 160 pounds, but gained 10 pounds back over the last few months. She decided to come to our support group, the newbies, because she wanted to get back to basics. She made the comment that the support group for the old-timers was far smaller. She also said that those who go and keep themselves accountable have all succeeded in keeping the weight off. So I've decided to commit to going to the group every time its possible for me to get there because I want to be a success story.0 -
I started the discussion with my younger sister/best friend. She's in the health care field and knows a few people who have had the sleeve. She went to my first informational meeting with me. Next up was the husband. Prior to my decision to have the sleeve, he sabatoged every diet I tried. True it was my responsibility to not eat what he brought home, but I do believe he did it so I had no room to criticise him for not following his heart healthy diet. If I couldn't follow mine, I couldn't tell him about his. We had a very frank discussion about him being on board with what I was doing and not brining ice cream and flavored chips (my two trigger foods) into the house any more. If he couldn't do that for me, I wouldn't have the surgery, because I would fail without his help/support. He got on board 100% and is my biggest supporter. I was very open with everyone from kids to friends to coworkers about my surgery. I knew with the drastic weight loss at first they would all either guess WLS or think I was dying. If anyone was harboring negative feelings, they kept it to themselves. I enjoy sharing my story even though I'm not done yet, because truth is, if I can help one person leave obesity behind, it's worth any negative comment out there.
Each person is different. I'm very open, maybe too open about all this. Some people keep it to themselves and that's fine. This a to each his own kind of thing. But I think we all agree that having a good support system is priceless!
Good luck with you new life. I look forward to watching your progress.
Pat0 -
I am divorced, single and on my own. I do not have any children. I am very blessed to have many wonderful friends and I will be counting on them a lot for the the first few weeks with picking me up at the hospital, maybe staying over the first night or two, filling prescriptions or picking up a few things at the store for me if needed. Also to drive me for my 1st check up in the event I can't drive yet.
My family approves of me having the surgery but they all have their own responsibilities, issues and circumstances to deal with (elderly mother with dementia, sister dealing with her own stuff, other sister mentally ill, niece and nephew are parents raising young children, work full time and balancing their marriages and they live out of town).
So as far as my support system in the early days it will be friends and neighbors. I am not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me. That is not my intention. I am writing this to reach out to others that might be in similar situations and whose main supports are not biological or relationship partners.
I hope that I have said something that will encourage others to want to share.
I am a huge believer in support systems and meetings and I've attended several for different stages of my life and circumstances that we go through like Divorce.
We don't seem to have a standard group in my area for WLS. That is surprising as my city has over 700,000 people but the surgery being performed here is relatively new.
There is a group from Obesity Helps in my area that gets together for a clothing swap a few times a year. I just found out today that there is one scheduled at the end of the month. I plan to attend it and make further connections there.
I also made some friends through the 4 Craving Change classes that are required in my program and I am very grateful for that.
I have also gotten connected with two Facebook pages that were recommended to me. One of which is local here in my city.
I have also heard some people recommend Bariatric Pal. I haven't been on there yet but plan to check it out.
I couldn't end my post without telling you all how grateful I am for the amazing support you have all been to me.
I've always been kind of leary about blog sites as sometimes there are a few people on them who are very negative but that
has not been the case here. Just the opposite. I have found VSGers very supportive and encouraging so I want to thank each and everyone of you for that.
:flowerforyou: 
:flowerforyou:
It's wonderful that we have this place to come and share our highs and lows throughout our journeys.
GREAT PEEPS HERE.
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