The moment of horrifying truth
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julieworley376
Posts: 444 Member
I just stepped on the scales. After making every excuse in the book why I was totally out of control until tonight my legs are swollen worse than ever to the point where I am desperately uncomfortable. Yes, I know I am eating my hurt, anger, pain, stress.. whatever.. but 316 lbs? 22 and a half English stone? Oh HELL no!!
It really is the truth.. if I don't stop.. if I don't find balance in my life I will end up 500lbs if I am not dead before then.
Tomorrow some healthy shopping and tracking.. and working on being very positive.. and finding a swimsuit that will fit so I can go and do something about this. It is time to stop making excuses to myself and for myself. There is still so much life left to live.. and I am wasting it being unhealthy and miserable.
Anyone else want to confess and unburden?
It really is the truth.. if I don't stop.. if I don't find balance in my life I will end up 500lbs if I am not dead before then.
Tomorrow some healthy shopping and tracking.. and working on being very positive.. and finding a swimsuit that will fit so I can go and do something about this. It is time to stop making excuses to myself and for myself. There is still so much life left to live.. and I am wasting it being unhealthy and miserable.
Anyone else want to confess and unburden?
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Replies
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Hi Julie,
And people complained that I was being quiet.
I'm hesitant to say anything since we have said it, and you have heard it all before.
The one thing I keep reminding myself is this miserable weight will kill me if it doesn't come off. No if, ands or buts about it. that notion had to really sunk in to make this day to day effort worth it. The realization of how miserable I was and the real danger I had put myself in was, for me, the strong underlining motivation I needed to override the excuses. It's amazing to me when i realize how easy it is to make a simple excuse, to allow your self to stop tracking, to eat easy foods, to take a break, which always seems to lead to just stoping. It's hard for me to say anything that will give someone else the motivation since I think a big part of it is finding what will flip that mental switch that allows us to put something before the apathy.
I'm glad your back on the buss with us all, you got to just keep reminding yourself that their has been nothing about what you have been doing (when you were doing it) that you can't keep doing day in and day out for the rest of your life, especially compared to the past and what it was leading to.
If it helps when I started I was 23.4 stone, 328lbs. We all have to start somewhere, and we all have to take it one day at a time. We seem to treat weight loss as an all or nothing endeavor that exists outside of how we live. Like for a period of time we are suppose to live purely in the fog of weight loss. When in reality it's just a day in day out thing. So remember, just don't be dieting, remember to be living.
I don't have a great deal to confess. Overall I think it has been going well. 107 days of commitment to this effort. I will admit that today, for the second saturday in a row, I threw out a big bag of spinach and romain that I had prepared the previous saturday to eat with my lunches. I've slackened off, I've been letting myself make easier food choices simply because I was apathetic to what I knew I needed to do. I now have another fresh bad a of salad ready for another week, no more wasting money and no more being lazy (as much is human). I also felt like giving up on exercise today. I had decided to go for a bike ride on a challenging course and I gave up 6 miles in. Their were mechanical difficulties with the bike and my legs and motivation weren't their and I had to call to be picked up. For a while I thought about leaving the troubled bike in the garage and give up on the effort. But I didn't, I took it immediately to the bike store, had the issue fixed and now it is in the garage, waiting for the next ride.0 -
Nice to see you back Julie,
I agree with the words of wisdom from Pat.
You have to want to do this for YOU...and perhaps your family. You need to want to stick around and be able to live your life healthier too. We all have up and down days...but you need to continue and i think you are trying to regroup and start again. You can do this....it just takes some drive and courage to take that first step...again, and again if necessary.
Today I ams starting a 10 day green smoothie dextox...this is going to be a challenge for me....but, I am going to give it a shot. I need to kick start my weight loss again and also have started exercising more! I believe in myself, and you have to believe in yourself too!! When I started this in January, I was the biggest couch potato!!!
YOU can DO THIS Julie.....just move onwards and do not look back. Take it one day at a time and keep reminding yourself why you are on this weight loss/get healthier journey! Be positive and proactive. Look at the members that have joined your forum....and look at the amount of weight many have lost! You can do this!!!!
Nancy0 -
Hi everyone, I'm in the same boat with you Julie. You are not alone. This is the complex disease of compulsive overeating leading to obesity with all its complications . But I will not beat myself up for not being perfect just as I would not criticize someone with diabetes or cancer. I will continue to try to log my food to the best of my ability and whenever possible try to make healthier choices. I will also try to increase my activity daily. At some point, I may add additional types of treatment, but this is the protocol for now and for the long term.
Andrea in Pa.0 -
Thank you ALL. That was very difficult to do. There is something inside me that says because I started this group that I should be the one who is leading by example. That I should be the one that is encouraging and inspiring everyone else.. and I think I have been quiet due to guilt.. because I just couldn't do what I felt I should be doing.
But perhaps in it's own way what I did and finally said speaks to each and every person here because obesity really is that unique a condition.
Pat you are SO right.. we do see this an all or nothing thing.. and it isn't.. it can't be.. it has to be the way we can live. One of the things I realized is that I have to eat foods that I can actually live on the rest of my life. And I can't live on zero fat and sugar.. it just isn't possible. I also can't exist on a limited range of foods.. I get so bored and bust out eating everything I have been depriving myself of. It is finding balance. That I will strive for. Thank you thank you.0 -
Hi Julie,
You can't beat yourself up for not being a fearless leader. You opened the door and thats what was needed. As long as your satisfied with your effort and progress then you can take whatever circuitous route you need to. If it helps everyone who has started an exercise challenge on here has failed to finish it.
Your certainly right about the food. That was the biggest thing for me to understand. You have to enjoy what you eat. Diet foods wont cut it. I can say that I have honestly enjoyed what I have eaten these past 100 days. Smarter portions, some healthier foods, and occasionally something I just love. None of it is something I can't do for the rest of my life.0 -
Hi Julie! 316 is nothing! I know.it seems like everything to you, but when Ibstarted 107 days ago, I was 20lbs heavier then that! Here I am today -55lbs! So Im gonna get real with you and not sugar coat it. Its time! Its time to do this and not only want this when you feel down, but want this when you feel good too. You just have to take it one day at a time. And like you said, the all or nothing attitude has to go, but so does the oh well, I will start again tomorrow, or next week or next month or as soon as things are better at work or at home or.....whatever is holding you back. Because something will always be there. Life happens. If you are able to take control in the hardest of times, just imagine the *kitten* kicking you are going to do when life runs smoothly.
With that being said, Im with Pat. Ive thrown out more veggies as of late then I care to admit. Im going to work on my macros again and make sure I fuel my body with what it needs.
Good luck hun, I know how bad you want this and I know you have it in you to do it.0 -
Julie, I'm also guilty of all or nothing thinking and behavior, and what I'm learning from this group is that the grand gestures don't necessarily translate to progress. The simple, day-to-day choices that lead to small but consistent weight loss seem to be the key.
No one expects you to be the perfect role model, but you might consider adding a few moderators/ admins if you aren't popping in often enough to monitor the group. We seem to be self regulating at this point, but it's always useful to have a system in place.
Karen0 -
Well, ladies and gents, I hate not being able to get on group over the weekend, but here's my deal.
I stopped tracking EVERYTHING about a month a go. Hell, maybe two months by now. I really don't remember. I just hit a point where the stress in my life and complete and total lack of funds was too stressful to do anything. I'm not even getting enough water most days. Weight isn't that bad, compared to what it could be. I got down to 246.2, and last weigh in was 250.2. I think I stopped tracking around 6/1.
Well, I don't know what all I've told everyone here about my health, but I'm a doctor's diagnosis smorgasboard of health problems. I never get all the symptoms of anything, and I'm incredibly difficult to diagnose. I have a number of issues, but they are so interwoven and interrelated, we still can't find patient zero - the cause of the cascade of everything else.
One of the most annoying problems anymore is something I jokingly call "food narcolepsy." I don't have blood sugar problems, and according to my endocrinologist, I don't have insulin resistance either. Yet, every single time I eat, regardless of what I eat (bad, good, in between), if I am sitting down or laying down (it doesn't happen when driving, standing, or walking, for whatever reason), I will literally nod off withing 15-45 minutes without ever starting to feel drowsy. My first warning is usually waking up. As you can imagine, this has gotten me in quite a lot of trouble at work. I've been on notice three times, and I've been passed over for raises for three years running. They know this is a medical issue, but in 3+ years, it is unresoloved....
This week was really bad with it, so I took some medicine I had on hand to help fight it, but all the medications I have are obviously stimulants of one kind or another. My blood pressure has always been normal, until about 2.5 years ago when I got back on birth control medication. It spiraled up crazily, but no one was worried since we knew "why." Well, this weekend, I had a financial situation that I really couldn't make work no matter what I tried. As a result, my BP spiked crazy. By the time I got to have it checked (Walgreens), it had already come down so much I know. Even then it was 163/88. I think I almost gave that pharmacist a heart attack. (Worst ever was 170/100, and that was related to a machine error, so they didn't record it, I don't think.)
I had already called for an appointment (earliest I could go in is this Thursday), and pharmacist basically told me to sit on my butt and not do anything until I could see my doc. It seems like the healthier I get (I didn't have this problem almost 100 pounds ago!!), the more problems I uncover. And the more I uncover, the more frustrated I get, the more I want to give up. This entire situation is literally poised to blow up in my face. I'm so terrified. I can't explain it, but that just makes it worse.
Trying to see if my doc will bump up the appointment... *sigh*
So that is my moment, I guess....
Carly0 -
Ladies I am here to tell you all that you can totally do this! I started at 412 POUNDS!!!! I am now at 358 and feel AMAZING! I have so far to go, and I still have to take some meds for Type 2 diabetesand blood pressure. I will also tell you that even TEN minutes a day can and will help you!!!! I started with a little walking about 20 minutes or so within a couple of weeks I was at 30-45 minutes and almost 2 miles now three months in I walk almost 2.5 miles and walk for nearly an hour at least 5 days a week. If its raining and I cant walk I do Zumba or something else indoors. It starts with one or two little changes andbefore you know it your whole attitude and lifestyle is changed for the better. I also discovered a suppliment called Plexus and its amazing, but I am not here to sell you anything I promise. I just saw the thread And thought that was me too! NEVER GIVE UP!!!!! Please! ANd yes you have to WANT IT FOR YOURSELF!!!
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :bigsmile: 0 -
I second JenJay8045. Don't give up.
I started at 310 lbs last October. Now I'm at 205, almost to Onderland. I am not perfect. I don't manage to exercise every day, and I don't eat the 'right' stuff all the time. However I do so more often than not. I have no forbidden foods, I just eat less of the things I know are very calorie dense. For example I had a Hardee's sausage biscuit and Kentucky Fried Chicken yesterday and still managed to stay within my calorie goal. Did I meet my macro goals, heck no. But I figure as long as I stayed within my calorie goals it was a good day.
I am a firm believer in taking this one day at a time. Don't focus on how far you have to go, or how you got to where you are. Focus on today, what can you do to be healthier today.0 -
I totally get it Julie. I'm in the same boat. I was doing well for a while, not really losing any weight, but at least getting my act together...making time for exercise, eating well, and giving myself little bits of relaxation between school, work, volunteering, and homelife. But then I just stopped. And I don't know why. I suppose I probably do know why...I wanted to eat. I didn't want to have to constantly think about what I was putting in my mouth. Afterall, I kept up with the exercise, but not with the food. It's like that's become my pattern...start stop start stop...that it was just second nature to me. It was actually weeks before I realized, "hey, I haven't logged on to MFP." And then I had the same realization that you had and that I always have...that this weight will kill me. It just will. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but eventually I'll get sick and die slowly or have a heart attack and die fast. I don't want to die. What worries me is that this is the first step in the cycle that I desperately need to change. I'll have a realization, get on track, get better, then fall off without conscious reasoning. Without breaking this cycle, I won't lose weight. Any weight I do lose will come right back on. I'm not just losing weight to look good. I want balance in my life.0
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What does your 10 day green detox diet consist of?0
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What does your 10 day green detox diet consist of?
I think there is a forum on this Peggy on MFP...but I never joined it, I just read about it. Basically you are drinking 3 green smoothies a day. It varies with the different 'greens' you use...like spinach leaves, mix spring lettuce leaves, kale etc, and then add some various fruits. I follow the recipes in the book I downloaded on my kindle. If you want the 10 day recipes, private message me and I can copy and paste them as I typed them out for me. First you have to have a super duper blender as it takes a bit to blend down the greens to a juice, then the fruit goes in and you can add ground flaxseed and a scoop of protein powder (I add both of these). Usually the color is green....except when you add blueberries, then it turns brown! So far I have liked all of then except one, but that is probably because I did not cut up the pinapple very well...left to much fiber in it I think! It is also good apparently to take a liver dextox too....I got 'milk thistle' and take it twice a day. I have to say, on day 7 I felt better, but had a terrific 'salt attack' today!! If you need to eat something, you can, like veggies or hard boiled egg.0
