I think the best thing to do is to sit down with her and discuss your feelings and needs, and work together to come up with a plan that will work for both of you.

Telling her "no take out" isn't the best -- she's an adult and she can decide for herself what to eat. You CAN ask her to keep the take out out of the main fridge and to not ask you to order or eat in front of you. Can she buy a fridge for her room and keep her food there? Can she keep her junk food out of your sight?

My husband and daughter do not have significant weight problems and still eat junk food. I ask them to not leave it out on the counter where I will grab and mindlessly eat before I think about it. I am very prone to mindless snacking and bingeing first thing in the morning and at night when I come home from work. I won't rummage through the fridge or pantry to find junk, but I will eat if it is in plain sight.

You will likely find all of this easier after surgery than before, but remember that the motivation to change needs to be yours. Food will always exist and be a temptation. 3 years out, I CAN eat almost anything, but I CHOOSE NOT TO eat many things on a regular basis.

I didn't eat out for a few months after surgery. I eat out regularly now -- we enjoy eating out, especially in the summer when it's too hot to do anything else. I decide before I go what I want to eat -- healthy or less healthy -- and have some go-to choices for both at most restaurants. If I'm in weight-loss/not working out/trying hard not to gain mode, I pick fajitas, or a lettuce wrapped chicken sandwich/burger, or salad with dressing on the side. If I'm in "cheat meal" mode, I am mindful of not overeating and making myself miserable.

If your sister asks if you want take-out, practice saying "no thanks, I'm eating healthy today, but thanks for thinking of me."

My other advice, both pre- and post-op is to plan, buy and prepare healthy food that you really like so you don't feel deprived. I know you've heard it before, and I know you're dedicated to making permanent changes, so my advice reflects the fact that you're going to have to deal with similar issues forever -- well-intentioned co-workers, family gatherings, holidays, vacations. Take a deep breath, think about how you and your sister can find a win-win solution, and know that you can handle it -- take out and all!

Aside from driving you home from the hospital you likely won't need much in the way of assistance. My mother in law came for the wkend to care for my child-not me. Having to face someone eating take out multiple times around me the week after surgery would be downright cruel. The stress of surgery makes yearning to medicate with food very strong. I am blessed that only 2 times in 8 months did a family member press me to eat a trigger food offered. The first time I was gracious the second time I asked if we could refrain from offering the alcoholic a drink-if I could portion control donuts I wouldn't have been morbidly obese. My only advice is assisting her to other accommodation as soon as possible.

There was a time before VSG when I couldn't imagine not eating a food I liked if someone else offered it to me. As I am thinking about it now, I realize that it doesn't bother me at all to say, "No thanks."

My maintenance rule is that I eat healthy and watch my calories on weekdays, and I eat what I want within reason on the weekends. I don't think twice about refusing office food or eating my packed lunch instead of ordering take-out with my co-workers. I just don't eat junk on the weekdays and I look forward to the weekends. I don't really think in terms of "I can't have that." I think in terms of "If I don't want to gain weight, I'll stick to my plan today."

I don't think it's "will power." I would call it more of a habit that gets easier with time. Once you start losing a lot and really seeing changes in your body, it also gets easier to stay the course.

Maybe you can ask your sister to limit the take-out for the 2 weeks of your pre-op liquid diet. Those will be the hardest weeks, and if you can get through them, you'll know you can get through anything that comes your way after surgery.

I can only talk to you from the perspective of somebody with a family. My two kids eat what they want, they eat take out. Matter of fact, I went shopping yesterday and bought them all kinds of sugary cereal and chips and crackers and whatnot. My husband just lost 50 pounds and doesn't want to put it back on. He lives on cottage cheese and lettuce leaves.

Did I want to eat any of the kids' food? Yes, of course, if I didn't have a miniscule stomach, an enormous backside and the metabolism of a sloth, I'd LOVE to dig right on in.

But I don't.

You're still pre-op, so you're dealing with all the hunger issues and whatnot that happen when you're pre=op, trying to diet and with a full-size stomach. We're mostly answering from the other side of that journey.

But here's the upshot. For the rest of your life you will be exposed to people and to food. It's up to you what you eat, same as it's up to your sister what she eats. My guess is, if you make it really uncomfortable for her, she'll find another living situation as soon as she can. Don't focus on her getting takeout that you choose not to eat and don't take it personally. She's just eating the way most people who aren't dieting eat. She's eating like everybody else in the country eats. Just gird your loins and let her enjoy her food while you enjoy yours. If she offers you any, it's probably because she's being polite and she means it lovingly, not because she wants to sabotage your journey. Tell her thank you and you're fine and accept the offer for what it was likely meant - a kindness.

I admit, sometimes I ask my family how something tastes. I just want to know, but it's such a habit now not to eat that stuff that I don't even think about it anymore.

Deepak Chopra says, 'What you pay attention to, grows.'

Don't pay attention to what she's eating. There will always be take-out. It will always be bad for you. Accept that and move on.

It's just me and my husband, so two adults, like you right now. We talked about it prior to sugery, what I absolutely could not have in the house and why and he agreed to it and abides by it. He used to sabatoge me, but that stopped when I explained that I couldn't be successful at this without his help.

There is nothing wrong with asking your sister to abide by certain guidlines while living with you. Take the time to think about what you need from her and then lay it out, preferrably in writing. This is no different than if she had specific dietary needs. These are your new dietary needs.

Also, my brother is chronically homeless and every few months moves in with us. Four bedroom house, two people, like you, I can't say no. I tell him right at the beginning what my limitations are. It really makes the time he spends with us easier because he knows what the expectations are up front. No trouble later and no hearing "well I didn't know this was a problem". Since the surgery he also has to abide by the very few things I just don't want in the house. It works.


Feel free to message me if you want to talk about this in more detail.

Pat

You get my congratulations because you are noticing her behavior and don't like it, and working to cope with it in a healthy way - that means that you are mindful of what is going on, protective of your plans to be healthier, and you are going to make good decisions no matter what is thrown at you.

That shows tremendous strength of character, and if you are anything like me (let's just say that I didn't get fat by accident), is indicative of good personal growth.

You can handle this. You are better than this. Your health is more valuable than the fleeting (but oh so delightful) pleasure of Chinese take out.

Continue with your efforts to devise good coping strategies.

Here is something that I do, post-surgery, that may help you now: when your sister plans to do something unhealthy like eat junk food, grab a protein drink, leave the house, and go for a walk. Don't even think about it, just do it. Not only are you getting in some healthy protein, fulfilling your fluid requirements, and exercising, you are successfully dealing with a risky situation. At some point, it will become habit.

This has been my saving grace. Literally. At home, I can control what my family eats, and I make healthy food, and only eat the protein and what veggies I have room for after I've had the protein (skipping the carbs). When we go to my dad's house, e.g., I can't control what they make, and often they order pizza or take out. I bring my shake, leave my husband to watch the kids during dinner with my family, and take a half hour walk around the neighborhood. No one is offended. I have avoided danger.

Another suggestion I have is this: offer to prepare dinner in lieu of her ordering out. Then you can control the food on the table. She may not go for it, but at least you can try. You don't have to blow a lot of money either. Buy a $5 rotisserie chicken or grill $5 worth of boneless chicken tenders, steam or grill fresh or frozen veggies. Its a $7 investment that will last you for a couple of meals, at least, and will help you get ready for what you will be eating post-surgery (when you can eat 1-1.5 chicken tenders for dinner at best).

Good luck. You can do this. I am proud of you for recognizing challenges and working to overcome them. Be proud of yourself, and confident in your plan, and you will succeed.

As tempting as trigger foods being brought into your house or foods you want to avoid, the choice is really yours. That is life. After surgery those foods are still going to be there. That drive in fast food is still there. You have to be responsible for your choices. No one else can be. As for myself and the weight loss surgery program I went to they have always said "there are no bad or forbidden foods only moderation". So if I want a taste of something I will have it, but it is just a taste not a super sized portion now.
It is good you are working on this pre op cause it is something that will always be there.
Good luck!

I understand that we can't control other people and that we will always have the temptation of all kinds of food around us, but how many times do we tell paople who are having a hard time sticking to eating healthy to get the junk out of the house? How often is our advice to people who post on here that they can't leave the chips alone to clean it all out? Shouldn't our home be where we can relax, eat what we are supposed to without having to deal with the temptation?

I could not control myself when it came to ice cream and flavored chips prior to surgery. Going with the premis that no food is bad and we can eat anything in moderation I tried a serving of sour cream and onion chips. Guess what? I still can't do it. I nibbled on that bag until it was gone. So I don't eat those any more. I never tried the ice cream, don't want to know I can't handle that one either. I just decided that I don't need these in my life and I'm not reintroducing them. They also do not reside in my home. I don't need that temptation. I've seen this compared to addiction like being an alcholic. Maybe it is.

My point is, there is nothing wrong with Relentless saying to her sister, please don't bring that into my house. It's her house! I said it to my husband and it's his house too, but he has enough love, respect and support for me and what I'm doing to eat his chips and ice cream elswhere. Our homes should be our scantuary, not one more place we have to battle food.

One more thing. It's a totally different ballgame when you have children living in the house. I recognize that, and WLS mom's and dad's have to make different choices when there's kids in the house. But you shouldn't have to make those choices when it's just adults which is what Relenteless is dealing with. As for my house, my grandkids all know, Grandma doesn't have ice cream, but she has peanut butter and jelly sandwhichs and raisens for dessert and they are fine with that.

I think you've got this! Your previous recovery efforts have definitely prepared you for this and you are incredibly self-aware. I think that's going to carry you through this process regardless of the challenges you face.

I think it's wonderful that you are helping your sister even though you will receive no paybacks. There is something to be said about doing the right thing no matter what. Just remember that if the situation becomes detrimental to your own well-being that you can change your mind at any time. You are wise to plan ahead and set limits.

I'm from a dysfunctional family where no one helps anyone else, so I hope your sister knows how lucky she is to have you!