Beware-tough love

Mangopickle
Mangopickle Posts: 1,509 Member
Many of you may have seen this post on Eggface. But just in case I want to pass it along. I read this when the Enemy whispers in my ear that it's no big deal to have a little of my trigger foods or skip my vitamins today. I have it posted to my homepage.

THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!!! By: Leilani Gibbs

That's the sentiment (scenario) that comes to mind sometimes when I hear some of the comments from people who've already had the surgery. In case you haven't made the connection, that's a line Tom Hanks made famous in the movie "A League Of Their Own." Resorting to tears or just giving up every time the going gets tough. Or your sick of taking vitamins, getting in protein is hard, water doesn't taste good, etc. That kinda' thinking is NOT going to make you successful or keep you healthy. ENOUGH already! It's time to LOVE yourself enough to get "TOUGH" with your aftercare. Your long term health is worth it!! Success comes with a backbone, NOT a wishbone!

First and foremost, you have to keep it POSITIVE. As with everything in life, if you think you can't - you WON'T! Simple enough? I have to wonder when "we" (as adults) finally take ownership for our actions, our life and our health? We have been given a gift, a second chance to actually LIVE life again instead of merely existing on the sidelines. It's up to each of us to do that as healthy and productively as possible.

We're ALL statistics waiting to happen and the insurance companies are chomping at the bit. The bean counters are eager to drop Weight Loss Surgery ("WLS") from the policies; some already have. Don't you know that any negative feedback thrown into the mix only strengthens their cause? I may not be able to control every thing that happens to my body after WLS, but most things I can.

I CHOOSE to take control and I will be a positive statistic when the numbers get counted.We live in a spoiled society, expecting everything in life to come with a buncha really cool choices. Well, guess what? When it comes to your health, you're not always going to get a choice. You either DO IT and stay healthy, or you DON'T and your body pays the price.

The way I saw it, I had a 90 day healing and adjusting period after surgery. My 'super morbidly obese' body had more than enough stores to survive the learning curve. In turn, it gave me plenty of time to heal, adjust and learn. For those of you OVER 90 days Post-Op, the probation period is over - its time to get serious and LIVE what you've learned.
* You say you can't get in enough liquids throughout the day, don't like the taste of water, or just keep forgetting? -- TOUGH! It's not an option anymore. Find a way to do it, get suggestions and tips from others in support groups, message boards, etc. Read, learn and JUST DO IT!! Why do you think there is a choice here?

* You say you don't like the big horse pill type vitamins, or the tart chalky chewables? ... it's just too many to bother with? Or maybe you just can't remember to take them? -- TOUGH! You gave up the option NOT to take vitamins when you agreed to have your insides rerouted. FIND a way to get them in; crushed, minced, chopped, liquified, in a shake, etc. No exceptions, your health depends on it.

* Protein is a must. So you can't get it all in via foods and you don't like the way the shakes taste? -- TOUGH! Either get it through your meals (and there are a gazillion food choices out there) or supplement it with protein shakes and bars. Trust me, I don't drink my protein shake every morning because I think it tastes like a chocolate blizzard from Dairy Queen. I've tried many varieties over the last 2 years. I'd even venture to say 25 of the top sellers/flavors have crossed my lips. For the record? I've yet to find one that is as 'delicious' as boasted by the distributor. So what. I still drink one every morning. My HEALTH dictates that I need "X" grams of protein per day. If I'm not getting enough from my meals then I supplement a shake. 'Nuff said.

This surgery is a gift, I owe it to me and everyone else fighting the approval process, to do it right! I will continue to choke down my vitamins, my water and my protein every single day, for the REST OF MY LIFE. Some days will be easier than others, regardless, no days will be missed. It's all about discipline. Create a routine, set a timer, develop a pattern, tie a string around your finger, glue a note on your forehead, whatever it takes. You're an adult - take responsibility! If this surgery doesn't slap a back bone into you, not much will.

Replies

  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    I haven't seen this before, but I LOVE it! Thank you for sharing!
  • relentless2121
    relentless2121 Posts: 431 Member
    Thanks Mangopickle :flowerforyou:
    I just copied and saved in into a Word Document and also have it handy on my Desktop. That is an invaluable tool. :smile:
  • asia1967
    asia1967 Posts: 707 Member
    Mangopickle: I love tough love. I am a true believe. I also copied your thread. Thanks for saying what I wanted to say. Cheers to you!!!
  • rpyle111
    rpyle111 Posts: 1,060 Member
    I read this in the voice of my best H.S. Social Studies teacher, Earl Bell. He was the first tough love teacher I had, and while I hated his class at first, I came to recognize his powerful delivery and the real life in his teaching style.

    Thanks for sharing, Mango!

    Rob
  • acturney
    acturney Posts: 19
    Love, love, love it!
  • TryingTeresa
    TryingTeresa Posts: 54 Member
    Love it - and really needed to read it tonight. Thanks for sharing.
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
    Amen! Thank you so much for sharing! I am a tough love proponent and although I think it's important to not beat ourselves up for stumbling, because we are human and we will, it's equally important to do as this message says and take responsibility, do what we need to and make the most of this awesome tool we have been given!

    PS - that me with the water. I struggle daily to get my full 64 ounces. Must find a way to make that happen more often.
  • dawnielou2u
    dawnielou2u Posts: 4 Member
    Oh my I so needed to hear this today....Many nights I have headed for bed looking at my pill container and feeling sad I didn't take all my vitamins. I have also tried every protein shake going and some days just can't choke it down, don't drink my water!!! I NEEDED THIS BOOT IN MY BUTT TODAY....I am determined today!!!!
  • ATXHeather
    ATXHeather Posts: 218 Member
    Thank you for sharing this. I'm just starting with my sleeve but I bookmarked it for later, when I might need a reminder.
  • elifusa
    elifusa Posts: 45 Member
    Thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you , THANK YOU! needed this today. I'm kinda getting tired of hearing people complain about this.....HI YOU CHOSE TO DO THIS TO YOURSELF.

    If you don't follow the orders of the doctor, then you have only yourself to blame..no one else.
  • Mangopickle
    Mangopickle Posts: 1,509 Member
    I have a friend in support group 8 yrs out from surgery who now has horrible osteoporosis from being lackadaisical about her vitamins.
  • cherylk
    cherylk Posts: 9 Member
    I haven't been "sleeved" yet and I LOVE THIS! Thank you so so so so so Much!
    I have copied and printed it to keep to read at times when I am having a hard day post sleeve.
  • bikrchk
    bikrchk Posts: 516 Member
    Love, love LOVE this! I've actually re-posted myself before, but it is a well-written reminder that when we let them cut out 85% of our stomach so we could be healthy we made a lifetime commitment to our aftercare. Each of us goes about it in a slightly different way, but we must keep doing the things that work for us if we want to stay successful!
  • GraceByMySide
    GraceByMySide Posts: 77 Member
    Thank you so much for this! I had not seen it, before! Just what I needed!! :heart:
  • juliebccs
    juliebccs Posts: 233
    Thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you , THANK YOU! needed this today. I'm kinda getting tired of hearing people complain about this.....HI YOU CHOSE TO DO THIS TO YOURSELF.

    If you don't follow the orders of the doctor, then you have only yourself to blame..no one else.
    I don't find this a supportive comment, sorry. Some people are going to struggle with certain components of this lifestyle and what I love about this forum is that it is ok to struggle and ask for help.
    The last thing we want to do is scare people and stop them for asking for advice and a bit of support when things are tough. I hope those who are needing support don't get scared off by this. Sorry if I offend, I don't want to but I think there is tough love and then there is 'suck it up and get on with it' and this is to me the latter.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    Thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you , THANK YOU! needed this today. I'm kinda getting tired of hearing people complain about this.....HI YOU CHOSE TO DO THIS TO YOURSELF.

    If you don't follow the orders of the doctor, then you have only yourself to blame..no one else.
    I don't find this a supportive comment, sorry. Some people are going to struggle with certain components of this lifestyle and what I love about this forum is that it is ok to struggle and ask for help.
    The last thing we want to do is scare people and stop them for asking for advice and a bit of support when things are tough. I hope those who are needing support don't get scared off by this. Sorry if I offend, I don't want to but I think there is tough love and then there is 'suck it up and get on with it' and this is to me the latter.

    I sort of agree with the comment that you commented on. Maybe it's just that over the months I have been on my own journey, I have less patience for people who don't want to do what they need to do, who don't want to listen to their doctors, who think they know enough about post surgery life to tweak the plan, and then hear the same people complain about how they aren't seeing the progress they want or how they aren't feeling well. You have to understand what you signed up for. Yes, it's a frustrating process at times and we need this forum to share and vent, but we should be able to share the truth and not have to walk on eggshells around anyone. We should never be hurtful or mean, but we should be honest, and honestly I have seen people in this group get offended by the truth because they don't want to hear it. Sometimes I do just want to tell people to suck it up and deal with it.
  • juliebccs
    juliebccs Posts: 233
    I guess I am glad I am 5 months out and settled on my own journey too but I would hate to have seen this comment early on when I was fragile and it is important to not forget how things were when we were learning how to get the best out of our sleeve and basically learning what we wanted from it. I agree that some of the things listed are given's but others can be flexible depending on the individual.
    I think the further out folk get from surgery, the less tolerant they can become to repeated queries. Not all, but some.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    I guess I am glad I am 5 months out and settled on my own journey too but I would hate to have seen this comment early on when I was fragile and it is important to not forget how things were when we were learning how to get the best out of our sleeve and basically learning what we wanted from it. I agree that some of the things listed are given's but others can be flexible depending on the individual.
    I think the further out folk get from surgery, the less tolerant they can become to repeated queries. Not all, but some.

    I don't get less tolerant of repeated queries. My view of this forum is that I want to be able to learn from those who have been there and hopefully share some insight with those who are going there or going through it. Where I tend to be less tolerant is with people who just don't want to understand that there are certain things they need to do in a certain way after surgery, or that they have to make changes and cannot live (eat) the way they did before. It seriously baffles me at times.
  • rpyle111
    rpyle111 Posts: 1,060 Member
    I guess I am glad I am 5 months out and settled on my own journey too but I would hate to have seen this comment early on when I was fragile and it is important to not forget how things were when we were learning how to get the best out of our sleeve and basically learning what we wanted from it. I agree that some of the things listed are given's but others can be flexible depending on the individual.
    I think the further out folk get from surgery, the less tolerant they can become to repeated queries. Not all, but some.

    I don't get less tolerant of repeated queries. My view of this forum is that I want to be able to learn from those who have been there and hopefully share some insight with those who are going there or going through it. Where I tend to be less tolerant is with people who just don't want to understand that there are certain things they need to do in a certain way after surgery, or that they have to make changes and cannot live (eat) the way they did before. It seriously baffles me at times.

    I think that this balance is one where this group gets it right and the larger main forum errs too far to the harsh side.

    Hearing from veterans that following the program (even the parts that you don't necessarily agree with) helps to ensure a high level of success is a powerful message to me. It happened to coincide with a decision I had made on myself, so I am clearly biased that way.

    As I have said in the past, there are parts of the program I am following that I believe are probably not the absolute musts as they are presented, but I made a decision not to probe at the edges to see how much I can revert to my old eating lifestyle. I think this has had a large (positive) impact on my success to this point, as I have made some pretty major changes to the way I eat and think about food. It also helps me identify the areas where I am struggling to adopt the changes (cutting out alcohol has been tough, and I am not fully successful, in part because I generally fit it into my calories and I have clearly not internalized the elimination as separate from the overall calorie level cut). So, even though I am struggling, I am *not* trying to rationalize by fitting it into my calories.

    My two cents. I have learned so much from folks here and hope to flip over to where I am providing more insight post-surgery.

    Rob
  • asia1967
    asia1967 Posts: 707 Member
    Just my two cents; IMO it is not the fact that people ask repetitive request or even vent and put in their points of view. All that is fine and cool. But the end results is the same we must eat our protein, take our vitamins the same way we have to get up and go to work and pay our bills. We are adults we know what we signed up for so we must do what needs to be done. End of story!
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    Just my two cents; IMO it is not the fact that people ask repetitive request or even vent and put in there points of view. All that is fine and cool. But the end results is the same we must eat our protein, take our vitamins the same way we have to get up and go to work and pay our bills. We are adults we know what we signed up for so we must do what needs to be done. End of story!

    Amen!
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
    Thank you, thank you, Thank you, thank you , THANK YOU! needed this today. I'm kinda getting tired of hearing people complain about this.....HI YOU CHOSE TO DO THIS TO YOURSELF.

    If you don't follow the orders of the doctor, then you have only yourself to blame..no one else.
    I don't find this a supportive comment, sorry. Some people are going to struggle with certain components of this lifestyle and what I love about this forum is that it is ok to struggle and ask for help.
    The last thing we want to do is scare people and stop them for asking for advice and a bit of support when things are tough. I hope those who are needing support don't get scared off by this. Sorry if I offend, I don't want to but I think there is tough love and then there is 'suck it up and get on with it' and this is to me the latter.

    And that's why it's called "Tough Love". The part you quote isn't "supportive" if you are looking for someone to pat your hand and say "I know! It's not fair you have to eat this way now". But it really is supportive if you are looking for someone to tell you the truth about post surgery reality.

    Look, this isn't an easy road and we all stumble sometimes. But the truth is, this is what we signed up for. If we use this wonderful tool we will lose the weight. If we keep using it we will keep the weight off. But if we sit back and don't use the tool and only whine about how hard it is or make excusses, we will not succeed

    Yes, we are here to support each other, but sometimes that means pointing out unpleasant truths. And, I can't speak for anyone but myself here, but part of my whole obesity problem was sitting around whining about how hard the diet program was (name one, I did them all) and making excuses why I couldn't do it or exercise until I weighed 386 pounds and then I really couldn't exercise. Heck! I could barely walk!

    So I may not like the tough love part of this, but I need it and I respect it and I welcome it. 162 pounds down, 64 to go and loving every bit of help I get here!
  • jkern9110
    jkern9110 Posts: 119 Member
    I think that we can all agree that there is definitely more than one way to skin this cat aka weightloss. Heck, even the doctors or nutrition administered plans will vary from place to place. All of our journeys will be unique and people will both stumble and triumph along the way in this journey to overall improved health and well-being. Each of us will get there! I like the original post because it addresses the things that don't vary from doctor to doctor or nut to nut: we need to drink our water, get in our protein, and take our vitamins! The end!

    I, absolutely, have not been perfect through my journey, but I have accomplished goals and reaped the benefits of my health success. As long as I persevere through my struggles and stumbles, then I will continue to be successful. I don't think the eggface post was written with the intention of scaring people off or of demeaning any fellow sleevers. I think it had a goal of identifying with two different sets of people: (1) those who need a kick in the butt to make sure they get in those fundamental building blocks or (2) people will see it and think, "Yep, that's me. I get this *kitten* done!"

    Let's not get all tied up in thinking, "oh I would have said that differently" or "oohhh ,harsh!" This is a free open forum where people can post what they have learned and how they feel and we as the readers choose whether or not we want to read a post and if we want to put any merit into what we are reading. I've skimmed a few articles in my time where I've thought, "this person is full of it!" and then I just click out of it. Everything comes down to personal choices. Choices of whether or not we are going to drink that water, or eat that protein, or take our vitamins, or read that post, or accept what that person is saying as the Gospel. And that's why I love this forum, this site, and America..." 'MERICA!!!"

    Disclaimer: I would not accept what I am saying as the "gospel." It's 2:30 and I haven't had my afternoon snack...aka I just rambled out every thought that popped in my head.
  • relentless2121
    relentless2121 Posts: 431 Member
    Awesome post jkern.
    We are all here because we are on this journey together and that is what unites us.
    Well said. :flowerforyou: :smile:
  • juliebccs
    juliebccs Posts: 233
    Oh well. I guess some folks are not as fragile as I was at first. I try not to put everyone in the same basket because regardless of similarities, each persons history and journey are different. I guess it is okay for me to disagree. Let's face it, I was given different rules to follow re protein intake than most on here. So I know there are alternatives for those struggling with some ' rules' and nothing is written in stone. In my view the aim is healthy weight loss and finding the best combination of rules for oneself.