Your Spouses Before and After Your Surgery
Jaye1120
Posts: 26
Hi Friends.
Surgery is fast approaching .... Aug 26th ... and yes I am still nervous.
Although my husband is supportive of this, he has been behaving rather differently lately. Not sure how to interpret his reactions but think that maybe he's feeling "the end of good eating daily"?
How did you guys handle spouses? I told hubby that we need to stock up on Smart Ones for his meals.
Surgery is fast approaching .... Aug 26th ... and yes I am still nervous.
Although my husband is supportive of this, he has been behaving rather differently lately. Not sure how to interpret his reactions but think that maybe he's feeling "the end of good eating daily"?
How did you guys handle spouses? I told hubby that we need to stock up on Smart Ones for his meals.
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Replies
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First is he supportive of this lifestyle change for you and understanding he needs to help by supporting you? Second does he need to have lifestyle changes for himself or is he fine? Remember if he is not ready for any changes he might be having issues with the new changes in the house. And you just need to say while here I would ask you support me by not having food that temps me or does not support my new lifestyle for a while. That does not mean while we are apart you cannot indulge in stuff you like for lunch or out for dinner with clients etc. Just communicate with each other that is the best advice I can give you. My husband still occasionally asks me if I want something I have told him time and time again I cannot have. They just do not think the way we do at times, and that is okay as really we got ourselves into this we need to get ourselves out of it. Just support, support, support is what we need from them, not a commitment to a different lifestyle if they are not ready for it. My husband orders what he wants when we go out to eat now and I will either ask is it okay I just share yours? Or I will get my own and package up what I do not eat and save for him or for another day for lunch etc. But we communicate that is what is MOST important!!! And remind him why you are doing this to be healthier and live a much more active lifestyle with him.0
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My husband does most of the cooking at our house because of his hours vs mine. He embraced this new life along with me and cooks accordingly. He's a real meat and potatoes kind of guy, so my simplified needs of lean protein with a veggie (I really don't eat much in the way of potato, rice, pasta) actually made his cooking simpler which he likes. The biggest change is no sweets including my one time favorite and I couldn't leave it alone until it was gone, ice cream. He's a big sweet eater, so this was really hard for him, but as he told me, getting me mobile and healthy again was more important than him screwwing up his cholesterol numbers with cakes, cookies and ice cream.
Really, once you are past the liquid, pureed and soft food stages, and back to eating real food again, you and he can share the same meals if he's willing to eat your lean protein directed meal plan. He can have the amount he wants and add the startchy/carbs you probably won't eat, but other than that, you should be abel to share meals. Good luck, it will get easier.
Pat.0 -
My husband has enjoyed all the new recipes I cook now. Quinoa kale patties are the current favorite. zucchini tots, summer squash pizza crust, posole, noodless lasagna soup, farinata. potroast with sweet potatoes, carrots and parsnips. chili and manwhich are still on the regular menu along with lasagna made with eggplant planks instead of noodles. i just make quinoa instead of rice, sweet potato instead of white. My husband and daughter still eat whole wheat pasta and whole wheat tortillas and bread. we all love light bologna and cheese. i mean our menu is actually larger than it was. i just eat the meat and veg and they eat meat , veg and a whole grain starch. we never ate processed food anyway so it really hasn't been a big deal. get out the crockpot and make him some nice healthy versions of his regular food. you wont be too tired after surgery to dump a roast in the crockpot. My husband also loves that at ALL TIMES there is yogurt, cheese, protein bars, jerky, pre cooked bacon, slim jims, Beanitos cheese puffs, yogurt dip, dark chocolate chips, light bologna, vienna sausage and skinny cow ice cream bars in the fridge or pantry. i ask him every week what meat he wants me to cook for him. roast chicken, pork tenderloin,potroast etc. Try this and see if it doesnt soothe his fears0
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@Crain, he's pretty stoked for me. He is a very supportive but I think he knows that HIS LIFE is going to change too. ;-) He does have a belly to lose and I want him to go walks with me. I am just seeing a difference in his personality as the surgery date gets closer. I'm wondering how all your spouses took to your dramatic weight loss.0
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my husband's life hasn't changed much, as far as food goes…I still cook the same stuff I always did. Before my surgery I thought he was a bit weird, too. I think he was actually internalizing his nervousness about the whole process and the unknown. Maybe that's what's going on with your husband? Mine is definitely enjoying having his wife's old body back lol (minus the stretch marks that 5 kids brought along).0
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@Crain, he's pretty stoked for me. He is a very supportive but I think he knows that HIS LIFE is going to change too. ;-) He does have a belly to lose and I want him to go walks with me. I am just seeing a difference in his personality as the surgery date gets closer. I'm wondering how all your spouses took to your dramatic weight loss.
Jaye 1120, My husband suffers from clinical depression. He's been really supportive through this whole thing but as the weight comes off and I am looking better and better (his words), his insecurity has reared it's ugly little head. That too is part of the depression so one of the things I've done to help the insecurity is to always have something on my left hand that looks like a wedding ring. I won't have mine sized down until I'm totally done losing because they are very wide, heavy rings. They are pricy to size and I don't want to spend that money multiple times or risk damaging the rings beyond repair. So I had the anniversary band sized down prior to surgery for when the wedding rings didn't fit anymore and when the anniversary became too big started wearing the promise ring he gave me back in high school. I have made it clear to him that this is working and I'm successful because of his support and encouragement. I ask him to work out with me or even ask him to watch when I'm lifting or working on the pilates machine to make sure I'm doing it right. In other words I purposfully include him. It really helps in our case.
Pat0 -
Hi all,
I want to say that my husband has been really supportive, mostly because as the weight comes off I am a little more flexible ( :blushing: grown up talk here) so he loves that. He has also embraced the turkey meatloaf, turkey burger patties, turkey sausage, vs ground beef/chuck. He still loves his sweets and junk food which are still a struggle for me, but I do not restrict him from those. I just eat frozen oikos greek yogart when I want ice cream, chocolate covered almond and Adkins bars and treats for my sweets fix. Food wise he doesn't complain about what I cook and when he is home early he will call and ask what I want him to cook. He encourages me to continue to work out and if I want to sleep late he will say, in his drill sargent voice" the gym is call you. He even encourages my afternoon walks, He doesn't go with me yet but we did just get new bikes so hopefully soon we will take bike rides together. His personality hasn't changed, again he is happy about the flexibility. He loves me either way, big or smaller but has really grown fund of the smaller. Good luck0 -
My husband has started to try some of the recipes I am now making. I made an Italian dish this week over spaghetti squash and he loved it! Prior to my surgery he would not even think of eating something like that!0
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My husband was a little worried about the surgery in general as my surgery date approached. He was and is completely supportive, but surgery is still scary, and he definitely carried some anxiety about it until it was all over. Perhaps that may be some of his odd behavior? Good luck with everything though!
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Guy checking in: Avoid any comments he may interpret as forcing him onto a diet. "I told hubby that we need to stock up on Smart Ones for his meals" could fall into that catagory.
I made sure my wife knew that I would support whatever she was making for herself and the familiy and that my diet changes were mine, and mine alone. I never pushed the kids into any different foods. All I have asked for is 6 oz of protein regardless of what was on the family menu. No meatless meals for me. What has happened is we have almost completely eliminated fast food. Since we will always be cooking a protein for me there is no excuse to be lazy and run to McDonalds for anyone else. Its just as easy to cook enough London Broil or Chicken or Pork for everyone. Therefore everyone is eating better.
For the first 8 weeks after surgery you will be transitioning from liquid, to puree to solid. During that time he should cook for himself a bit if only to help you. After that your meal plan will most likely be very appealing to him: Meat and Veggies (just add a potato for him). Our "whole life" eating plan post op is PROTEIN FIRST. Guys tend to like that.
Now "shonrecio" hits another nail on the head: as the weight comes off the "benefits" grow and I would think he would be very supportive of that. Good luck.0
