Loneliness

I was sleeved exactly 7 days. Along with the two week pre-op diet, it has been the loneliest three weeks of my life. The worst part of it is I'm surrounded by people who love me and who are trying to be supportive. But I feel so left out and so different. It feels so much like the thing I was doing to in order to have a longer and more active life with my family and friends has separated me from them. I've lost thirty pounds in three weeks and that's amazing, but part of me feels I made a mistake. I know it won't always be like this and I know I've made the right right choice. This just isn't an emotion I had prepared myself for.

Replies

  • Losing_Sarah
    Losing_Sarah Posts: 279 Member
    I can relate to some degree. While I don't live too close to a lot of family & friends. I just have my hubby & 5 year old daughter I felt and still rarely mourn my "loss" For me, that means the ability to go out and enjoy a meal like I used to.

    You're still early out and are probably limited on what you can eat (I still was) but it does get easier. Once I could eat more things it helped me to focus on making sure I was eating most importantly nutritionally good food based on my diet/needs, but also food that tastes good. I like to cook and I like strong flavors, so this was helpful. Whatever my protein is or whatever I am eating I make sure it is seasoned and cooked the best way I know so I could truly enjoy the small amounts that I can consume now.

    Hang in there.
  • bikrchk
    bikrchk Posts: 516 Member
    The first few months can be a very emotional time (even for the fairly stoic, like myself, lol). As we lose fat rapidly we also release the hormones and toxins stored up in the fat tissue. That, in additoion to the shock of surgery and the loss of food as a crutch can make for an emotional couple of months. Try to focus on your success and know that it gets better!
  • homerismyhero
    homerismyhero Posts: 204 Member
    I was surprised at how emotional I was for a few weeks after surgery. That’s unusual for me and I had a hard time with it- it reminded me of when I was pregnant. I know some clinics offer/suggest that pt's use anti depresant pre/post surg if they have a history of depression. I think a lot of it was like Bikerchick said- hormones, body changes, toxins, ect. I also had a lot of break outs with my skin (also very unusual for me), my period became more regular and changed duration/time, and I had blue finger and toe nails and was cold all the time. It made an already complicated process even more intense. But everything did level off after a few weeks, and has been much better. No more crying jags, sad feelings, or breakouts- I think exercise helped a lot because when I didn’t know what else to do with myself- I did that until I was too tired to be emotional.
    Even if you have supportive family- it’s hard to connect- this is a very private thing and personal decision- but becomes public because people inevitably see you results and want to at least acknowledge your success.
  • katematt313
    katematt313 Posts: 624 Member
    It will get better!! :)
  • SimplySusan63
    SimplySusan63 Posts: 88 Member
    Candice, I'm sorry you're going through, but I'm glad you chose to share your feelings here. I don't think we realize how much we associate food with friendship and love. Society as a whole sees sharing meals with friends and family. When you are not able to participate in sharing a meal it can really take a toll. But as others have said here, this will change. As you are able to eat more variety and it becomes less of a chore you will be able to the "land of the living." Social events can be a great time without the focus being on food. Make your time about the people.

    I'm also glad you shared because I don't think I realized how much this has played a role in my journey. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

    Keep up the good work and know that with each passing day you are getting stronger and healthier.
  • Thaeda
    Thaeda Posts: 834 Member
    OMG I was an emotional HOT MESS for 2-4 weeks post surgery. What you are feeling is totally NORMAL. Not fun, to be sure-- but normal. It gets better. Hang in there. :flowerforyou:
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
    So sorry you are suffering with this. Please remember that it won't always be this way. Once you are eating real food again, yes your portions are going to be smaller and your choices will 99% of the time be high protein, low carb/fat, you will be eating "real" food. You can go to a restaurant or friend's house and eat what's there. I'm 3 years out and I do that all the time, I'm just a much more picky eater now. So this recovery phase is temporary. It does get better. I've never regretted my decision and I'm sure, once you are back to eating real food again, you won't either.

    Pat
  • candicevaughn
    candicevaughn Posts: 23 Member
    Thank you everyone. I needed to hear I wasn't alone.
  • ChefBH
    ChefBH Posts: 26 Member
    I wasn't expecting to be so emotional post surgery. It really does get better and you end up living a very normal life. Hang in there.
  • shonrecio
    shonrecio Posts: 89 Member
    I was surprised by my emotional state after aurgery too. I remember sitting in my recliner, in pain just boo hooing for no reason, this was not normal for me. My son graduated boot camp from the Navy just after surgery and we went to Chicago for graduation, while everyone else was able to enjoy I was drinking shakes but sitting there with them. Having a supportive family like you have is gonna get you through this. Having a group like this helps too. You are not alone and it gets better,so much better. Because of my journey my husband and daughter are now in the fitness kick with me.
  • candacet36
    candacet36 Posts: 353 Member
    No one prepares you for the emotions that you are going to go through. I am one year out and I can tell you that this is the BEST thing I have ever done for myself. I can sit down and enjoy a meal with family and friends.

    Right after surgery it was hard because I didn't want to go out to eat.... I didn't want to be out of my comfort zone.

    YOU CAN DO THIS....you can find something to eat where ever you go and you can be successful if you use this tool. It does not to the work for you or make the choices for you....YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR PART.

    It does get better everyday!
  • Gosh I am so glad that I have read all of these entries! I am 5 days post op and started to panic a little today about how I was feeling. Not really much pain, but I feel so weak and emotional. Thank you for everyone's input and I will make tomorrow a more productive day rather than feeling blue.
  • Finding other ways to deal with emotions is one of the things that I have been worried about going into this. I am still 8 days pre-op but already I know that I cannot eat away emotions, I will need to deal with them instead. I am the woman who provides food for my family and friends, I cook well... it is such a part of me but I will need to redefine myself and that means discovery, mourning for who I thought I was and a lot of emotions. I am worth more!

    I want you to know that I am so proud of you for making this HUGE decision in your life and yes it will be terribly emotional but you are worth it!

    If you ever need to talk I will be happy to talk to you!
  • Oh! BTW 30 pounds is absolutely kick *kitten*! CONGRATS!