In need of support, encouraging words, and advice.
ashteinpeacock
Posts: 56 Member
Hello, I'm Ashtein. I am married with a 3 year old child. My husband has 3 sons.
Back in May my husband lost his job and started doing drugs. I did not find out until he was arrested July 5th. My world turned upside down. He had been doing drugs for a month or so and has spent all of our savings. So we are completely broke due to him not having a job and spending our savings. I am forced to file bankruptcy and may possibly have my lights cut off and lose my house. I've already lsot my car. I tried to give him a chance to make it right to me and my daughter but he hasn't. Instead he lies to me all the time making me think he's doing right when really he's not... and he tries to make excuses for everything he does. We've been going to a marriage class at my church and I thought it was helping but apparently it's not.
Well today I've decided I can't do it anymore. I told him to get out and leave me along and that I can't take it anymore. I asked his family to come help him get his things. I am doing my best to stay strong this time (this isnt the 1st time I've said I was done). So in order to stay strong I need help from others.. even if you are strangers, the encouragement helps. Especially if any of you have gone through this.
Oh and another thing... I'm so afraid of how this will affect my daughter.
And my weight......... I need to lose 40 lbs.
Back in May my husband lost his job and started doing drugs. I did not find out until he was arrested July 5th. My world turned upside down. He had been doing drugs for a month or so and has spent all of our savings. So we are completely broke due to him not having a job and spending our savings. I am forced to file bankruptcy and may possibly have my lights cut off and lose my house. I've already lsot my car. I tried to give him a chance to make it right to me and my daughter but he hasn't. Instead he lies to me all the time making me think he's doing right when really he's not... and he tries to make excuses for everything he does. We've been going to a marriage class at my church and I thought it was helping but apparently it's not.
Well today I've decided I can't do it anymore. I told him to get out and leave me along and that I can't take it anymore. I asked his family to come help him get his things. I am doing my best to stay strong this time (this isnt the 1st time I've said I was done). So in order to stay strong I need help from others.. even if you are strangers, the encouragement helps. Especially if any of you have gone through this.
Oh and another thing... I'm so afraid of how this will affect my daughter.
And my weight......... I need to lose 40 lbs.
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Replies
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I'm so sorry to hear about your family. But if your husband is hurting your family and doing nothing to help. You really don't need him. I know you feel like you can't live without him now. But you can, trust me you can. My sister was in the same boat as you 10 years ago. She had 2 kids, no job, she worked for his families business, it went belly up. So she and the kids moved in with my parents. She had no money. the only thing she had was a car She filed for devoice. So she got a job, within 3 months she was renting to own a house for her and the kids. she had no credit. She had a really hard time just paying the untilies and rent and feeding the kids no help from the ex- husband. 6 years ago she found a good man to love her and her kids. they married has 2 more kids, owns her on busness. and works. what I'm saying is you can make it ,, it might be hard but keep looking forward. and the most important thing is your little girl. you don't want her to be around anyone doing drugs. and as mothers it is our job to keep them safe as best as we can. I wish you all the luck. But you can overcome this little bump in the road . because and a few years that is what it will feel like just a bump in the road.0
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I'm so sorry to hear about your family. But if your husband is hurting your family and doing nothing to help. You really don't need him. I know you feel like you can't live without him now. But you can, trust me you can. My sister was in the same boat as you 10 years ago. She had 2 kids, no job, she worked for his families business, it went belly up. So she and the kids moved in with my parents. She had no money. the only thing she had was a car She filed for devoice. So she got a job, within 3 months she was renting to own a house for her and the kids. she had no credit. She had a really hard time just paying the untilies and rent and feeding the kids no help from the ex- husband. 6 years ago she found a good man to love her and her kids. they married has 2 more kids, owns her on busness. and works. what I'm saying is you can make it ,, it might be hard but keep looking forward. and the most important thing is your little girl. you don't want her to be around anyone doing drugs. and as mothers it is our job to keep them safe as best as we can. I wish you all the luck. But you can overcome this little bump in the road . because and a few years that is what it will feel like just a bump in the road.
Thank you! I'm trying to be strong.0 -
There are a lot of addicts in my big extended family.
What I have found is that you have to do what is best for you and your daughter.
You can't "fix" him, and he will only accept help when he is truly ready to change for himself.
Hold your head up high, you tried your best and that is all you can do.
Best of luck to you
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You and your daughter are worth taking care of- you deserve to be safe, secure and happy.
His unhappiness is not your problem to fix, nor is his addiction anyone else's fault but his.0 -
Thank yall!0
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I think it's time to focus on you and your daughter. You are a strong woman if you have been going through this a while and have not torn your hair out. I applaud you for thinking with your head even though I am sure your heart is saying something different. I am glad you joined our group and I hope you will find the help and encouragement from many here to help you on your new life and journey. We are here to support you!!!0
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Thank you kay josh2422.
Update:
My husband was arrested last night for theft. Me and his family are trying to find him a rehab to go to. We need your prayers! My daughter loves her daddy and was there when he arrested him. She's only 3 but knew what was going on and has been talking about it constantly. She needs your prayers!0 -
We are all here for you!
I am living proof that things will get better for you! Good things happen to good people!
I went through a rough time with my first husband. He was (still is) an alcoholic and drug addict.
I had four kids with him. He walked out when my youngest was 3.
I was a single mom trying to make ends meet for three years when my Knight in Shining Armour appeared.
I met my now husband at my youngest's soccer practice.
We have been happily married for 13 years now and have raised 6 fabulous kids.
You are strong and you must stick with your decision to leave this man. You have a child and yourself to take care of.
No matter how hard it is - you will make it!0 -
I think you have made a good decision. At this point, your husband is hurting your daughter and you. Addiction is always a difficult problem. Sometimes addiction can be kept under control although someone will probably get hurt. When they addiction gets out of control, you will lie, cheat, and steal to feed the beast. Your husband has hit the point of no return. Time to cut him lose.
We are often taught to turn to food for comfort. That puts a wrench into the spokes for any weight loss plan. You need to keep logging food, exercise, and what you drink. You need to continue to try and lose the 40lbs. Luckily, MFP tends to be a wonderful community full of supportive people. Stop by often and you will find the strength you need to carry on.0 -
First of all congratulation on making best decision for you and your daughter. while this not a easy one you are doing whats best for you.
focus on making healthy meals for both you and your daughter. Not sure where your located but try to find some fall activities to do that keep both of you active and keep your mind off of it. Even walking on nature path.
Ask others for help support with your daughter. You can do this.
Hang in there .0 -
Thank yall so much. This has been real hard on me. I've got so many mixed emotions. Right now, I'm angry and hurt. So I may try to run some it out.0
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Update:
We have taken him to a detox center. He will be there for 5 days and they will help us find him a rehab to go to after that. Gonna be a long road, but as long as he does like he should and WANTS to get better, it will be worth it in the end Thanks for the prayers and keep them coming! 0 -
Praying for you. Im a single mom of 3 boys with no help. If I can do it , you can too. I grew up in a family of addiction and I know how hard it is. Try to Keep your head up 0
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Recovery from addiction is a narrow path and full of danger. I think many times people take detox and rehab as the easy route to get out of paying the full price justice demands. I hope your husband has taken all of this to heart and will stay on the path. I will keep your daughter and you in my prayers. Good Luck.0
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I am very happy to report that my husband got saved last week!!!
I kept asking why all of this was happening the way it was and now I know why. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways, and I am more than thankful for all of it now. We are blessed. We still have 5 months to go before he will come home, but now my heart is at peace, and God will take care of my struggles at home also. Thank yall for your prayers, please continue praying. 0 -
Since your husband has been saved, I have no doubt that he will wish to be removed from all the bank accounts and have his wages directly deposited into that account. I think he should probably sign over all the other joint property to you as well. After all, he has been saved and the Lord will take care of him.
I gave up smoking when I was 20. I think the last time I actively wanted a cigarette was this morning when I thought about your problem some 33 years later. Once you are an addict, you are always an addict. The only true solution is to never pick up the addiction again. Even being saved by the Lord will not protect you from addiction.
I prayed for you this morning as I road my bike through the dark. I hope that your husband will still be saved when the Sword of Damocles no longer hangs over his head. I find that people being saved during rehab or prison remind me of those who confess their sins and pray for forgiveness on their death bed. When they stand before the Lord for Judgement, they might find that such conversions are a bit too late. I will prayer again that your husband is saved forever.0 -
Thank you, I really appreciate the continued prayer. It says a lot about you, being that you will pray for a stranger like me. I'll be sure to return the favor and pray for you 0
