Hey everyone,
This is my first time posting here--it seems like the perfect forum for something that I've had a difficult time finding support for. I am now at a point where I am actively counting calories, weighing myself, and trying to lose weight. It's really difficult for me to admit that, because for years I was passionate about fat acceptance, body positivity, health at every size, etc. And I feel like I'm letting that part of myself down by trying to get thinner. Rationally, I know that the most important part of body positivity is recognizing that everyone needs to make their own decisions about their priorities, and that my body isn't anyone else's business. But I still feel a lot of guilt over, like, succumbing to the patriarchy and counting calories.

My therapist doesn't quiiiiiiiiiite get it (she said something like: "well, you know, it's not like Gloria Steinem is fat!" which isn't really valuable for...a bunch of reasons). I have a difficult time talking to friends about it because I feel like I'm betraying them somehow, or at least like I'm betraying myself. If the Madeleine of two years ago heard I was counting calories every day, she'd be like "WHHAAAAA?" but then again, she also would probably not be thrilled at gaining fifty pounds.