Well......
maoribadger
Posts: 1,837 Member
This weekend it really didn't happen
Friday was always going to be a blow out, ate at services on way up, did bowl for an hour and got quite hot and sweaty but in the evening had a pizza and ended up drinking.....a lot
Saturday I was hungover and hangover seemed to get worse as day went on. Ended up with cheese toasties and coke for dinner to try and feel more human.
Today we have had lunch at services, am now home but the driving has aggravated my achilles tendon injury so badly I lost all feeling in my foot twenty five.miles from.home. So plan to go to gym tonight is postponesd while I ice my.leg and neck some ibuprofen. Will probably just weigh in tomorrow and start afresh. I actually really want to start again as I feel logie, bloated and exhausted.
Fresh start in morning then, 216 days to the superhuman games and I need to do this!
Friday was always going to be a blow out, ate at services on way up, did bowl for an hour and got quite hot and sweaty but in the evening had a pizza and ended up drinking.....a lot
Saturday I was hungover and hangover seemed to get worse as day went on. Ended up with cheese toasties and coke for dinner to try and feel more human.
Today we have had lunch at services, am now home but the driving has aggravated my achilles tendon injury so badly I lost all feeling in my foot twenty five.miles from.home. So plan to go to gym tonight is postponesd while I ice my.leg and neck some ibuprofen. Will probably just weigh in tomorrow and start afresh. I actually really want to start again as I feel logie, bloated and exhausted.
Fresh start in morning then, 216 days to the superhuman games and I need to do this!
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Replies
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Yikes, Lise, that is a lot. I wouldn't worry about the food bit - we know you know how to kick a calorie in the tailfeathers. I'm concerned though about your injuries. I myself have recurring plantar fasciitis in both heels (more pronounced in my right heel, also due to driving, if I recall), so I know how difficult it is to give yourself that recovery time... Take care of yourself, sweetheart - you're the only you there is. Hugs, C0
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Well I weighed in this morning and have gained 5.5lb....since friday. Since I know this is physically impossible I am not upset and am assuming a weekend of alcohol, salty greasy food and alcohol/fizzy instead of water means I must be retaining.
I am so ready to get back on though, usually I'd be derailed but am just thinking I need to work even harder now. I've not logged todays weight in MFP as I know its a blip. I have simply climbed back on the trail and am chugging plenty water.
I've been shopping today with recommitted zeal and bought plenty chicken/turkey, veg, yoghurt, cottage cheese, all good high protein stuff. Have also been to Holland and Barrett for chia and linseeds, coconut, agave nectar, muesli, coarse oats and some bounce balls.
Having an omelette with mushrooms and peppers and halloumi cheese tonight and planning on starting each day with some greek yoghurt with oats and seeds swirled in and possibly some coconut or honey to sweeten it. Am actually really looking forward to it. Am back down gym tonight but gonna have to be careful as my foot is still really bad but am on the brufen and ice. Planning on giving it a week then seeing my GP if its still bad.
So all in all a weekend not to be repeated, has made me realise I have been treating my body way better and its been thanking me for it. I've also pulled out of the interview friday as I was too stressed about it, they cant accomodate the hours I need and actually its just as stressful as the job I do now and I think I need to put me and my family first for a while. Ive applied for a job at the GP out of hours service, nice hours, less stress and hopefully more training and autonomy. I really need to think of me and my kids for a while, they are so small still they need me, not fat stressed me but mummy who is happy
Dont know if any of that made sense, sorry for the ramble0 -
Okay, full on honesty warning. I'm hoping I can say what I want to say without sounding wrong.
First off, your drive just amazes me. You are so certain you will succeed and have the whole thing mapped out. Wow wow wow wow wow!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could use more than a smidge of that.
Do you ever worry that you will not be able to achieve your goals and that the whole thing can crumble if you miss a milestone? I'm so afraid to plan ahead because I've dealt with that disappointment and I don't recover well. Maybe the first 2 or 3 falls, but by the 4th one, I'm a goner and the whole thing goes out the window.
It's really hard for me to relate to your attack on weight loss, lol. Cause I can see that's exactly what it is. You are kicking weight loss in the *kitten*! And, winning!
So, please forgive me if I don't always chime in on your wins and major successes. I'm totally rooting for you!!!! I just don't know how to say what I want to say to you.
Which is simply this: It's okay to not be perfect. Life is funny, unpredictable, and it gets in the way sometimes, but in a really good way. You had a fun weekend. You gained some weight, it's okay! There will always be more fun weekends ahead. More weekends where all you eat is junk and drink alcohol and don't workout. You're doing exactly what you need to do to recover from them. Working those weekends into our lives and recovering from them is part of the journey.
You will probably plateau at some point, and that will be okay too. Even if you're doing everything exactly right, you won't always steamroll your way to the end.
Or maybe I'm totally wrong you and you will steamroll your way to the end. If anyone can do it, it's totally you!0 -
That's ok I appreciate the honesty. Do I think I will crumble if I dont hit certain milestones? Nope not so much. I've aimed for fifty lb by xmas but will I be upset if I am only at forty five? Well it will be a shame but yknow what...I will have lost 45lb! This is how I am trying.to to view it. I know I seem very number orientated but I think it's because I have ocd so it's simply how my.mind works. It's just easier.for.me to think that way.
Don't get me wrong I had a fookin amazing weekend. I only get to see my.best friend about once or twice a year so I'm not even sorry we ate and drank too much because we were just celebrating being together. All I meant by my.post is that in the past I'd have allowed the weekend or the inevitable weight gain to derail me but this time I feel ready to get back to what I've been doing as it's made me.appreciate howuch better I've felt.for doing it. It's a strange feeling and I want to record.it as I know there will be more times when I'm off track in the future and ive proved to myself I can do that and still get back on track. It's sonething I need to remember for the future. Trust me I'm nowhere near perfect I still eat chocolate nearly every day and I'm trying.to do this in a sustainable way.
Sorry if I seem a bit full on sometimes, I've had a rough few years wi th mental health problems and I g et so excited about feeling better and stronger I get a bit shouty about it and want to share it. It's nice to be reminded it's ok not to get it right everyday as I know there will be days I won't.
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Wow - Ladies, I have to say I'm so feeling inspired, motivated, and empowered. All this brutal honesty about ourselves resonates so much with me!!!
Caroline, I'm BEYOND terrified that just one false step, and I'll be back on the horrible path I was before. And I think that is what keeps me real. If I'm only one step from heading back toward being my old fat @$$ self, does it not stand to reason that I'm only one step away from being on the true path to health, and where I need to go???
Like Lise, I've been in the heck-hole that is mental crap (mine is less quantifiable than an actual mental condition, because let's just say diagnosing me would make HOUSE from the TV show lose his sanity) for so long, that actually seeing the sunlight and positive possibilities on occasion has become equally exciting and terrifying.
For me, Caroline, letting go of some of the fear has come with the realization - I reach the point of total HE.L.L. with myself, and so the worst I feel I can do is stumble, fall, and roll my fat butt back toward that...but I have to have faith that I will put my foot out to slow my descent at some point because I do not want to gain back 100 freaking pounds and then some. If I can't fathom being back at that worst point, then the fear receeds some, because no matter how many times I fall down, I'm gonna get back up again at some point. I may lose the same 20 pounds 1000 times, but by the gods, at some point, they'll quit hanging around for the memories and good times and get the heck GONE!!
It doesn't seem fathomable that I will ever be a healthy weight by any chart, but if I walk every day, and do something every day, I've already won because I'm healthier than before. Occasionally, a box of Oreos will test my sanity...or something else, but that's just it... That is my exception now, not my daily....
I know this is totally rambling crap, but you two ladies seem to be just as random and rambling as me, so I hope you'll follow it!
Hugs,
Carly in cool, crispy OK that at least makes walking reasonable...0 -
Oh, and Caroline, I think I've said this before. I cannot set hard and fast goals. I self-sabotage like a crazy person. So my sister helped me come up with a loose outline, and I'm doing okay with that so far. We'll see how it holds out. My goals have to be very flexible and very not-detailed in order to not intimidate or mess me about... I've kind of learned how to trick myself. But, I can tell you that being determined to do certain things helps tons because right now my motivation is needing a recharge, but motivation is such a fickle partner, I don't miss her companionship much...LOL0
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A lot.of.words to.come out of.the gym.too and.will take.time.to.read.and.reply when.I.sit.down. Your posts have set.me to.thinking.all through my.workout and I.have a huge hankering.to.write but.I'm.not.sure.if.it's.blog, one.of.my.letters to my.Kids.or.possibly.both. Somehow.juat making this.swirling vortex.of.thoughts coalesce into a meaningful body.of.text.
But.first! Protein shake and.a bath....
Bloody phone and.it's bloody.full stops...0 -
Ok first of all thankyou guys. I have been thinking all night and it came to this:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/maoribadger/view/using-the-f-word-706844
Carly I love this: I may lose the same 20 pounds 1000 times, but by the gods, at some point, they'll quit hanging around for the memories and good times and get the heck GONE
For me I have learned that every milestone is important. It maybe that I have doubled back upon myself and am revisiting a part of the road I have already travelled. At 17 stone in fact that is a certainty. But why should I celebrate it any less. Every step I take is a step closer to the person I want to be even if occasionally its a side step. And do I think I can still do it? I have to. Because if I dont believe in me then who else will. Trust me its taken a lot of therapy to get here though. So if I dont hit the milestone straight away well eventually I will. And in the meantime I will celebrate the process. Because the fact is I am still here, still hanging in, still trying. So I am better than the person I would have been had I simply accepted I am overweight and not tried to change it
Or something.
I may be rambling again0 -
No worries about rambling...that is the place from where my best thoughts originate!0
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Finally sitting down with a cup of coffee to reply. Lots of good stuff here! I'm hosting a homeschool class in about an hour, so I don't know if I'll have enough time to really get all my thoughts out, but here goes...
I relate to all of this. ALL of it. I deal with my own mental issues, and am surrounded by people with their own sets of issues. Heredity's a b$t(h.
The thing that keeps rolling around in my head is the word control. I don't have it, and probably never will. I can control myself, but only to a certain extent and I get better and better at that with conscious practice. But the ability to plan ahead and say, for example, that my weight loss should change from 2 lbs/week to 1.5 lbs/week at a time in the future is absolutely beyond me. Seeing you say that, Lise, really struck a chord in me. How can you be so sure of yourself? It absolutely mystifies me. Not in a bad way, but in an "I wish I could plan like that" way.
My weight loss seems totally out of my control. The times that I feel like I'm doing everything right, the scale just doesn't seem to budge. But I keep forging ahead. Eventually I slack off a little bit, then realize it, get back on track and have a renewed burst of loss.
So, what that means to me is when I hold it tightly, when I work too hard at it, my weight loss stalls. When I let go is when things start working again.
That's not it, entirely, but, it IS a pattern I've noticed. Still working through what that means for me.
Seeing your careful plan and your high expectations brings all of that up to the top for me.
It sounds like you're rebounding well, and that's the absolute best thing we can do. Embracing the rebound seems to be where the biggest loss (and internal growth!) seems to happen. Forgiving ourselves, instead of punishing ourselves further.
Eh, there's something in there. Still need to think through it. Time is running short and I want to see today's thread. Will revisit this later. 0 -
Caroline, I'm the same way...or I used to be. I couldn't try hard or hold on tight, and always felt out of control. I still have no real control or willpower. But I read an article written by a man who was talking about how we don't have to wait to become who we want to be to make the choices we deserve. I've always felt that waiting to celebrate until some mystical status marker was ridiculous. If I want to celebrate than I can stand up from the couch because I don't have to press my arms on something to get up, by golly I'm gonna! And did last night actually. My fiance looked at my like I was insane. He doesn't understand how huge that was for me. Anyway...
This article was about choosing to be that person NOW! Not when I've earned it. Not down the road when I've worked to get there... Not tomorrow. Now. If I want to be the woman who doesn't binge eat, I can make that choice right now. I don't have to wait until I ate three packages of cookies three days in a row to think, okay, tomorrow, I'll only have 3 cookies. I can choose right now in this moment to not do that.
It doesn't always work, but the thought that it worked at all is so empowering!! I don't know why, it was like a light switch flicked on in my head. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my mental battles, and if you want to read any of my blogs, they are all public. Not saying they are anything special, but if my struggles can help you with yours, we both win, right?
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/KnitOrMiss
HUGS!!!0
