Had a date
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Jennifer10723
Posts: 374 Member
So .. I met a man for lunch on Saturday. We had texted maybe a day or so and I have learned to meet the man quickly after I think I have an interest rather than texting for a couple weeks and then meeting. I get attached to their texting personality and then when I meet them in person I am disappointed because they aren't who I made them up to be in my head.
Anyway, we texted a few times .. never spoke on the phone .. I suggested we meet for lunch or coffee pretty quickly. I think he messaged me on the site on a Tuesday and we met on Saturday. There was no instant attraction on my part when I met him. In fact he had quite a dull personality as opposed to the small glimpse I got during texts. But .. during lunch and talking he got a little more animated and it was something I thought I would do again. We leave after about and hour and a half and go home.
He texts me and says "I get the sense from you that you really aren't ready to put yourself out there fully. Please tell me if I am barking up the wrong tree". Curious, I ask .. why would you say that? You spoke with me for like an hour. You don't know me well enough to get a sense of anything. He says .. well you weren't very affectionate .. uh .. what? We were in a diner in the middle of the day. I don't know you .. I don't even know your last name and what .. you want me to sit on your lap in the middle of the diner? WTF. did you want me to jump on you on the hood of your car in broad daylight you sweat pant wearing douche??? Who shows up on a date wearing sweatpants???? AND AND AND he ordered extra sauerkraut on his Rueben. ew.
I just said .. Ok .. thank you for lunch and I wish you good luck on your search! He texts me back and says Wow.
OMG. I can't even. lol
Anyway, we texted a few times .. never spoke on the phone .. I suggested we meet for lunch or coffee pretty quickly. I think he messaged me on the site on a Tuesday and we met on Saturday. There was no instant attraction on my part when I met him. In fact he had quite a dull personality as opposed to the small glimpse I got during texts. But .. during lunch and talking he got a little more animated and it was something I thought I would do again. We leave after about and hour and a half and go home.
He texts me and says "I get the sense from you that you really aren't ready to put yourself out there fully. Please tell me if I am barking up the wrong tree". Curious, I ask .. why would you say that? You spoke with me for like an hour. You don't know me well enough to get a sense of anything. He says .. well you weren't very affectionate .. uh .. what? We were in a diner in the middle of the day. I don't know you .. I don't even know your last name and what .. you want me to sit on your lap in the middle of the diner? WTF. did you want me to jump on you on the hood of your car in broad daylight you sweat pant wearing douche??? Who shows up on a date wearing sweatpants???? AND AND AND he ordered extra sauerkraut on his Rueben. ew.
I just said .. Ok .. thank you for lunch and I wish you good luck on your search! He texts me back and says Wow.
OMG. I can't even. lol
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Replies
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I think you should have started this story with "he wore sweatpants to a lunch date" and that would have been enough for me to know he was a dud.
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Have to go with PJ on this one...wearing sweatpants to a date screams "dud" unless the date is at the gym!!!0
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I have to agree with the other ladies on the sweat pants....what a douche canoe.0
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Concur on the sweatpants.
If he doesn't make the effort to give a good impression the first time? Nope.0 -
I had a guy ask why I didn't kiss him once. Ermmmm cos I really wasnt attracted to you!! Urgh!
Your first impression was spot on. NEXT!0 -
Sweatpants??? NEXT!!!0
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It seems like his sense was somewhat accurate. His mistake was that he assumed you had a problem with putting yourself out there in general rather than the problem being specific to him. Although he may be right. I've been on several dates where I got a strong impression within an hour that the gal wasn't sure about dating. That she was lost and lonely and looking to date because that's how you become "whole" again.0
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Notwithstanding the extremely poor choice of first-date attire, maybe his problem was a poor choice of words. He may not have meant "affection" as in physical contact. He wasn't wrong in reading that you were feeling rather 'meh' about him. He read your body language during the date. It's usually pretty clear after an hour if someone is into you, not into you, or just sort of "maybe" into you. I think he may have just meant he didn't get a feeling of you being attracted to him.
That being said. .it's an old trick for the rejectee to accuse the rejector of being fundamentally flawed ("not ready to put yourself out there"). That's a self-protection mechanism.0
