Yes! My first online date was after a month of talking. A month! I was in no hurry but he ended up as a friend as soon as I met him in person. I wasn't attracted to him.
As I practiced more, hell I'd start talking to a guy one night then 1 or 2 nights later it'd be meet up for a drink. I just wanted to see them in person ASAP! I had instances where online we were perfect, chemistry was crazy then in person, nothing and vice versa.

I have never done the online dating thing. I do agree with Anna to follow your gut. That is true no matter how you meet someone.

Good luck!

Cameron_1969 wrote: »

One bit of advice I would offer: Don't spend weeks emailing and texting before meeting. The meeting is the only thing that matters in the end. No amount of buildup and great conversation makes up for a dull, crappy date. . And you just never know how it's going to go until you are sitting across from someone. If you've spent weeks getting to know them and the date is a dud, it then feels like you've lost a friend. It also can lead to a lot of awkward exchanges after the date.

This is the most important piece of advice. Don't waste your time talking for weeks.

As he said, meet within the first two weeks. Personally, I used to do it after 4-5 messages and the idea was to have a friendly pint with someone for 1 hour and see what happens, if conversation flows, if we have common interests, etc. Get to know the other person basically. It's OK to NOT be interested in someone after you meet too. It's not a commitment to anything (aside from being there on the date).
I would say that common understanding and vibe about the date should be: "Let's just meet, and see what happens...".

Also, to give you a bit of background information: online dating heavily favours women.
Women get contacted dozens of times more than men get contacted, if men get contacted at all. This create a supply/demand market that heavily favours women.
It is what it is, but this will affect you in one way or another, as a lot of men will be very "sensitive" and will take rejection poorly (insults, insecurity and whatnot).
Male egos are constantly bruised with online dating, so don't "hurt" men unnecessarily, but feel free to ignore rude men, those who keep harassing you or those profiles you are simply not interested in.
It's a number game for men, so most men will just cast a very wide net (i.e. contact everyone), so only reply to those men you are interested in to let them know this and ignore the rest.

Still, I feel it's "fair" after you have met for real to send a text with the usual apologetic crap: "You're a really nice person but I didn't really feel the chemistry I was looking for. Thanks for the date, I wish you luck in your search!".
Playing dead only wastes the other person's time IMO.

One more piece of advice for the guys on here. . If you go an a date with a girl and have immediate and intense chemistry to the point that you are making out in the restaurant and then the girl offers you her body if you just say the words "There is no God". . .She's the devil. .

Here's what I would say. . a 'hi' is pretty lame, but some good guys aren't so adept with the written word. . So maybe at least check out their profile. If their lameness is still obvious. . ignore.

I gotta brag. I had an awesome profile and many men would write me complimenting it. I truly tried to "show off" my personality via words... Difficult but I think I achieved it!
I ignored the "hi"s or "hey beautiful". Come on! You can do better than that. I would never write back a guy a simple "ok". I put in energy and creativity. If you couldn't do that when we're tryingv to "impress" each other in the very beginning... I'm not interested.

Once you get a hang of it.. You'll see. Im tellin you. Online daters know the drill.

Joannah700 wrote: »

I'm on match and coffee meets bagel. I'm meeting everyone who I talk to within a week typically. Sometimes it's a few days, the longest was a month because of scheduling issues.

I haven't met anyone who I wanted to go on a second date with - I have made one friend though. Which I'm being cautious about. I explained I'm only getting friendly vibe and when he wanted to hang out after the first time I made sure he knew it would just be 'friendly', but I'm definitely being cautious with that one.

So far all on my dates, everyone has been very nice to me, no disasters.

I admit to being a bit quirky. This is fully evident in my profile, my texts, messages, everyday conversation... but seriously I find myself toning it down in person to try to make these fellows more comfortable. Unintentionally, I am intimidating my dates. They talk to me via text or over the phone, but sit them across a table from me? They get nervous and I find myself toning myself down to make them more comfortable. Which means I don't even get to use my funniest material. And this isn't just me with a big head, the gents have admitted to being nervous after the date. Which makes me feel like a bit of an *kitten* for not digging them. But what are you going to do?

Plus, it's only been a month.

Perhaps speak to them on the phone/text for longer. That way, you can establish if they 'get you' before you waste a date?

I always tend to get chatting to one guy at a time. The mutual interest is evident quite early on, so I tend to lose contact with other guys that are less appealing. Of course, if there are two (or more) guys that are just as interesting, then I would converse with both.

I think if you're going to meet quickly then you can't really establish a one to one thing.

It's up to you how often you meet someone and if you want to talk to many. There's no right or wrong.

Have fun

Don't tone it down, but I would say try to identify why the dates aren't working out with those people... And try to filter them out if you can before spending some of your precious time on a wasted date
Maybe try to be more picky or identify what happens with those people, why it fails? Look for patterns in the profiles, etc.

I will say the following though, that I would define myself as quirky too, and I like to make fun of everything or everyone. I'm (usually) quite confident with people, and I like to hang around people who can take some banter, don't mind acting stupid, being joked at, etc.

Anyway, the problem I had with online dating was that everyone is emboldened by the anonymity, trying to appear to their best and stand out . This creates the too familiar "parallel online universe" where everyone is quirky, alternative, fun, eclectic, sportive, etc. (This is what I have seen as a man...)

So what you're experiencing isn't surprising at all. Personally, my answer to that was focusing on "offline dating" and meeting people in real life through my interests and all (which worked much better).

Joannah700 wrote: »

Although strangely enough - most of them have brought up existentialism in conversation (who does that?).

That's funny

I don't think so. Are the friends who are saying that watching too many crime shows or something? A picture can't capture someone's personality. If he has been nice and it seems like you would enjoy his company, go for it! If you are feeling a bit worried after what your friends have said, meet him in a very public, well-lit place, preferably during the day. Honestly though, your friends can't make that kind of judgment. It's all up to you.

I agree. NO! You can't tell anything until you meet face to face!!

I think you can make 'assumptions' based on a picture tho, which is what your friends are doing. But if YOU like the look of him, that's all that matters. Good Luck

Thanks ladies, I do think my friends have been watching too many crime shows!