Telling people
janet0513
Posts: 564 Member
Did you share with people that you were having surgery? Did you do it before or after surgery? What did you say to people who asked?
My boss just caught me off guard. I put in for 5 weeks off (It will be winter break and I work at a college so it is slow time and I want to focus on me). I walked out of my office and he was standing there and said what kind of surgery are you having? It must be pretty serious to take that much time off." I didn't know what to say. He is very judgemental. He is very thin and athletic and has made several comments in the past. For example, I grabbed a tootsie roll out his secretaries bowl on her desk and he gives me this scowl and said, "do you really need that?" At the time I had lost about 90 lbs and was feeling pretty good. Anyway, I didn't know what to say today, so I just said, it's a female thing in hopes it would just shut him up - which worked. I am hoping it doesn't come back later and bite me. I am hoping that HR doesn't share any information. I have shared with one person in my office because she had the surgery prior.
My boss just caught me off guard. I put in for 5 weeks off (It will be winter break and I work at a college so it is slow time and I want to focus on me). I walked out of my office and he was standing there and said what kind of surgery are you having? It must be pretty serious to take that much time off." I didn't know what to say. He is very judgemental. He is very thin and athletic and has made several comments in the past. For example, I grabbed a tootsie roll out his secretaries bowl on her desk and he gives me this scowl and said, "do you really need that?" At the time I had lost about 90 lbs and was feeling pretty good. Anyway, I didn't know what to say today, so I just said, it's a female thing in hopes it would just shut him up - which worked. I am hoping it doesn't come back later and bite me. I am hoping that HR doesn't share any information. I have shared with one person in my office because she had the surgery prior.
0
Replies
-
I chose to share with people. I know there are some who disapprove but my basic thought was "I don't care what you think." I had the surgery because I know it is my best chance of getting healthy and staying that way. Most of my friends have been very supportive and the ones that might not agree have just not said anything, which is fine too. You are under no obligation to share anything with your boss and he was out of line to ask you specifically what you were doing. You might want to talk to your HR person and make sure that they know you want to keep your health decisions private. Sending good thoughts your way!0
-
I told those that I am closest to, and my boss. I don't want to bore you with a long story. Everyone else probably heard it through the grapevine. It will be obvious when I return to work. I'm sure people will judge me. I however, do not care. I didn't do it for them. Now, i'm sure after people see me, I will have to tell them. I'm actually proud that I talked myself into it. I feel so much better, and mentally regaining a positive attitude that I hope everyone will notice also.
Now, if your boss is making you uneasy with comments, that in itself is an HR issue.0 -
I was quite open at work with my plans and work toward the surgery. I had only a few negative reactions, and those were mostly from people who were concerned with taking the risk of surgery when I was doing so well pre-surgery. There was and is curiosity from my co workers, especially now, as I am back eating regular foods, but at an odd amount and pattern.
Boss-wise, though, you sound like you may have a difficult situation. If your HR is useful, talk though this with them and let them know you have reasons that you choose not to share the details with your boss and ask for their help and discretion.
Hope it goes well, but keep focus on the fact that you are doing this for yourself and the rest of the world will do what it is going to do and that shouldn't intrude on your personal activities.
Rob0 -
I have been open about it, for several reasons. I work in an office with about 15 people. We are all close, with it being such a small office, and it wasn't like I could hide my weight loss. I had lost 70 lbs prior to surgery and they were super supportive, and they continue to be.
I told my friends and family because I thought they should know, and I wanted them to know. They care about me and my well being, and they always want the best for me. When I made the decision to have surgery, I knew it was the right thing to do, they believed in me and my judgment, and they were all behind me 100%, even those that I thought wouldn't be.
The last reason I decided to tell people about my surgery is because I feel that the more I share about it, the more I can give information to people about it, maybe there will be less stigma attached to it. I think people are judgmental about it mostly because they just don't really understand the whole process. Also, not everyone knows someone who has been through it, so, they just don't know, and overall it can sound super scary and weird to someone who is unfamiliar. I don't get up on a soapbox and talk about it, and I don't feel obligated to talk about it, but if it comes up I have no problem with it.
Also, no offense, but your boss sounds like kind of a jerk. Keep record of all of his comments and if need be, make an issue of it with HR.0 -
As an HR person, I can tell you that what your boss said to you could be illegal. If its a big deal to you, take it to your HR department. Whether you decide to tell people or not should be your choice on your schedule.
That being said, I have told people because I am proud of the fact that I have taken control of my life and I too want to help get rid of people's negative feelings about surgery.0 -
That’s frustrating- its none of his business! I would have a hard time not saying something outrageous like I was having an absorbed twin removed or new vagina installed- and then proceeding with explicit detail. It’s hard because this is a very private thing- but it becomes public as you noticeably loose. Begin rant on women’s bodies not being considered their own and objectified by the public…. I never volunteered to tell anyone- but if they asked I gave them an honest answer. Not that I feel everyone needs to do that ..or be so explicit about what they've done either. I think it’s fine to be vague and say things like “I’ve made a lot of changes” or “Thanks for the compliment, it’s been a lot of hard work” and just walking away.0
-
I have been kinda going back and forth with this issue myself. I have been up front with my manager but she has been pretty supportive, but other than that my immediate family knows (my mom, dad, sister, and husband), and I just told my in-laws a couple of days ago, and a few close friends at work know what's going on, but I think I will wait to tell the rest until after surgery unless someone asks specifically. Good luck!0
-
jm1fullerton wrote: »As an HR person, I can tell you that what your boss said to you could be illegal. If its a big deal to you, take it to your HR department. Whether you decide to tell people or not should be your choice on your schedule.
That being said, I have told people because I am proud of the fact that I have taken control of my life and I too want to help get rid of people's negative feelings about surgery.
What she said! He cannot ask for medical information, period. As for telling people, everyone in the hospital I work in knows that I had it done. Most are very supportive and the ones who aren't don't have the balls to say anything. I'm with Garber and jm1fullerton, I want to help rid the world of the WLS stigma.0 -
homerismyhero wrote: »TI would have a hard time not saying something outrageous like I was having an absorbed twin removed or new vagina installed- and then proceeding with explicit detail.
OMG- That made me laugh out loud, which hurt my largest incision a little bit, but it was so well worth the twinge.0 -
Only a hand full of people close to me (family) knew before my surgery. After my surgery I posted it on my fb wall that I had just had the gastric sleeve surgery and all had went well. Then people were a lot nicer to me about it than I had expected.0
-
omg your boss just completely pissed me off. In regards to telling people, I'll tell anyone who will listen, hopefully I will get over this stage. It took me 4 mos to decide to do this, it was a long process of being wishy washy, and now you can't shut me up about it.0
-
I have been very open with people about my surgery, both before and after. It is no one's business but your own how you choose to lose weight. If it is the right choice for you, then that is what matters. I have found that I actually receive more positive feedback from people I am confident in sharing with, than those whom I try and hide it from.0
-
I have not hidden the fact from anyone but neither have I advertised it. With one exception all who know have been positive and supportive. A few have had questions and concerns but these were asked from a place of sincerity. I think once I am over my own fear regarding success/failure (or I at least have a better handle on it) it is something that I would gladly share. However, this is a very personal decision and you should not feel pressured into giving any information you are not inclined to give.0
-
Janet, 1st off he's NOT your parent to be monitoring your food intake, those are choices we make because we're adults!
Several wks ago Id posted about finding RAP which is a bag the size of a snack size skittles or starburst found at the register.
I was looking for another way to get extra protein but once I bought them, I hated the smell & taste...big gum drops and like a big handful in the baggie.
My husband knew someone at work who worked out so he gave the other 5 to him.
IDK why my husband couldn't have just used some simple line of explanation like "she bought them to get extra protein in her diet."
No, when asked why he didn't want them, my husband was caught off guard and told him that Id had bladder surgery done and wanted them for protein.
Now, I have to try to remember that so if I ever run into this person who doesn't actually know me and should I be asked about my "bladder" surgery, Ill have to keep a straight face
I have only told my husbands parents and that's only because we used to routinely go over there and I knew that would not be happening for awhile...at least in the 1st several weeks post-op.
My family lives across the states so the only thing they knew is that I was having some kind of stomach surgery done and that was all that I wished to tell them.
We do Christmas with my husbands extended family but I plan on not telling them, only that Ive changed my outlook on life and eating habits...enough said, who can fault me for a better quality life?!?
Besides, by the time I see them being my 1st holiday post-op my weight loss will look "normal" and not overly drastic since it was last yr the last time they saw me.
Then next year everyone will already be aware of my life change so (hopefully) being even thinner then, it wont be surprising to see me at a smaller weight!
Also, 1 of his Aunts, her Mom had some kind of WLS (I want to say) maybe 7 yrs ago and she passed away 2 yrs ago...they say because of the surgery.
Not wanting to start anything up, Id rather not indulge them in "my" reasons because quite frankly it was ALL my choice!
I have actually told more strangers than "family."
I think Ive done that because its my safety zone...how can they judge if they don't know "me" no explanation big or small needed
0 -
I would definitely let HR know that you expect your medical info kept private as they are legally obliged to do.Did you share with people that you were having surgery? Did you do it before or after surgery? What did you say to people who asked?
My boss just caught me off guard. I put in for 5 weeks off (It will be winter break and I work at a college so it is slow time and I want to focus on me). I walked out of my office and he was standing there and said what kind of surgery are you having? It must be pretty serious to take that much time off." I didn't know what to say. He is very judgemental. He is very thin and athletic and has made several comments in the past. For example, I grabbed a tootsie roll out his secretaries bowl on her desk and he gives me this scowl and said, "do you really need that?" At the time I had lost about 90 lbs and was feeling pretty good. Anyway, I didn't know what to say today, so I just said, it's a female thing in hopes it would just shut him up - which worked. I am hoping it doesn't come back later and bite me. I am hoping that HR doesn't share any information. I have shared with one person in my office because she had the surgery prior.
0 -
I told my boss that I was having brain surgery.
0 -
klcovington wrote: »I told my boss that I was having brain surgery.
That is awesome, I seriously wish I would have told my boss that. I probably would have said lobotomy though lol :-)
0 -
I decided to be very open about it for a number of reasons. First, because we lose so rapidly at first that when the people all around you have never seen you below 300 pounds and you suddenly start losing weight, they either think dying or WLS. Second, for me at least, it's also a great deterrant to allowing myself to regain. We all know how easy it is to go back to the old habits and eating that put on the weight. I can't face failing at this but it's even worse with so many people knowing about the WLS. And probably most important, if sharing my story and walk helps just one person leave obesity behind, it's well worth sharing.
I've had nothing but positive comments from family, friends, co-workers, etc. Everyone is very respectful in not pushing food at me but also in not giving me grief if I decide to have a treat. I'm glad I was open and shared.0 -
I only told a handful of close people that I knew would be supportive. I knew that many would be judgmental (or at least that is how I felt) and I did not want to deal with the negativity. It is hard enough without all of that.
I don't think I will ever tell everyone. I actually don't think that anyone who does not already know if be told. Before of after makes no difference if there is a possibility that they are going to drag you down.
I like that I have my support and privacy at the same time.0 -
I started a blog and blasted it on Facebook, and was very open with it at work, mainly with leadership. I'm a PM and told my manager and my leads, but only told my team members individually in discussion, as a group, I told them I was going to be out for two weeks.
My sister had bypass, and it irritated me that she showed some before/after pics on facebook, had friends ask how she did it, and said it was hard work. Yes, committing to a life after WLS is hard work, but it is a tool - she was so vague, it irritated me. I wanted to be as upfront and honest as possible, and have the support when I needed it. I want to educate people along the way. I've only had one person be less than supportive upfront, and I knew it going in. My sister in law is supportive, but I freaked her out, as she knew someone that 20 years ago had stomach stapling and died a few years later from complications.0 -
Janet...are you able to ask the other person from your office how she told the people at your work place?
Maybe suggestions from her would be ideal...or things she wished she had or hadn't said!
0 -
I chose to NOT tell people. I'm down almost 100 pounds and nobody is suspicious because I've been "dieting" for over two years LOL
Anyone who knew that I was having surgery was told that I was having my gallbladder removed, and a hiatial hernia repair.
Which was partially true since I did have a hiatial hernia LOL0 -
-
homerismyhero wrote: »That’s frustrating- its none of his business! I would have a hard time not saying something outrageous like I was having an absorbed twin removed or new vagina installed- and then proceeding with explicit detail.
This made me laugh. I wish I wasn't caught off guardklcovington wrote: »I told my boss that I was having brain surgery.
This would be a great answer. It would explain my forgetfulnessJanet...are you able to ask the other person from your office how she told the people at your work place?
Maybe suggestions from her would be ideal...or things she wished she had or hadn't said!
Unfortunately, She did not do well with the surgery so no one really noticed and she reports to me. My boss asked me about her as well and I told him I wasn't sure what she was having done.
Thanks to all of you for your input. I lost almost 100 pounds about 2 or 3 years ago, so big weight loss wouldn't be unheard of for me. I may tell people after the surgery but I don't really want to hear the negative comments or have it influence me. I have thought this out thoroughly.
As far as my boss, I doubt HR would do anything considering he is VP and was acting president.
0
This discussion has been closed.