How we see ourselves
Options
garber6th
Posts: 1,894 Member
Last night I was looking at myself in the mirror, and I was seeing myself how I used to be, 208 lbs heavier. I know that probably sounds crazy. Some days when I look in the mirror I think, "Damn girl, you look GOOD" and other days it's like, UGH! I tell myself after I have the surgery to take care of the excess skin I will feel better, but sometimes I wonder if these mixed feelings ever go away?
0
Replies
-
IDK if they go away or not.... I feel the same way (but I have only lost just under 110 pounds-- not nearly as much as you have). Some days, I am like "Damn I am SMOKIN hot!" and other days all I can see are the flaps, bulges, and jiggles that remain. My loss rate is slowing and I have reached the lowest weight I have ever been as an adult... I am kind of wondering where I go from here....keep losing? How "hard" to keep pressing? Ease up a little (am I "thin enough" yet?). And of course, there is the ever-present anxiety about gaining weight back. What a MESS. I feel ya!0
-
I am in a similar spot. Close to an adult low, and wearing the same size as I wore when I was there. Losing some of the motivation to keep the discipline I developed, but not ready to settle for this size. I want to lose 20-40 more and then reassess.
Some confusing emotions as a get mad at myself for not keeping up the discipline, but knowing I should give myself a break. How does therapy work? Do you just go in and start talking about he stuff you know makes no sense objectively but is real to you?
Rob0 -
I can so relate to both of you! Thaeda, my loss has slowed dramatically and I think that messes with my head. In the past when I stopped losing, I started gaining. I also look in the mirror and see the loose skin and the bulges and bumps. I am the smallest I have been as an adult too. I would love to lose 20 more lbs, but my surgeon said my body just might not let me. To add to all of this, I think I have started to go through the change, and I have been having hot flashes and perpetual PMS. Yeah, I know, I am a good time these days lol. Thank goodness I have my therapist. He talks me through all these emotions and helps me figure out where they are coming from. He definitely earns his money with me lol. Well no one said this would all be easy, did they? I appreciate you guys sharing with me and letting me vent, you are awesome!0
-
I've only lost 67 lbs but I know how you guys feel. In pictures there is a huge difference but when I look in the mirror, I look exactly the same as I did when I spent my days telling myself what a fat slob I was and wondering why I couldn't get my crap together well enough to lose something, anything!! I have to work really hard to give myself a break. The only therapist that I've found that works for me has retired so I don't have the option to go back to her, I really wish I did. She's the reason I even started on this journey, I wouldn't be where I am without her. Am I really going to have to see that person in the mirror for the rest of my life?0
-
I've been crying a lot today. I'm 7 months in, half way to my doctor's weight loss goal me, and I can fold some of my side skin up under my rib cage. Despite all of that, I look in the mirror and still see me. Still obese, still without all the confidence I was promised.
But you know what? You're not alone, and neither am I. So thank you for sharing with the group.0 -
First know that you all are beautiful from the inside out and I can relate to how you are feeling. Some days I look in the mirror and see the 345lb me and I say I've got to lose this weight. I know that I am 108 lbs smaller but in my mind I still see the heavier person. People keep telling me how great I look and that I look as if I'm still losing, but I have been at the same weight for months and this has caused my motivation to lower. I'm not going back but have slowed at moving forward. My doctor says I need to lose another 20lbs for what is considered as successful, but I desire to lose at least 50lbs more. The only thing that has given me a jolt of reality of how I really look, is when someone snapped a pic of me that I wasn't aware of and I saw it. Before I realize it's me I said, that lady is a nice size, then I realized it was me and was like, WOW that's me. So again, I can relate to. I hope you start to see that you are beautiful from the inside out. Good luck.0
-
What I really love about the people in this group is how we share our experiences and how much we can all relate to each other. This group has been such a huge part of my support system. I am so thankful for all of you!0
-
You have all done an amazing job and I appreciate your sharing. Shonrecio has it right. Look at pictures. Your before and after pictures, Old clothes etc. Think about what you can do now, that you couldn't before. The mirror lies and our brains play tricks on us. You are all an inspiration!0
-
Honestly, I don't think I want to forget what it feels like to be that heavier person. I want to remember all of those feelings because I think that it helps me stay focused on this journey - helps to keep my eye on the prize. And I am in a way grateful to be able to say I've had the chance to experience both sides of it. Not everyone can say that and not everyone will be able to empathize with someone who is currently struggling with their weight. We are far too hard on ourselves. I feel like a better person because of this process - it's very humbling (I think so anyway).0
-
I feel so much better and I focus on that. Sure I see the flabby arms and jiggly thighs, I see the scars of all the surgeries I have had to eradicate the cancer. But I also see the new healthier me. I will never be smoking hot, but I am loved by my family and that makes me want to be healthy more that anything.
You are all beautiful no matter what!0 -
All of you guys and gals are such wonderful inspirations! It is nice to know that I am not alone in what I think or feel at times. I look in the mirror and some days, I feel wonderful and see the beginning of long-lost bones and muscles --- and other times, I look at the same mirror and see how far I have yet to go. Those days make me feel like I am swimming against the current and miles away from shore. I even still wear some of my bigger clothes because I am just not used to wearing anything form-fitting. It's been said that we are often so much harder on ourselves than on our friends and I think that is true. One of my wishes for this new year is to always try to reflect on the positive.0
-
Totally understand. This made me think too about how when I was 100 lbs heavier, sometimes I would still see myself as the thinnest I had been, and then I'd see a pic of me on Facebook and think - that's not how I look! So it kinda goes both way.0
-
Oh boy! This is a thread I was supposed to read! Lowest was 222, hit it while on vacation in Sept. Since them I've bounced up and keep going between 224 and 229. I'm discouraged, bewildered and so ready to just quit! And it's the discouragement and frustration because my own personal goal was to get and stay somewhere below 200. I've come so close to deleteing my account on here a dozen times in the last few weeks. I am so not in a good place with this right now.0
-
pawoodhull wrote: »Oh boy! This is a thread I was supposed to read! Lowest was 222, hit it while on vacation in Sept. Since them I've bounced up and keep going between 224 and 229. I'm discouraged, bewildered and so ready to just quit! And it's the discouragement and frustration because my own personal goal was to get and stay somewhere below 200. I've come so close to deleteing my account on here a dozen times in the last few weeks. I am so not in a good place with this right now.
I am with you, Pat. It's a whole different struggle when our weight gets into a "normal" range. We get these numbers in our head and they kind of take control. I know for me, sometimes when that happens I lose focus. My surgeon said my body might resist losing any more. I might have to accept that. My scale has barely budged lately. My ideas of what should be or what I want just might not be the same as what the reality of things are, and that can be hard to accept. I have to remember that my job is to do what I need to do every day, stay with the plan, and what will happen will happen.
0 -
pawoodhull wrote: »Oh boy! This is a thread I was supposed to read! Lowest was 222, hit it while on vacation in Sept. Since them I've bounced up and keep going between 224 and 229. I'm discouraged, bewildered and so ready to just quit! And it's the discouragement and frustration because my own personal goal was to get and stay somewhere below 200. I've come so close to deleteing my account on here a dozen times in the last few weeks. I am so not in a good place with this right now.
Pat,
Wow. SO frustrating!! For me, when I am not losing, I just remind myself I am doing the things I need to be doing for life anyway---- eating right, working out, etc. I have to do those things if I want to stay healthy. Obesity is a chronic condition and while I am kicking it's @ss right now, that will not remain the case unless I keep doing what I need to day after day. I know you have been at this a lot longer than me-- it has to be a real PITA to be working so hard and not get to your goal. You are SUPER supportive to lots of folks (myself included) and I would really miss you if you deleted your account!0 -
I look at myself and think "there's something wrong with me." I live on protein yogurt skim milk sometimes an egg or some meat...weight pretty much stalled in the 280s. Makes no sense to me. I think i may be losing a little more at the moment. I have no metabolism. I don't know why. Good thing is most food doesn't taste good or doesn't sit right. Still makes no sense I can go through all this and not get very far. Better than where I was tho. When my back is less crippled up maybe it will be better.0
-
I am only at month 3 and a loss of 42 lbs. Very slow but I had the sleeve at a 35 BMI due t so many medical problems--I have fought the cancer battle twice now and I still see the scar from that back surgery and so many other surgeries. I went shopping today and even bras are terrible because I have so much loose extra skin (side boobs) I have metabolic syndrome and my upper belly has not come down much at all. My legs that were skinny to begin with are now like twigs.(They have extra skin too) When i look in the mirror I still see the fat woman--even though I know I have lost. I can see it in the pics i take each month.
PAT--PLEASE do not close your account! You have really been an inspiration to me. The friends that are on my page are all awesome and supportive..I need that so much! My husband is not the greatest at supporting me and I have no other family around where I live---they are all in other states. I really need to read what others have gone through and get the support in our groups. My weight is coming off very, very slow but the more you have to lose--the dr tells me it drops faster. I see the dr tomorrow for the 1st time since surgery. i have seen the NUT and the phy assistant. I think it is wonderful that we can share how we feel and there are people that understand because they are in the same place or they have been there. Don't give up! We have all worked so very, very hard!0 -
Well honestly I wasn't as big as some people, but I was over 40% bmi and was huge. People didn't believe me when I told them what I weighed luckily because I have a frame that hid it. While i'll be 2 months post op tomorrow, I haven't lost like I thought I would. Like 47lbs since pre-op. However, yesterday my wife and I attended the funeral of her 46 year old cousin that passed away of a heart attack right after he dropped his 11 year old son at school. 46! I'm coming off my bp meds one at a time. Two weeks ago my bp was 95/61. I get lab results today on my cholesterol and such so we'll see, but I can't imagine it will be any worse than what it was.
As far as what I see in the mirror, I am my own worse critic and I will tear myself down further than anyone ever will, but I know when I hug my wife and can actually wrap my arms around her and vice versa without my gut pushing her away, I don't worry about it. I think in our minds we will always be that overweight person we hated. There has to be a cognitive intervention. I'm not saying i'm happy with where i'm at. I still have 60lbs to go, and it will be hard pounds to lose, but I will get there. I had this surgery because for some reason I couldn't drop the pounds eating basically the same food and doing the same stuff and to feel better. We all have our demons to fight with, but I am going to win.
Everyone here has won. This is not a sprint, this is a marathon. It's a lifetime change and commitment. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but you have to find little things that make you smile. A hug, a pair of pants, an old photo. Anything that will make you say, "That's not me anymore".
Sorry i'm not good at this type of stuff.0 -
Everyone here has won. This is not a sprint, this is a marathon. It's a lifetime change and commitment. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but you have to find little things that make you smile. A hug, a pair of pants, an old photo. Anything that will make you say, "That's not me anymore".
Sorry i'm not good at this type of stuff.
Not good at this type of stuff? I think you offered very nice insights and sound advice. Give yourself some credit.
0 -
Everyone here has won. This is not a sprint, this is a marathon. It's a lifetime change and commitment. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but you have to find little things that make you smile. A hug, a pair of pants, an old photo. Anything that will make you say, "That's not me anymore".
Sorry i'm not good at this type of stuff.
James,
I agree with, Thaeda, don't sell yourself short.
I found that when I started here, I decided to try to be as positive and useful as some of my big inspirations here. I found it really odd that I could tell people to be positive and rely on themselves to be strong but I could never give myself any breaks or be positive about myself.
That is probably the biggest lesson I have learned here outside of nutritiony stuff, is how important it is to be kind to yourself. It's still not easy, but I now recognize when I am being hard on myself, and try to tone it down and reflect on my successes without pointing out my failures.
It's always good to continually refresh the positivity here, James!
Rob
0
