Angry Phase - I'm going to vent, feel free to join me.
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kpelky
Posts: 13
So, this is my venting post.
Perhaps this isn't the best forum to post this, but I'm doing it anyways!
I'm pissed. Like livid. Like WTAF angry.
I know it's a phase; I know it'll pass; I know the focus of my rage doesn't deserve it.... but I feel this way anyways.
A few weeks ago commemorated my 6 weeks of intense dieting. Dieting as in pre-made meals, weekly visits to the dietician, food diaries, no wine/alcohol, numerous meds/vitamins, etc (I work in construction so exercise isn't an issue). All the stuff that doesn't sound like a big deal, but is a HUGE change to your life. It interferes with your social life (who wants to be the only person at "happy hour" not having a brewsky, and what's trivia night without $2 pizza?), it affects your mood, it changes your marriage (that punk is eating crap and not gaining an ounce, jerk), etc etc.
So good news, I lost a bunch of weight and a bunch of inches/cms/whatevs during that time. I mean like 15lbs (7ish kgs), and a total of 12 inches (31cms) all over my body. Woohoo! Yay! Happy Dance!
So at this super important 6 week mark, we had a friend visit us who we hadn't seen in quite some time (a year). Pause Story: My husband and I recently moved abroad (South Africa) for a 2 year assignment of my job.... construction = nomads. So we hadn't seen our friends/family for a year. Resume Story. We were very excited and so we decided to take a few days and show him Cape Town.... If you ever get the chance to visit CT, DO IT! Cape Town is fantastic. I'm a big wine-o/wine snob and it has the best wines I've ever tasted. The best. Fantastic food. Great watersports (cage diving with great white sharks anyone? Seriously, its awesome). Beautiful scenery. It really does have everything a city should have.
And so begins our Cape Town trip. Now from experience, I know that if I take metformin and drink, I will wake up in the middle of the night with hell-acious leg cramps. I have no idea if this is normal, I haven't really looked into it. So, in an effort to avoid the leg cramps, and scaring our hotel neighbors, I stopped taking metformin. You can't go to the wine country, the origin of the all-famous Pinotage (if it's not as famous as I want it to be, it NEEDS to be), and not drink wine! I just had to. And it was my birthday. Im drinking wine, damn it!
I knew I would gain weight, I knew I would feel like crap coming back, I knew I'd have to play catch up. I just didn't realize how MUCH catch up.
Get this guys: I gained 12 lbs. 12 POUNDS IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*defeated sigh*
Sometimes I hate PCOS.
And now we get to my rage. I have a friend who is tiny (as most of us do, those jerks).... I mean size 0 tiny (still a jerk).
She just sent me a snapchat with her munching on a KFC wrap (yes, KFC exists in South Africa). This hussy (joking... its my term of endearment for my friends) is literally eating fried chicken, covered in mayo, covered in cheese, wrapped up with tomatos/lettuce/tortilla... accompanied by a coke, and potato wedges..... this is something she regularly eats.... AND SHE'S A SIZE ZERO!!!!!
And I can't have a birthday weekend drinking wine without 6 weeks of HARD work being thrown in the garbage.
It makes me mad.
I don't mean bitter... *grumble grumble*"I wish I were skinny" kind of mad.
I mean stark raving mad. I mean "stop snapchatting me that *kitten*, I hate you" angry.
I will end my rant on this note.
WTAF!
Perhaps this isn't the best forum to post this, but I'm doing it anyways!
I'm pissed. Like livid. Like WTAF angry.
I know it's a phase; I know it'll pass; I know the focus of my rage doesn't deserve it.... but I feel this way anyways.
A few weeks ago commemorated my 6 weeks of intense dieting. Dieting as in pre-made meals, weekly visits to the dietician, food diaries, no wine/alcohol, numerous meds/vitamins, etc (I work in construction so exercise isn't an issue). All the stuff that doesn't sound like a big deal, but is a HUGE change to your life. It interferes with your social life (who wants to be the only person at "happy hour" not having a brewsky, and what's trivia night without $2 pizza?), it affects your mood, it changes your marriage (that punk is eating crap and not gaining an ounce, jerk), etc etc.
So good news, I lost a bunch of weight and a bunch of inches/cms/whatevs during that time. I mean like 15lbs (7ish kgs), and a total of 12 inches (31cms) all over my body. Woohoo! Yay! Happy Dance!
So at this super important 6 week mark, we had a friend visit us who we hadn't seen in quite some time (a year). Pause Story: My husband and I recently moved abroad (South Africa) for a 2 year assignment of my job.... construction = nomads. So we hadn't seen our friends/family for a year. Resume Story. We were very excited and so we decided to take a few days and show him Cape Town.... If you ever get the chance to visit CT, DO IT! Cape Town is fantastic. I'm a big wine-o/wine snob and it has the best wines I've ever tasted. The best. Fantastic food. Great watersports (cage diving with great white sharks anyone? Seriously, its awesome). Beautiful scenery. It really does have everything a city should have.
And so begins our Cape Town trip. Now from experience, I know that if I take metformin and drink, I will wake up in the middle of the night with hell-acious leg cramps. I have no idea if this is normal, I haven't really looked into it. So, in an effort to avoid the leg cramps, and scaring our hotel neighbors, I stopped taking metformin. You can't go to the wine country, the origin of the all-famous Pinotage (if it's not as famous as I want it to be, it NEEDS to be), and not drink wine! I just had to. And it was my birthday. Im drinking wine, damn it!
I knew I would gain weight, I knew I would feel like crap coming back, I knew I'd have to play catch up. I just didn't realize how MUCH catch up.
Get this guys: I gained 12 lbs. 12 POUNDS IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*defeated sigh*
Sometimes I hate PCOS.
And now we get to my rage. I have a friend who is tiny (as most of us do, those jerks).... I mean size 0 tiny (still a jerk).
She just sent me a snapchat with her munching on a KFC wrap (yes, KFC exists in South Africa). This hussy (joking... its my term of endearment for my friends) is literally eating fried chicken, covered in mayo, covered in cheese, wrapped up with tomatos/lettuce/tortilla... accompanied by a coke, and potato wedges..... this is something she regularly eats.... AND SHE'S A SIZE ZERO!!!!!
And I can't have a birthday weekend drinking wine without 6 weeks of HARD work being thrown in the garbage.
It makes me mad.
I don't mean bitter... *grumble grumble*"I wish I were skinny" kind of mad.
I mean stark raving mad. I mean "stop snapchatting me that *kitten*, I hate you" angry.
I will end my rant on this note.
WTAF!
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Replies
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I'm really sorry! It's so incredibly frustrating to try so DAMN hard and then gain it back so easily. I've been there! I bike 10 miles a day, and doing just calorie restriction (1600 a day) for 6 months and I lost ~5lbs. Which I promptly gained back during a weekend binge. ARRRGHH!
Might I suggest you look into a Keto diet? If you're craving fried chicken with mayo, cheese, tomatoes and lettuce (No tortilla!!) then maybe keto is right for you. I've been on a Keto diet for about a month, only lost a few pounds but I can eat all those things, plus my sugar free cheesecake bites for dessert every night. It was originally recommended to me by my fertility doctor, to help regulate ovulation, but it has a great weight loss side effect.
There is an easy, delicious keto pizza recipe that would be great to take along with you to trivia night....
http://www.ruled.me/low-carb-pepperoni-pizza/0 -
I am so sorry! PCOS is really frustrating in that way. I think almost all of us have been there, i know I have. Once you start back up you might lose the initial weight decently fast. I know if you increase carbs you gain some water weight and you can lose that pretty fast once you go back to low carb.
Keto is great, so is LC/HF but if you cant stop the wine, and who doesnt love a great glass or wine, its going to be rough. Sounds like you'd found your path before your friend visited, you just got a little side tracked.
It is always annoying when others have things easier than we do. PCOS women have to work so much harder than 'normals' to lose the weight, even tho weightloss is what will help us the most with symptoms. Seems like a cruel twist of fate most days.
Hang in there, and THANK YOU for coming here to vent. It makes all of us feel better when we know we arent alone in this lifelong fight and we all share the same frustrations.0 -
I think the slow weight loss is the hardest side effect of PCOS for me. My hubby started "dieting" with me as in he cut out 2 of the 4 soda he drinks a day and has lost 18 pounds in a month where as I have gone down 3....3 freaking pounds and I watch everything I eat and exercise. So sometimes during our morning weigh ins when he tells me hey I lost another pound my congratulations may come out through gritted teeth.
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banditmistress wrote: »I think the slow weight loss is the hardest side effect of PCOS for me. My hubby started "dieting" with me as in he cut out 2 of the 4 soda he drinks a day and has lost 18 pounds in a month where as I have gone down 3....3 freaking pounds and I watch everything I eat and exercise. So sometimes during our morning weigh ins when he tells me hey I lost another pound my congratulations may come out through gritted teeth.
OMG, my husband is the worst. I love him dearly, but his ability to lose weight frustrates me so much! He basically just goes "I ought to start watching what I'm eating..." and basically loses 5lb from that thought alone. His "watching what he's eating" generally amounts to going to a local chain version of Subway instead of Wendy's or McDonald's for lunch. And he'll lose something crazy like 15lb in a month doing nothing else!
I try not to let it show, because I want him to lose weight and get in shape for the sake of his health, but he knows that seeing his success gets me down, because I have such issues.I knew I would gain weight, I knew I would feel like crap coming back, I knew I'd have to play catch up. I just didn't realize how MUCH catch up.
Get this guys: I gained 12 lbs. 12 POUNDS IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For what it's worth, it's very likely water weight and will come off in a couple of days. It doesn't make it any less frustrating to see, though, I know. A lot of people seem to think that the weight swing is only about 5lb, but my own body would swing around 10lb before I started doing a low carb/high fat diet.
I second the suggestion to check out and try a LCHF or keto diet. A lot of women with PCOS have success with it. I'm still trying to find what works for me for actually losing weight (especially long-term), but with LCHF, I've been more easily able to hold my weight steady (as opposed to gaining uncontrollably). It's also a great way of eating that doesn't leave you feeling (or being) starved and deprived (I mean, seriously, I just had a pork chop with a layer of fat, dipped in a homemade BBQ sauce mixed with homemade mayo, and it's all kosher! How is that not a dream diet?).0 -
Can I jump on this rant? My husband lost 50 pounds and 4 inches in his waist (!!!) in the time it took me to lose 11pounds and 2 inches (one year). His eating habits were far worse than mine and he had to make huge life/diet changes because of his high liver enzymes (and probable non-alcoholic fatty liver disease) so I'm obviously *thrilled* that his physical health has improved greatly, but come on. I know men are different, but it is so incredibly frustrating to watch the weight just melt off him...
I can also relate to the skinny friend thing... My mom, sister, and brother's girlfriend are all ridiculously tiny (size 0-2, size 2-4, and prob a 00). I didn't have a lot to lose when I started this (15-20 pounds was my goal), but I always feel body-conscious around them... mostly in the summer.
I am pretty sure I am still eating too many carbs. I've cut back on a lot of breads and pastas, but I think I need to make a bigger commitment. That's really the only thing I think it can be. My job is very physical and at half a pound a week I get 1830 cals. I'm usually at or under that. We cut back on eating out because of schedules and his health... which cut back the beer/alcohol consumption. I don't eat a lot of junk foods or sweets because too much sugar makes me feel sick and I really don't crave them (or even fruit really) either. I recently started increasing my healthy fats and *finally* dropped two pounds after fluctuating for a month (yay!). I just have to get better at committing to LCHF...
TL;DR - OP, I feel your pain!!!!!
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Dragonwolf wrote: »
I second the suggestion to check out and try a LCHF or keto diet. A lot of women with PCOS have success with it. I'm still trying to find what works for me for actually losing weight (especially long-term), but with LCHF, I've been more easily able to hold my weight steady (as opposed to gaining uncontrollably).
I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who can't seem to have the 'magic' weight loss of keto! I mean, sure I lost a bit (~5lbs) at the beginning, but now I'm really just holding steady. My diet is really on point; I'm weighing all my food, making just about everything from scratch, staying under 30 net grams of carbs per day, but the weight is taking its sweet time moving!
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I understand your pain. I am sitting in Torts right now, and I am starving. I can smell someone's french fries and I can literally feel my mouth watering for a bite. I don't know where to begin with dealing with a diet because my days are so long (I work full time and am in law school at night)...I am frustrated, scared, annoyed, sad, and mad....So I "get" it. I can do good all week, take my Metformin, eat a low calorie diet, etc. and if I treat myself over a weekend, I can end up gaining any weight I've managed to lose during the week. Its a depressing state of affairs and I can't imagine a lifetime of this. I keep praying that I will find a better way.0
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Thank you guys! I appreciate everyone's suggestions, and support! It's so funny to me how angry I get about it sometimes. I've tried to talk to my husband about it (you know, the jerk who loses 5 lbs just from eating a real meal instead of KFC/MCD) but the poor guy just doesn't get it. He knows the reality of it, in terms of fertility and weight loss, but he doesn't get the frustration, and feeling disheartened, etc etc.
Anywho, I just appreciate the positive comments. I'm glad Im not alone.
I will say, like Alliwan said, my path was working (frustratingly slowly) so I think I just needed to get mad enough to do it again. Well, yay, I'm there.
I'd like to make an official decree, no more dieting with people who don't have PCOS... cause they suck! I'll let my husband know tonight. He has to sneak around behind my back and eat lard to offset the healthy eating we do. That way his weight loss can be just as slow as mine and I'll feel better about myself.
The ChocolatePrincess - Dude, same with me! I can literally skip a dose of metformin, or eat some fries, and my body just FREAKS OUT and starts going into hibernation mode..... its stupid.... and I hate it..... and its stupid....
Emaline - your post cracked me up... TL;DR... that's funny.... I'm glad you feel me! stupid skinny friends/relatives..... My seester lives in San Fran... and one year she came home for Xmas, and she was TINY.... Im like "you look great, what'd you do?'... she goes "oh, just walked around more, and didnt eat as much pizza".... now I know from experience shes a big drinker, so I knew she wouldn't cut that out .... so literally this hussy just lost like 30 lbs from walking more and not eating pizza..... not to mention shes already 8 inches taller than me and all of that is in her rockstar legs..... I hate her too.....
Dragonwolf- Gosh, I hope you're right about the water weight!!!!!! I really really do. You've provided some hope, so thanks! You rock! I'll check out the Keto LC/HF suggestion, definitely..... the hubs will love that idea
banditmistress - #realtalk the gritted teeth is like the only way I talk to him about weight anymore. Yeah that's just great honey, so glad I had to practically carve that weight out of my body while you just thought positive thoughts and you lost the weight..... It doesn't help that him and his stupid family are all super skinny.... bleck, hate them too!
peabean26 - dude that pizza looks tasty. I'll try it when I get back to the states. I dont know where I could get the psyllium husk powder stuff. It's like a treasure hunt just to get basic low carb things like almond flour! I'm flying home for christmas so I'll try it then! Thanks! That looks really good!0 -
Dragonwolf wrote: »
I second the suggestion to check out and try a LCHF or keto diet. A lot of women with PCOS have success with it. I'm still trying to find what works for me for actually losing weight (especially long-term), but with LCHF, I've been more easily able to hold my weight steady (as opposed to gaining uncontrollably).
I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who can't seem to have the 'magic' weight loss of keto! I mean, sure I lost a bit (~5lbs) at the beginning, but now I'm really just holding steady. My diet is really on point; I'm weighing all my food, making just about everything from scratch, staying under 30 net grams of carbs per day, but the weight is taking its sweet time moving!
In fairness, I haven't specifically sought out ketosis for myself (yet), but I aim to keep my carbs below 100g (been working on averaging 75g or less, since I've found that jumping down to super-low levels doesn't work too great for me). At this point, though, I'm starting to look into trying it seriously, as I'm running out of options (my annual OB/GYN visit today didn't help matters, when the doc basically just shrugged her shoulders and said "try Weight Watchers").
But yeah, so far, it's pretty much been "well...at least I'm not gaining weight when I eat to satisfaction....right?" Small consolation, though, when you're tired of doing four times the work of everyone around you and your biggest win is maintaining your weight instead of losing double-digit numbers within a month that everyone else is losing.0 -
Ughhhhh I'm so with you guys!!!! AND I used to be that skinny b*tch til I was about 25, then I started gaining crazy fast and the doctor kept telling me to watch what I was eating and to exercise. Took several years to force a doctor to test me and diagnose me with PCOS. Anyway...I'm on all the drugs and I've been watching what I eat for the most part, and I exercise, but I don't lose. I'm trying to taper down my carbs, but it's SO tough because I'm a picky eater sooo I'm not a fan of (low-carb) veggies, and any time I've done something like South beach, I'll lose a whopping half pound in the 2 weeks where everyone else loses 8. So I have a hard time sticking with low carb cause it's torture AND the loss is sooo slow.
So that's why I'm trying a different approach, with a little bit of keto ideas and tapering down the carbs rather than going cold turkey...we'll see
Y'all feel free to add me for mutual support!0 -
Ughhhhh I'm so with you guys!!!! AND I used to be that skinny b*tch til I was about 25, then I started gaining crazy fast and the doctor kept telling me to watch what I was eating and to exercise. Took several years to force a doctor to test me and diagnose me with PCOS. Anyway...I'm on all the drugs and I've been watching what I eat for the most part, and I exercise, but I don't lose. I'm trying to taper down my carbs, but it's SO tough because I'm a picky eater sooo I'm not a fan of (low-carb) veggies, and any time I've done something like South beach, I'll lose a whopping half pound in the 2 weeks where everyone else loses 8. So I have a hard time sticking with low carb cause it's torture AND the loss is sooo slow.
So that's why I'm trying a different approach, with a little bit of keto ideas and tapering down the carbs rather than going cold turkey...we'll see
Y'all feel free to add me for mutual support!
Smoothies are a life-saver for me. Best way ever to get things like leafy greens and avocado in. My Vitamix has been worth every penny, let me tell you.
Other than that, slather them in a fat of some sort, be it butter or an oil-based dip/dressing. Makes eating them a lot more palatable.0 -
For me, I try to stay away from watching anyone else's losses too much. But if I'm honest in my core self, I'm this angry, too. My guy has dropped about two pants sizes since I started cooking healthier. He isn't working out any more than he ever did (some walking and some martial arts forms), and he still drinks a ton of Pepsi and sweet tea every freaking day, he eats all kinds of bread, and he can't keep his pants up.
I drink nothing but water or hot tea with sugar-free sweetener, cut out all but maybe 10% of the bread he eats, eat smaller portions, walk and do body weight exercises most of the time and it is all I can do to maintain. I gave up on tracking macros a while back because I've been too broke to get really decent food, but still do the best I can.
The key for me to feel even remotely human is my supplements. My thyroid is hypo, and so I'm on meds. Meds brought my numbers to normal, but my symptoms didn't go away. Added a supplement and finally feel human sorta. Switched my metformin to the morning (gave more energy and stuffs), paired it with caffeine (endo approved), and added B12 in my late PM to counter the metformin BLOCKING ABSORPTION OF B12 that no one warned me about. Even medicated, my levels are in the nerve damage danger zone... GRR.... Have to keep up on Vitamin D3 year round, and added inositol for that late morning early afternoon slump (for most folks it is a help you sleep med, for me it balances me out in allowing me to stay alert and focused when I need to be conscious, and my docs have NO explanation for it)...
All of these supplements have been added since meeting some of the amazing women in this group and on this post. So remember that even if your bloodwork is in the normal range, if it is low FOR YOU, you are still deficient and need supplementation. My endocrinologist is awesome in that he says, your symptoms and bloodwork contradict each other, so let's try treating the symptoms as if the bloodwork reflected them, and see how that goes.... And heck, finally starting to feel human. Still no magic weight loss, and huge ridiculous gains when I slip up at all, but I'm feeling once again like their is some hope...0 -
I totally get this. I take 750 mg of Metformin split between two doses. At night I take it with a prenatal. In the morning I take the smaller dose of metformin with B12, iodine, magnesium, and Vit D. I try to keep my carbs under 100 but it is hard especially on my period week or when I want to celebrate with my husband. He doesnt really have to do a whole lot of work to lose weight, just eat what I make and I work my butt off.
Then my scale at home says I have lost 19 lbs (naked and NPO) but the scale at the Dr says I have only lost 11 lbs in 11 weeks (on a full stomach and fully clothed)0 -
Weigh consistently using the exact same scale at the exact same time of day. Compare like data. So compare home scale (naked, NPO, etc.) to home scale only. Compare doctor's office results to the next doctor's office results. That is comparing apples and oranges to each other...but similar (fruit) but so different (fiber versus vitamin c, etc.). They are in the same ballpark, but still are different!!! Know that taking the B12 WITH your metformin will block almost ALL of it's absorption. I take an energy shot drink with mine, and I can tell that I get almost none of the 8333% of B12 in it, because when I take it later in the day, I get that warm flush and all of the standard effects and such. It sounds like yours isn't the extended release, so honestly, I would likely try to take the B12 an hour or so before your metformin dose, and with cranberry extract or something (apparently it aids in absorption) if possible.
I take a iodine/iodide supplement for my hypothyroid and it was made such a difference!!!! The magnesium I have to be really careful with, as apparently I'm hyper sensitive to it (in high doses, it is what they give you to clear out before a colonoscopy, and it has that exact side effect on me!)...I take about 1/4 of a 500 mg pill every two to three days. I'll definitely buy the smaller dosage when this is gone. The D3 I take, I've been trying to take twice a day since the sun is playing hide and go seek this season, but yes, B12 & D3 are some of the most common deficiencies, especially in women!0 -
I hear you all on this. My husband has lost 12lbs and 2 pant sizes doing nothing I mean literally nothing. I however had a week of not watching to closely what I was eating and enjoying the Christmas banking process and a few parties with some drinking and gained 8 lbs in a week... What seems wrong with this? I am enjoying the suggestions on here though.0
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I'm sorry. I understand the frustration. I have to work very hard for a long time (e.g. many months to lose 10 lbs) and then can easily bounce back up 5 or even 10 lbs if I go off-track for a short time. I was thinking the same thing as dragonwolf that quite possibly a chunk of your gain is water weight. I also agree that LCHF might help. Really low amounts of carbs don't seem to work for me either but I'm also trying to stay under 100 gm/day while I work to re-lose the 10 lbs I gained this fall. Good luck!0
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Oh the anger is real
I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND
I haven't been skinny since before puberty. Puberty ruined EVERYTHING.
But do try to look at your overall long term trend and don't just give up!0 -
Dragonwolf wrote: »
For what it's worth, it's very likely water weight and will come off in a couple of days.
Also this 0
