Getting off track
readallday
Posts: 173 Member
I have reached a weight where I have lived for much of my adult life beginning back in high school and all of the sudden I find myself floundering. My eating and dedication are waning a bit. I had two donuts last night and then I had swiss cake rolls today! I think I am, (as silly as this might sound), afraid of being thinner than this. My life has been defined by me being the chubby, funny, sarcastic girl and I don't know what my role is as the thin girl. Are thin girls allowed to be sarcastic or does that just make them snobs? Will people start to discount my brains if I stop looking like someone who spends all day curled up with a book and chocolate? While my personality doesn't live in my fat cells, it was sure cultivated there, and I am feeling at a loss as to where it goes when they are gone.
I am going to support group on Monday to talk this through as well but I thought you all might have some of your patented excellent insight too.
I am going to support group on Monday to talk this through as well but I thought you all might have some of your patented excellent insight too.
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This hit home for me! Through my previous diets, the smallest I had ever been as an adult was 215 pounds. When I hit that number on my post-surgery journey, I had the exact same struggle. I was self-sabotaging. I went down to 209 and then I really started to flounder. I put back on about 10 pounds in the months following due to my self-sabotaging ways and my inability to cope with my new body. Since the holidays, I have re-committed myself to eating healthy. I hope that when I weigh myself on the 31st that I will be back below 215 and can try and get it right this time.
It sounds silly, but I'm going to take the advice of Jen from the newest season the Biggest Loser...I'm going to try and cope with things coming from a place of love, not fear.0 -
I can TOTALLY relate. Really. I'm as thin as I have ever been as an adult and sometimes find myself feeling very vulnerable and exposed. Sometimes I look in the mirror and experience this odd sensation of both being pleased with my newly thin self and at the same time wondering who that is looking back at me? I think it is wonderful that you have a support group where you can share this. Thank you for having the courage to share it here. I'm sure many will be able to relate.0
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I can totally relate to this too. Many of us that have had surgery spent years of our lives as the "fat girl" and that was our role in the world. That role changes after surgery, and we are absolutely viewed differently. It's hard to play the new role, so to speak. So much new and uncharted territory. I understand feeling vulnerable and exposed, too. I was telling someone, I feel like I am under a microscope more than I ever was, because people who never knew the old me, and who might not have ever acknowledged the old me, are now paying attention to me along with the people who have been through my journey along with me. I just feel like someone is always watching, if that makes any sense?
I think support group is a great idea. I still attend and it always helps. I still see my therapist too. It's all a lot to sort out, and you are definitely not alone.0 -
I am right in the middle of that. 260 seemed like such a pipe dream when I started, and now I am under that. Some folks at work are starting to ask when I am planning to stop losing (about 20 more pounds and I'll assess that). I look at my profile pic, which was taken when i was briefly at this weight in my early twenties and it feels really strange to be at that weight again and not sure about going even lower.
So, of course, i have a couple of days of crappy eating and am trying to survive the sabotage attempt. I feel like I'll get my head back in order, but you are definitely not alone!
Rob0 -
I am glad you posted this because I find myself thinking about it, but in my own head I sound so absurd that I push it away. As a heavy lady, I have the personality of the funny, happy lady. But, I also find myself being irritated at work because I think I am invisible to the upper management because of my weight. So, I think when I lose weight maybe I will be taken more seriously or as more of an asset-- but then I think do I really want or need that pressure? I know I am talking on both sides of the coin, which makes absolutely no sense, but it is still that way I am thinking. I don't know what I am going to be like when I reach my goal-- maybe no different at all. And maybe being "invisible" is only in my head and being thin won't make any difference at work either. I should stop thinking.0
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I am so glad to hear that I am not completely crazy! Everything you all said resonates with me too. I could quote every one of you. I so appreciate that you guys who have been so inspirational to me are going through this too!
I was pleased to see that even with the dreaded (delicious) cake rolls I was under 1000 calories today. That's another lesson I guess--one mistake does not derail the whole thing.0 -
Thanks to each of you for being so honest and transparent. It was so good to read your posts and realize I'm not alone in my "insanity." I have lost 74 lbs and I love the way I feel. I still have about 65-70 to lose and I am so excited about finishing what I've started. But for the past 2 months or so I have been at the same weight because I have allowed myself to go back to past habits, as well as eating more than I should. I'm scared! I'm scared that I will find myself right back where I was before my sleeve. I'm scared that I don't have what it takes to continue this journey. I'm scared I will fail.
Thank you again for being so honest and sharing your trials too. It's encouraging to me.0 -
SimplySusan63 wrote: »Thanks to each of you for being so honest and transparent. It was so good to read your posts and realize I'm not alone in my "insanity." I have lost 74 lbs and I love the way I feel. I still have about 65-70 to lose and I am so excited about finishing what I've started. But for the past 2 months or so I have been at the same weight because I have allowed myself to go back to past habits, as well as eating more than I should. I'm scared! I'm scared that I will find myself right back where I was before my sleeve. I'm scared that I don't have what it takes to continue this journey. I'm scared I will fail.
Thank you again for being so honest and sharing your trials too. It's encouraging to me.
I get scared too but this works as long as I continue to follow the directions. That said I'm going on faith and telling myself that I'm scared not to keep my new diet.
Randy0 -
Oh boy can I relate! I feel like the more weight I lose the uglier I get. The sagging skin that undulates on my arms and legs when I walk and the sagging skin on my neck and face that make me look so old. And maybe that's why I allowed myself to gain back 10 pounds through the holidays. At least fat, the skin didn't sag and I didn't look so old. Strange, I started typing a totally different response and then this popped out. I didn't realize that's how I was feeling. Maybe I am sabatoging myself. Maybe that's why the struggle to not eat at the end of the day when the calories are gone and I really need to be in bed not stuffing my face even if what I want is healthy food. I think I need some help. Gulp!
PS - Good topic and thanks for posting. Lots to think about now.0 -
pawoodhull wrote: »Oh boy can I relate! I feel like the more weight I lose the uglier I get. The sagging skin that undulates on my arms and legs when I walk and the sagging skin on my neck and face that make me look so old. And maybe that's why I allowed myself to gain back 10 pounds through the holidays. At least fat, the skin didn't sag and I didn't look so old. Strange, I started typing a totally different response and then this popped out. I didn't realize that's how I was feeling. Maybe I am sabatoging myself. Maybe that's why the struggle to not eat at the end of the day when the calories are gone and I really need to be in bed not stuffing my face even if what I want is healthy food. I think I need some help. Gulp!
PS - Good topic and thanks for posting. Lots to think about now.
I've had this same thought pop into my head too, that before weight loss my skin was plump and didn't sag and eeewwww yuck look at that bat wing I call an arm.
But that is just me being overly critical of myself. I was too critical of myself when I was bigger and I still am now. And I probably won't be happy until they surgically remove my head and place it on Scarlett Johansson's body. Since medical science hasn't progressed that far, I had to come to the realization that this is my body for the long haul and that although my skin looked "better" when I was heavier, the fat folds did not.
The Gold's Gym ad, "Look Better Naked" sometimes haunts me. I don't think I will ever look better naked without the help of plastic surgery because I completely f-ed up my body by being morbidly obese, but regardless of how I look naked I know that I look way better in clothes and more importantly, I feel better in my own skin.0 -
JM1Fullerton, thanks for your post on this topic. I hope you're able to navigate through this bump! I'm just starting my journey and I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to feel at a lower weight. I'm glad that many others have been working through these feelings as well. For me, most of my issue stems from the fact that I've always been heavy and I have no real idea of how I will look as a thinner me. Although I'm a heavy person now, I can still pick out things about my body or personality that I love. I'm scared that I'll lose those things when I lose the weight. I think it's this fear that has kept me in this body for so long. Thanks again to all of you for your willingness to be open and share your thoughts. It's been so helpful!0
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pawoodhull wrote: »Oh boy can I relate! I feel like the more weight I lose the uglier I get. The sagging skin that undulates on my arms and legs when I walk and the sagging skin on my neck and face that make me look so old. And maybe that's why I allowed myself to gain back 10 pounds through the holidays. At least fat, the skin didn't sag and I didn't look so old. Strange, I started typing a totally different response and then this popped out. I didn't realize that's how I was feeling. Maybe I am sabatoging myself. Maybe that's why the struggle to not eat at the end of the day when the calories are gone and I really need to be in bed not stuffing my face even if what I want is healthy food. I think I need some help. Gulp!
PS - Good topic and thanks for posting. Lots to think about now.
I've had this same thought pop into my head too, that before weight loss my skin was plump and didn't sag and eeewwww yuck look at that bat wing I call an arm.
But that is just me being overly critical of myself. I was too critical of myself when I was bigger and I still am now. And I probably won't be happy until they surgically remove my head and place it on Scarlett Johansson's body. Since medical science hasn't progressed that far, I had to come to the realization that this is my body for the long haul and that although my skin looked "better" when I was heavier, the fat folds did not.
The Gold's Gym ad, "Look Better Naked" sometimes haunts me. I don't think I will ever look better naked without the help of plastic surgery because I completely f-ed up my body by being morbidly obese, but regardless of how I look naked I know that I look way better in clothes and more importantly, I feel better in my own skin.
One of the favorite phrases I have seen around here goes something like: Being fat is hard, being skinny is hard, maintaining your weight is hard... pick your hard. Its true - most people are NEVER happy with their body at any weight, so it is a matter of - yes, I have loose skin and stretch marks, but I look good in clothes and can run a 5k without dying and deadlift over 200 pounds.... vs I am fat and dont look good in clothes and consider cardio lifting my fork more than 10 times in a row... I will take the loose skin and stretch marks
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Being fat is hard, being skinny is hard, maintaining your weight is hard... pick your hard.
@aylajane -- i love that one!!! thanks for posting!0 -
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So here is my two cents on this subject matter. I say it is high time you interupt this brodcast and chance the tunes you have been listening to.
Give your self a break and give yourself permission to be as thins as you want to be and show up feeling supercharged. Up until now you have been living in the same Paradymn now its time to change that. Your too awesome to let what anyone says about you or two you to make you wander down that little old story road. Nope I believe its high time you stepped out into the world with your head high and put your heels on and prance around like you own the place. Give your self permission to play and to be who you want to be.
I dont know you but can tell your a very passionate person. Put it out there and smile and see what you get in return. It may take the rest of them time to comform to your new world but heck its your world now not food not the weight not anyones judgment just yours!
Your doing awesome hang in there !0
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