Thinking about freedom...
Thaeda
Posts: 834 Member
Myself (and I few others, I think) have posted about wanting freedom-- freedom from counting calories, protein grams, oz. of water, etc. I get tired of tracking and counting but at the same time there is security in it that I am loathe to leave behind.
This morning I did a treadmill workout because my yoga class was canceled (icy roads). It was an interval workout-- some walking, some running. I had a great workout. As I was cooling down, I realized my "cool down" pace at a walk used to be my "intense workout" pace prior to surgery. At the same time, I was thinking about my workout-- about how light and easy I felt for much of my running. Years ago I used to run and it never felt like that (of course, I was about 40-65 pounds heavier at that point, too). So, back to freedom--- today I feel FREE when I move. I have the freedom to do things with my body I could not do before. I can run, I can walk fast and not get tired, and I have more energy.
Prior to surgery, I had the freedom to eat what I chose and as much as I wanted-- so I was "free" in that sense--- but I was a prisoner to my overly large body that would not let me do the things physically I am able to do today. Today, I am mindful about what I eat, how many calories I am consuming, and the nutritional value of what I eat-- this takes work and commitment-- and sometimes feels "limiting". At the same time, I was reminded this morning that limitation in some areas gives me freedom in others.
This morning I did a treadmill workout because my yoga class was canceled (icy roads). It was an interval workout-- some walking, some running. I had a great workout. As I was cooling down, I realized my "cool down" pace at a walk used to be my "intense workout" pace prior to surgery. At the same time, I was thinking about my workout-- about how light and easy I felt for much of my running. Years ago I used to run and it never felt like that (of course, I was about 40-65 pounds heavier at that point, too). So, back to freedom--- today I feel FREE when I move. I have the freedom to do things with my body I could not do before. I can run, I can walk fast and not get tired, and I have more energy.
Prior to surgery, I had the freedom to eat what I chose and as much as I wanted-- so I was "free" in that sense--- but I was a prisoner to my overly large body that would not let me do the things physically I am able to do today. Today, I am mindful about what I eat, how many calories I am consuming, and the nutritional value of what I eat-- this takes work and commitment-- and sometimes feels "limiting". At the same time, I was reminded this morning that limitation in some areas gives me freedom in others.
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Awesome post! Your journey is amazing and inspirational. I just jogged for two, one-minute intervals this past week. I was the girl who would say that if you saw me running, you better start running too because it meant that a monster or serial killer was after me! I think that Freedom is the best view point because I have learned that even with the sleeve, I can overeat...I can eat almost anything...and I can still make the choices that chained me to my excess weight. Freedom for me is having the ability to make better choices now. Knowing that it is within my control and my power. Love, love, love your post!!0
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klcovington wrote: »Awesome post! Your journey is amazing and inspirational. I just jogged for two, one-minute intervals this past week. I was the girl who would say that if you saw me running, you better start running too because it meant that a monster or serial killer was after me! I think that Freedom is the best view point because I have learned that even with the sleeve, I can overeat...I can eat almost anything...and I can still make the choices that chained me to my excess weight. Freedom for me is having the ability to make better choices now. Knowing that it is within my control and my power. Love, love, love your post!!
Congratulations on the running!! Two intervals is two more than you could do before, so you GO!!
Love your definition of freedom-- wow-- that is really good. I find since being sleeved I often appreciate the limits of restriction so that even when I do "indulge" it is at a fraction of the level I was capable of before. Taking responsibility for our choices-- knowing we are squarely in the driver's seat-- that can be tough. I can get into this mode where I feel like stress or upset or even good feelings like happiness or times of celebration can fuel my eating-- but the fact is that it is still MY choice. Great reminder! And thanks for your support and encouragement.
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I get tired of it too- and I wonder what kind of person it makes me that I know exactly how many calories are in an egg...am I changing one set of obessive habits for another- I don't know. I know this is working, so I'm going to keep doing it- but it's definitly exhausting some days.0
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I too get tired of always having to watch what I eat, count the protein and calories, plan everything. I swear, I think more about food now than I ever did before surgery. But I also know that going back to eating whatever, whenever will put me back in the prison of an obese body.
So to me freedom is being a more normal size, being able to do more things and go more places and knowing that a vacation or weekend away from my food plan isn't going to undo everything I've done. Outside of that occasional weekend or vacation away from the plan, I will always count, weigh and measure. That's how I plan to maintain my freedom.0 -
homerismyhero wrote: »I get tired of it too- and I wonder what kind of person it makes me that I know exactly how many calories are in an egg...am I changing one set of obessive habits for another- I don't know. I know this is working, so I'm going to keep doing it- but it's definitly exhausting some days.
Exhausting sometimes-- yes. And I hear you about changing one set of obsessive habits for another---I wonder about that, too.0 -
pawoodhull wrote: »I too get tired of always having to watch what I eat, count the protein and calories, plan everything. I swear, I think more about food now than I ever did before surgery. But I also know that going back to eating whatever, whenever will put me back in the prison of an obese body.
So to me freedom is being a more normal size, being able to do more things and go more places and knowing that a vacation or weekend away from my food plan isn't going to undo everything I've done. Outside of that occasional weekend or vacation away from the plan, I will always count, weigh and measure. That's how I plan to maintain my freedom.
The voice of wisdom (as always) dear Pat. I feel much like you--- my hx of obesity when left without guidelines is undeniable-- so having a structure in place that I know works is what I do. 0 -
There is an interesting conversation going on over in the main forums about logging: obsession or necessary? I am onto the second page and finding it very interesting:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10081322/fine-line-between-counting-logging-and-obsessing/p1
For me, the freedom of being able to plan a trip that includes a plane flight without worrying about the seat, running around with my daughter's basketball team, walking the golf course again is why I 'flipped the switch' last year and jumped into this with both feet.
I can see myself eating well without logging if I restrict myself to 'good' foods, but I believe I will be more successful eating and cooking from the widest possible food palette and with that comes accounting for my food choices in a way that will keep me in check.
I look forward to having Pat's and grimtraveller's kind of log in numbers!
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pawoodhull wrote: »I too get tired of always having to watch what I eat, count the protein and calories, plan everything. I swear, I think more about food now than I ever did before surgery. But I also know that going back to eating whatever, whenever will put me back in the prison of an obese body.
So to me freedom is being a more normal size, being able to do more things and go more places and knowing that a vacation or weekend away from my food plan isn't going to undo everything I've done. Outside of that occasional weekend or vacation away from the plan, I will always count, weigh and measure. That's how I plan to maintain my freedom.
I second this, and I am right there with you too, Thaeda! !! I do feel like I have to focus on food and exercise much more than before, and sometimes it's a chore, but it's the structure that I need to help keep me on track. Clearly I need it, and it works for me. I knew going into this that I would have to change. My old ways didn't work. Sometimes it's a pain in the *kitten* to have to be so mindful, but the payoff is so worth it that I am willing to do it. I guess there is a cost for "freedom", in a way. We have to put a little bit of work into this. Compared to the work it was to be 382 lbs, this is nothing.
I am feeling like the concept of freedom when it comes to all of this can be misinterpreted. I do feel like I am free now, because I am no linger being held prisoner in a body that didn't function the way I wanted it to so that I could live my life the way I wanted. But I don't feel like I have given up any freedom because I have put more limits and structure into my life. Those things have given me more freedom, which is kind of contradictory when you think about it. People will ask me, "can you eat this?" and I say, I can eat whatever I want. I just choose carefully. That is freedom, that I get to choose.
I worry when I see people who are just a few weeks or months out venting about having to stick to the plan they are given by their medical professionals. When we choose to have WLS, we HAVE to make the commitment to make lifestyle changes. I see it over and over again, with people here and people I know in real life, when people choose to do things their own way, they slip back into old habits and the weight creeps back up. It's a tough journey, and it's different for everyone, but I think we all need to accept that certain things will have to change in our lives if we want to succeed.0 -
I wondered about the "trading one obsession for another" thing as well. Here's how I handled it... I logged religously eveything I consumed and every exercise I did during my "loss" phase and for probably 6 months afterwards. Then I decided I WANTED to let go of some of that control as if felt more like a crutch than a tool at times, so I stopped the food logging. Wrenched it from my cold dead hands really, lol. I'm still really mindful of what I eat. I have an exercise habit now and a habit of protein first with protien supplements 1 or 2 times per day so I know based on my past logging I'm getting enough. So far so good. I've not food journaled since October and have continued to maintain my weight, even through for 3 weeks I couldn't exercise due to injury over the holidays! I still weigh weekly and record that and will return to journaling if I drift outside my zone, but so far I'm doing okay letting go of my "crutch". It's a scary thing, but one I want to give a shot.0
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Bikrchk I have wondered about trading one obsession for another too. I do have days where I don't log, usually it's on a weekend when I am running around, or if I am on vacation, but I still eat the way I feel is right for me. I think there is a point where letting go some of the control and controlled elements of this journey is great, but I think we just have to be sure we are ready for that, and it totally seems like you are!0
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Thank you thank you thank you!! Every one of you who posted! I am counting down the days til my surgery this coming Monday. Ive been thinking about the "freedom factor" and wondering what it will feel like to truly be free from the emotional and physical baggage my weight issues have encumbered me with. I guess I've always looked at looging my food as a tool to obtain my goals, and I know that the VGS surgery is just another tool. Another step in my journey. You guys nailed exactly how I feel!Prior to surgery, I had the freedom to eat what I chose and as much as I wanted-- so I was "free" in that sense--- but I was a prisoner to my overly large body that would not let me do the things physically I am able to do today. Today, I am mindful about what I eat, how many calories I am consuming, and the nutritional value of what I eat-- this takes work and commitment-- and sometimes feels "limiting". At the same time, I was reminded this morning that limitation in some areas gives me freedom in others.I am feeling like the concept of freedom when it comes to all of this can be misinterpreted. I do feel like I am free now, because I am no linger being held prisoner in a body that didn't function the way I wanted it to so that I could live my life the way I wanted. But I don't feel like I have given up any freedom because I have put more limits and structure into my life. Those things have given me more freedom, which is kind of contradictory when you think about it. People will ask me, "can you eat this?" and I say, I can eat whatever I want. I just choose carefully. That is freedom, that I get to choose.pawoodhull wrote: »So to me freedom is being a more normal size, being able to do more things and go more places and knowing that a vacation or weekend away from my food plan isn't going to undo everything I've done. Outside of that occasional weekend or vacation away from the plan, I will always count, weigh and measure. That's how I plan to maintain my freedom.
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So my new found freedoms just within this month have been nothing less than life changing. From the minute I started this journey this time around I found my focus and my resolve. It was a deeper experience that I could have possible imagined. Losing weight has only been the extra added bonus. But being able to get out there and do things I enjoy doing again like riding my bike and in about 10 more lbs I will be able to be in my Kayak again. Yep summer never looked so good this year. I will probably look back at this time 10 years from know knowing what I do today will keep me alive and well. 40 even 50 years from now.
Taking back your life emotionally Physically and Spiritually is so more important that any one can ever realize!0 -
I second this, and I am right there with you too, Thaeda! !! I do feel like I have to focus on food and exercise much more than before, and sometimes it's a chore, but it's the structure that I need to help keep me on track. Clearly I need it, and it works for me. I knew going into this that I would have to change. My old ways didn't work. Sometimes it's a pain in the *kitten* to have to be so mindful, but the payoff is so worth it that I am willing to do it. I guess there is a cost for "freedom", in a way. We have to put a little bit of work into this. Compared to the work it was to be 382 lbs, this is nothing.
Yes--- exactly-- there is a cost for freedom-- and we have to make the commitment to keep paying it.
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Such thoughtful posts everyone. Thanks for your openness. It's helps to know I'm not alone in these thoughts.0
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Thaeda…as always, completely blown away by your thoughts. Please consider writing about your journey to share beyond MFP. I think so many are hungry (pardon the pun) for honesty and transparence and for someone who can acknowledge the struggle and exhort and encourage. You have such a voice.0
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Thaeda, what an eloquent and inspiring post. It has me thinking about other ways in which we trade one kind of freedom for another, for example in marriage, or in having children. Instead of saying "I have to" log (or eat this way), I am going to say "I get to." My freedom to take care of my health is a privilege for which I'm very grateful.0
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Thank you so much for this thread and everyone's comments! It's about 4:15 in the morning here on my surgery day & I was having a case of the "what-if's" especially about freedoms.0
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Excellent post! I really needed to read this. At this point in my journey I am scared to death to stop logging. It keeps me accountable. I still have the fear of regaining haunting me! I really do need and like the security the logging gives me. At 3 months out I can eat a bit more and have more choices! At this point I am scared to death to allow myself any sweets since pre-sleeve I could not stop at a bite or a "normal" portion. I might like it too much, so I choose to obstain at this time. I too feel free and better than I have in years thanks to the sleeve and the weightloss and agree the price for the security and accountability to pay for logging is worth paying.0
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weeziebeth wrote: »Thaeda…as always, completely blown away by your thoughts. Please consider writing about your journey to share beyond MFP. I think so many are hungry (pardon the pun) for honesty and transparence and for someone who can acknowledge the struggle and exhort and encourage. You have such a voice.
Awwww.... I'm blushing. LOL I work full time and I am a doctoral student as well, so right now is not the time to start another project, BUT I do have thoughts to write a book at some point (is that not a standard goal these days once we are in our 40s, LOL). In earnest, thank you for your affirmations and support. 0 -
seattlehorn wrote: »Thaeda, what an eloquent and inspiring post. It has me thinking about other ways in which we trade one kind of freedom for another, for example in marriage, or in having children. Instead of saying "I have to" log (or eat this way), I am going to say "I get to." My freedom to take care of my health is a privilege for which I'm very grateful.
Thanks-- and yes, your comparisons are dead on. Also I consider that taking care of my health is a part of self-love--it is loving to eat nourishing food. It is loving to move my body in ways that benefit my health and feel good.
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Living4me123 wrote: »Excellent post! I really needed to read this. At this point in my journey I am scared to death to stop logging. It keeps me accountable. I still have the fear of regaining haunting me! I really do need and like the security the logging gives me. At 3 months out I can eat a bit more and have more choices! At this point I am scared to death to allow myself any sweets since pre-sleeve I could not stop at a bite or a "normal" portion. I might like it too much, so I choose to obstain at this time. I too feel free and better than I have in years thanks to the sleeve and the weightloss and agree the price for the security and accountability to pay for logging is worth paying.
At 3 months out I was not even considering eating sugar--- only because (like you) I was scared of the consequences. What I have learned is on the occasions I have eaten off plan, I did not eat myself into oblivion by consuming sugar, but I certainly did not feel very well. I never used to be able to stop once I started (pre surgery) bt now I find myself more in tune with how food makes me feel and while I do still overeat sugary stuff on occasion, overall I am able to moderate it.
Also, I am learning the power of focusing on what I DO want, instead of what I am afraid of. What we feed grows, so if I "feed" fear, it just keeps getting bigger. If instead, I remind myself that I am the one driving this car... I am the one making decisions and I am actively and daily choosing to commit to my health, I get more energy headed in that direction to achieve those goals.0 -
Thaeda, what a great post.
I look at it this way, I now have the freedom to go into ANY store and find clothes that fit! Freedom to go to the gym where before I would workout in my basement because I was afraid for any one to see how terrible I looked. Freedom to go to family events and not avoid them because I was too embarrassed how big I became. I may log everything, work out like I am having a torrid affair with the gym, but it has given me the freedom I really deserve.0
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