So much for getting compliments...
swetienancy04
Posts: 29 Member
So I am officially 3 months post op and have dropped a grand total of 62 pounds since surgery. I feel so much better and I am slowly but surely crawling out of my old isolated comfort zone. While shedding the weight I have noticed that I have gotten a lot more attention (which brings on a whole other form of anxiety), however I have also noticed that people feel more inclined to give their opinion freely to me. For example I was signing out of work the other day and a coworker of mine said oh you look so pretty but you need to work out and pointed ever so bluntly at my stomach area. Like I wasn't aware of that already and I guess going to the gym 4-5 times a week the majority of time isn't working out enough. Another coworker told me that she is glad that I finally did something because she used to look at me and wonder what on earth I was thinking being so big. It takes every ounce of my being to not run my sarcastic mouth and tell them where they could stick their passive aggressive comments. I know that I shouldn't worry about what they say, but it really offends me and mess with my head. I start questioning myself "maybe I'm not doing enough", "was I really that big." I feel like just because I was big people looked at me and thought oh she is ugly or look at that girl and how big she is. I feel like I am still the same person I was then just thinner. So why am I better now and what was wrong with me then (with the exception that I was 112 pounds heavier). Its crazy how rude and disrespectful people can be. Have any of you had similar experiences and if so how did you stop it from effecting you.
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My husband & I went out Fri night and since we don't have an actual "mall" around our area, this was fun for me to go out to this 1.
We'd gotten to know some girls at a particular store and since we hadn't seen them for quite awhile, I thought "why not stop in."
When she caught sight of me she looked me up and down and exclaimed "You lost weight!"
She didn't stop there, she then yelled out " A Lot of weight."
At 1st I was pleased but that second comment made me feel rather awkward like, is that what you thought of me all these past years...that I was "that" big
She even (w/ her finger) pointed out to me where she could visually see the loss.
I just couldn't believe that she would not just be loud about it but be "that" obvious about it.
At her 1st comment I smiled but her 2nd comment made me so uncomfortable that it was everything I could do (being in front of the other employees and lots of customers), for me to say it was good seeing her and getting myself out of that store
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I am about 2 months post-op and am happy with my weight loss so far
My scrubs that I wear at work are getting pretty baggy.. well last night my patient asked me if I was pregnant! I just politely said no and then she proceeded to tell me "don't worry, I have a big belly too" I just shrugged it off, but I think sometimes people just don;t think before they speak! 0 -
Completely rude and irritating! You're a better person than I am...I don't think I would have been able to keep my mouth shut. Losing weight/being overweight does not give people the right to be rude to you. I have not had this experience yet...if and when I do hopefully, I'll be able to handle it as well as you did.0
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Deep breath. I know it is hurtful to hear these "backhanded compliments"-- I have heard a few myself, but then I remember that hurt people hurt people. Folks who feel insecure about their bodies are the ones who will point out flaws in others. It really has nothing to do with you (even though it feels VERY personal) and has everything to do with them. You take care of YOU as best you can. Honestly, other people's opinion of us is none of our business. As long as you know you are doing your best, that is all you need to worry about.
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That is truly awful. One thing about this journey that is so hard is that- like pregnancy- it’s private, but at some point it becomes noticeable in public. That however, does not give everyone license to comment on it or make it their business. I try to remember that most people wish me well, and there’s no malice in it- but when I start to get uncomfortable I just walk away, try to change the subject, or in my worst moments point out their flaws “yeah- I lost a lot! Your next!” or “yes- I feel so much better and so will you once you fix your teeth- you should start looking into that!”0
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We go through SO much change during this process, inside and out, and it's hard to get why people treat us differently - sometimes better, sometimes not. In addition to what everyone else has said, I have noticed that while we go through this and get out of our comfort zones, in a way it forces people around us to get out of their comfort zones. The people who have been/are around us have to adjust to us being different. Most of us change on the inside as well as the outside, and people around us are used to us being a certain way and it's uncomfortable for them, which is something THEY have to deal with. It's definitely no excuse for people being rude or opinionated. You are already seeing that making change in your life will help you filter out the people who might not be supportive of you. You can't change them, but at least you are recognizing who they are. Don't let them get under your skin or make you doubt yourself. You have a goal and you are on your path to get there. You are doing such a great job and you should be so proud of yourself!0
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At my biggest I felt invisable a lot of the time. Once I got below 300, probably closer to 250, people started talking to me more, people I didn't know. Folks in the elevators, the construction crew at the building where I work, etc. And then my sister pointed out that as the weight came off I became more approachable. It makes sense, I am much more confident and comfortable now. Truth be told, I look at pictures of myself at 386 and wonder how I couldn't see how bad I looked. I can only imagine what others thought.
There's probably a few things happening here. One you are getting more confident and comfortable and becoming more outgoing and approachable. Sometimes that causes folks to think they can share their feelings with you whether you want to hear them or not. Second, as Thaeda and garger6th said, your changes may make some people uncomfortable. It may actually make them look at themselves and not like what they see, so they vent that uncomfortablness and frustration out at you in the form of backhanded compliments or outright criticisim.
You are doing great and have every reason to be proud. Don't let other's thoughtlessness or snarkiness steal that from you.0 -
I wanted to say also- that this reminds me of what I sometimes encounter with my family- I’m white, my husband is African- and we have a daughter. Sometimes people say things like “what is she?, Is she yours? Did you adopt? She must really look like her father? Are you still together?”…..some of it is curiosity, some of it is meant well, some of it is malicious- all of it is none of their business- but it’s still something I have to address because it’s often in earshot of my child- who’s very aware of the differences. It’s hard not to internalize it for me- It’s kept me up at night wondering what it does to her. I mention this to say that people always have something to say- it really isn’t’ about you- or me- or her- it reveals more about them than it does us- and just do you best with it one person at a time. Even with this I still try to be kind, have some set answers down, and have the courage and the discernment to know when to tell someone off who’s being an *kitten*.0
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hurt people hurt people.
I need to remember this because my instinct would be to blast someone if they said something to me as tacky as what your co-workers said to you. I think Thaeda hit it on the head-- hurt or insecure people want to hurt others, mostly to make themselves feel better. I am losing weight and getting healthier but I'm not going to turn into Bo Derek in 10 suddenly. I'm just going to be me, at a smaller weight and healthier, but with imperfections. I don't need anyone to point them out to me.0 -
People can be rude even when well meaning and many simply have poor communication skills. But there are a truths here; yes we were that big, otherwise we would never have qualified for surgery. The changes are dramatic and many people are surprised to the point of brain freeze. I've lost 126 pounds and have tended to just answer back as "matter-of-factly" as I can.
"YES, I did lose a lot of weight! Been busting my butt to get healthier, thanks for noticing."0 -
"YES, I did lose a lot of weight! Been busting my butt to get healthier, thanks for noticing."[/quote]
I love that!!
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Overweight people can become thinner people but stupid people will always be stupid.0
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Theada my dear as usual your are there to give out the wisdom for everyone to hear and see. You beat me to the comment about haters just hate and hurtful people just hurt. The old saying miserly loves company! Well I have replaced it with a new old saying " Love loves company too!" surround yourself with those people and bless those whom are still suffering in their self loathing that the only way for them to feel better is to make a target of someone else instead of looking within and finding that peace.
There is this favorite book of mine I use when ever I am confronted with this type of behavior. "What you think of ME is None of My Business"
written by a very nice lady Terry Cole Whittaker! Check out her book and I think you shall move past these people rather quickly!0 -
For me, had the store been empty I probably would not have cringed at her loudness and I probably would've just laughed it off but because she went on and went even further by using her finger to point out the areas is what got me.
These girls are actually beautiful and fit and they know it
As far as myself, Im shy to a degree (depending on topic) but I can usually hold my own!
This was just sudden and awkward...especially it being announced in such a public (& loud) way.0 -
I have to constantly tell my kid " Sad people are mean people-they are hurting and they want you to hurt as well" I am most likely to be a jacka$$ if I am upset. I also concur -You can't fix stupid.0
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Overweight people can become thinner people but stupid people will always be stupid.
I love this! I have the same issues you do with co-workers and some strangers. The other day two coworkers were telling me that I look good. A third coworker jumped in on the conversation and stated that although I looked good, I needed to do something to tone my tummy. I was shocked! Not only does this person not really know me, but she invaded my conversation and stepped all over my confidence. It was shocking at first but after a while I realized that her opinion really doesn't matter to me. Her words sting, but they are just words. At the end of the day she doesn't affect me. Only thing that matter is how I feel about myself.
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Exactly! Excellent attitude! There is always going to be rude people in life. It is how you choose to deal with it that matters.
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Thank you too everyone for your words of encouragement! I think that there is truth to all the comments on here. You guys make me feel so much better about the situation and its always nice to know that there are people that are going through the same thing.
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Wow, I am so overwhelmed by the hurtful comments that I've been reading in this post. I can't even imagine what I would do in many of your situations with rude, disrespectful coworkers/friends. I know the right thing is to "turn the other cheek", but WOW!
I've been fortunate that the comments I've received have been positive. But I don't work and I only deal with family, neighbors and friends. I will say that every one of us should be PROUD of what we have done and are doing to improve our health - not just the cosmetic outer body. I can live with flabby skin on my arms knowing that I no longer take prescription medications for my blood pressure, cholesterol and acid reflux and I no longer have sleep apnea. Yeah, buying smaller clothes and looking better is great, but knowing I'm going to live longer as a result of my weight loss was my driving force for WLS.0
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