I still refuse to tell relatives because I have the most judgmental, hypocritical set of relatives ever known Otherwise, I am a little less reserved about it.

I am in that struggle right now actually. Just dating again, and not sure when/how to tell. I eat fairly normal (half an entree at restaurants) but he thinks that is just because I am small (now ). I did tell the last person I went out with on the first date and it was received just fine. But this one, there hasnt really been an "opening" where it made sense to bring it up casually without making a huge "confession" out of it. Hoping to work it in soon... Not hiding it so much, as dont want him to think I will go back to being big (though really no guarantees for me or him for that matter!). ...

Like you, I "just tell 'em". For a while there, I was dating like it was a job. I just wasn't confident enough to puut myself out there before and went through a phase where I didn't want to miss a thing! Anyway, not "first date" conversation, but typically if it got to date #3, I'd usually tell over a meal especially if they're looking at me funny after dismantling my burger and eating like half the meat or the wait person is doing the, "didn't you like the food?" thing. It's always been recieved just fine and typically with a little relief, "oh THAT's what's going on!" The current boyfriend of four months (post-divorce record for me) LIKES it a lot. He's dropped about 50 pounds on his own and likes that I'm focused on eating less because it motivates him to do the same. I like that we're both healthy enough to keep up with each other!

I don't tell anyone, I don't tell them I had cancer or I had my gall bladder removed and had all kinds of complications with that. Nor do I tell them I had hysterectomy and dang near died..... Nope, never told folks those things.... I am small now, I eat less. No one asks. Wait staff ask sometimes if the food was ok, I just tell them I need a box, I am full. It is funny, though, when I work in the South they ask why I don't eat much, but here in Colorado no one asks.
I suppose if I were dating someone new I would tell them eventually.
I don't tell my family outside of my immediate family because they have always been so judgmental. I especially will not tell my mother as if you tell her anything the entire world would know and her bitter tongue would be impossible to live around (been there before). She knows I work out and I don't eat much. That is all she needs to know.

I yell it from the roof tops. I tell anyone that asks, seems interested or just plain curious. I do it for the exact reason Mangopickle stated, to help get rid of the stigma with the surgery. Especially with the "you took the easy way out" attitude from those that are less educated about the surgery. I am proud that I took control off my life and most people who knew me or seen me around it was pretty obvious something was going on since I am almost half my former self. I guess I overshare most of the time, but that is who I am.

Thanks Asia and Sanners, I was beginning to feel a little lonely!

I tell everyone. Ok, not always complete strangers, cause that would be weird, but yeah, everyone else. I'm married so not facing that issue. At work, i was program manager, so I told my boss and my team leads. I didn't make a program announcement. Some noticed me losing weight prior and if asked, I told them 'how'I was doing it and my plans for surgery. Same postop. If people commented, I described the hard work and my tool - surgery. Cause every other time, the work alone didn't cut it.

I blogged about it and still do. I told everyone who cared to read about it on my personal face book page (by linking to my first blog post about my decision to have surgery). I had a tremendous amount of support and still do.

I told a very few people at church; I wanted prayers during surgery and the first few weeks. I've now been stopped at the mall, shopping for new clothes, to be tild I'm almost unrecognizable and to ask questions about my process as they were thinking about surgery and scared and nervous. It's powerful and makes me own my decision and lifestyle even more as a result. I even had a friend from elementary through high school friend me on FB. We haven't spoke since high school. She saw a post about how i lost 85 lbs, asked how, i gave her diet, exercise, surgery. This conversation was supposed to happen. She was scheduled to talk to her physician about surgery to lose weight the next day. We were put back together to discuss, and I even had an hour long convo with her about my experience the next day.

So long post....but I tell just about everyone. It helps with removing the stigma, it truly is part of HOW I lost weight and to sound greedy, it's therapeutic for me. It's not right for everyone but was the right choice for me.

garber6th wrote: »

Update - the new guy is now an old guy. I don't think the fact that I had surgery bothered him, but when I told him I look like a shar pei puppy when I am naked... that might have lol. He might have found out sooner or later, and to me, forewarned is better sometimes than a big surprise. This is life now, some people will be accepting and some won't, and if they aren't, it isn't meant to be. Good thing I am still seeing the other guy I was dating, who thinks I am completely awesome

Lol - I have the opposite approach... wow them in the dark, then they have to think seriously about whether it matters when they finally see

Stick with someone who thinks you are awesome... every time....

garber6th wrote: »

aylajane wrote: »

Lol - I have the opposite approach... wow them in the dark, then they have to think seriously about whether it matters when they finally see

Stick with someone who thinks you are awesome... every time....

I thought about using that approach, but I got the feeling it would matter to this guy. Truth is, I don't think the chemistry was super strong anyway. The other guy has known me for almost a year, so he has seen me go through a lot of changes and has never made one comment except when I bring it up, and he is always supportive, like one day when I was being whiny about losing my boobs, he said, "But it's worth the tradeoff, right? And you can always buy new ones if you want to". He's a good guy, and I would totally keep him if there wasn't a big age difference!

Yeah, this whole dating thing has been a bit of a landmine... I feel a bit like a fraud - like getting a nice pretty wrapped package and getting all excited, only to open it and find some hairy ugly sweater... bait and switch. But I dont want to lay out my whole life story up front either! Hard to find the balance. So I bring it up when it seems to naturally flow in conversation, if it does, and make it casual and nonchalant like its not a big deal - just part of my life. and hope they like me enough and are not so shallow that a few flaws ruin it. I kind of figure that if my loose skin and stretch marks are a dealbreaker for them - their shallowness would have been a deal breaker for me eventually anyway. But still disheartening.

Aylajane wrote:

Lol - I have the opposite approach... wow them in the dark, then they have to think seriously about whether it matters when they finally see

Stick with someone who thinks you are awesome... every time....


ABSOLUTELY. LOVE. THIS.