Head games
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weeziebeth
Posts: 168 Member
Ugh, will this always be my struggle? So, I am 3.5 months out-down 40 lbs since surgery and 70+ overall. Feel really good, exercising, doing really pretty well with diet, enjoying smaller sizes. However, I am struggling with excitement and joy--meaning I don't want to let myself get swept up in it and therefore have not let myself really feel it. I am cognizant of 'failure' rates and issues of regain and still struggle every time someone comments or complements my weight loss to not respond with 'yeah, talk to me in two years'. Really trying to balance (or find) joy in the weight loss and healthy concern for the need to stay the course. Wonder if I'm just sabotaging myself. Looking for the right therapist but haven't been able to find one. My surgeon's office has a medical weight loss component as well available with a certified bariatrician/family practice doc and I have started utilizing that- not covered by insurance but I figure I need to avail myself of every tool available and I am eager for the added accountability it will provide. Sorry if this is redundant but it seems to be my ongoing overriding struggle.
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weeziebeth wrote: »Ugh, will this always be my struggle? So, I am 3.5 months out-down 40 lbs since surgery and 70+ overall. Feel really good, exercising, doing really pretty well with diet, enjoying smaller sizes. However, I am struggling with excitement and joy--meaning I don't want to let myself get swept up in it and therefore have not let myself really feel it. I am cognizant of 'failure' rates and issues of regain and still struggle every time someone comments or complements my weight loss to not respond with 'yeah, talk to me in two years'. Really trying to balance (or find) joy in the weight loss and healthy concern for the need to stay the course. Wonder if I'm just sabotaging myself. Looking for the right therapist but haven't been able to find one. My surgeon's office has a medical weight loss component as well available with a certified bariatrician/family practice doc and I have started utilizing that- not covered by insurance but I figure I need to avail myself of every tool available and I am eager for the added accountability it will provide. Sorry if this is redundant but it seems to be my ongoing overriding struggle.
Weeziebeth,
I'm hearing you say your afraid of failure and that your reaching out for help and frustrated with not getting the support your needing? Is this correct? I have struggled with the same problem and my psychologist was the help that worked. I needed success so badly that I wanted precise instructions and didn't get them. I have also learned that people are different even with the same care team. That I had to work out what was best for me. I've lost a 100 pounds and yes that's fine but I'm still at BMI 27. I'm strength training 3 days a week now with aerobic water exercise the other 2 days. My weight loss has stopped working for 5 weeks intact I have gone up 5 pounds and back down 3. Intellectually I know I'm trading fat for muscles but I'm still afraid of failure. What I'm telling myself is this is like having faith in God it is not always easy but that doesn't make it not real.
So bla bla bla I'm looking for the faith of a mustard seed.
Randy0 -
I used to worry about failure too.
I have discovered 2 Truths on this journey. Truth 1-You MUST LOVE yourself completely and unconditionally as an obese person. The reality is that we will ONLY work for, sacrifice for and care for that which we truly LOVE. Truth 2- A RICH FULL LIFE is filled with death, disease, divorce, destitution and all sorts of crap. Learning how to respond to the crap of life in a healthy manner leads to HAPPINESS. people are gonna die, kids are gonna get cancer. Eating yourself to death is not a healthy response it is a "I only want to deal with the nice parts of life so let me go hide in food pleasure distraction" You must feel your feelings instead of eating them. When you are sad-cry. When you are mad- be angry. when you are bored-be bored. DON'T EAT. The feelings will pass and AMAZINGLY inappropriate hunger will be replaced by confidence and happiness. There is a reason fortitude is a Christian virtue. Fortitude yields Grace. I know I am a food addict. I go to my monthly support group because I love me. I no longer medicate with food-Even in times of darkest grief. I cry, I pray but I do not seek to lessen my pain with food. I am finally living a rich full life and I am happy. You can do this, you are a wondrous creation deserving of all your love and work. I believe you will not fail. Prayers for you0 -
Mangopickle, what a beautiful touching response.0
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Thank you so much for the responses. It is a daily journey and I am learning much about myself and others through this process. Mango-you are so.very.right. I am not there yet but am a work in progress.0
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I understand what you are saying. This journey is difficult. So you need to celebrate yourself and your successes.0
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I am there with you...people keep saying you look great how do you feel and I'm like the same? I know if lost a lot but I feel like I won't be happy till I'm at my goal0
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I struggle with this as well but in general I am a pretty stoic person. I think finding counseling is a great idea. I know we have all had successful weight loss in the past to only pack it back on and sometimes more. That is a hard thing to get past. Just know that you can enjoy the victories without letting your guard down and you only fail if you give up.0
