Sex after VSG -- way too much info -- be warned.
ImaWaterBender
Posts: 516 Member
I am 11 weeks out. I have had sex once time since my surgery. I pretty much had to shame my husband into it.
Here is the issue: Since my surgery, I am on sexual simmer. I mean, I am really ready. He is just NOT. I feel so rejected and at the same time, I am still simmering.
I know he is fat, tired, hates his job, I am not very attractive and he just does not see sex as a priority. Either that or he is watching so much porn that I don't compare.
What the heck would you do and has anyone else had this happen? I mean, I feel GREAT all the time. Tons of energy and that is translating into a lot of sexual frustration.
Here is the issue: Since my surgery, I am on sexual simmer. I mean, I am really ready. He is just NOT. I feel so rejected and at the same time, I am still simmering.
I know he is fat, tired, hates his job, I am not very attractive and he just does not see sex as a priority. Either that or he is watching so much porn that I don't compare.
What the heck would you do and has anyone else had this happen? I mean, I feel GREAT all the time. Tons of energy and that is translating into a lot of sexual frustration.
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Replies
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Have you had a frank discussion with him? Maybe he can't come all the way up to your simmer, but with some conversation about it (what's changed for you, how you feel, how his actions make you feel) that will open things up. And be prepared to talk about how he feels, and how your actions make him feel.
Not the easiest sort of conversations, but this falls squarely into the bucket labeled "marriage takes work".
Just my thoughts, and hopefully no offense is taken.
-Phill1 -
He might also be upset that you are losing weight and he is not... He could be worried you wont be interested in him anymore once you get all skinny. A lot of marriages do not survive WLS because of these types of insecurities. Start having some frank honest talks now if you dont want yours to turn out that way.1
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He might also be upset that you are losing weight and he is not... He could be worried you wont be interested in him anymore once you get all skinny. A lot of marriages do not survive WLS because of these types of insecurities. Start having some frank honest talks now if you dont want yours to turn out that way.
THIS^^^^^^^0 -
When I had my sleeve in 2010 I experienced the same frustration. I learned that our fat stores all kinds of hormones and when burned, release them into your blood stream. This is what can cause the increase in desire for sex. Just know that it probably won't last and your frustrations will be behind you. Hang in there!1
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Thank you all, I am going to look at this as a learning curve. I just wish that there were not so many learning curves with the sleeve.1
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It's a whole new body. People don't realize all of the changes we go through after WLS!1
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