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When did you start becoming comfortable?

UsernameStillLoading
UsernameStillLoading Posts: 299 Member
edited November 17 in Social Groups
Last year, I officially stopped denying that I do, in fact, like women in a sexual way.

Before, I would just try to push away the feelings and claim that they are just fantasies and I would never actually act out on it so it's okay. Then I started wanted to start acting out and them...and denial disappeared.

I went to a gay club on Friday night. I did get some attention but I found myself being afraid of actually dancing with them. I can dance around them...I can dance near them...but the idea of actually dancing one on one for fun seemed overwhelming for me.

I know that's my insecurity and it's my inability of just seeing it as having harmless fun...so I just wanted to know if you guys had to overcome any insecurities to be fully comfortable with yourselves.

Replies

  • Zyphun
    Zyphun Posts: 102 Member
    I am transgendered, but I can related to what you are saying. Most of my life I have been shy. A real wallflower. After I started my transition, I didn't suddenly become social. But like you alluded to as I became more comfortable with who I was I did start to get more social. I have a much easier time now being friendly and engaging people. A part of me is still very uncomfortable, but it is getting small and smaller.

    It sounds like you had fun even in the face of your insecurities. I hope you decide to keep trying. With time it should get easier and you can start acting on your feelings. :) I wish you the best of luck and happiness. :)
  • Joliekay1582
    Joliekay1582 Posts: 75 Member
    I
    UsernameStillLoading wrote: »
    Last year, I officially stopped denying that I do, in fact, like women in a sexual way.

    Before, I would just try to push away the feelings and claim that they are just fantasies and I would never actually act out on it so it's okay. Then I started wanted to start acting out and them...and denial disappeared.

    I went to a gay club on Friday night. I did get some attention but I found myself being afraid of actually dancing with them. I can dance around them...I can dance near them...but the idea of actually dancing one on one for fun seemed overwhelming for me.

    I know that's my insecurity and it's my inability of just seeing it as having harmless fun...so I just wanted to know if you guys had to overcome any insecurities to be fully comfortable with yourselves.

    It really does get easier with time. How old are you? Have u came out to family or friends yet? Coming out to yourself is big though.... Congrats!
  • UsernameStillLoading
    UsernameStillLoading Posts: 299 Member
    I'm about to turn 23 next month. I have come out to them. I was dying keeping it in so I had to. But because of that...everything just feels so real and scary now. The improbable (to me) has suddenly become the possible.
  • Joliekay1582
    Joliekay1582 Posts: 75 Member
    IT is real and scary. But it gets better. And if ur friends and family know and are supportive its a huge help.
  • Joliekay1582
    Joliekay1582 Posts: 75 Member
    Lol and what's with ur profile pic?
  • nuttyengineer
    nuttyengineer Posts: 112 Member
    I am transgender. I am still working on being comfortable with displaying who I am to the world, though it's been a lot easier since I've moved to another state with little chance of being seen by someone I know. But in the last year or so (actually it's getting closer to two years now, my how time flies...) I finally have become more comfortable with the fact that I am a man and always have been.
  • peacehawk
    peacehawk Posts: 421 Member
    UsernameStillLoading wrote: »
    I'm about to turn 23 next month. I have come out to them. I was dying keeping it in so I had to. But because of that...everything just feels so real and scary now. The improbable (to me) has suddenly become the possible.

    Like you, I came out to my family and close friends before I had a relationship with a woman. I felt I needed to, to maintain a relationship with them (although I was convinced they would all reject me, I lost my best friend, but no one else).

    Just don't do the uhaul thing (joke: what does a lesbian bring on her second date? A U-Haul). Be patient with yourself.

    And yes, I had to overcome a lifetime of insecurities, but I'm so glad I did. I'm closer than ever with my family, and my partner and I are just a few weeks from our 21st anniversary.
  • thekarens
    thekarens Posts: 254 Member
    I wasn't comfortable until I met my wife 16 years ago when I was only 29. She's been my one and only. We did to the U-haul thing and it worked for us, but I wouldn't recommend it for the average person, especially if you're younger and still trying to figure out what you want in life. We had both been married to men before we met. It was rough when we first came out, but it really does get better. I've found the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable others are with you.
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