Back from the beach and still sad
Heather2k22
Posts: 38 Member
Ok so ive been doing this roller coaster for like 15 years. I have tried drugs, diets, programs, ect. I am the heaviest i have ever been. I just got back from an epic vacation and i can't even look at any of my pics. Im so frustrated i can't stop crying. So my wieght has always been a struggle for me but the last few years have been the worst. My husband has had sarcoma (very large cancerous tumors) in his lower abdomen twice in our marriage. He has lost all function below the belt and his bladder and pay off his colon. I know thiss doesn't sound all that bad to some. But I'm only thirty he is now on his third sickness and they say they can't operate so he will be on chemo for the rest of his life. I feel like i am killing myself as well. I have started smoking and drinking and eating often. I just hate life has taken me and i need to take control of something. I don't even know how to procede. I have been going to the gym five days a week now for a month. And i feel like im doing good then the weekend comes and i fail miserably destroying all my hard work and end up gaining. I don't know what I'm asking here. Just desperate maybe. Ranting.
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Do you find your issues to be around junk food in general? Sweets? What in particular? I know my BFF just did a cleanse program that helped her kick a twenty-year Taco Bell habit. Me personally, I finally had to listen to my doctors and completely change around my entire way of eating and way of thinking. No amount of time in the gym would have solved either of these issues for either of us.
I just want to send you hugs and that the levels of stress you are under, you're unlikely to make any long term progress. Getting rid of that stress is going to impede any progress you make. It sounds like you also have a lot of guilt for feeling healthy while your spouse is struggling, and for wanting to have some quality of life when his life is leaving him next to none...
If you aren't in some sort of talk therapy, I would strongly suggest that, especially if you town has resources for caregivers and such. My super small town has free group sessions for caregivers and such, even, so I know it is possible. If not, even a group geared that way online may help you decompress with people who completely understand where you are coming from.
Sending you huge relaxing hug!
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Heather, I'm so sorry that you and your husband are dealing with all of that. So much of this "weight loss thing" is psychological. So you need to start with basics. Getting enough sleep, drinking more-than-enough water, carving out small bits of time to rejuvenate (reading a book, meditating, praying, whatever calms you). Given your stressful situation, I think those things will really be the best starting point.
Then when you are ready to start making dietary improvements, begin with small additions. I say ADDITIONs because adding is better than subtracting. Adding protein to each meal until you're at at least 30g. Adding a veggie to every meal, then two. Eventually the good choices will crowd out the bad...not to mention the extra nutrition will make you feel better...which will make you feel more in control.
I had a big issue fending off cravings. My doctor put me on 100mg of Wellbutrin twice a day to curb cravings. This was a huge deal for me as I have never been on any sort of medication. I was very hesitant. It takes about a month to start working...but now that it is, I find it very helpful. That and significantly reducing my processed food intake (bread, pasta, sweets) has finally gotten me to a place where I think rationally about food. Without being a slave to cravings, I am finally able to mindfully decide what my next meal or snack will be.0 -
Heather, sending big hugs to you!!0
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Oh, agreed with what everyone here has said. You should definitely consider getting some talk therapy from a counselor who specializes in chronic illness/caretaking. Do you have a good support system? I just feel so sad for you that you're facing so much.
Taking care of yourself, feeding yourself good food and getting enough exercise, is probably the best gift you can give yourself. The junk you're eating on the weekend isn't healing--sugar and carb rushes are fake highs. Try to think of feeding yourself well on the weekends too--the best food you can afford--good proteins and fresh fruit and nice, ripe veggies.
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I am sorry things are so rough for you. The advice given here has been really great. Have some therapy. Talk therapy is great, CBT might be of benefit too. I'd also engage with your primary care physician to see what help and support he can provide.
Look to make small changes first. Diet soda for regular. Then water. Yoghurt for fatty puddings. It all adds u[p. Then when you are ready begin to log your food. Not to count too much at first but to get an idea of where you are at. Then you can begin to cut slowly. Dont go balls out a=eating 1200 a day but maybe aim like 1lb a week and give yourself the extra cals and the extra time
And stop in here and talk we are all going through one mill or another and are ready to help0 -
Thank you all. Your words mean alot to me! I am going to try and have a positive day today. I am going to start with the baby steps. And threw out the booze. My first step!0
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