A Vent and Request For Advice
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paultassy
Posts: 281 Member
Ok, this may run on long, but I'm having a problem at the crossfit box I belong to. There's a group of 4 women who are rather "clique-ish". A few months ago, our coach put up the benchmark WODs and announced he'd place the top 3 RX male finishers and the top 3 RX female finishers would be placed on the boards. I was elated to qualify to have my name and time on the benchmark WOD board. I was the third highest RX woman on "Kelly". I was very excited because I pushed myself hard that day because I wanted my name up there. When I got to the gym the next day, I looked for my name. Instead, all of the benchmark WODs were erased, and there was a notice about shaving reps and using poor form. In essence it said that if you shave reps or use bad form your time would not be counted. I took it personally. I felt like because I had not been going there long, they felt like I had to have been shaving reps to get "Kelly" done so fast. For the longest time I thought that was all about me. I found out later that this clique of 4 women had been "tattling" on a fellow female (not me) saying she is a chronic rep shaver or doesn't squat low enough in order to get a better time. Hence, our owner/coach decided to discontinue putting up the top 3 finishers for the benchmark WODs on the whiteboard.
Fast forward to a few months later, and the clique seem to be subtly attempting to spy on other classes. They'll come for the 4:30 PM WOD but stay until the 6:30 class is done. Sometimes they'll just stand around and talk (while simultaneously watching those of us doing the WOD) or they'll be doing rope climbs, or using the bands to stretch, etc. One day last week during the WOD I am pretty sure I was being recorded by one of them. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I am not sure of their motive, unless it's to count my (and others) reps, or critique our form or maybe just make fun of us, who knows? These women have husbands and children, yet spend hours at the gym way past their WOD time almost every single day. I myself just come, stretch, do the WOD, maybe socialize for a few minutes afterward then go home. If I need extra work on something I'll go a little early and always ask the coach of it's ok if I "borrow" some equipment for about 15 minutes. I don't stare at the ones who are doing the WOD, and I certainly would never video them or feel it my place to tattle if I felt like their form was off. That's not my position there.
Sorry for the novel, but I'm getting to the point where I want to look for another box because of these 4 individuals. I do want input on if this happens at other boxes.
Fast forward to a few months later, and the clique seem to be subtly attempting to spy on other classes. They'll come for the 4:30 PM WOD but stay until the 6:30 class is done. Sometimes they'll just stand around and talk (while simultaneously watching those of us doing the WOD) or they'll be doing rope climbs, or using the bands to stretch, etc. One day last week during the WOD I am pretty sure I was being recorded by one of them. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I am not sure of their motive, unless it's to count my (and others) reps, or critique our form or maybe just make fun of us, who knows? These women have husbands and children, yet spend hours at the gym way past their WOD time almost every single day. I myself just come, stretch, do the WOD, maybe socialize for a few minutes afterward then go home. If I need extra work on something I'll go a little early and always ask the coach of it's ok if I "borrow" some equipment for about 15 minutes. I don't stare at the ones who are doing the WOD, and I certainly would never video them or feel it my place to tattle if I felt like their form was off. That's not my position there.
Sorry for the novel, but I'm getting to the point where I want to look for another box because of these 4 individuals. I do want input on if this happens at other boxes.
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Replies
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Either tell the coaches your suspicions or change Box, life is too short for that crap!0
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It sounds like your coaches wouldn't do a thing anyway .... Are you friends w/ other people at your current box? If so, just ignore the 4 of them and their antics .... Go there, do your best, focus on your own goals, get some PRs and let them "judge" you all they want. **OR just go find a new box !!!0
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Yeah doesn't sound like there's much you can do. In my experience confronting such people rarely goes well. You can change your attitude- completely ignore their judgement and pettiness, be above it all and live by the motto "me vs. me". Or if it's really too much I'd just change boxes. The first box I went to was too competitive for me and the judgement was harsher than I was interested in. My current box is amazing though. Everyone lives by the motto "It's just me vs. me" and they post everyone's times and weights and mods online- they're a much more supportive group. While this kind of attitude does invite a lot of newbs, it's also great for competitive CFs because they compete in a more friendly way at the box (and save the more competitive attitude for comps). Plus no one is scrutinizing your every move so you're free to mod where you need to for injuries or preventing injury with no pressure. Overall the best environment IMO!0
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Urgh sounds horrible. If i found out someone was videoing me without consent (even though I am a queen of selfies with my fellow wodders) I'd be furious! When I first started at my box I felt intimidated and out of place. I felt like everyone knew one another, knew what they were doing and that they were better at everything than me. Fast forward 3 years and I really feel part of the community and try to welcome any newbies. if you feel out of place, immerse yourself in the community, do the weekend/fund raiser WODs, make friends with the people around you and be the supportive team player. if that's not your thing (and not everybody is) then your choice is to either ignore them or find another box. As long as YOU want to go and work out. Nothing worse than being uptight about the WOD and the people around you. Good luck.0
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If I was the owner, I would look at myself/coaches to critique my members form/depth/reps rather than let members police each other. Our box has a GREAT community but I've even heard people complain that some people might cut reps/not get full depth etc. I never engage in that conversation though, and I've never started one.
I just wanted to add that I'm that person who lingers after WODs working on my skill stuff, and its pretty common at my box that a group of us will be together chatting and working together on things. Are you absolutely sure they are "watching" you? Have you brought this up at all to your coach or owner? I would hate someone to leave if they loved it otherwise. That being said, if it's not addressed appropriately by the coach, I would start looking for a new box. Good Luck!0 -
Thanks for the advice guys. And yes I'm sure they're watching. Others have said the same thing. Makes me soooo uncomfortable. I love my box otherwise.0
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Every box I've ever been too has these cliques that think they're better than everyone else.0
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Maybe try going to a box that doesn't pit the members against each other. I've never seen that kind of behaviour at mine.
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Sorry you are going through that. I love where I go and have never experienced anything like that.0
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I've been to two boxes. Liked both very much. Never saw anything like that. So, I would guess that, if it bugs you that much, you could find another place you would like and that it would be easy enough to find a place that did not have a clique like that.0
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If I saw someone specifically taping me without consent I'd say loudly, "Hey, are you recording me? I'd like to watch it after." in a friendly tone. That should put a stop to it because you've drawn attention to their behaviour. They'll pick someone new or not risk having someone else calling them out.
You can only control you. If their presence and behaviour is that distressing to you, I'd say talk to the coaches/owners or change boxes. Maybe the coaches/owners need to set some ground rules about respecting other classes and/or what's expected with arrival/departure times for class. Hanging out for hours after your class is done wouldn't fly at my box.0 -
Thanks for the advice guys. And yes I'm sure they're watching. Others have said the same thing. Makes me soooo uncomfortable. I love my box otherwise.
If you know they're recording, stop doing the WOD and walk right over to them and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and that you'd prefer that they stop.
Thank them and get back to work.
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You all are so awesome. Thank you all so much. I actually confronted one of them and she admitted they stay after their WOD to look for rep shavers/cheaters. She denied recording me, but I'm not an idiot. I'm just going to do my best to pretend they're not there.0
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Sounds like a bit of a toxic environment. Also the coach should stop this behaviour, it's not those girls job to be policing rep shavers or cheaters. If it was me I would be looking for a new box.0
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RoadtotheRAN wrote: »Sounds like a bit of a toxic environment. Also the coach should stop this behaviour, it's not those girls job to be policing rep shavers or cheaters. If it was me I would be looking for a new box.
Exactly. I live in such a small city, my current box is the only one close. I do love my box owners and do not want to have to leave. Apparently someone else has complained to the owner and he says he would keep an eye out for this behavior but I'm afraid that even though this is continuing to happen, he won't do anything about it because he doesn't want to lose their business.0 -
He should be smart enough to realize that cutting out the bad apples sooner rather than later will generate him MORE business in the long run.0
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How frustrating.
And why would they care if someone is shaving reps? I don't care what anyone else does. And have probably done a few less reps from time to time just because I loose count!
I am medically not able to run so any running I power walk instead. Depending on the WOD I may shorten the distance (some WODS all I would do would be out walking if I didn't). The coaches know this and have no problem. I've had a few weird looks but really it's no one else's business why.0 -
I have friends who get this way about "shaving" reps. One in particular will get red-faced angry about it when she recalls the wods. I think some people just are that way--they take it very seriously and would never think of doing it themselves and thus attribute the worst intentions to others who do it, instead of, like some posters mention above, just minding their own business and giving people the benefit of the doubt. To people like that, every rep shaved is a personal insult--meant to try to demean their personal accomplishments. This is not only unique to crossfit--people are like this everywhere. Every comment made is shade personally directed at them. Every lifestyle choice different from their own is a challenge and a judgment. I have no patience for those types of personalities, but I try to afford them the benefit of the doubt that they don't give others--just assuming that they have stuff going on in their lives and insecurities that I can't fathom, so I let it go.
But it is very annoying, I'm sure.0 -
Ok, this may run on long, but I'm having a problem at the crossfit box I belong to. There's a group of 4 women who are rather "clique-ish". A few months ago, our coach put up the benchmark WODs and announced he'd place the top 3 RX male finishers and the top 3 RX female finishers would be placed on the boards. I was elated to qualify to have my name and time on the benchmark WOD board. I was the third highest RX woman on "Kelly". I was very excited because I pushed myself hard that day because I wanted my name up there. When I got to the gym the next day, I looked for my name. Instead, all of the benchmark WODs were erased, and there was a notice about shaving reps and using poor form. In essence it said that if you shave reps or use bad form your time would not be counted. I took it personally. I felt like because I had not been going there long, they felt like I had to have been shaving reps to get "Kelly" done so fast. For the longest time I thought that was all about me. I found out later that this clique of 4 women had been "tattling" on a fellow female (not me) saying she is a chronic rep shaver or doesn't squat low enough in order to get a better time. Hence, our owner/coach decided to discontinue putting up the top 3 finishers for the benchmark WODs on the whiteboard.
Fast forward to a few months later, and the clique seem to be subtly attempting to spy on other classes. They'll come for the 4:30 PM WOD but stay until the 6:30 class is done. Sometimes they'll just stand around and talk (while simultaneously watching those of us doing the WOD) or they'll be doing rope climbs, or using the bands to stretch, etc. One day last week during the WOD I am pretty sure I was being recorded by one of them. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I am not sure of their motive, unless it's to count my (and others) reps, or critique our form or maybe just make fun of us, who knows? These women have husbands and children, yet spend hours at the gym way past their WOD time almost every single day. I myself just come, stretch, do the WOD, maybe socialize for a few minutes afterward then go home. If I need extra work on something I'll go a little early and always ask the coach of it's ok if I "borrow" some equipment for about 15 minutes. I don't stare at the ones who are doing the WOD, and I certainly would never video them or feel it my place to tattle if I felt like their form was off. That's not my position there.
Sorry for the novel, but I'm getting to the point where I want to look for another box because of these 4 individuals. I do want input on if this happens at other boxes.
LOL, I just had a similar thing happen to me.
First of all, I suck at pretty much everything...except for the rower. I don't know if I am actually good or the rest of the people in my class just suck worse than me, but I usually finish first on all rowing portions. I have noticed that one female in the class has always been really competitive. I dig it. I mean that's one of the best things about crossfit. Hell, I'm a little bit competitive too, but I have no problem accepting that people (even the girls) are actually better than me at a lot of the movements. No male ego here.
Well yesterday, when we were setting up for a rowing WOD, competitive lady came to my rower and basically accused me of putting the setting to easier so I could finish first. I couldn't fathom why it would matter to her anyway. I mean even if I did (I didn't), if she wanted to challenge me head on, she could always change her own rower to see how well she did against me. Otherwise, it's my workout. I will scale, scream, shave reps, modify weight, or even quit whenever I feel like it....and still mark my stats on the board. Mind your own business, or in the words of Ice Cube, "Check yo self!"
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I would definitely check around for another crossfit gym. There are so many amazing gyms out there and you shouldn't stay at a place that you are uncomfortable at. I have hopped around to a few crossfit gyms oil I found the perfect one with a great community. Good luck!0
