Very eloquently and well put Garber6th! Really nice post.

garber6th wrote: »

I committed to this process long before I ever had surgery, and I knew it would be a lifetime commitment. I am ok with that, and I look at it this way - it's really not about trusting myself or my brain to do the right thing, I do trust myself, I trusted myself enough to take this path. My commitment is doing things differently so that I don't end up where I was before, so that I don't throw away this tool, and so that I continue to live this healthy, happy life I earned for myself. Think about what trusting yourself really means to you or what it really involves. Think about whether or not it's about trusting yourself, or loving yourself and committing to this process and journey.

Much wisdom here! ^^^^

I am 18-19 months out from surgery (just to offer context). I was only able to come to the decision to have surgery in the first place by beginning the journey of loving myself. This put me in the place where I was willing/able to consider what was in the best interest of my health and what was the most loving decision for me. Post op, I have continued (sometimes more successfully than others) to make decisions based on what is most loving. For example, I am aware when I eat food high in sugar, I will experience negative side effects (fatigue, mood swings, etc.). Sometimes I eat food high in sugar anyway- despite knowing it is not the most loving choice. On other occasions, I have chosen to over-exercise (also not the most loving choice) because I was afraid of regain. I have recently begun the practice of not logging my food (or weighing/measuring it) to try to live a more "normal" life. I also did it because I noticed logging was becoming a way for me to be very rigid and hard on myself (not loving).

More often than not, I make my food choices based on what I know will be good and feel good for my body. Eating protein and veg (with a little bit of dark chocolate for dessert) each day keeps me feeling good. Eating pasta, potatoes, bread, or sweets will keep me feeling tired and generally yucky. So my decisions are less around fear of weight gain and such and more around what keeps me feeling good and what is the most loving way to act towards myself. I am not sure if I am explaining this very well, but over time I am finding myself making what one could characterize as "healthy" decisions that keep the weight off, but I am making them for the purpose of caring for myself--- not out of fear of regain. I eat protein and veg. because I love my body and want to nourish it- not because I am afraid I will not fit into my pants if I don't. I practice yoga and take walks regularly because my body enjoys gentle/moderate forms of exercise- not because I have to burn a certain amount of calories each day.

There is a place and time for logging and tracking- absolutely. But for me, it felt like it was time to trust myself and let go of the reins. Granted, the process is very gradual and I am still in the "experiment" phase-- I went 2 weeks without logging successfully. Now I am going for another 4 weeks with no weigh-in for 2 weeks (trying to break my "scale addiction" lol). I check in with myself before making food choices-- do I want hot/cold? Crunchy/soft? Salty/sweet? Have I had enough veggies today or can I eat some more? I cannot say I am always this mindful. Sometimes I just say "eff it" and dive into whatever (last night, it was buttered popcorn), but even whent hat happens, I just give myself the opportunity to make a healthy choice at the next meal time. Lots of self-forgiveness and trust going on here. It is a little anxiety provoking, but so much less dramatic than that diet/binge huge pendulum swings I lived with pre-op. I like this "less dramatic" way of living. And it feels good to be good to me.

Do you ever get to be "normal"? IDK. I always thought "normal" was a setting on a washing machine. My goal is to get to a relaxed, comfortable place where more often than not I make healthy choices because I love my body enough to do it- without drama, without self-punishment, without any of that goofy stuff I have done in my "diet days". I am not sure if I will get to live that way or not, but that is where I want to go. Sound like that is what you want, too-- here's hoping we both get there. Peace.

I'm there too. I've struggled with wanting to have a "normal" relationship with food my entire life, but have come the conclusion that there is no "normal" when it relates to food and staying slim. Everyone I know that is "naturally skinny" does one of a few things. They either don't eat anything of nutritional value (living on a couple twinkies and a handful of chips each day - I'm guessing they don't have much of an appetite and have always been jealous of those who truly don't care whether or not they eat and have to remind themselves to do so); they eat what they want and weigh daily then when they get to the upper end of their acceptable weight range, they get on a very strict diet and exercise program and get it back off immediately (normally having to "diet" from a few days to a week or more each month); OR those that or so rigid about their eating and exercise all the time that they never indulge in anything that doesn't fit into their calories for the day.
None of these seem "normal" to me. As best as I can tell a "normal" relationship with food would be eating healthy most of the time with occasional indulgances and getting a moderate amount of exercise. Weighing once a week would be a good thing for me and staying within a comfortable weight range for me (say 5-10 pounds since my weight varies greatly day to day). If I got to the upper end my of comfort zone, then I would need to cut back until I got the few pounds back off. That seems the most logical to me but then the getting back on the stricter diet plan when the pounds find me again has always been my weak point. lol but I'm working on that.

To me, it's not a question of whether or not you can ever let go of the tools. It's a question of retraining bad habits. So really it's, "Have I utilized the tools enough to have ingrained the good habits I need to sustain my new way of life?" Unfortunately, that's a really personal question and will differ from one person to another. But the great thing is that if you try to fly on your own and fall a bit, you can always pick right back up with the tools and try again (along with the support of people like the ones in this group). There's no shame in utilizing resources to get the job done if you need them, so really, you just have to decide when you need them and when you're OK without them.