The Struggle
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CatherineHillin
Posts: 66 Member
Anyone want to share the past roadblocks and hardships? We are all here to lend a sympathetic ear and give each other emotional support.
I will be happy to start. I started getting depressed probably around 13 years old, though I didn't really feel it until 16 and it took years to get a diagnosis. (It's a long process, unfortunately...it took maybe 5-6 years to get medication that I really liked). I started feeling like I just didn't belong anywhere, like I was meant to be born in another place or time. I had a bad breakup in high school that basically pushed me off the depression cliff, and then it was a long cycle of being depressed and people bullying me for being depressed and being more depressed until I had no friends left at all. But then it was time for college, and even though I still struggled to find friends, I was in a new environment, and that alone made me much happier. My schoolwork suffered a LOT, especially as the seasons changed, but I challenged myself to a really hard major anyway (Pre-Medical) and I did it. Graduating was actually really depressing, since I still didn't have any friends and I'd just been through another big break-up, but it was only because I was so lonely and down that I reconnected with an old friend of mine, and he helped me find a job, and now we're dating and living together and everything got better all at once. I find that's how it usually goes: bad things pile and pile and pile, and then, all of a sudden, everything is either gone forever or suddenly much more bearable. Human nature is built to overcome anything. We are strong!
Would anyone else like to share? Please don't be shy, there is no judgment here
I will be happy to start. I started getting depressed probably around 13 years old, though I didn't really feel it until 16 and it took years to get a diagnosis. (It's a long process, unfortunately...it took maybe 5-6 years to get medication that I really liked). I started feeling like I just didn't belong anywhere, like I was meant to be born in another place or time. I had a bad breakup in high school that basically pushed me off the depression cliff, and then it was a long cycle of being depressed and people bullying me for being depressed and being more depressed until I had no friends left at all. But then it was time for college, and even though I still struggled to find friends, I was in a new environment, and that alone made me much happier. My schoolwork suffered a LOT, especially as the seasons changed, but I challenged myself to a really hard major anyway (Pre-Medical) and I did it. Graduating was actually really depressing, since I still didn't have any friends and I'd just been through another big break-up, but it was only because I was so lonely and down that I reconnected with an old friend of mine, and he helped me find a job, and now we're dating and living together and everything got better all at once. I find that's how it usually goes: bad things pile and pile and pile, and then, all of a sudden, everything is either gone forever or suddenly much more bearable. Human nature is built to overcome anything. We are strong!
Would anyone else like to share? Please don't be shy, there is no judgment here
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Replies
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My depressions if I can call it that (I am not diagnosed) started getting really bad when I met my now ex boyfriend. I used to be a very happy person, social and very loving any kind of human. We moved together very soo and I changed with him completely. He made me change my phone number, email and delete all social networks accounts I had. I lost all my friends, could not even meet my close friends anymore, avoided my family so they wouldn't think something was wrong. I had to stop going to gym what I loved most (and he was a big muscular beast training too, but too jealous for i don't know what) There was no social life. No other people in my life apart from my violent boyfriend. I used to start start getting very sad and desperate when he would accuse me of things I never even thought of because of his incredible paranoia. Every time we would argue and he hit me I would hit myself too, smash anything I could reach on my head, or cut myself. In a hope he would 'save me' and say everything will be fine. After one argument I called the police and he was arrested for domestic violance. I had like a week I didn't even leave my bed. My mood was changing like crazy, I would be happy I can start to new life without him, I would be sick that he went to prison because of me and then I was unable to think it would be possible to get better one day because he destroyed me as a person. I would still have fear what if he sees me on the street right in a moment when someone would ask me something only about the time... even when I knew he was in prison. I struggled a lot to be with other people again. I didn't know how to behave or talk or joke and I was very embarrassed among people. After one month and a half he sent me an email that he was out. And I met him. And after some time when he would tell me that he loves me and in a few hours that he doesn't want to be with me we moved together again. He never hit me again ( maybe when he just tried to get rid of me and pushed me away when I tried to beat him this time). He got a little bit better but still he was an angry paranoid person. And I would get mad every time he said or did something or just his face expression was enough to trigger a beast in me. I was still harming myself in front of him, I started to drink a lot and blackmail him I'd call the police again. After a few months I even threw him out because he had no job and not even keen on looking for one. But i never meant it. I would already told him to stay while he was taking his stuff. One day he really left. I was getting panic attacks more often. For very little things. When he was gone we still met several times. And one night I was so drunk that I have no idea about the time, if I slept or if we only argued and fought. I only remember me throwing myself down the stairs from the first floor, crying and shouting and sitting naked in a million pieces of huge broken mirror in a bathroom where I locked myself and cut. Around midday he had to go to work and he left me there like that. My phone was broken (probably i smashed it on the floor in anger), I had no idea what to do with myself so I called the police again. I did not tell them about him that he was in jail and we were not supposed to be in any kind of contact. They took me to hospital and I spent the whole day there with a psychiatrist. After I came home and decided to leave the town. I moved to my mom. My boyfriend didn't even believe me at first. But I left the country within a week. He even went with me to the airport thinking that I would come back after a few months. I think I won't and try to start my new life. I am still depressed and I still love him. But I am trying to convince myself he's not worth all my tears and thoughts.
Thank you guys for your time and reading this. Talking about it help me to cope with it easier.0 -
My depression commenced after a 17yr career in the police, which finished with me attempting to take my life, as I saw no way out. This was back in 2012 and I have been fighting a will to survive ever since. I spent 3 months in a local pysch ward getting the best treatment, and whilst it worked, I still am not the same person I once was. In the police I as a fit and healthy 72kgs, however this balooned to 109kgs. I found myself eating to cope and deal with the things i was seeing and this weight gain brought on my depression, anxiety and allienation. I have no friends from the police, with mental illness still being very taboo. I am now sitting on 98kgs and I need to lose weight to be proud of myself again and to let go of the demons from the police.1
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Hi guys, literally so new to all of this and slightly unsure how to work it. I am out of hospital a year now after suffering numerous mental battles, I was an inpatient for two and a half months. I have turned to my love of music and fitness to try and create a life worth living and a become the person which I aspire to be.
So I hope ye don't mind me joining in the gang for a bit of motivation and inspiration.
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19gabriela01 wrote: »My depressions if I can call it that (I am not diagnosed) started getting really bad when I met my now ex boyfriend. I used to be a very happy person, social and very loving any kind of human. We moved together very soo and I changed with him completely. He made me change my phone number, email and delete all social networks accounts I had. I lost all my friends, could not even meet my close friends anymore, avoided my family so they wouldn't think something was wrong. I had to stop going to gym what I loved most (and he was a big muscular beast training too, but too jealous for i don't know what) There was no social life. No other people in my life apart from my violent boyfriend. I used to start start getting very sad and desperate when he would accuse me of things I never even thought of because of his incredible paranoia. Every time we would argue and he hit me I would hit myself too, smash anything I could reach on my head, or cut myself. In a hope he would 'save me' and say everything will be fine. After one argument I called the police and he was arrested for domestic violance. I had like a week I didn't even leave my bed. My mood was changing like crazy, I would be happy I can start to new life without him, I would be sick that he went to prison because of me and then I was unable to think it would be possible to get better one day because he destroyed me as a person. I would still have fear what if he sees me on the street right in a moment when someone would ask me something only about the time... even when I knew he was in prison. I struggled a lot to be with other people again. I didn't know how to behave or talk or joke and I was very embarrassed among people. After one month and a half he sent me an email that he was out. And I met him. And after some time when he would tell me that he loves me and in a few hours that he doesn't want to be with me we moved together again. He never hit me again ( maybe when he just tried to get rid of me and pushed me away when I tried to beat him this time). He got a little bit better but still he was an angry paranoid person. And I would get mad every time he said or did something or just his face expression was enough to trigger a beast in me. I was still harming myself in front of him, I started to drink a lot and blackmail him I'd call the police again. After a few months I even threw him out because he had no job and not even keen on looking for one. But i never meant it. I would already told him to stay while he was taking his stuff. One day he really left. I was getting panic attacks more often. For very little things. When he was gone we still met several times. And one night I was so drunk that I have no idea about the time, if I slept or if we only argued and fought. I only remember me throwing myself down the stairs from the first floor, crying and shouting and sitting naked in a million pieces of huge broken mirror in a bathroom where I locked myself and cut. Around midday he had to go to work and he left me there like that. My phone was broken (probably i smashed it on the floor in anger), I had no idea what to do with myself so I called the police again. I did not tell them about him that he was in jail and we were not supposed to be in any kind of contact. They took me to hospital and I spent the whole day there with a psychiatrist. After I came home and decided to leave the town. I moved to my mom. My boyfriend didn't even believe me at first. But I left the country within a week. He even went with me to the airport thinking that I would come back after a few months. I think I won't and try to start my new life. I am still depressed and I still love him. But I am trying to convince myself he's not worth all my tears and thoughts.
Thank you guys for your time and reading this. Talking about it help me to cope with it easier.
I'm so glad it helps to talk about it, and we are here to support you for sure I'm not sure what country you're in, but I'll try and give you some universal advice. 1) stay in touch with your family. They are bound to you by blood and they will support you no matter what. It's not just something people say, there's a real bond there that is very very difficult to break. 2) go see a therapist. Seriously. If it felt better to talk about this with us, imagine how much better it will feel to spill it all out to someone who is kind and understanding and will help you. My therapist was a godsend and together with my psychiatrist I became the happiest I'd been in years. 3) Please don't self-harm, all right? We love you the way you are, we want you to stay that way 
Just remember that when you feel sad 4) Do not ever mourn this loser or feel guilty for anything bad that happens to him ever. He is pretty much an irredeemable *kitten* and you are better off cutting him out of your life completely. Trust me - I had one like that (not as bad, but still very paranoid and controlling) and even though I loved him dearly, and still care about him and want the best for him, he was toxic and I dumped him and never spoke to him again. People like that need to find their own way, far, far away from you, because you don't have to deal with that crap. No one should, ever.
We are always here for you friend me if you like, okay? And message me if you ever need to talk. 0 -
My depression commenced after a 17yr career in the police, which finished with me attempting to take my life, as I saw no way out. This was back in 2012 and I have been fighting a will to survive ever since. I spent 3 months in a local pysch ward getting the best treatment, and whilst it worked, I still am not the same person I once was. In the police I as a fit and healthy 72kgs, however this balooned to 109kgs. I found myself eating to cope and deal with the things i was seeing and this weight gain brought on my depression, anxiety and allienation. I have no friends from the police, with mental illness still being very taboo. I am now sitting on 98kgs and I need to lose weight to be proud of myself again and to let go of the demons from the police.
You are doing the right thing by coming here and trying to lose weight. It's not that you need to be skinny to be happy, and I think you know that - it is that you are changing yourself for the better in many ways, and that can be very cathartic. You aren't the same person you were once, and you never will be; that's the beauty of life, that things change. But that doesn't mean you can't be stronger and better than you were before. I can understand why the police wouldn't be very sympathetic to mental illness - lots of people still aren't, and it makes it very hard for us all - but the people that don't support you now are not people you need in your life anyway. You have us as friends now, and we're a good support for you to stand on while you figure everything else out, okay? Be strong! You're already doing very well! 11 kgs is definitely a great start! 0 -
Hi guys, literally so new to all of this and slightly unsure how to work it. I am out of hospital a year now after suffering numerous mental battles, I was an inpatient for two and a half months. I have turned to my love of music and fitness to try and create a life worth living and a become the person which I aspire to be.
So I hope ye don't mind me joining in the gang for a bit of motivation and inspiration.
Welcome welcome welcome! I am also very new to this hardcore diet and exercise stuff, so you are not alone You are doing a great thing by coming here to create a better you. It's a process, of which weight loss and healthier eating is only a small part, and it can be very cathartic. I used to work in a mental hospital, so if you ever need any specific advice or want to vent, you can feel free to message me! You are so brave and strong for making the effort to do all of this after such a long fight. And we are here for you 0 -
I am very proud of you! You are brave to share your story.19gabriela01 wrote: »My depressions if I can call it that (I am not diagnosed) started getting really bad when I met my now ex boyfriend. I used to be a very happy person, social and very loving any kind of human. We moved together very soo and I changed with him completely. He made me change my phone number, email and delete all social networks accounts I had. I lost all my friends, could not even meet my close friends anymore, avoided my family so they wouldn't think something was wrong. I had to stop going to gym what I loved most (and he was a big muscular beast training too, but too jealous for i don't know what) There was no social life. No other people in my life apart from my violent boyfriend. I used to start start getting very sad and desperate when he would accuse me of things I never even thought of because of his incredible paranoia. Every time we would argue and he hit me I would hit myself too, smash anything I could reach on my head, or cut myself. In a hope he would 'save me' and say everything will be fine. After one argument I called the police and he was arrested for domestic violance. I had like a week I didn't even leave my bed. My mood was changing like crazy, I would be happy I can start to new life without him, I would be sick that he went to prison because of me and then I was unable to think it would be possible to get better one day because he destroyed me as a person. I would still have fear what if he sees me on the street right in a moment when someone would ask me something only about the time... even when I knew he was in prison. I struggled a lot to be with other people again. I didn't know how to behave or talk or joke and I was very embarrassed among people. After one month and a half he sent me an email that he was out. And I met him. And after some time when he would tell me that he loves me and in a few hours that he doesn't want to be with me we moved together again. He never hit me again ( maybe when he just tried to get rid of me and pushed me away when I tried to beat him this time). He got a little bit better but still he was an angry paranoid person. And I would get mad every time he said or did something or just his face expression was enough to trigger a beast in me. I was still harming myself in front of him, I started to drink a lot and blackmail him I'd call the police again. After a few months I even threw him out because he had no job and not even keen on looking for one. But i never meant it. I would already told him to stay while he was taking his stuff. One day he really left. I was getting panic attacks more often. For very little things. When he was gone we still met several times. And one night I was so drunk that I have no idea about the time, if I slept or if we only argued and fought. I only remember me throwing myself down the stairs from the first floor, crying and shouting and sitting naked in a million pieces of huge broken mirror in a bathroom where I locked myself and cut. Around midday he had to go to work and he left me there like that. My phone was broken (probably i smashed it on the floor in anger), I had no idea what to do with myself so I called the police again. I did not tell them about him that he was in jail and we were not supposed to be in any kind of contact. They took me to hospital and I spent the whole day there with a psychiatrist. After I came home and decided to leave the town. I moved to my mom. My boyfriend didn't even believe me at first. But I left the country within a week. He even went with me to the airport thinking that I would come back after a few months. I think I won't and try to start my new life. I am still depressed and I still love him. But I am trying to convince myself he's not worth all my tears and thoughts.
Thank you guys for your time and reading this. Talking about it help me to cope with it easier.
there is a name for what you have and I think its part battered women syndrome I forget the name of the other but the abused bc abusive and even develop brain damage from abuse (mental) and can develop borderline personality disorder. It is the self harm and the uncontrollable rages and feeling you cannot control.
I know bc I feel same as you and I am in it still. I forget how to be with others. Its not physical but mental. It gets better as we try to work on it alot together.
I just thought you might ffindcomfort in knowing that there is a name for it and you are not alone!
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Hi my names angel. I became depressed around 8. Clinically dxd at 16 after a suicide attempt. Ive been overweight from 8 on. I ate feelings and bottled up much. I was not allowed to be angry. I first experience anger at 20 something with my now hubby. He is sometimes mentally abusive. But it used to be very bad and I would be frightened he would hit or corner me (he never hit tho) so I would hit him. Lucky we discovered I have bpd which makes the situation worse. I left 2 times. I get into bouts where I get depressed and it messes up my loss. I have stuck with for a year despite the fighting and all ive had to deal with to get me time I don't let him win bc I matter to me. Exercise and especially walking are my mood stabilizer pill! If I don't I get grumpy! I am feeling much better these days and I now am rebuilding confidence in me bc I know noone can give that to me.0
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I started feeling depressed at a very young age. I think I was about 7 when I was diagnosed. My parent divorced around that time too. I remember when I was that little thinking how much better my moms life would be with out me in it. I think it was because of all the fights between my mom and dad and all the physical violence between them really scared me and I blamed myself for it. As I got older into my middle school age it got a little easier. I was taking medication and everything was starting to look up. Until one day in 6th grade I was bullied for being fat. It was the most hurtful thing ever I will never forget this girl named Lauren saying to me "hey Kourtney! Want any jelly with them rolls!?" I didn't get it at first but then after I sat there and thought about it I realized it was a "fat joke" all her friends were laughing with her. I started to weep in the middle of class. I was shocked that she had said that to me. It hurt. Why would anyone want to hurt me!? I started being insecure about my body. I began to blame my parents for my body. I didn't understand why there were skinny girls and the. There were girls like me.. "Fat". 7th grade the bullies got worse with the fat jokes. I also was bullied by a gym teacher (long story about that) for being fat also! I started starving myself in middle school. My mom would send me to school with a bag lunch and I would throw it out. I wouldn't eat it. I would also give my lunch to my brother and to my friends. I didn't feel comfortable eating in front of anyone! It was almost like an anxiety.. So I felt bad for giving my lunch away and throwing it out most days.. So I asked my mom to pay for "hot lunch" instead. So she would put money in the account for hot lunch and I just wouldn't eat.. Until she caught on and asked me why there was still $20 in the lunch account. I told her I wasn't hungry at lunch time and just wouldn't eat their lunch or I made excuses like it was gross lunch. So I was back to bringing my own lunch but instead i convinced her to let me make them (I didn't that way I wouldn't be wasting food). 8th grade rolled around I was still over weight but I started skipping class because of the mean gym teacher that picked on me and hurt me everyday. I also started self harm and would cut and do other things to my body. Skipping class leaked into high school and that's when I got caught with the skipping class and also dipping my toes into drugs. I got into trouble with all of it and it was put to an end. I still carried on with my cutting until one day my best friend over dosed. After that scare I stopped cutting and started eating. I ate and ate and ate. I gained 60lbs. I was overweight. No one made fun of me in high school for being over weight but I just accepted my body and dealt with it. I then tried to control my awful emotional eating and went vegan! I lost 80lbs and was 160! I felt great and life was awesome by my senior year. I then went into college and of course gained some weight because vegan junk food found its lovely way into my diet. I then was 180 3 years after high school. I became depressed and dropped out of college. Met my now boyfriend gains more weight, got pregnant, had my baby. Then I was noticed I was binge eating and eating my emotions with post partum depression. So I recently have taken my mind and life back with daily yoga and meditation practice. I was 280 post partum I am now 224! I fell a lot better and I am continuing to lose the weight! I feel good! Some days it is soooooooo hard and I feel like giving up but now I look at my daughter and I think I HAVE to! I want to keep up with her and set a great example!0
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KourtneyChristine wrote: »I started feeling depressed at a very young age. I think I was about 7 when I was diagnosed. My parent divorced around that time too. I remember when I was that little thinking how much better my moms life would be with out me in it. I think it was because of all the fights between my mom and dad and all the physical violence between them really scared me and I blamed myself for it. As I got older into my middle school age it got a little easier. I was taking medication and everything was starting to look up. Until one day in 6th grade I was bullied for being fat. It was the most hurtful thing ever I will never forget this girl named Lauren saying to me "hey Kourtney! Want any jelly with them rolls!?" I didn't get it at first but then after I sat there and thought about it I realized it was a "fat joke" all her friends were laughing with her. I started to weep in the middle of class. I was shocked that she had said that to me. It hurt. Why would anyone want to hurt me!? I started being insecure about my body. I began to blame my parents for my body. I didn't understand why there were skinny girls and the. There were girls like me.. "Fat". 7th grade the bullies got worse with the fat jokes. I also was bullied by a gym teacher (long story about that) for being fat also! I started starving myself in middle school. My mom would send me to school with a bag lunch and I would throw it out. I wouldn't eat it. I would also give my lunch to my brother and to my friends. I didn't feel comfortable eating in front of anyone! It was almost like an anxiety.. So I felt bad for giving my lunch away and throwing it out most days.. So I asked my mom to pay for "hot lunch" instead. So she would put money in the account for hot lunch and I just wouldn't eat.. Until she caught on and asked me why there was still $20 in the lunch account. I told her I wasn't hungry at lunch time and just wouldn't eat their lunch or I made excuses like it was gross lunch. So I was back to bringing my own lunch but instead i convinced her to let me make them (I didn't that way I wouldn't be wasting food). 8th grade rolled around I was still over weight but I started skipping class because of the mean gym teacher that picked on me and hurt me everyday. I also started self harm and would cut and do other things to my body. Skipping class leaked into high school and that's when I got caught with the skipping class and also dipping my toes into drugs. I got into trouble with all of it and it was put to an end. I still carried on with my cutting until one day my best friend over dosed. After that scare I stopped cutting and started eating. I ate and ate and ate. I gained 60lbs. I was overweight. No one made fun of me in high school for being over weight but I just accepted my body and dealt with it. I then tried to control my awful emotional eating and went vegan! I lost 80lbs and was 160! I felt great and life was awesome by my senior year. I then went into college and of course gained some weight because vegan junk food found its lovely way into my diet. I then was 180 3 years after high school. I became depressed and dropped out of college. Met my now boyfriend gains more weight, got pregnant, had my baby. Then I was noticed I was binge eating and eating my emotions with post partum depression. So I recently have taken my mind and life back with daily yoga and meditation practice. I was 280 post partum I am now 224! I fell a lot better and I am continuing to lose the weight! I feel good! Some days it is soooooooo hard and I feel like giving up but now I look at my daughter and I think I HAVE to! I want to keep up with her and set a great example!
What a roller coaster! I am very proud of you for how hard you fought and how strong you've been You can do it!!! So much progress!!! 0 -
angelexperiment wrote: »Hi my names angel. I became depressed around 8. Clinically dxd at 16 after a suicide attempt. Ive been overweight from 8 on. I ate feelings and bottled up much. I was not allowed to be angry. I first experience anger at 20 something with my now hubby. He is sometimes mentally abusive. But it used to be very bad and I would be frightened he would hit or corner me (he never hit tho) so I would hit him. Lucky we discovered I have bpd which makes the situation worse. I left 2 times. I get into bouts where I get depressed and it messes up my loss. I have stuck with for a year despite the fighting and all ive had to deal with to get me time I don't let him win bc I matter to me. Exercise and especially walking are my mood stabilizer pill! If I don't I get grumpy! I am feeling much better these days and I now am rebuilding confidence in me bc I know noone can give that to me.
You are right, no one can give you self-worth but yourself. but you are definitely on the right track. Don't worry, we are here to support you! You can do it! Especially now that you have a good medication. That made all the difference for me.
Are you a Maximum Ride fan btw?0 -
Guys does medication help? My mom is saying I should see a doctor. But am I supposed to be on medication until I die then?0
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I may be one of the 'eldersn this group this groupangelexperiment wrote: »Hi my names angel. I became depressed around 8. Clinically dxd at 16 after a suicide attempt. Ive been overweight from 8 on. I ate feelings and bottled up much. I was not allowed to be angry. I first experience anger at 20 something with my now hubby. He is sometimes mentally abusive. But it used to be very bad and I would be frightened he would hit or corner me (he never hit tho) so I would hit him. Lucky we discovered I have bpd which makes the situation worse. I left 2 times. I get into bouts where I iget depressed and it messes up my loss. I have stuck with for a year despite the fighting and all ive had to deal with to get me time I don't let him win bc I matter to me. Exercise and especially walking are my mood stabilizer pill! If I don't I get grumpy! I am feeling much better these days and I now am rebuilding confidence in me bc I know noone can give that to me.19gabriela01 wrote: »Guys does medication help? My mom is saying I should see a doctor. But am I supposed to be on medication until I die then?
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medication helps I've been on it most of my life and it makes a difference compared to the alternativeI may be one of the 'eldersn this group this groupangelexperiment wrote: »Hi my names angel. I became depressed around 8. Clinically dxd at 16 after a suicide attempt. Ive been overweight from 8 on. I ate feelings and bottled up much. I was not allowed to be angry. I first experience anger at 20 something with my now hubby. He is sometimes mentally abusive. But it used to be very bad and I would be frightened he would hit or corner me (he never hit tho) so I would hit him. Lucky we discovered I have bpd which makes the situation worse. I left 2 times. I get into bouts where I iget depressed and it messes up my loss. I have stuck with for a year despite the fighting and all ive had to deal with to get me time I don't let him win bc I matter to me. Exercise and especially walking are my mood stabilizer pill! If I don't I get grumpy! I am feeling much better these days and I now am rebuilding confidence in me bc I know noone can give that to me.19gabriela01 wrote: »Guys does medication help? My mom is saying I should see a doctor. But am I supposed to be on medication until I die then?
medication helps me I've taken it most of my life I think compared to the alternative it makes a difference0 -
hi angel let me know if you want a friendCatherineHillin wrote: »angelexperiment wrote: »Hi my names angel. I became depressed around 8. Clinically dxd at 16 after a suicide attempt. Ive been overweight from 8 on. I ate feelings and bottled up much. I was not allowed to be angry. I first experience anger at 20 something with my now hubby. He is sometimes mentally abusive. But it used to be very bad and I would be frightened he would hit or corner me (he never hit tho) so I would hit him. Lucky we discovered I have bpd which makes the situation worse. I left 2 times. I get into bouts where I get depressed and it messes up my loss. I have stuck with for a year despite the fighting and all ive had to deal with to get me time I don't let him win bc I matter to me. Exercise and especially walking are my mood stabilizer pill! If I don't I get grumpy! I am feeling much better these days and I now am rebuilding confidence in me bc I know noone can give that to me.
You are right, no one can give you self-worth but yourself. but you are definitely on the right track. Don't worry, we are here to support you! You can do it! Especially now that you have a good medication. That made all the difference for me.
Are you a Maximum Ride fan btw?
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Angel, somehow my friends request ended up with Catherine's comment. Please let me k,is how you're doing. Also,In open to friends with everyone in the group0
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19gabriela01 wrote: »Guys does medication help? My mom is saying I should see a doctor. But am I supposed to be on medication until I die then?
It definitely helps and if you find the right one it is worth it for sure. You don't have to be on medication until you die, though, some people find that they can handle depression on their own with diet and exercise (after getting the permission from their doctor of course), some people find that when they go through hormonal changes (like pregnancy or menopause) then they don't need it anymore, and some people wake up one day and realize their life is totally different and they don't need it anymore. But you need a doctor to talk it over with you and help you figure out your options, you can't just go at it alnoe.0
