Really struggling...
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wennim
Posts: 276 Member
I know this board isn't very active right now, but I am just looking for a place to express my frustration.
I can't lose anymore weight. It seems no matter what I do nothing is changing. I've cut calories, upped calories, changed routines, added strength training, weighed everything and even though the numbers say that I should be losing I'm not. In the last 90 days I have put on and taken off the same 5 lbs or so. Part of me is wondering if this is really worth it anymore or if I just need to accept that this is my body that I will have the rest of my life. I still really want to lose another 20 lbs or so to try to get rid of the fat that is clinging to the extra skin but I just don't know if I can do it anymore. Right now I am running almost 30 miles a week and biking 3 days on top of that plus strength. I can't really add anymore due to time issues. My kids have expressed some concern that it is getting obsessive.
When I started out at almost 300 lbs I kept saying if I could just lose 50 or 100 I would be happy and I had these grand visions of being happy with my body and loving the way I looked. 130 + lbs later and I still hate my body. Part of me thinks I look worse than I did before. There is so much extra skin and fat on my midsection that I still feel the need to wear baggy clothes or compression tanks when I go out. Now I just look like a regular person who is really unhealthy. I wear a size 9/10 in bottoms and a large in most tops so I am significantly smaller than I was (24 pants and 3-4x tops). I still can't identify with the person in my reflection in a window or in a store. People seem to have become accustomed to my size now so I don't get the comments about the loss anymore except for the occasional asking if I am done losing weight or person who hasn't seen me in a year.
I am just so beat down by all this. I know it is a lifestyle change and not a temporary thing but I had been hoping that my maintenance would be a bit higher in calories but as it stands now if I'm not losing I would be gaining if I cut back on running or upped my calories at all. I had hoped it would be around 2000 net calories and instead it is about 1400 net. Like I said I am just so frustrated and beat down that I just don't know what to do anymore. It was easier to push myself when I was seeing progress but now it is just like why am I killing myself to not see any difference?
Well thanks for letting me spill that all out here. I feel like I identify with this group a lot more than my real life friends.
I can't lose anymore weight. It seems no matter what I do nothing is changing. I've cut calories, upped calories, changed routines, added strength training, weighed everything and even though the numbers say that I should be losing I'm not. In the last 90 days I have put on and taken off the same 5 lbs or so. Part of me is wondering if this is really worth it anymore or if I just need to accept that this is my body that I will have the rest of my life. I still really want to lose another 20 lbs or so to try to get rid of the fat that is clinging to the extra skin but I just don't know if I can do it anymore. Right now I am running almost 30 miles a week and biking 3 days on top of that plus strength. I can't really add anymore due to time issues. My kids have expressed some concern that it is getting obsessive.
When I started out at almost 300 lbs I kept saying if I could just lose 50 or 100 I would be happy and I had these grand visions of being happy with my body and loving the way I looked. 130 + lbs later and I still hate my body. Part of me thinks I look worse than I did before. There is so much extra skin and fat on my midsection that I still feel the need to wear baggy clothes or compression tanks when I go out. Now I just look like a regular person who is really unhealthy. I wear a size 9/10 in bottoms and a large in most tops so I am significantly smaller than I was (24 pants and 3-4x tops). I still can't identify with the person in my reflection in a window or in a store. People seem to have become accustomed to my size now so I don't get the comments about the loss anymore except for the occasional asking if I am done losing weight or person who hasn't seen me in a year.
I am just so beat down by all this. I know it is a lifestyle change and not a temporary thing but I had been hoping that my maintenance would be a bit higher in calories but as it stands now if I'm not losing I would be gaining if I cut back on running or upped my calories at all. I had hoped it would be around 2000 net calories and instead it is about 1400 net. Like I said I am just so frustrated and beat down that I just don't know what to do anymore. It was easier to push myself when I was seeing progress but now it is just like why am I killing myself to not see any difference?
Well thanks for letting me spill that all out here. I feel like I identify with this group a lot more than my real life friends.
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Replies
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I know this is going to be short because I'm headed out for the day, but here's my take. And I apologize in advance if this is harsh, but I've had a really tough week and I ran out of fluff-stuff way earlier. I mean it all out of a place of love, I promise.
Honestly, we're never going to be exactly happy with how we are. We generally still hold that perfect image of ourselves from 16-25 in our heads. When we accept that we will never be there again, it gets easier. Not to mention we're hormonal crazy people - women get the tough end of that most of the time.
That said, now that you've gotten to your current weight, you need to focus on maintaining it for 6 months. You've worked the he-ll out of your metabolism, and it needs a break. Start upping cals and dropping exercise and focus on maintenance for the next 6 months. The last 90 days don't count because you were trying to force your metabolism to continue letting you lose. It needs a freaking break before it can gear up again. Get back to ENJOYING your exercise - not making it you're life's mission to lose more.
During that 6 months, figure out how to learn to love the body you live in right now. Counseling, journaling, this group, etc. Task every resource you can.
Personally, I feel less attractive now than I did 75 pounds ago, too. Lots of loose wrinkled skin, lots of floppy areas, lots of fat rolls and odd tucks in, etc. Find clothing that flatters you NOW. Not loose clothing. Find compression undergarments - like a binder. Or special bra, etc. Contact local bariatric places and ask about their counseling services and clothing resources. Joint a bariatric support group, because even though you did not have that surgery, you still lost weight like one of those patients.
Figure out how to dress this new body.
Focus on figuring out how to live with the you that you currently are. Only then will you be able to make forward progress...
If you've got teens, and they're worried about you, you probably do have some major sh---stuff going on. Look into that body dysmorphia condition - a lot of times it takes FOREVER for our minds to catch up to our actual physicality. Task all your energy to figuring out a happy maintenance now, because if you can maintain now, you can maintain at any level eventually. Once your metabolism can regroup, you can decide if you still really need to lose more.
In all likelihood, you have 20 pounds of loose skin and don't actually need to lose any more weight per se. Focus on strength training to tone things up. Talk to a surgeon who deals with this, even if you can't do the surgery, etc.
Long story short. Give yourself a damned break. Let your metabolism reboot. Maybe even gain 5 pounds. Maintain. Learn how to love yourself. Reconsider EVERYTHING AFTER 6 months of maintaining. If nothing else, you'll learn a new skill. Do exercise for enjoyment again - and above all, stop punishing yourself!
Love ya, Wendy!!!
(hugs),
Carly0 -
Sadly weight loss doesn't guarantee happiness. Wish it did.
If it helps I have spent the last six moths also chasing the the same 6 pounds to try and hit the under 200 mark. By all the numbers I should have been done by now. Plenty of that is on me, 19 months and things slip, the apathy creeps in and all its wonderful excuses (hello sugar habit). I've been riding an average of 250-300miles a month in that six moth period, so sadly exercise wont fix things (plenty of times it just give me more calories to mess up on).
Can't give you any advice as i'm swinging my feet on the going nowhere slowly pond, and i can only empathize. I am happier with how I look. But pull up my shirt and pull down that waist band, and my body is a vandalized wreck. Stretch marks every inch (and screw the pinterest "stretch-marks are beautiful" people... sorry if thats you guys). And so despite having a new body, a lot more energy, and a general degree more happiness, the idea of sharing this sack of folded skin with anyone intimately is terrifying. I can go cloths shopping like a normal person (which is a huge weight off) but the idea of being attractive to another person beyond the new fitting clothing feels a long way off. Yes I am aware this is all in my head, but then you are reminded every time you shower and have to remember to clean under the skin folds.
But I still wouldn't trade it back. Even when I hit under 200, like you I will have 20-30lbs to go, and god only knows how long that will take. But i am long past feeling a sense of failure because I didn't keep up an unsustainable pace of loss. But even if that takes 2years to happen what does it rally matter. It's two more years not being 204, 201, 196, 190... It's two more years not dying of an early hart attack or diabetes. It's two more years and thousands of miles of bike rides, of feeling more confident and less like a looser.
So I look like a hot mess naked. I don't make a living off my naked body (there goes the porn contingency
), so thats ok. And given the panacea of relationships out there, there will be someone who doesn't mind. I certainly wont ruin it with giving in. I have had 26 years of that, and that's plenty.
So don't be beat down. It took a lifetime to get to where you were. Could take most of it to get out, and thats a better way to spend the time. I can't tell you how to fix your rut beyond saying perhaps see your doctor or a nutritionist who may be better informed then us app pushers, maybe they can find the right factors or simply give you the reassurance that it's fine to go slow and not try to concur it all with exercise.
You have done great and are doing great wennim, skin folds and all.0 -
Thanks guys. I have spent a lot of time thinking (yes most of it was while running or biking) the last week and a half. I think a big part of this frustration was the fact that a year ago I had planned to be at my goal by my next birthday and that isn't even close to happening. I am grateful though that it seems I have been able to to maintain as opposed to the usual weight gain there would have been in the past.
My mind is just all over the place lately. I have been having migraines again which I haven't had in a long time. It's been a long few months. I have come to terms somewhat with the fact that no matter what I will never be 100% happy with my body. Someone posted some old pictures of a group on facebook last week and I was shocked. I don't know for sure what I weighed then but I would guess it was within 15 lbs of where I am now if I recall, I remember I was wearing a size 12. My body is completely different though. There is muscles where before there was fat. Loose skin where before there was rolls. My son showed me a picture of me that he took on his phone when I wasn't watching and even in the baggy clothes I look much thinner...not even so much thinner as healthier. I tried to join a running group last weekend but they barely made it a mile before they all got tired and slowed to a stroll and gossip session. These were all thin women about my age and I could run circles around them.
I went shopping. Usually any extra money goes to things for the kids but I gave myself permission to buy a new outfit. I hate trying on clothes but I made myself do it and actually found a few that fit and I thought looked presentable. I have always wanted a pair of taller boots but never thought I could pull them off and my calves were always too fat for them anyways. I found a pair that actually fit...and have a heel. I have never been a fan of heels because I always felt wobbly on them. But this pair I put them on and I knew they were coming home with me. Practical ...uhmm no, but they felt good and in turn I felt good so I see them as a good investment. My husband's first words were "when did you get so small?". I have to agree the clothes that fit do make me look smaller. He also told me that I look better than when we first met and that if I looked like this back then he wouldn't have even asked me out because I was way out of his league.
It hit me the other day that I am at a point where I am close to being half the person I used to be. Half. Not many people can say that. I still want to lose more but I am more comfortable with the idea that it may take longer. I am going to keep doing what I am doing. Eating healthier and exercising but I am only going to exercise to a point of enjoyment. I am going to limit myself to no more than 13 miles a time for my runs. If that stops being enjoyable I will cut back a little more. I still want to keep up the distance to do a few halfs next summer but with winter coming and I don't think I will ever be able to do that kind of distance on a treadmill I will need to cut back and pick up in spring. Maybe add in a few more fat tire rides to compensate. I'll get there eventually but it may take a long time, and I'm more ok with that now.0 -
Remember, too, as point of perspective, the amount of weight that IS your loose skin. You are closer to your goal that you think, because were that skin removed, you'd lose a significant number of pounds. I try to remember that.
I'm glad you've been working on perspective. I recently developed migraines for the first time, ever, Wendy. It's been literally he!! figuring out what the triggers are... I'm lucky in that I'm not really social with anyone, even family, that I was in years past, just due to the way life happened.
I'm sorry your running group was a flop. LOL But the boots win is AWESOME...and even more awesome are the hubby's...compliments! LOL
I'm glad you've found some perspective and some enjoyment in your future plans...
Hugs,
Carly0
