Day 2 Update
Last night before I went to bad, I entered in the food I plan to eat for most of the day today. I work from home and so it is pretty easy to stay on track if I actually try and prepare. The issue is that often I forget to eat. So I think that may be my biggest challenge. I was really tempted to skip breakfast, but I know that skipping meals is part of why I'm so overweight in the first place.

I will skip meals, then over eat, or just not eat all day. Which I'm sure destroys my metabolism. I always thought it was funny how people assume that those who are larger eat massive amounts of food. In my case (and the case of many other women I know), it is the exact opposite. The more stressed and tired I am, the less that I want to eat. Unfortunately, when I finally do get around to eating a meal, it is often very calorie dense, salty, cheesy, or sweet.

We are on a tight budget, so tossing out food just because it is not low-cal is not an option. In this first few weeks, I'm going to focus on making good choices with the food that I have on hand, by eating smaller portions, not skipping meals, and logging everything I put in mouth.

Freedom from Emotional Eating and Truth Journaling
I read a book last month that was very transformative called Freedom from Emotional Eating. It is written from a Christian perspective and gives some great scriptures and tools to combat the trap of eating to cope with emotions.

I chose to read this book because I knew that my issues with weight-loss were mental and emotional. I know how to lose weight. I just haven't bothered to do it because I've lied to myself about my problems with food.

The author suggests that you do something called "truth journaling". The process is quite effective. You write about a situation where you didn't adhere to your eating boundaries (like the time you ate two cookies, but you were only supposed to eat one), and explore the emotions and the truth (facts) around the incident.

From time to time, I will share from my truth journaling exercises. It will keep me accountable and offer some humor as I write about why I'm mad that I can't have another bowl of ice cream, lol!

Day 5
Two days ago a giant box of chocolates showed up. My husband just got a promotion and went to Buffalo to corporate headquarters for training. To say congrats they sent him a box of chocolate. It honestly makes no sense because most men are not into sweets (at least not enough to pounds of chocolate). I am convinced that the universe is plotting against me and wants me to be fat. LOL. I was fine day one. I ate a few pieces for a snack, logged it, I was fine. Then yesterday I got off schedule, missed breakfast, ate lunch late, got bored and before I knew it, I was crushing these weird sponge toffee chocolate things like I had never seen food. I logged the damage, but that doesn't make it ok. I'm not feeling overly guilty, but at the same time, I know that I need to set myself up to win and get this freaking candy out of my house. I asked him to take it to work, and he forgot. So it may end up in the trash...

More on Why I'm Doing This
As I get older, I am acutely aware of the fact that life is short. I lost several friends last year, one to cancer, another went to bed not feeling well and never woke up. The one who died suddenly was the exact same age as me. Her birthday was only a few days after mine. I had just spoken to her and mailed her a gift that she never got. It really rocked me. There are nights when I lay in bed wondering, was today my last day? I am not trying to be morbid. My fear is not so much that I will die, but that I will pass away and not accomplish the things that I know God gave me to do. I want to fulfill my purpose, and that is really hard when you're dragging an extra 100 pounds with you everywhere. I also don't want to put myself into an early grave by not bothering to care for myself. I don't believe that weight is the sole indicator of health. With the exception of my weight, I am perfectly healthy. But why risk it?

My Goals for Next Week
Next week I want to start drinking more water. I'm exercising and staying on plan with my calories. But I notice that I am barely getting in 8 glasses of water each day. I would like to start drinking half my weight in water which would be 125 ounces, so my goal for next week is to double water consumption.

I've been gone for awhile! But not idle. My husband and I got one of those phone calls you dread. It was the ER and his mother was not expected to make it. Praise God she has recovered. But we were moments from planning her funeral which really took a toll on us both. I've learned a lot about myself through this. I've seen that I have a hard time bouncing back when something interrupts my routine or when stress/trauma occurs.

At first I packed my meals and would power walk in the hospital. But after weeks 2 and 3 and then the trips to the nursing facility once she was released, it was not even on my mind. The good news is that I haven't really gained any weight. I think I'm up 1 or 2 pounds, but considering that I basically have done no exercise, I'm glad. In the past I would have eaten non stop to deal with the stress, so I'm patting myself on the back and ready to un-pause my journey and get back to it.

I'm excited to see what the next month will hold. I hope to see some big losses on the scale.