ED is a liar
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irishjeepgirl1969
Posts: 188 Member
It's true. Our eating disorder lies to us. For example, ED tells me that if I don't eat perfectly every day, I have failed.
That's a lie.
The truth is that even skinny people, people of "normal weight", even health nuts don't ever always eat perfectly. Hey! Sometimes Triple Chocolate Meltdown happens. And once in a while, it should happen.
The truth is that this isn't about one food, one meal, or one binge. The truth is that this is the rest of my life. I have to face the reality that even normal people binge now and then, and so will I. Even health nuts mindlessly eat now and again. This is not a free pass to justify binges. This is forgiving myself in advance-paying it forward to my soul, if you will
The truth is that perfection is my enemy. It's Xanadu. It's Nirvana. It's Oz. It doesn't exist. Even skinny people stand at the kitchen sink and eat peanut butter out of the jar now and then. Perfection. Does. Not. Exsist.
I could post a loooooooooong list of lies that this disorder feeds me every day. I'll bet you could, too. List them. Then let them go. Call out your ED and it's lies! Confront it, stare it down, and then let those lies go.
Share your ED lies. Might help someone else see the lies they believe about themselves in the process!
That's a lie.
The truth is that even skinny people, people of "normal weight", even health nuts don't ever always eat perfectly. Hey! Sometimes Triple Chocolate Meltdown happens. And once in a while, it should happen.
The truth is that this isn't about one food, one meal, or one binge. The truth is that this is the rest of my life. I have to face the reality that even normal people binge now and then, and so will I. Even health nuts mindlessly eat now and again. This is not a free pass to justify binges. This is forgiving myself in advance-paying it forward to my soul, if you will
The truth is that perfection is my enemy. It's Xanadu. It's Nirvana. It's Oz. It doesn't exist. Even skinny people stand at the kitchen sink and eat peanut butter out of the jar now and then. Perfection. Does. Not. Exsist.
I could post a loooooooooong list of lies that this disorder feeds me every day. I'll bet you could, too. List them. Then let them go. Call out your ED and it's lies! Confront it, stare it down, and then let those lies go.
Share your ED lies. Might help someone else see the lies they believe about themselves in the process!
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I agree with you 100% on this. I think the "all or nothing" frame of mind is the biggest issue that I struggle with, and I think it's probably pretty common among many of us here. Although I am sure there are many BED-related lies that I tell myself, I would say that the two most frequent ones that also fall under the umbrella of "all or nothing" thinking are these:
- I've been bad today, so might as well go all out so that I can start fresh tomorrow.
- I am going to binge on this food so that it is out of the house and I don't binge on it later and will remove the temptation (this one is SO STUPID!!! Why binge to avoid bingeing?!?!??!?!?!?! To "start fresh?" Yeah right! Then I just binge again!)0 -
I caught myself doing the all or nothing mental dance last night. I ate out and had a bigger & fries after having eaten nachos at my daughter's volleyball game. I was so pooped! On the way home, I was running through the "I blew it, may as well have some of the leftover cake, maybe a taste of that Mac & cheese...."
Then I hit the brakes. It was one meal, one evening. It can end there.
And it did. I came home, took my vitamins, and went to bed. No binge. No regrets. I did not give in to the lie. I faced it head on and banished it. Go me!0 -
Burger and fries...not a bigger. Butbit was HUGE!0
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That is so incredible! That is my ultimate goal: moderation and balance. I feel like we should all be able to just eat what we want, and that what we want is probably not so much what we think it is when we are in this mentality. I think going out for a burger and fries is awesome, especially since it didn't set you off!
I also had nachos and fries yesterday, coincidentally!0 -
My God! We are living a parallel life! The more I read of you, the more I am convinced lol!0
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irishjeepgirl1969 wrote: »My God! We are living a parallel life! The more I read of you, the more I am convinced lol!
I know, when I saw nachos and I fries I couldn't believe it! For the record I haven't had nachos in forever, so it is actually quite a coincidence!
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I'm not a big nacho eater. The "cheese" doesn't measure up for me. It's like expecting Godiva and getting Palmer's. It was just the best choice at the concession stand at the game. I could eat my considerable weight in fries, though!0
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I agree with you 100% on this. I think the "all or nothing" frame of mind is the biggest issue that I struggle with, and I think it's probably pretty common among many of us here. Although I am sure there are many BED-related lies that I tell myself, I would say that the two most frequent ones that also fall under the umbrella of "all or nothing" thinking are these:
- I've been bad today, so might as well go all out so that I can start fresh tomorrow.
- I am going to binge on this food so that it is out of the house and I don't binge on it later and will remove the temptation (this one is SO STUPID!!! Why binge to avoid bingeing?!?!??!?!?!?! To "start fresh?" Yeah right! Then I just binge again!)
Omg this is exactly how it goes for me. If I "treat myself" regardless of the calories or overeat even slightly, then I'm just like well I already messed up so...let's continue!! Its like one bite too much and a switch flips and I can't stop. I totally binge on stuff to get it out of my room for the next day. It's rough living in a dorm, but at home it's worse since I have no control over what's in the house. But when I'm at school I binge on healthy and unhealthy stuff. A whole pack of Greek yogurt, 5 apples, etc...it doesn't even matter what it is. I just go through the motions
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irishjeepgirl1969 wrote: »
The truth is that perfection is my enemy. It's Xanadu. It's Nirvana. It's Oz. It doesn't exist. Even skinny people stand at the kitchen sink and eat peanut butter out of the jar now and then. Perfection. Does. Not. Exsist.
I call it, 'If Only....' I live in this world of, 'if only.....' I wasn't overweight.... everything would be just grand. Now, realistically, I know that's just not true.... I would just not be overweight. There would be benefits to not being overweight, but it wouldn't make my life perfect. But, the fanciful side of my brain, says.... 'lose weight, and you'll just be ecstatically happy.' The thing is, though.... 25 yrs ago, I thought, 'if only' I could quit drinking, I'd be the king of the world. Well, 25 years sober... and ya... I'm sober... but I still don't have my freakin' crown.
I agree with you 100% on this. I think the "all or nothing" frame of mind is the biggest issue that I struggle with, and I think it's probably pretty common among many of us here.
I wouldn't be surprised if we all think in terms of 'all or nothing.' I know I do... or did, if I am getting anywhere to leaving that behind.
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I am also guilty of the "if only" thoughts.
I thought of another BED lie that I tell myself. I tell myself that one huge binge will have smaller consequences than overeating a few times. For example, if I go completely nuts in one day I will gain less weight than I would if those foods were eaten over the course of a week. So somehow eating twenty doughnuts in one sitting, for example, will do less damage than eating one or two doughnuts a day. I guess this also falls under all or nothing!0 -
This ED guy sounds like a jerk. ( sorry if I don't make bad jokes part of my soul dies)0
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ED is a turd. Bill is, too. We get his mail all the time, always asking for money. Jerk. God forbid we fail to send the money, too.
Another lie: Eating will fill the hole inside.
My stomach is upset from eating crap since Friday. So It's 11am and I felt a bit peckish. So I made a ham & cheese wrap. As I was sitting here eating it, I caught myself thinking, "This isn't filling 'the hole'. So maybe I'll eat some....."
What? What can I eat that will fill "The Hole"? How can stuffing copious amounts of calories down my gullet fill a hole that I can't even identify? I've been binge eating for decades and "The Hole" is still there.
What is "The Hole"? Where'd it come from? How do I locate it and fill it for good so that I can stop destroying myself in an effort to repair my self?
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Ditto on the "hole" thing. I never feel satisfied, and I'm always trying to find satisfaction with food. I think part of it is that I truly enjoy eating, so I never want the "experience" to end. I've never been one to eat on the go, or really even eat in front of the TV. I mean yes I do do that, but I prefer to sit down and focus 100% on eating and I do not like to be distracted by it. I do think that I appreciate my meals more than a lot of people, and food is very much about pleasure for me. This is an issue, because when I try to find alternative to bingeing nothing measures up for me.
Then again, bingeing has lost the appeal that it had at first, and in some ways I think the reason my binges have become bigger and bigger is because I'm trying to achieve the rewarding feelings I used to get, which are no longer really there and it's more of a habit. This is good in the sense that maybe a reduction in pleasure will make me less likely to binge, but I don't know. I think a big part of it is that eating engages so many senses. I LOVE texture and flavor, and I like to feel my food (I sound so creepy). Substituting bingeing with another activity just doesn't really incorporate all of these different things, I guess.
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