I’ve lived in Washington State most of my life. I lived and worked in the Seattle area for many years and now live in the SW corner of Washington State with my partner of 20 years, Mary. I’m 53 and I have a 35-year-old son who lives in California.

Weight has been a problem for me since my early teens. It was a 20 lb. problem before I had my son and it became a 120 lb. problem after he was born. Lots of yo yo dieting over the years and my weight crept up to nearly 400 by the time I was 40. Then I quit my 3 ½ pack a day smoking habit and I had another big jump in weight, reaching over 500 lbs. within a year.

So, I’ve been on lots of diet plans. Half a dozen times on and off of weight watchers, couple of different types of plant based diets, lots and lots of straight up calorie counting, and few oddball things like raw foods, smoothie cleanses, and intermittent fasting. I’ve never done Atkins or Paleo. I’ve never been a big meat eater. I’m more of a tofu, granola hippy chick.

I’ve gone for long periods, sometimes more than 6 months, adhering 100% to a diet plan and have repeatedly lost more than 100 lbs. only to fall off the plan and gain back the weight. In each case, I think I became over confident in my self-control. After 6 months of strict adherence, surely I’ve demonstrated I have the self-control to eat this cake and ice cream and then jump right back on my plan. Do it once - all is well………… maybe one more time won’t hurt. Then down the slippery slope we tumble. At that point, all kinds of neurotic and dysfunctional thinking kicks in. Ignoring the problem altogether. Telling myself I’ll get back on track “TOMPORROW”. Waiting for the perfect time to start again or start a new plan.

So, I’m trying again. Can’t say for sure this time will be different but ya got to try. Let me tell you what makes me hopeful. I tried to quit smoking like 500 times before it finally took. I repeatedly tried nicotine gum and nicotine patches and distracting myself with hobbies and games and gum and such. Finally, it took. I loved to smoke. If they came up with a cure for cancer (and maybe emphysema), I’d take up smoking again. But, I figure if I could give up smoking I can stick to a food plan.

If I had unlimited self-discipline I’d probably follow a low fat plant based diet, eating only organic unprocessed foods from local farms. But I don’t have unlimited self-discipline and at the moment, weight loss is my first priority. So, if I can find a way to have a cinnamon roll or a bowl of macaroni and cheese, no matter how small, and still lose weight, that would be pretty good for now. Enter Nutrisystem. I’ve been on Nutrisystem since February 4th and I’m down 28.6 lbs. Actually, I’m down 45.2 lbs. since Jan. 5th. I did some smoothie fasting in January. Nice weight drops but not sustainable.

I've been hanging out on a Nutrisystem discussion forum but there isn't really anyone there near my size so I'm looking for additional weight loss groups to interact with. I'm new to MFP.

I was large as a child, but lost it all in the summer I went to high school. I yo-yo'ed in my 20's but was about 150lbs when I got married in 1995. The following year I had my first daughter Kayleigh and it spiralled after that. I've tried every diet going and have came to the conclusion that I need to change lifestyle. I've also managed to recognise that sometimes when I think I'm hungry, actually dehydrated. Managing to drink around 3 litres of water per day. I feel that something has actually clicked in my brain now and I'm determined to make this work.

Crikey, where do I start?

I was a curvy teen, not really too bothered about my body until I started getting badly physically and mentally bullied at school. It also didn't help that my dad would make jibes about what I looked like, and how I wasn't a typical girl (because I wore jeans and a t-shirt, read horror novels and wrote ghost stories).
This went on for a while, and I started to comfort eat, which I guess was the wrong thing to do when I was being teased about my weight! I withdrew completely, lost touch with a lot of things in real life, and I was diagnosed with acute depression and anxiety.

My college years came and went, I was still overweight but I think my weight stayed about the same. Then some bad things happened in my life, things that left me traumatised, added to the ongoing depressive issues, and I once again turned to food for comfort. I also used food as a way to keep people away from me. I thought that people would stay away from me if I was huge and unattractive.

Then, I started to work in catering, and I lost some of the weight without trying. Being on my feet for 16 hours a day in a hot kitchen, working around food, I lost my appetite for junk. I also gained a bunch of lovely friends, some of whom are still my friends today. They knew I had depressive episodes, and did what they could to support me, even if it meant letting me blast out classic rock music in the kitchen during my shifts (music's always been a big help to me).

After a couple of years, I moved away from catering and in to office work, which meant sitting on my butt for 8 hours a day, and the weight just flooded back. I've tried so many different diets that I can't remember them all. I failed every time. I'd do really well for a month or two, maybe even three, but then old habits would creep back in, or depression would sink in, and the diet would be done.

This time around, I'm working on changing my thought processes, improving my mental health as well as my physical health, and things are going better. I'm learning to deal with the depressive episodes and not running straight for the fridge. I keep some food prepared so that when I can't deal with the thought of cooking, or shopping, or going out, I have something there and don't reach for those trusty takeaway menus.
And I'm being honest with my partner. We've been together for 8 years. He knows all about my mental health issues, and my constant battle with food and weight, and is doing what he can to help me. I've lost 22lbs so far (it was 24lbs, but I had a bad week), and even signed up with a gym. I only go super early on weekends at the moment as its too much to deal with when its busy, but I like it. I don't push myself too hard, and I'm building up my stamina. I plan on doing a 10k (6.2 mile) walk for charity in July, and would like to be able to walk a 10 mile route by the end of the year. Goals are important for me, as I'm someone who needs something to look forward to. I reached my first goal when I lost my first stone (14lbs), and my next is to ditch the 300lb range and drop into the 200lbs. I'm keeping my weight goals small and achievable for now.

My food regime right now is to stay within my calorie range, to not deprive myself totally of the things I like, and to go for smaller portions that I am used to. And to get some exercise every day, even if its just for 15 minutes.

Ok, I've talked enough now!

Jenni

HI all, my name is Peg. I am 5'11 1/2" tall (6 feet with shoes!), and have been this height since the 8th grade. I like being tall, but my height always distorted my weight concerns, especially because I am built like a sturdy German farm girl! Long story short, I was slightly heavy when I was young, but active and fit. As I got older, had babies, and got a desk job, the weight piled on. Last May I made a resolution to take care of my health and got a physical and visited the Wellness Coach provided as benefit through my employer. I started at 340 pounds, and have lost 77 by gradually increasing my physical activity and tracking my intake. On the plus side, I have built some great fitness habits (Jazzercise 5x/week, walking 2+ miles 6x/week), but I have hit a lull in my motivation/dedication/whatever and have neglected my tracker more often than not in the last several weeks.

And a bit of trivia, I have a twin sister and we are roughly the same size now.

Clarissa, I totally get the Easter egg thing. I will be SO happy when those &*%$!! Cadbury mini eggs are no longer available!

ObesityWarrior - That could so easily have been me that wrote your last post!

I was always the fat kid in school, but never had serious health problems. Even into my late 20s, I was pretty active, but never thin. A desk job started the slow accumulation of lbs, until I found myself at an embarrassing, and startling 403.

Between Jan 2011 and Jan 2012, I lost 109 lbs, then hit a plateau. I wasn't losing, but was maintaining pretty well. Then, my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and I had to watch him slowly die for the next 2 years. During that time, I gained about 30 lbs back, and after he passed, I gained another 30 over that next year.

Once I got back on solid ground, I worked about 20 of that off again, and hit another plateau. Some recent news really motivated me to make drastic lifestyle changes, and while I'm still trying to figure out how to really eat "clean", I've jumped off the plateau, and am losing every week.

I've lost all the weight I put back on after Dad got diagnosed, and am nearing the lowest weight I've been in my adult life. NOTHING is going to stop me from achieving my weight goals. I finally figured out that there's no shortcut to this, no magic bullet, or pill. It's hard work, tenacity, motivation, and time.

** current weight 326.4 - OOPS I wish LOL

Spoiler for child abuse and domestic violence. Skip if this is a trigger for you.
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Well... why not. I feel like a total joiner today. This is not a pretty story so once again, if you don't like the personal stuff please skip this one.

I'll try my best to make it short.

My mother is a victim of childhood sexual abuse and the child of alcoholics. Ditto my father. They married when I was around 2 years old and divorced when I was 3. My father went on to another more permanent relationship which resulted in a half sister, but didn't marry his partner until shortly before his death almost 40 years later.

I lived with my mother who went on to marry four more times for a total of five. Her second marriage was to a pedophile who became the father of my other sibling, a half sister. That marriage lasted approx. nine years, the duration of which I was sexually abused by this man from the time I was 3 and he moved into our home.

My mother had no idea the abuse occurred until I was 40. I basically carried that secret around all my life and only trusted anyone enough to share it just lately. I've never received treatment and I know I need this. I'm actively seeking a therapist for that purpose.

My abuser was an extremely cruel man. Looking back on it now I'd definitely call him a sadist. He did things to me that sicken me over and above what you might feel when you think of a pedophile in general, especially now that I'm a mother. He not only abused me physically but mentally, to keep me terrified and controlled.

As a result I turned to food for comfort and having learned from an early age to trust no one, that's pretty much been my only solace my entire life. I smoked from the time I was 18 until I was 30 and this kept the weight down considerably, but after quitting I quickly ballooned up by turning back to food. I don't have any other coping mechanisms. I'm working on establishing those now on my own.

My mother is a very driven, successful career person. She has good intentions and loved us, but her focus wasn't on her children so she missed the abuse, and obviously with her background had issues of her own to deal with. So I was basically alone to sink or swim and I sank. I became an extremely shy, introverted, private, mistrustful loner with no friends. I've pretty much remained that way until just lately when I feel compelled to try to change things for the better.

I became a single mother at 18 after my first relationship. I had never dated before but because of the abuse I thought the way you showed love was physically. The child's father asked me to marry him but I said no and chose to raise my daughter on my own.

Four years after her birth, my mother introduced me to the son of a work colleague. He was very handsome, quiet and seemingly sweet. We dated briefly and married soon after. I think we were both simply tired of being alone. He turned out to have severe mental issues I missed because he was so quiet, the main one being not being able to handle his anger. He was very aggressive when upset and shortly into our marriage began beating me.

Due to my mother's many failed relationships I was determined for mine not to end in divorce, so I did everything I knew how to try and make it work. That marriage resulted in a son and lasted 6.5 years before it got so bad I ended it.

I met my current (second and last) husband online and we've been together for 17 years. We have two children of our own and similar pasts. The good thing about him is he's a great father, very supportive and understanding, thankfully not violent in the least, has an excellent work ethic, is a wonderful provider and the first safe place I've ever known. Together we're working out all the badness.

So that's where I am right now. Trying to undo all those awful years, bad habits, damage, and hopefully make a fresh start from right now and get things right this time. Get healthy, face down these demons, develop self-control and healthy coping mechanisms, do some living instead of just existing.

My plan of action is lifestyle change. A total overhaul. Learning about nutrition, portion control, how to cope with stress in productive ways, etc. etc. etc. Also learning how to love me. That's a biggie. Until now my life has been about hiding, withdrawing, trying to minimize the pain. I want to quit that nonsense because I realize I'm all I've got. This body I have right now, it's the only one I have, and it deserves to be loved and respected and treated well. That's what I hope to learn to do and implement on this site. And if not here, then I'll search elsewhere, but so far so good. Things are looking hopeful.

Trigger warning: Anorexia (also lots of fast food talk, which I understand might be a trigger to some)






Like many in this group, my weight has been a problem since I was a child. I don't really even remember being average-sized, as I was probably 6-7 years old when I became overweight. Until I was 14 I was overweight-to-obese, I think I weighed 220 at my then-highest. Then I had a very bad onset of depression (which has since been diagnosed as bipolar II) and I became unintentionally anorexic. I lost about 45 pounds in 2-3 months. On the bright side, I no longer ate out of boredom... on the down side, that meant I only ate one meal a day (dinner with my family) which wasn't enough to satisfy my daily needs.

I loved the attention I got for being thin. I hadn't tried to get there, but soon people at school were commenting on it (it largely happened over the summer, so many people just saw a really sudden change and almost didn't recognize me). I remember walking from my house to my grandma's one day and these guys who lived across the street from me just said, "Wow... Sara, is that you!? You look great!" And I just felt so confident, for the first time since I could remember. After I was medicated and dealing with my depression and anxiety, I started eating normally, which of course meant I gained weight.

For a few years, it was fine. I weighed about 195-200 pounds (~a 20 pound gain from my anorexia days) but my body is blessedly proportioned, and I never look at heavy as I am, so I still liked my body, for the most part. As years went on though, I fell back into boredom eating... and then eventually emotional eating (which is the kiss of death with bipolar, as I have "rapid cycling" bipolar, which means I almost always am in, what I call, an emotional-whiplash state.) Ever since the anorexia it's been very hard not to go back to starving myself (even if it was unintended the first time). It came off so fast and people thought I looked amazing.

I slowly gained at least 100 pounds since about 2008, the last 20-30 pounds being helped along by a mood-stabilizing medication that also caused PCOS, which I was diagnosed with in February 2015.

I moved from Pennsylvania to live with my boyfriend in Berlin, Germany in July 2015. The lifestyle difference in combination (I believe) with changing to a medication with fewer side effects let me lose roughly 15 pounds without changing food or exercise habits. This finally got me more motivated than I've ever been. I'm very glad to be in Germany for this, as I just don't make as many healthy choices in the US. Fast food isn't "fast" in this country, or at least in the middle of Berlin, where I have to walk or take the metro to the nearest McDonald's or Subway, unlike in the US where I drove everywhere and would easily pass 2-3 McDonald's on my way to the grocery store.

In my last 1.5 years as an undergraduate I commuted 45 minutes each way and became best friends with McDonald's. I ate at least 6 McDoubles, 3 McChickens, and 96 oz. of Coke per week, on top of the 1-2 liters/day that I already drank at home. Not to mention the fast food I ate when my mom and I would just decide to have fast food because we felt like it.

Now I eat fast food (usually Subway or McDonald's) about once per every 1-1.5 months and I'm trying to get off my soda addiction. I love Coke, but my PCOS did not so I cut it out for about two months. My glucose intolerance symptoms started going away, so a couple weeks ago I allowed myself 6 oz. (I split a can with my boyfriend) of Coke, to see if I still got sick. I loved it and didn't get ill, but 6 oz. was actually my limit! It was just too sweet and... not natural tasting after the first few swigs. So I figure if I can stay with 6-8 oz. no more than once/month, I should be fine, since it didn't trigger me to want more.

Anyway... I've finally lost 5 additional pounds on top of the 15 that I lost just from non-food related lifestyle changes, and I'm feeling very good. I know that this will be a long journey though and am hoping that I can keep myself motivated to keep using MFP, even on days that I go over my limit. It's so easy to think, "Well, this will blow my limit for today... but I want it anyway... so I guess I'll just not log today and come back tomorrow," which of course is a dangerous cycle.

Sorry that was long... but it contained my biggest recurring struggles so I wanted to share it.

I noticed this thread the day it was posted and wanted to add my story but I didn't for some reason. Maybe I wasn't ready yet maybe I was being lazy because I knew it would be a lot to type. Either way I think of this thread almost every day and I suppose it's time to try to put my story into words.

I've battled with weight my whole life. I was a chubby kid. Nothing too crazy just slightly bigger. I was teased relentlessly though. I was teased by classmates and family alike. I remember laying on my back as a child staring at my stomach wishing I had a different body. I wasn't even 10 and I hated myself.

Why was I an over weight child? Well my home life wasn't the best. Don't get me wrong I was lucky it wasn't worse. My father is an alcoholic that abused prescription drugs. He has a lot of mental issues he refuses to address and they haunt him. He in turn took this out on my mother and I. His theory was that if my sister was his baby girl I had to belong to my mother; so every time he was mad at her he took it out on me to make her feel worse. Bit of a jerk. He yelled, threw things at me, made sure I knew I was less important to him by taking my sister out for treats and leaving me at home, he even went as far as to make me put back food because he said I was too fat and didn't need to eat.

My mom was in a bad place during this all. She was the only one that worked and only had a part time job. We weren't able to afford much and didn't have a car until I was a teenager. Her major coping mechanism was food. We ate a lot of cheap comfort food. Any sort of treats we got were in the form of food. We did well we got a cookie from the store. This went on for a long time and I learned a lot of really bad habits I was fortunate in a way when I was 14. My dad crossed the line and we got a restraining order on him.

I need to take this back a bit to explain another factor to my weight. When I was 12 I started working hard to be a healthy weight because I wanted to look close to normal. I joined sports at school and tried running when I was at home but something happened.

I was a part of several sports at school when I noticed great pain in my hip. I could barely walk let alone run. I had to drop out of my teams and started to fail my P.E. classes. I would come home from school and lay down and cry in pain. My mom took me to the doctor and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. They took x-rays and nothing showed up so they treated me for tendinitis. I was sent to physical therapy and given anti inflammatories. This didn't help and I essentially stopped moving. I stopped all of the sports I had joined and any extra movement. Needless to say I started to gain weight again.

That lasted for three years. My mom knew I was in pain and she kept taking me back to the doctors. I was very fortunate to have an amazing doctor that believed me that something was wrong. He sent me to another facility that had a brand new x-ray machine to see if there was anything we were missing. There was. I had a hip fracture. I had broken my hip three years before and continued to re injure the joint. Long story short I had a brand new surgery that re construed the entire joint.

That took me off my feet entirely for 3 months then another 2 on a cane or crutches. It took nearly a year before I could walk normally. Unfortunately I still have chronic pain in the joint. Don't get me wrong it's worlds better than before though. I walked on my new joint for three years before the height discrepancy was discovered. My surgery made my leg half an inch shorter. Those years my knee compressed due to my new found weight and height discrepancy.

After all that I did the easy thing and stopped walking as much so I wouldn't hurt. This led to a horrible cycle of weight gain. The extra weight hurt my joints more witch made me stop walking as much causing more weight gain. I had my own mental illnesses to overcome on top of my physical problems and just snowballed to higher and higher weights.

At that point in my life I just accepted what I was and the weight I was gaining. I would try some quick diet for a few weeks then drop it. Nothing stuck because I didn't really care all that much. Then another big change happened in my life. I was blessed with nephew.

I can't have kids so my nephew is a big deal in my life. He was a big wake up call. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to see him grow up and I knew that my lifestyle wouldn't allow me to do that. I was 368 lbs and gaining at that point. I have a family history of diabetes and heart problems. I'm lucky nothing has happened yet. So I started to make a change. This time I'm sticking with it. I'm not going to let old habits and pain hold me back.

I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I was always a bigger kid nothing extreme or anything but I can remember my mom always telling me to "suck it in" so I've had a pretty negative view of my body for as long as I can remember. I also never learned much about eating healthy as a kid. My dad was gone for work a lot and my mom just didn't really cook much. My mom was anorexic when she was younger. She won't admit that but she lost a bunch of weight eating grapes, cheese and a tablespoon of peanut butter when she started to feel weak. I don't blame my mom at all for my own struggle with weight, it's my own struggle.
My first attempt to lose weight was in 2011 before my junior prom, I lost about 35 lbs but I ended up gaining it all back plus some. In 2013 I lost almost 50 after getting up to 280 lbs. but here I am again up to 306.
I am starting over and I'm determined. Since my last try at losing weight I have learned that I am a binge eater and it is something I am more aware of now and I was also diagnosed with PCOS which I have been told may work against me but I know it's not impossible!