I for one don't agree that we should stop posting shirtless selfies but do agree that there should be more men of any body type who feel empowered to take of their shirts and take a picture. The problem is that were flooded with images of the masculine ideal and not anything that challenges that. The more people who challenge the idea the better off we are right? So I say post more shirtless selfies...no matter how you compare to this "Adonis ratio" because honestly confidence is the sexiest trait anyone can have. But again, easier said than done.

Funny thing is only last week I was talking to my gym instructor about pretty much this. That conversation started because I was talking about watching some old Buffy episodes, and how David Boreanaz was seen as super fit back then, and how the definition of a "hot bod" has changed so much in my lifetime. Remember the Burt Reynolds centrefold and how much of a thing that was? Would his body even be given a second glance today? Or how someone like Peter Andrei in the 90s was seen as such an extreme body, yet today it's 10 a penny down almost every gym, and is standard issue for every boy band and teen flick.

So... when I came out, I was nothing special. I was soft around the middle, not an ideal weight but not massively overweight, and I did ok. Heck, I did ok enough to settle down with my husband and stay together for 16 years so far. But I also knew that my body wasn't to everyone's taste during that search - some were pretty vocal about it and would point out 1 or two obvious flaws. There were the obvious ones that I wasn't thin, I didn't have rock hard abs, pecs of steel and biceps that ripped shirts when I reached something from a shelf. Fine. That was their preference, and I wasn't their preference, and I wasn't going to change me to suit their ideals of Mr Perfect, especially for a one night stand. There were other things that people didn't like about my body that I could do bod all about, and short of going back to 1972 and taking a surgeon's scalpel out of his hand, nothing was going to put *that* back.

But over those 16 years I've changed. A lot. First, I put on a load of weight, and quite frankly I got disgusted with myself and my appearance. But I was scared to do anything about it until I had to. When I started to lose the weight, my plan was simple - to get off the tablets I was forced to take, and get back into the tux that fitted when I was at uni. And I achieved that within 6 months. And then I was a bit stuck and went "now what?". I'd fought to get myself back in my shape, and didn't want to slip. So I decided that it'd be nice to get a bit toned and pull things in a bit, you know what you'd probably call a non-surgical body tuck. And I started to do well, and could see bits developing, and I liked what I saw, and now wanted a bit more and a bit more.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I recognise that some could say I'm suffering from some sort of body dysmorphic disorder, and I can recognise at some level I probably do. There are times, and again I've discussed this with my PT, where I look in the mirror and don't like what I see. For those moments I've got my photos I've taken every month and I can look and see what progress I've made, and give myself a reality check that I'm doing brilliantly and do look so much better and I am so much more healthy. But I want so much more, but for me. I was incredibly disappointed at my last DEXA scan to have "only" put on a few hundred grams of muscle. I am disappointed in my chest (easily my personal most hated bit of my body), and I'm disappointed that I'll never have that perfect body as my natural body shape doesn't really lend itself to looking like that, and to get anywhere close I'd have to develop a whole new suite of disorders and pharmaceuticals. But it doesn't stop me looking enviously at those photos of other people I don't even know and wishing that somehow I could look like that. I train hard and carefully monitor every calorie in and out. But I also know that should I ever achieve that ideal of perfection, it'll probably have moved on even further and ever more extreme. I also know that whatever I achieve I'll probably still see my flaws - years of people pointing them out makes you great at spotting them.

It's a problem, but it's hardly unique to queer men. This is just a slightly different flavor of the same toxic body-image issue that plagues the rest of society.

And it's not going anywhere without a huge cultural shift. I'm beginning to see small signs, but until the "traditionally attractive" crowd gets on board, it will stay a fringe movement. And since that's the crowd that benefits, I don't see that happening anytime soon.

People just aren't known for looking past physical appearances.