The hardest thing about being an "ex" racer is accepting that riding isn't about all the goal-orientated stuff anymore.

I had it much easier, my "retirement" from racing was 25 years or so ago, and enforced by a RTA that saw me hospitalised for 3 months, and under daily medical treatment and off work for another 9. By which time I'd pretty much also lost my "bottle" when it came to riding the bike in any way shape or form, and which took me over 15 years to get into a frame of mind to try and conquer the fears.

BUT still, the competitive edge comes out - I think it always will, because if you were the kind of personality that was driven enough to compete in the first place, that'll always be there in you. But Equally, to dedicate the time you need to get half decent at racing, you've GOT to love riding the bike (even if you sometimes don't enjoy it while training)

My specialism was time-trialling. I was nothing special as a road-racer, back of the field at 'cross, in "fun" category in MTB's (usually wearing a fright-wig and fancy dress or something similar!), but time-trialling - well, it spoke to my inner masochist. I loved it - and embraced the pain involved - not only in the racing, but in the training too... I was a "big diesel" really - nothing special in the 10miles - 23minutes and change, ditto in the 25miles - around 57-58m for a 25, but I could get under 2 hours for a 50 on most courses, and had a pb of 3:58:17 for a 100... Even now, with the advent of FAR better bikes and much more aero kit (tri-bars were JUST coming into vogue as I retired) those times would get me into the gold-standards of my local club.

Now, I mention those times, because they have a certain relevance... If you let it be, its faintly depressing to ride around a 100 mile route and get home to find you've been out over 8 hours, and you're wiped out completely. Half the speed I used to go, and I'm still dead to the world after it! God only knows what I'd have been like if all my racing/training stuff had been recorded in the GPS version of technicolour... Probably a gibbering wreck. So, I've had to face a major truth. I'm NEVER going to have the time, dedication, fitness and youth to be able to recapture my earlier glories. I'm old, i'm overweight, and i'm no longer a racer.

So, my struggle was to basically recapture the sheer JOY of riding the bike that got me into riding in the first place - first came the "wheeeeeeeee" feeling of bowling down the road with the wind in my hair, and the freedom of the open road. Only a couple of years later came the competitive aspect - when I realised that actually I was quite good at riding my bike for a long time/distance (because when people asked me where I'd been on the bike that day and I told them their jaws dropped...) at which point I joined a club, went on a couple of club-runs, then my first club 10, and that was it...

So, it's down to embracing the actual joy of riding the bike. Now, I've a day job, and not every ride after work can be somewhere fun and new - there's a LOT of "the same old loop" in my strava feed. Because, there's a REALLY well mixed up route that takes just over a hour, or can be extended to 1.5 or 2 hours weather/hunger permitting. And, I ride that route ad-nauseum. Yep, I get sick of it at times... but, I've realised that in order to really enjoy the rides on the weekend when I'm out exploring or riding different areas, I need to get fitter (or at least maintain the meagre fitness I have, depending on the time of year) - so, I still ride the "same old loop" with half an eye on "training" - ok, not as focussed in any way as I was in my racing days, but certainly reasonably focussed - somedays I'll concentrate on spinning the gears, somedays i'll concentrate on really attacking the hills... and of course in the depths of winter, I still spend hours on the indoor trainer (though with the advent of computerised diversionary programs like Zwift, that's not quite the Leonard Cohen like misery inducement it once was) - my "training" IS goal-focused - it's just that my Goals aren't "sub 4h 100 miles on the V278 course in August" - now they're "get fit enough to cope with riding up "Buttertubs" and still get back around the 40 mile loop to where you've parked the car...

I guess what I'm trying to say is this...

You got into cycling originally for the love of riding the bike. All the competitive stuff came later. Try and find the thing that made you fall in love in the first place. And Embrace it. Doesn't mean you can't treasure the racing career as well - but it's a different part of cycling, and one that doesn't need to squeeze out the original attraction.

I'm just an old dude cranking out 6000km/year... love my bike, it's brought me great joy, health and feelings of accomplishments. I'll never race, never be great, just a guy on a bike....

What about age group MTB races? I saw a woman with 70 on her calf at my last race! She's awesome.