Eating Out - Help!
fatoldladyonamission
Posts: 581 Member
So I'm out for lunch next week trying to build bridges with one of the 'friends' who initially talked about me with another so called friend and got me started on really doing this rather than the half hearted effort I was making previously.
For obvious reasons I have no intention of telling her I'm making any attempt to change anything and I'm going to be wearing the most shape concealing bulky clothes I can to hide any loss up to then. My issue is that I'm a vegetarian and the menu has very few options and none of them sound healthy! What the heck am I going to do? They're things like a chickpea burger at 800 calories, a salad covered in oil and caramelized tofu, creamy garlic mushrooms on bread, a Mediterranean veg sandwich ( this is the option I'm leaving towards but with leaving the bread somehow) and finally pasta with cheese sauce or baked camembert.
I really do not want her to know I'm cutting down and I also don't want to blow my diet.
What would you suggest? I can't cancel either or suggest anywhere else as it was a regular place for us until this all happened.
Thanks in advance.
For obvious reasons I have no intention of telling her I'm making any attempt to change anything and I'm going to be wearing the most shape concealing bulky clothes I can to hide any loss up to then. My issue is that I'm a vegetarian and the menu has very few options and none of them sound healthy! What the heck am I going to do? They're things like a chickpea burger at 800 calories, a salad covered in oil and caramelized tofu, creamy garlic mushrooms on bread, a Mediterranean veg sandwich ( this is the option I'm leaving towards but with leaving the bread somehow) and finally pasta with cheese sauce or baked camembert.
I really do not want her to know I'm cutting down and I also don't want to blow my diet.
What would you suggest? I can't cancel either or suggest anywhere else as it was a regular place for us until this all happened.
Thanks in advance.
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Replies
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hmmmm. That's a hard one.
I'd say be conservative on your other meals for the day so you can save as many calories as you can for this one meal. Try to get any exercise in to earn some exercise calories.
and then just eat the best you can find on the menu (the veg sandwich sounds good!) and accept that for today, you're going to go over. 1 day over your calorie limit, or even over maintenance, isn't a horrible thing - honest! A break once in a while isn't going to totally de-rail you if you don't let it, so enjoy your meal and try not to let guilt beat you down about it
Also, remember that the point is to drop calories per week, so you can also make up for it by eating a little less on other days this week or exercising a little more. But truly, one day out of an entire month is really okay!4 -
Do they have a side salad where you can get the dressing on the side? You could start with that and get one of the options and eat half of it. If there is any discussion about why you're eating less, you can say that the salad filled you up more than you thought. I haven't really told a lot of people about losing weight so if someone asks why I'm not eating a lot or don't want something, I just say that I had a bigger breakfast or whatever meal comes before. I think if you just play it off like it's nothing, people will follow that cue.3
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I usually stick with a 600 - 800 calorie meal in these situations and lighten them up if possible (I.e. swap any carby sides for veggies, sauces on the side, ask for no cheese, etc). Combine that with skipping breakfast and a light dinner and I can usually get away with not going over my calories.
To be honest, having to eat out and not choosing the restaurant has caused me some anxiety in the past, particularly when the restaurant doesn’t have the calories posted. I don’t want people I’m with to know I’m working on losing weight (it’s gotten obvious now, but at first I was keeping it to myself) and I don’t want to be a bother to anyone. I’ve had to accept, though, that eating out is always going to be a part of my life and it’s something that should be enjoyed, not dreaded. So I do my best to stay within my goals, but remind myself that one meal (no matter how high calorie) cannot derail me.
I will add that you should be prepared for some water retention... I usually skip weigh-ins after a meal out because of this.2 -
These are all great suggestions. Either bank calories or lighten up or both. Or exercise and buy yourself some more wiggle room. I typically make a salad out of whatever I'm getting by swapping fries for salad, dressing on side, then protein on top (like ordering tacos and dumping them on lettuce, or cutting up the chickpea burger over lettuce). But it's hard to do those things without people noticing sometimes. Do you need to go to lunch with her? Coffee or a drink might be easier.2
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I’m kind of a bit stuck with what she’s suggested because it’s an olive branch to trying to sort things out. It’s also the place we always used to go. Unfortunately they don’t seem to do a side salad as an option at all so I think I’m stuck with the vege sandwich.
Thank you all for the suggestions. It’s much appreciated. It’s also good to know that others have been there too. I’ll have my treadmill on Saturday so I think I’ll go all out on that all week and maybe do an extra fasting day before hand to try to even it out! I’m desperate to not slide back but without letting her know what’s happening! I’ve got a bad feeling that the veg in the sandwich will have been done in olive oil or similar so not really healthy at all!
I know I can’t skip going out forever but going out with one of them and eating anything at all is making me feel really anxious already. I feel like I’m going to be judged on every mouthful I take but conversely I really don’t want her opinions on what I’m doing either! Sad thing is that prior to letting this other so called friend rip me to pieces without saying a word this woman was actually one of the best friends I thought I’d ever have so I don’t want to screw up the olive branch thing either.
So difficult! Plus I think there’s also a part of me that’s scared I’ll just eat as I would have before and it’ll flip my diet switch back into the off position. I know I can’t diet successfully without that switch so I’m a bit scared of it going wrong!
Oh so complicated! Thank you all though!0 -
Just an idea, but maybe you could say that you go sick the last time you ate at this place and smoothly suggest a place with healthier options.2
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I can totally appreciate your dilemma. I had started to eat really clean on January 1 and did awesome. No bread, pasta, sugar, pop etc. But then last weekend I needed to be away with my son for a hockey tournament. That usually means eating out ALOT, some drinking with the other parents, and generally no exercise. To top it all off, we had also taken a team bus so I couldn’t just drive myself to the grocery store! I was very freaked out and was afraid, like you, that it would completely derail me and that all of my hard work thus far had been undone. But you know what? It didn’t happen! I didn’t eat super great, but I stayed off pop and alcohol (minus one strawberry daiquiri!!!) and when I came back, it was business as usual. I have to go away with my other son tonight and I am not as freaked out. You will be okay! Just exercise and do the best you can. You seem very determined and that won’t go away. If nothing else, remind yourself of your ultimate goal! You got this!2
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You have totally got this! We are all going to skip from time to time, but I don’t think eating out once and keeping it reasonable is a slip at all! You are going into this with a plan and that means that switch you mentioned is definitely still in the right position. Remember that one higher calorie meal cannot undo a week of sticking to you plan.
It sounds like you have become really mindful of food choices and that is what will keep you on track. I can only speak for myself, but I think some of you in this group may relate. For me, it was years and years and years of mindlessly eating whatever and whenever I wanted that got me to my highest weight (471 lbs). It wasn’t eating out, because I always tended to be embarrassed about eating too much in front of people. For me, it was eating in front of the television, getting fast food for breakfast and lunch every day, eating whole bags of candy in one sitting, etc. Now, anytime I eat, I make an active decision to eat that thing. I consider the calories and whether it fits my plan. Yes, I have bad days, but I know they are bad days when they are happening and I can usually reel myself in a bit.
I say all this to show you that, in the beginning, I didn’t really trust myself either. My brain told me that I was a fraud, that the scale was actually broken and I wasn’t really losing weight, and a myriad of other completely irrational thoughts. Slowly, I’ve been able to see those thoughts for what they are and respond by telling myself that I will see progress, even if slow at times, as long as I have more good days than bad and as long as I stick to my plan... a plan that has work for so many people before me.
Sorry for the autobiography...
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me and my kids went to ihop last year I was doing this low carb so they got pancakes and i got an omelet ,,,geeezzz they put pancake batter in the eggs , I ate half of it and got sick , I wasted a 20 day streak on eggs LOL got to really read the menu .
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Thanks guys. You're great at talking sense when I need to hear it! @rabidhamster87 that is ingenious and I will definitely save that one! I think on this occasion I'm going to have to go with it and just do the best I can. Friend is gluten intolerant so had to be careful where she goes too so that doesn't help. But at least knowing my head is in the right place will help.
I had a sneaky midweek weigh in earlier just because I thought I felt lighter lol and I'm currently another 4lbs down so 34 in total. She hasn't seen me since before I started and hubby says it's definitely noticeable so I'm wondering if she's going to comment. Either way I tho k it'll just make me more determined!
Love this group. Thank you all2 -
@Mellykay88 Thank you for the "autobiography"! What I love is that when someone in this group says something off-handed, and it's like, yes! That! I feel that way too! - it's so helpful. In this case, your "irrational thoughts", scale broken, all that, completely goes through my mind too. And absolutely yes to the not eating as much in front of others, too. Because of being big, I feel more judged if I overeat or choose the unhealthy options, so my problem was also the alone-eating.
@fatoldladyonamission good luck on your lunch! No matter what, we'll be here when it's done to keep that switch where it's supposed to be. And way to go on another 4 lbs, woo-hoo!3 -
Speaking of being scared to eat whilst out, I had an impromptu lunch with some friends today. Totally amazing people who I know would never judge me on anything but I still felt that I shouldn’t eat much at all. To my surprise I ordered a starter with a side of sweet potato fries and couldn’t finish it! Ate most of the deep fried (eek!) cauliflower, about 10 of the sweet potato fries and then pinched 2 onion rings off my daughter! Whoops! But I was full up and I also found it easy to stop at full and not eat too much. That’s a huge achievement for me. I’ve never been able to stop at pleasantly full in my life! That was 9 hours ago and I’ve only just felt hungry again, so had 2 slices of whole meal toast with some Philadelphia Light. I’m way off my macros but I’m happy I didn’t overeat and blow it and that I could stop! It makes me feel positive for the future!3
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@fatoldladyonamission that’s wonderful! A great victory and you definitely should feel good about yourself 2
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Thanks @bmeadows380 I'm so thrilled it didn't affect the weight loss for this week!0
