Difficult Time *Possible Trigger Warning*
PrincessVamp666
Posts: 1,176 Member
Hello All
I am really just writing right now to just get this stuff out of my brain. I am having a difficult time at the moment. I am trying very hard not to slip into old ways.
I have such a rubbish relationship with food, I genuinely don't think I will ever be able to control myself, as I am such an emotional eater! I can behave (as I call it) and follow a good healthy diet, aimed at taking in around 1500 - 2000 cals a day. I try and meal plan the day or a few days before and I am usually really good at sticking to it... while I am at work...
I find that when I get home I just fall apart, I fall into eating rubbish, grazing on food that I'd never normally eat (I have a child and beloved partner that can eat WHATEVER he wants and never gain weight. If I am feeling low in energy or unmotivated, I just don't eat... until I binge... If I am feeling depressed, and I feel like I have given up, I will eat everything in sight, and binge until I feel uncomfortably full.
I have not induced vomiting in myself for around 4 years, and I am scared I may slip back if I don't manage to get myself under some sort of control, but I also feel like I am never going to do that so what's the point...
I wish I could be like one of these plus size body confidence people, who just embraces their curvaceous figure. But I physically feel disgusted when I look at myself. I am huge, I have a massive hanging down belly, cellulite everywhere stretch marks...
I feel like what's the point in even trying... none of that is going to change.
I am really just writing right now to just get this stuff out of my brain. I am having a difficult time at the moment. I am trying very hard not to slip into old ways.
I have such a rubbish relationship with food, I genuinely don't think I will ever be able to control myself, as I am such an emotional eater! I can behave (as I call it) and follow a good healthy diet, aimed at taking in around 1500 - 2000 cals a day. I try and meal plan the day or a few days before and I am usually really good at sticking to it... while I am at work...
I find that when I get home I just fall apart, I fall into eating rubbish, grazing on food that I'd never normally eat (I have a child and beloved partner that can eat WHATEVER he wants and never gain weight. If I am feeling low in energy or unmotivated, I just don't eat... until I binge... If I am feeling depressed, and I feel like I have given up, I will eat everything in sight, and binge until I feel uncomfortably full.
I have not induced vomiting in myself for around 4 years, and I am scared I may slip back if I don't manage to get myself under some sort of control, but I also feel like I am never going to do that so what's the point...
I wish I could be like one of these plus size body confidence people, who just embraces their curvaceous figure. But I physically feel disgusted when I look at myself. I am huge, I have a massive hanging down belly, cellulite everywhere stretch marks...
I feel like what's the point in even trying... none of that is going to change.
3
Replies
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It will change! I've learned (finally) that when we get tired of being tired we start making changes well worth the effort. It's a process. Just, please don't give up on you.
I'm glad you found us!2 -
I am just so low - I feel like I am drowning. There is not point speaking to my GP, as I am still breastfeeding so unable to take anything to help my mood anyway. I just feel like my daughter is the only thing keeping me here at the moment.1
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I understand and totally get that. It's okay. Bottom line is that we have purpose to keep on trucking. Thank God you have her! My reason for being is my baby girl - a 4 legged fur baby - named Kayla.0
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Definitely - god knows where I would be without her, but it doesn't help, when she is all I care about, being away from her all day every day. I wish I could just be fixed. I wish I didn't have to feel this guilt and such shame when I look at myself. Why couldn't I have just been normal?2
