March 6 Sign In
Replies
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March 6
This is my first pass day. I tracked everyting and I was under my calorie limit but I couldnt do any exercise.4 -
March 6
Exercised? YES, body weight exercises
Tracked? NO
Calories? NO
Passes Used: 1/3
Big cheat night out last night at our local rodeo.
Nobody sells veggie trays and grilled chicken at a rodeo.
At least not in the South.3 -
Pass day 1
Ugh. Messy social situation. A close friend, who is obese and likes to eat out all the time, asked me to go with her on an errand to a nearby town. I let her know at the start that I'd already had lunch, but would have a cup of coffee with her.
She still pressured me to eat in a restaurant -- she wanted to buy lunch for me because my birthday is in a few days. She also pressured me to eat a dessert I didn't want because of my birthday. I didn't want any of the food, but ate it because I felt pressured. I'm disgusted with myself. I have to learn how to say no.
@Hollis100
Maybe we can work on this together!
I have a friend, lifelong thin, who
1. asked me to a late lunch for my birthday. Asked me where I’d like to got
2. I replied a coffee place (that I know I can eat under calories) at 2:30
3. She asked to switch it to her house for lunch at 1:00.
4. I replied happy to come to your house but
No lunch. Explained I need to be careful to maintain. And even said think of an alcoholic- certain foods can take me 1-2 weeks to get back on track.
5. She replied “if you let me know what you need, I’ll go to the store & get it.” I received this in the middle of a glorious night walk: the moon, Venus, lovely tree branches as an arbor over me, half dancing/half gratitude & praying...
6. Suddenly I was walking down the road half shouting to the night, “No! No! No! No! No! I have to be assertive around my food.!!!”
7. A friend texted me & I asked if I could get her help for 5 mins. She suggested I stress how long this lady & I have been friends 30+ years & try to enlist her help. She hinted perhaps if the friend still pushed, it might be time to move on. Sad.
8. Hubby said the same, as I realized she has increasingly pushed/badgered me on things each time I’ve seen her the past year or two.
9. My pilates teacher. Same. And she added “At times like this I will ask myself/journal, what am I looking for in a friend?” I did this & realized the friend & I have little in common now; it was more of a “raising kids the same age” friendship. Sad.
10. So I sent her a long message doing what friend 7 suggested. How rare it is to lose & maintain & how important for my health (kidney transplant). Suggested a walk instead.
11. She replied: “Thank you for this information.” That’s it! And She agreed to a walk. I set it up at a local park so she could not whip out treats at her house. She said she wanted to drop a birthday gift off on my actual birthday. I thanked her.
12. We met. She cut the time to one hour. We had a great time chatting & walking.
13. The next day she dropped off the gift...”I know you said you don’t eat cake”...(I missed the next part as I was thinking WHAT... CAKe...did she hear nothing I was saying...”but I figure you can give it to...” Sad/Surprised/Nervous/Angry
14. Took the bag inside: Beautiful card, adorable potted baby daffodils, lovely necklace I will wear a lot & a 2,400 calorie ganache chocolate cake with 1/2-3/4” choc frosting!!!!!!
15. Argh. My favorite type of cake for my entire life.i open it. I stand at counter worth a fork, giant bites. I stop, put it away.
16. Go back and do the same this time with some nonfat milk “for dinner” Track all.
17. Hubby says, “Would you like me to take it to work tomorrow?” I grab the Lifeline “Yes, please!”
Sorry for all the detail. I am still processing whether a long friendship with someone who disregarded several texts & several direct conversations is something I should keep. It’s all very sad, and I’m quite shocked that I hadn’t noticed this pattern before.
So, yes, let’s work on assertiveness. I don’t anticipate any issues in the coming month as I’m only eating at home due to the coronavirus & high risk with immuno suppression to retain kidney.
What I liked about this experience:
I communicated with her rather than remaining silent
I reached out for help from 3 people I know have my best interests at heart.
I shouted no no no rather than bottling it in
That I reminded myself that to remain normal wt, I need to be assertive with others around my food. “I need to be in control of my food.”6 -
May 6
Yes
Yes
Yes
💚
114/73 p 66
Sodium was higher than goal due to some new foods I bought. Now I know
Wt was over by 0.2 lb. so that section is white.5 -
Exercised 20 minutes? Yes
Stayed with calorie budget? Yes
Logged food and drink ? Yes
Used up one pass day the other day.3 -
MadisonMolly2017 wrote: »Pass day 1
Ugh. Messy social situation. A close friend, who is obese and likes to eat out all the time, asked me to go with her on an errand to a nearby town. I let her know at the start that I'd already had lunch, but would have a cup of coffee with her.
She still pressured me to eat in a restaurant -- she wanted to buy lunch for me because my birthday is in a few days. She also pressured me to eat a dessert I didn't want because of my birthday. I didn't want any of the food, but ate it because I felt pressured. I'm disgusted with myself. I have to learn how to say no.
@Hollis100
Maybe we can work on this together!
I have a friend, lifelong thin, who
1. asked me to a late lunch for my birthday. Asked me where I’d like to got
2. I replied a coffee place (that I know I can eat under calories) at 2:30
3. She asked to switch it to her house for lunch at 1:00.
4. I replied happy to come to your house but
No lunch. Explained I need to be careful to maintain. And even said think of an alcoholic- certain foods can take me 1-2 weeks to get back on track.
5. She replied “if you let me know what you need, I’ll go to the store & get it.” I received this in the middle of a glorious night walk: the moon, Venus, lovely tree branches as an arbor over me, half dancing/half gratitude & praying...
6. Suddenly I was walking down the road half shouting to the night, “No! No! No! No! No! I have to be assertive around my food.!!!”
7. A friend texted me & I asked if I could get her help for 5 mins. She suggested I stress how long this lady & I have been friends 30+ years & try to enlist her help. She hinted perhaps if the friend still pushed, it might be time to move on. Sad.
8. Hubby said the same, as I realized she has increasingly pushed/badgered me on things each time I’ve seen her the past year or two.
9. My pilates teacher. Same. And she added “At times like this I will ask myself/journal, what am I looking for in a friend?” I did this & realized the friend & I have little in common now; it was more of a “raising kids the same age” friendship. Sad.
10. So I sent her a long message doing what friend 7 suggested. How rare it is to lose & maintain & how important for my health (kidney transplant). Suggested a walk instead.
11. She replied: “Thank you for this information.” That’s it! And She agreed to a walk. I set it up at a local park so she could not whip out treats at her house. She said she wanted to drop a birthday gift off on my actual birthday. I thanked her.
12. We met. She cut the time to one hour. We had a great time chatting & walking.
13. The next day she dropped off the gift...”I know you said you don’t eat cake”...(I missed the next part as I was thinking WHAT... CAKe...did she hear nothing I was saying...”but I figure you can give it to...” Sad/Surprised/Nervous/Angry
14. Took the bag inside: Beautiful card, adorable potted baby daffodils, lovely necklace I will wear a lot & a 2,400 calorie ganache chocolate cake with 1/2-3/4” choc frosting!!!!!!
15. Argh. My favorite type of cake for my entire life.i open it. I stand at counter worth a fork, giant bites. I stop, put it away.
16. Go back and do the same this time with some nonfat milk “for dinner” Track all.
17. Hubby says, “Would you like me to take it to work tomorrow?” I grab the Lifeline “Yes, please!”
Sorry for all the detail. I am still processing whether a long friendship with someone who disregarded several texts & several direct conversations is something I should keep. It’s all very sad, and I’m quite shocked that I hadn’t noticed this pattern before.
So, yes, let’s work on assertiveness. I don’t anticipate any issues in the coming month as I’m only eating at home due to the coronavirus & high risk with immuno suppression to retain kidney.
What I liked about this experience:
I communicated with her rather than remaining silent
I reached out for help from 3 people I know have my best interests at heart.
I shouted no no no rather than bottling it in
That I reminded myself that to remain normal wt, I need to be assertive with others around my food. “I need to be in control of my food.”
I totally relate and sympathize with you. Setting healthy boundaries is challenging and even more challenging having to remind them till they get it. Sounds like she is somewhat willing to work with your boundaries by walking with you. Were you able to voice no food gifts? I'm recovering from being physically abused so have to remind lady friends to stop tapping my arm when talking. As long as they apologize and are trying to adhere to my healthy boundaries I'm willing to work with them but continually remind them to break their thoughtless habit. Sad/angry/annoyed/frustrated etc, I totally understand. Perhaps take a break and get space and distance for a while letting her know why you are needing space so she feels consequences for breaching your healthy boundaries and reevaluate what would you miss about this friendship or it's worth or what you get out of it.3 -
I hope I have all the posters right after all the quotation boxes.
@MadisonMolly2017 I appreciate your story and all the details. No apologies needed! Yes, let's all help each other to be more firm and assertive, look out for our health and our basic dignity. I can't believe that woman gave you cake after your conversation!
I have a long pattern of people-pleasing, bending over backwards to be sure everybody else is happy. It goes against my grain to stand up for myself -- I wonder if I seem mean -- but come on, now! I don't have to eat two lunches to please somebody else. I don't have to apologize, either, not after saying I'd already eaten.
@epangili Thanks again for your support, too. My obese restaurant-lunch-eating friend can't walk with me -- she has too many physical problems (that was the story of another poster). I'm going to draw a line and say no more restaurant lunches, but will have coffee with her in a coffee shop. She's a longtime family friend and a good person, just thoughtless. In the end, I have to be an adult and look out for myself.
4 -
Exercise - 90 min
Calories - under
Tracking - all2 -
Pass day
Spent Friday at hospital with my mom. She was released so hope to get back on track this weekend.5 -
MadisonMolly2017 wrote: »Pass day 1
Ugh. Messy social situation. A close friend, who is obese and likes to eat out all the time, asked me to go with her on an errand to a nearby town. I let her know at the start that I'd already had lunch, but would have a cup of coffee with her.
She still pressured me to eat in a restaurant -- she wanted to buy lunch for me because my birthday is in a few days. She also pressured me to eat a dessert I didn't want because of my birthday. I didn't want any of the food, but ate it because I felt pressured. I'm disgusted with myself. I have to learn how to say no.
@Hollis100
Maybe we can work on this together!
I have a friend, lifelong thin, who
1. asked me to a late lunch for my birthday. Asked me where I’d like to got
2. I replied a coffee place (that I know I can eat under calories) at 2:30
3. She asked to switch it to her house for lunch at 1:00.
4. I replied happy to come to your house but
No lunch. Explained I need to be careful to maintain. And even said think of an alcoholic- certain foods can take me 1-2 weeks to get back on track.
5. She replied “if you let me know what you need, I’ll go to the store & get it.” I received this in the middle of a glorious night walk: the moon, Venus, lovely tree branches as an arbor over me, half dancing/half gratitude & praying...
6. Suddenly I was walking down the road half shouting to the night, “No! No! No! No! No! I have to be assertive around my food.!!!”
7. A friend texted me & I asked if I could get her help for 5 mins. She suggested I stress how long this lady & I have been friends 30+ years & try to enlist her help. She hinted perhaps if the friend still pushed, it might be time to move on. Sad.
8. Hubby said the same, as I realized she has increasingly pushed/badgered me on things each time I’ve seen her the past year or two.
9. My pilates teacher. Same. And she added “At times like this I will ask myself/journal, what am I looking for in a friend?” I did this & realized the friend & I have little in common now; it was more of a “raising kids the same age” friendship. Sad.
10. So I sent her a long message doing what friend 7 suggested. How rare it is to lose & maintain & how important for my health (kidney transplant). Suggested a walk instead.
11. She replied: “Thank you for this information.” That’s it! And She agreed to a walk. I set it up at a local park so she could not whip out treats at her house. She said she wanted to drop a birthday gift off on my actual birthday. I thanked her.
12. We met. She cut the time to one hour. We had a great time chatting & walking.
13. The next day she dropped off the gift...”I know you said you don’t eat cake”...(I missed the next part as I was thinking WHAT... CAKe...did she hear nothing I was saying...”but I figure you can give it to...” Sad/Surprised/Nervous/Angry
14. Took the bag inside: Beautiful card, adorable potted baby daffodils, lovely necklace I will wear a lot & a 2,400 calorie ganache chocolate cake with 1/2-3/4” choc frosting!!!!!!
15. Argh. My favorite type of cake for my entire life.i open it. I stand at counter worth a fork, giant bites. I stop, put it away.
16. Go back and do the same this time with some nonfat milk “for dinner” Track all.
17. Hubby says, “Would you like me to take it to work tomorrow?” I grab the Lifeline “Yes, please!”
Sorry for all the detail. I am still processing whether a long friendship with someone who disregarded several texts & several direct conversations is something I should keep. It’s all very sad, and I’m quite shocked that I hadn’t noticed this pattern before.
So, yes, let’s work on assertiveness. I don’t anticipate any issues in the coming month as I’m only eating at home due to the coronavirus & high risk with immuno suppression to retain kidney.
What I liked about this experience:
I communicated with her rather than remaining silent
I reached out for help from 3 people I know have my best interests at heart.
I shouted no no no rather than bottling it in
That I reminded myself that to remain normal wt, I need to be assertive with others around my food. “I need to be in control of my food.”
I totally relate and sympathize with you. Setting healthy boundaries is challenging and even more challenging having to remind them till they get it. Sounds like she is somewhat willing to work with your boundaries by walking with you. Were you able to voice no food gifts? I'm recovering from being physically abused so have to remind lady friends to stop tapping my arm when talking. As long as they apologize and are trying to adhere to my healthy boundaries I'm willing to work with them but continually remind them to break their thoughtless habit. Sad/angry/annoyed/frustrated etc, I totally understand. Perhaps take a break and get space and distance for a while letting her know why you are needing space so she feels consequences for breaching your healthy boundaries and reevaluate what would you miss about this friendship or it's worth or what you get out of it.
Thank you @epangili ! Thank you for your suggestions & support. I am definitely going to talk with her about the cake the next time I see her. (I would have talked to her when she dropped it off (and returned it to her), but her husband was driving “real quick, he’s mad at me because we’re going to be late to a talk!” And then drove off. I had told her no rush with the gift. I don’t know why she made her husband upset.
I want people in my life who are respectful. If the situation was reversed, I would be so supportive. I deserve the same.
I had a thought today. Before, I was the overweight friend. I’m a lot more self confident & value my time more highly now. I know I don’t have forever, and I enjoy my own company more now🌈😁
Perhaps this has upset the balance of our earlier friendship. But the new Maddie is here to stay!3 -
I hope I have all the posters right after all the quotation boxes.
@MadisonMolly2017 I appreciate your story and all the details. No apologies needed! Yes, let's all help each other to be more firm and assertive, look out for our health and our basic dignity. I can't believe that woman gave you cake after your conversation!
I have a long pattern of people-pleasing, bending over backwards to be sure everybody else is happy. It goes against my grain to stand up for myself -- I wonder if I seem mean -- but come on, now! I don't have to eat two lunches to please somebody else. I don't have to apologize, either, not after saying I'd already eaten.
@Hollis100
Yes yes yes! Honestly, I can’t believe she did either while saying, “I know you said you don’t eat cake, but...” Um, so you decide to give me something I don’t eat?!!! What?!
I used to eat because I was afraid the waiter would feel bad!!!! Such nonsense.
I’ve also been a people pleaser. You expressed it well. I’m the only one who is responsible for what goes in my mouth.
We’re on our way!2 -
Pass day #13
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yes x 35
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Tracked - Y
Under Calories - Y
Exercise - No1
This discussion has been closed.