I was spanked and I will spank if things get out of control. I can't stand seeing these parents that just keep saying "no" to their child and the kid is just throwing this loud/obnoxious tantrum, yelling at them and saying things like "I hate you mommy". Unacceptable.

I was spanked when I deserved it. I've spanked a very few times. My boys are now 11 and 14 so they are too old for it (although a teenager with an attitude practically begs for a smack upside the head sometimes but I'm not advocating nor condoning that. :laugh: )

I don't think there is one absolutely right way to raise a child. If there were there would be at least one absolutely perfect child in the world. My kids are pretty great but that doesn't have anything to do with how many times they received a spanking. Heck, they're great despite our screwups, not because of our superior parenting skills.

I think it depends on the child. Any form of discipline is OK as long as it's consistent, and is never done in anger. If the parent is angry, s/he needs to leave the situation and calm down before dealing with it. Because that's when punishments can get out of hand. The adult has to be in complete control of him/herself, and the punishment should be about teaching the child, not about the parent giving in to frustration or anger.
Time-outs, general disapproval (kids really do want to please you, deep down), removal of privileges etc. work fine most of the time. But for toddlers & small children, whose brains may not be developed enough to understand dangerous situations or cause-effect relationships, sometimes you just have to teach them to obey when you say "No!" and give them a small physical pain, like a swat on the backside, when they disobey. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, if it's proportional and not cruel, and is the only way to make a lasting impression on a stubborn child. I'd rather have a child who is mad at me for spanking her, than a child who is run over by a car because she knows she doesn't have to obey when I tell her not to run into the street.

My two cents: I'm not a parent, but I was a teacher, and I'm the daughter of two teachers. Discipline & order in a classroom of 30 kids is just as challenging as parenting, I think.
The #1 important thing is that a child understands that s/he has a choice, those choices are laid out, and the child understands what the logical consequences of each choice will be. "You can eat your vegetables and then have dessert, or you can choose not to eat your vegetables and then you don't get dessert either."
And then the second most important thing is that the parent actually has the backbone to follow through. No matter how much the child cries and whines, or throws a tantrum. If they've already established this rule, and the child doesn't eat the veggies, then the parent CANNOT give in and give them dessert.
Drives me nuts to see parents in the store saying "no, no, no" over and over, but the child keeps whining and eventually the parent gives in. You are rewarding bad behavior! It may make your life easier in the short-term, but you're not doing your children any favors by teaching them that they can manipulate you.

I don't have children nor do I ever plan on having any, so I don't really think that my opinion counts.

I wasn't spanked as a kid and I don't believe in it. But my sister and I were really well behaved. I've been told that we were the exception as far as us being so well behaved. My sister has 4 children and they aren't spanked, and my sister and her husband do not spank them. And they are extraordinarily well behaved too.

I'm NOT saying, by any means, that not spanking is better than spanking. All I'm saying is that it is possible to raise well behaved children without spanking. If a parent chooses to spank then that is fine. But if I did choose to have children I don't think I would do it. I would discipline by other means. But as I said, since I don't plan on ever having children, my opinion doesn't mean squat on this issue.

I was spanked two or three times... both were parental reaction to my own self-endangerment. I can see myself reacting the same way.

Usual punishment for childhood crimes was a "discussion" with one or both parents and a disciplinary action directly related to the offense (i.e. make a mess = pick it up; stay out late without calling = grounding)

In general, I think it depends on the child but should be a last resort.

I have raised 4 kids and they were all different with different needs. A couple would just crumble if you said you were disappointed in them and then a couple I had to use a 2x4 just to get their attention. also, "spanking" to some is different to another. To me, spanking is a few swats on the bottom, bare handed, no belts etc.... to others spanking means bringing out the artillery and using it on the child. Each and everyone is different and I don't think anyone has the right to say you should or shouldn't spank, especially the governemnt. My kids, my issues, my rules.

Deb I repectfully disagree. We all know there are cases where parents are going too far with the kids. Sure maybe you're ok with a belt or a switch, but what about those awful cases where the adult is locking the kid in a basement without food for long periods? Or just abusing them in ways we wouldn't even do to prisoners of war? It's sick and awful and I don't think any rational person looks at that and says it's ok. I'm sure that you don't.

So the question becomes what is the line? Some people say you shouldn't spank at all. Some say yes but with a hand only. Some say belts. Others say worse.

Where do we feel it's ok for some authority to step in and do something?

I have raised 4 kids and they were all different with different needs. A couple would just crumble if you said you were disappointed in them and then a couple I had to use a 2x4 just to get their attention. also, "spanking" to some is different to another. To me, spanking is a few swats on the bottom, bare handed, no belts etc.... to others spanking means bringing out the artillery and using it on the child. Each and everyone is different and I don't think anyone has the right to say you should or shouldn't spank, especially the governemnt. My kids, my issues, my rules.

Uhhhh pretty sure hitting a kid with a 2 x 4 doesn't count as spanking, but as beating and abuse. And this is coming from someone who doesn't particularly have issues with spanking in general.

I could be wrong... but I don't think the 2 X 4 was meant literally.

I was spanked,and it caused feelings of resentment in me. I never looked at a spanking and thought "I won't do that again!" I always looked at a spanking and thought, "My parent is SO mean!"

I chose not to use it as a tool with my kids. The consequences I picked were more like loss of priveleges, extra chores, etc. For my kids, it worked very well.


Parenting is HARD. There's no one best way, and every kid is different. I think the government has to prevent abuse, and to me that is balling up a fist, or using any object to hit a kid. Open hand, couple swats on the rump? While I found other methods I felt worked better, I have no problem with parents using corporal punishment at that level.

I've spanked all 5 of my children at one time. Some only one time. Others, maybe more. I've never had to do it much, but I found it to be a good parenting tool in our home.

The worst thing I ever did, that I still feel badly about, is pulling my 3 year old son's hair. We were in a quiet doctor's office waiting room full of people. There was a round table in the middle of the room with handles on drawers. He kept banging the handles and everyone looked up from their reading, obviously getting annoyed. I gave him the 1-2-3 business, but he would bang the knocker and look at me while he did it. I got up on 3 and went to get him. He went around the table so I couldn't reach him. I'd go the other way, he'd change directions. I finally reached across the table and pulled the top of his hair and brought him to me. I think half the people in there were cheering me on and half were thinking I was a child abuser. I've never forgotten that incident.

I've spanked all 5 of my children at one time.

How'd you manage that? Line 'em all up?

Ha! Never thought of that. Could do it in one big sweep!

Sticking with I statements

I won't ever hit my child. I was spanked lightly every now and then as a kid, and it did me no harm, but there are a few reasons I won't do it

1) There's no proof it's more effective than other types of discipline
2) There's a lot of evidence suggesting better forms of discipline. I would prefer to use a more effective one.
3) I will try to teach my child that violence/hitting is never the answer. I would feel like a hypocrite if I then hit them for doing something wrong. I want them to learn to deal with their problems in different ways, and I don't see that spanking is ever necessary
4) If you truly feel spanking is a good form of discipline, then why is it only ok for you to do? Should it be re-introduced into schools? As a teacher I often have to discipline students. Given that I can't physically hit them, then I have plenty of other methods to use, which work. I see no reason to change that for my own child, simply because I 'can' hit them.


On a more general note, when spanking is ok you go down into slippery slope territory. Who defines what is ok? How often? how hard? where? With What? For most people, spanking is not a big thing, but there are many who use 'discipline' as an excuse for physical abuse. A lot of these people think they aren't doing anything wrong, or they have the right to discipline your child. It's very hard to draw a line when you get into it at all.

Yeah my family was pretty much the same way, my brother and I were unusually good children, and only ever really got spanked if we were going to put a fork in a light socket for the second time. Usually fear and disappointment worked well on us. So I agree with rearing your child according to them and if they never need to be spanked then great. If they go to stick that fork in that light socket a second time then I am going to give them a pop.

Lol - my sister just loved power sockets! My poor mother had to carry a bag full of child-proof plug covers with her everywhere until my sister was about 4 - she was intensely curious about what could and could not fit in that socket. In the same vein, if a small child is putting itself in danger, and a clear, age-appropriate discussion of why that behaviour isn't safe hasn't worked (it normally did for us, even when we were very small) a single smack on the bottom, hand or leg may be the only way to keep that child safe, by associating an unpleasant consequence with the action. In this situation, I am never going to condemn a parent for prioritising their child's safety over a momentary pain. It's a totally different situation when older children who can, and should, be reasoned with are involved, or the physical punishment is more than minimal or other solutions could be found.