Alterting Life
david581c
Posts: 337
What stops you?
What stops you from coming out? if you know there's something to come to, what stops you? and why?
the only reason I ask is because it feels like there's so many complicated reasons why people don't openly come out.
my reason? I'm 50/50, I'm on the fence.
for me, there's no one to come out to, it's like jumping out and saying "surprise" at your own surprise party and no one's there to clap their hands.
What stops you from coming out? if you know there's something to come to, what stops you? and why?
the only reason I ask is because it feels like there's so many complicated reasons why people don't openly come out.
my reason? I'm 50/50, I'm on the fence.
for me, there's no one to come out to, it's like jumping out and saying "surprise" at your own surprise party and no one's there to clap their hands.
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Replies
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Because it doesn't really matter? Let me explain...
I'm poly-bi. I'm married to a man. We do have an open marriage but so far nothing has come of that. There's no reason my family or friends really need to know that I'm interested in women also. (My husand and sister are the only ones that know.)
I do think that some of my family would be accepting however most probably wouldn't. And at work, it'd be bad all around.0 -
yeah, at work is a no bueno.
I totally spelled "altering" wrong.
is it cool if i add you? you seem nice and none threatening, in a scary kinda way.0 -
I figure it's nobody's business but mine. I don't hide my preferences in front of my friends, but I don't consider work a place where you air your private feelings (unless you have made proper friends there). Also, family members don't get an instant ticket into my private life, unless I am actually friendly with them. Basically, it's my business, and I'll decide who I need to tell.0
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1. I know I would get weird looks.
2. I would have to explain myself (asexual pansexual who is not aromantic).... People just do not understand labels.
3. Kind of contradicting number 2, but I hate labels. Unfortunately, that is the only way I feel people would get to understand everything about my sexuality (or lack of it).0 -
I agree with KeeleySue. For me, it's on a need-to-know basis only. Obviously, the person I date would need to know. If someone else says something negative or ignorant about bisexuals (or homosexuals, or any other non-heterosexual), I would feel the need to educate them, but not necessarily out myself. I just can't justify coming out when the people I would come out to wouldn't really need to know in the first place.0
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I've been out since before I knew I was pan. xD Openly told my friends in high school that I liked girls too. Flirted with the friends I found attractive. Every time I make a new friend I mention my girlfriend the same as someone would casually mention a straight relationship. My parents knew my girlfriend when we were just friends, and I didn't hesitate to tell them we were a couple (and they knew we'd become more than friends even when I thought we'd only be friends). My grandma knew from my parents, and when my girlfriend would come pick me up for dates. I never really made an effort to hide my sexuality. It's always just been a part of me and if someone didn't like it then that was their problem. xD
The only people who don't know are my girlfriend's grandparents because they still think she's a guy.0 -
I'm in the "it's nobody's business" camp. I won't hide who I am, and I'll correct people who assume I'm hetero, but it's not my job to inform everyone of my sexuality (or lack thereof) when I meet them.0
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is it cool if i add you? you seem nice and none threatening, in a scary kinda way.
Feel free to add me.
Scary??0 -
Coming out is a bit different for us transpeople, there is no hiding it. When is the right time? When you can't stay hidden anymore.
Within a month or two I'll formally come out, but there won't be much surprise. People have been seeing my hair, my nails, my mannerisms, and I know that I've been a topic of conversation. Still, it's a scary thought to consider sitting there and telling some of them, especially the ones who don't like me all that much.
I've lost some loved ones as I came out to them, others have become much stronger supporters. All I can say is that I ask myself all the time now "what took me so long?" People who don't love me enough to withstand this knowledge probably didn't know the meaning of the word "love."
Yes, it's on a need to know basis. If people are going to figure it out themselves though, best it come from your own lips, if you ask me.0 -
Because it doesn't really matter? Let me explain...
I'm poly-bi. I'm married to a man. We do have an open marriage but so far nothing has come of that. There's no reason my family or friends really need to know that I'm interested in women also. (My husand and sister are the only ones that know.)
I do think that some of my family would be accepting however most probably wouldn't. And at work, it'd be bad all around.
This. My husband knows, and a couple of friends, but no family. My husband is totally fine if I want to be with a woman physically, but other than that there really isn't a reason to just come out and tell people.0 -
for me, there's no one to come out to, it's like jumping out and saying "surprise" at your own surprise party and no one's there to clap their hands.
Don't think of it as coming so much as not hiding part of who you are that the majority of people don't think twice about expressing a dozen times a day in tiny ways.
That said, it's a balancing act. Does the freedom of not hiding outweigh any negative consequences? That's a definitely a personal decision.0 -
Before I moved to the state that I currently live in, I was "out" and didn't care who knew. Where I live now people are too judgemental and nasty about it. I have seen and heard too many nasty things here and I have ALOT of gay friends. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope one day we can openly be who we are without being persecuted for it.0
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It's true, you don't meet someone for the first time and say, "Hi, I'm Kyle and I'm gay!" nor more than someone would introduce themselves as "Hi I'm Gregg/Chloë and I'm straight".I'm in the "it's nobody's business" camp. I won't hide who I am, and I'll correct people who assume I'm hetero, but it's not my job to inform everyone of my sexuality (or lack thereof) when I meet them.
I guess I've been lucky insofar as I was living in the Netherlands when I met my first boyfriend and telling my friends and colleagues there was no big deal. I do remember though, coming back to the UK and then it seemed like a big deal, but all my nearest and dearest had already guessed I was a screaming queen (embodied in a mild-mannered geek).
Of course that was 20-odd years ago and since then I've just taken it in my stride. Not sure if I've ever made a conscious decision to hide who I am and when conversation comes to friends and family, I was always pretty up-front about my partner being another man.
Now I'm married and it's just the most ordinary thing in the world.:happy:0 -
What stops you?
What stops you from coming out? if you know there's something to come to, what stops you? and why?
the only reason I ask is because it feels like there's so many complicated reasons why people don't openly come out.
my reason? I'm 50/50, I'm on the fence.
for me, there's no one to come out to, it's like jumping out and saying "surprise" at your own surprise party and no one's there to clap their hands.
I'll clap my hands for you!!!
)
When I was single, it seemed weird to come out, but I did, if the topic came up. Now I'm in a long distance relationship so it still occasionally seems weird except for people who know me well. My 11 yo son has a best friend down the street and I toy with the idea of coming out to his mom, bc occasionally it comes up at home (my son was correcting him that yes a man COULD marry a man) but I hesitate, wondering if she'll still let her son come over to play.
I was in a relationship where we lived together so it was kind of obvious back then.
Best,
Debbie0
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