are we biologically programmed to be with only one person? or has society molded us into these single-mate creatures?

OOOOO GOOD TOPIC! :happy:

I'm honestly interested to know others responses.

Personally, I've heard more arguments in favor of us being molded by society to be monogamous.

I think some of us can't make that emotional connection at all. So for that individual it isn't a matter of beliefs so much as a psychological barrier to what we consider to be mainstream emotional attachments. Perhaps it's a survival instinct that was triggered during their life or the mechanism is active as part of another disorder? That person will have a plethora of relationships, as they define them, in their quest to make a connection.

For the rest of us though, I think we're all looking for "the one". We may not admit it or even act like it's of value, but that goal is there consciously or otherwise. Even among polygamists around the world, they still have that closest companion which they will gravitate to. The person who most completes them or challenges their life. Polygamy in and of itself is neither right or wrong, adults will do what they will.

For me, one is a mercy and the best choice. The obligations to 2 or 3 more adults would all but eliminate any time I value spending on my own pursuits, and that doesn't even include the additional children! That, or so little time is spent on the extended family that it has no meaning at all. I think monogamy is the most balanced approach.

I don't have enough information on this topic to generalize, but I will say that for me personally, I have always been very monogamy-wired. I have always become very devoted and loyal to the person I was dating at the time, and was heartbroken when relationships ended, even if I could sense that they were deteriorating.

I am ecstatic to now be married to a man who is very similar to me in that he wants a long-term relationship and will push through the hard times to make it work. I am so happy that I'm DONE with the dating/searching scene... for me, it was always very draining. I'd much rather be IN a solid relationship than on the prowl.

Now in general, I do think that there are benefits to true monogamy-- i.e., no risk of STD's. Zero. (...this is in a hypothetical world where every single person is monogamous, and things like rape and adultery don't exist) Also, avoiding (or at least lessening) the heartbreak of a very involved relationship that ends poorly... that's another big plus in my book.

Society has programmed us to be monogamous in my opinion. By nature I think we, as a whole, are not monogamous. But for so many years monogamy has been presented to us as the thing to be, so most of us are.

But then again, I also feel the opposite way. People all around the world are monogamous, so perhaps SOME people are programmed for it and SOME people aren't?? That might be a better way of thinking about it. And yet many societies even today are still not monogamous.

Personally, I feel that people can be with however many people they want to be with. As long as all parties are willing participants and they are all legal, I see no problems with it.

It's a very interesting question, and the society you grew up in has a lot to do with your answer. Many European countries (often Roman Catholic ones, interestingly, who one would expect to have more rigid moral codes) still view marriage as a one-to-one relationship, but accept, in fact, even expect, that one or both parties will have relationships outside the marriage. It's quite normal for a French couple, for example, to be very happily married, and for each person to have a lover, often of long-standing.

I grew up in an anglo-saxon culture where monogamy within marriage was the norm, but I do wonder whether we create too much pressure on many marriages, through the ideal of a husband or wife who is everything to their partner. Perhaps fewer marriages would dissolve if adults were more able to have some part of their emotional needs at any given point in their life met by someone best suited to that particular moment. I don't mean promiscuous sexual relationships, but rather what one might call 'simultaneous monogamy'. The divorce rate is much lower in countries where this is an accepted norm.

On a lighter note, all these relationships keep the lingerie business alive - I was in Paris yesterday, and there was a boutique almost every block!

im really into monogamy but i dont think it suits everyone.