Hello dear! Congrats on making such an amazing decision! I don't have an answer for you really, but I just wanted to let you know that my wife and I have been trying for about 2 years (6 inseminations). I got pregnant the first time, but lost is at 9 weeks. I have YET to get pregnant again. Everything in my reproductive department is healthy and fine. So, this is why I've started MFP. My doctor advised me to maybe think about losing some weight because alot of women end up getting pregnant after losing even 10 lbs. So here I am. My goal is to have lost 30 by Jan. 1st which is when we will start the process again. Insemination IS expensive, don't get me wrong. But what I like about it is that you can search for the kind of sperm you want. For an example (and this is what I love most about it): My wife gave birth to our son when she was in a different relationship. She is white, and he is WAY white and looks JUST like her lol. I am Puerto Rican. I've always wanted a dark hair, curly hair, dark eyes little baby that looks like me. So being able to find sperm with some kind of Hispanic in it makes me happy. Also- knowing that these men have NO way of being able to be in this child's life brings comfort. We have played with the idea of just getting someone "off the street" if you will... but it scares me to know that they can, even if they say they never will, take you to court and try and fight for some kind of coustody.
Anywho- I am friending you now. I'd like to get to know you more and even support eachother!

I used a sperm bank first, complete fail plus miscarriage. Then, many years later, used two different known donors over several years. What ended a decade of infertility for me was the Schwarzbein Principle by Dr. Diana Scharzbein but today if I was giving women advice about maximizing their chance of coneption, I'd recommend The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf and the Baby Code by Chris Kresser of the Healthy Skeptic blog. These seem to be maximizing optimal DNA expression in the anecdotes I've read or heard.

My daughter is 6 now. I am a single-by-choice *kitten* mom with a known donor. We didn't stay up on the changing laws when we relocated to a different state than where we began the process. The state of Washington made him legally a 'father' against both of our wishes. This could have been prevented if we had spent more time with lawyers or research. We have both been through tsunamis of grief and rage over our powerlessness within the system. The end result was alright, though. He never became interested in exercising parental rights. He accepts full responsibility for not staying up on the laws that affected our negotiations, as do I. When it was all done, no one was harmed. My daughter is alright with it.

My daughter is both cognizant of how she was conceived and what the law of WA says about it. She has a great relationship with her donor, which was always our intention. She is quite clear about the difference between fathers, donors and friends who act as family without the obligation. My largest fear during the legal process we became assaulted by was that she would feel that she was a victim, that she had lost a 'father' who was absent from her life. The donor has worked very hard to be emotionally present and connected to her, sharing stories of how their childhoods are alike and affirming all of the way his DNA is expressed in her - they are both musicians, athletes, martial artists and bibliophiles. I think this is why I needed a known donor...I didn't receive any affirmation of my being-ness as a child and I wanted her to feel strongly connected to her biological roots as well as her family and culture.

The donor is half Chinese and I am of Eastern European descent. My daughter very much resembles the Russian side of my family but also is the spitting image of her donor. She just started Mandarin Immersion school and is very quick to defend her right to her Chinese cultural heritage when another Asian person tells her that she doesn't look Chinese to them (very much Caucasian looking to some folk - while others immediately see that she is Hapa).

In the end, despite all of the many, many, many mistakes I made, these things hold true.

1. Parenting is the greatest risk I have ever taken.
2. Having my daughter is the best choice I have ever made.
3. No matter how they get here they will change your world forever.

Get counseling first with reputable, experienced family counselors. I have seen *kitten* who have epitomized the perfect partner abandon their wife with 6 week old twins because of the normal but extreme stressors of parenting new life. They change your life in ways you cannot begin to imagine even if I explained everything I have come over time to understand, your journey will be uniquely your own.

Go ahead and do it. However you two decide is right for you. Make all plans for worst case scenarios but then hope for the best and start training with kettlebells now, they have increased my ability to successfully weather the physical and emotional demands of parenting more than any other new tool I have adopted since having her. If I could go back in time, I would get my RKC or AKC certification before becoming pregnant because of how calm and healthy they have made me.

bump. i would just like to stay up to date on the topic. I hope all goes well with you and yours.

I'm with Keiva, I don't have input, I'm curious as to the responses as well. I hope to head down this path with my partner in the next 2-3 years... )