Tough Decision
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jamie31
Posts: 568 Member
I could use some advice from you girls....Here's my tough decision
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months. We have talked heavily of marriage and kids. He lives in Sandusky, OH ( about 90 minute drive from where I live now) and works at his step dads business making decent money and is being groomed to become a partner, so it has fallen on me to be the one to relocate, which isnt too bad because I would get to live by the lake and its absolutely beautiful up there and to be quite honest I dont like my current job and dont really like the majority of the people I work with
I have been looking for a job near him since July and have had a couple interviews but no job offers until now. I have been offered a position doing office work at a marina on the lake. The only thing that has put a damper in my happiness is that I will be making about 3-4thousand less per year ( this is mostly because I will be salary so no OT and I will be paying more for insurance). I am already pretty much one of those paycheck to paycheck workers. I have been stressing out because I am worries I wont be able to pay my fair share of the bills. My bf says its not a problem he can pay the rent and i can just pay gas, electric and cable but I have always been independent and feel like I wont be contributing enough...
What are some of your girls thoughts? what would you do given the same situation? have any of you had to make this decision?
I am coming to you guys mostly because I dont want to talk to some of my friends about it for fear that my current job will get wind that I am looking to leave.
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months. We have talked heavily of marriage and kids. He lives in Sandusky, OH ( about 90 minute drive from where I live now) and works at his step dads business making decent money and is being groomed to become a partner, so it has fallen on me to be the one to relocate, which isnt too bad because I would get to live by the lake and its absolutely beautiful up there and to be quite honest I dont like my current job and dont really like the majority of the people I work with
I have been looking for a job near him since July and have had a couple interviews but no job offers until now. I have been offered a position doing office work at a marina on the lake. The only thing that has put a damper in my happiness is that I will be making about 3-4thousand less per year ( this is mostly because I will be salary so no OT and I will be paying more for insurance). I am already pretty much one of those paycheck to paycheck workers. I have been stressing out because I am worries I wont be able to pay my fair share of the bills. My bf says its not a problem he can pay the rent and i can just pay gas, electric and cable but I have always been independent and feel like I wont be contributing enough...
What are some of your girls thoughts? what would you do given the same situation? have any of you had to make this decision?
I am coming to you guys mostly because I dont want to talk to some of my friends about it for fear that my current job will get wind that I am looking to leave.
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I say go for it! If you see a future with him that is... He may have to take some of the financial burden right now, but you never know when that might change and you will. This has happened to my husband and I (married 2 1/2 years, but together 6 1/2) When we started dating I was in college and he paid for everything. I started working full time and then we were about even, and then I started making tons of money and I was paying for more. Then I lost my job and the responsibility was back on him. (I made about 20K less in 2010 than I did in 2008). Now that everything has been steady, I am working and making good money again we are about even.
If he is willing to help you out financially I say go for it 100%. You can always find a part-time job too!0 -
If you see a future with him, I'd definitely do it.
I'd also work on being a superstar employee. Come in early. Do more than what you're asked. Save every written compliment you receive. Then ask for a raise in 6 mo. Good luck!0 -
If you're currently living alone and going to move in with him- won't your cost of living go down, anyways???
As long as you both are working and contributing what you can- no one should be keeping score of "I paid this, and that.. what did you pay?"
Go for it! Good luck with him!0 -
I currently have a roommate and only pay roughly $200 a month for rent. Living with him will bump it about to about $350 a month0
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I currently have a roommate and only pay roughly $200 a month for rent. Living with him will bump it about to about $350 a month
oh damn! maybe i should move to OH! holy crap... i would say absolutely go for it. you will figure it out. if he is living on his own now... and managing to pay all the bills by himself, then you moving in will just be a major bonus! so contribute what you can and figure it out as you go. if you love him and have the opportunity to do this, i say go for it~ and if things dont work out, at least youre working at a marina and can snag a rich yachter by springtime :O)0 -
I currently have a roommate and only pay roughly $200 a month for rent. Living with him will bump it about to about $350 a month
oh damn! maybe i should move to OH! holy crap... i would say absolutely go for it. you will figure it out. if he is living on his own now... and managing to pay all the bills by himself, then you moving in will just be a major bonus! so contribute what you can and figure it out as you go. if you love him and have the opportunity to do this, i say go for it~ and if things dont work out, at least youre working at a marina and can snag a rich yachter by springtime :O)
"and if things dont work out, at least youre working at a marina and can snag a rich yachter by springtime :O)" hahahahaha i love how you think.....
The guy who handles the insurance at the marina is going to email all the insurance information for me to go over. Looks like i will be paying about $3100 a year for insurance.
And i think rent in ohio isnt too bad if you arent living in the city. Its pretty easy to find a 1 bedroom for about $350-$400 and some 2 bedrooms are only about $4500 -
"and if things dont work out, at least youre working at a marina and can snag a rich yachter by springtime :O)" hahahahaha i love how you think.....
The guy who handles the insurance at the marina is going to email all the insurance information for me to go over. Looks like i will be paying about $3100 a year for insurance.
And i think rent in ohio isnt too bad if you arent living in the city. Its pretty easy to find a 1 bedroom for about $350-$400 and some 2 bedrooms are only about $450
I think once you go over the numbers and calm down a bit, you will be able to do this :O) its a huge step, but its one you have been wanting to make since this summer! here is your opportunity and like i always say... if it doesnt work, you can always move back! (i move all the time... lol)0 -
If you are going to get married and have a family, then you have got to think of the two of you as a team. Living apart is one of the hardest strains on a relationship (currently doing it myself) and if he is understanding of your position financially and really wants you to be there, then he shouldn't have a problem with picking up any potential slack. It sounds like he doesn't so my suggestion would be to take the leap.0
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If he's making more money, and isn't the one that is doing the relocating, then IMO you should not be expected to pay half of rent/bills. You said $350 would be your portion - is that half or?? If ya'll are seeing a future together you should be able to go to him and tell him $200 or ($xxx) a mo is really going to be your limit (since that's what you're already paying and you're making 3-4k more now) and he should respect that.
In my SUPER honest opinion...if he loves you and really wants you to move there to be with him and grow your relationship - he shouldn't even be expecting you to pitch in on the rent. He's already paying it all on his own now, correct? Now helping out on the utilities, food, cable, whatever else is definitely a must-do. You're his girlfriend (and future wife?) - not just a roomate sharing common space.
I'm not super old school but he sounds like he's in a good position with this company and is heading for upper management and partnership - then he's the main breadwinner in your relationship and your financial situation should reflect that. If you're worried about him being the type that would hold something like that over your head in certain situations then I suggest you re-think relocating for a man like that. (smile)0 -
If he's making more money, and isn't the one that is doing the relocating, then IMO you should not be expected to pay half of rent/bills. You said $350 would be your portion - is that half or?? If ya'll are seeing a future together you should be able to go to him and tell him $200 or ($xxx) a mo is really going to be your limit (since that's what you're already paying and you're making 3-4k more now) and he should respect that.
In my SUPER honest opinion...if he loves you and really wants you to move there to be with him and grow your relationship - he shouldn't even be expecting you to pitch in on the rent. He's already paying it all on his own now, correct? Now helping out on the utilities, food, cable, whatever else is definitely a must-do. You're his girlfriend (and future wife?) - not just a roomate sharing common space.
I'm not super old school but he sounds like he's in a good position with this company and is heading for upper management and partnership - then he's the main breadwinner in your relationship and your financial situation should reflect that. If you're worried about him being the type that would hold something like that over your head in certain situations then I suggest you re-think relocating for a man like that. (smile)
You are 100% correct. He is now on an hourly wage but hes a few years younger than me and has just started in the business with this stepdad. His stepdad has been showing him everything about the company and making sure he knows all aspects of it. His job is doing upholstery and canvasing on boats, the business does really well and I know his stepdad wants him to take over the business when he is ready to retire. He is in the beginning stages ( has only worked there a year since graduating college that december) but still makes a lil more an hour than I currently do. He has already told me that he is fine with paying the bills, and he just wants me to move up there so that we can move on in our relationship. I think the problem is more me and feeling like I cant take care of myself. I have been on my own since I was 16 and have never relied on anyone else to pay my bills. I guess I was just freaking out because I was going to have to rely on someone else to provide a roof over my head.
I think I am going to try to negotiate with the marina and see if they can give me 2 thousand more a year,and i will just go from there
Thank you everyone for helping me out in this decision. You guys are totally awesome!!!!0 -
Good luck girl! Let us know how it goes! Such an exciting time of life for you! :happy:0
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Thanks I will keep you all posted on everything!0
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Just thought I would let everyone know that I will be talking to the owners tonight to go over some specifics. If there are no surprises I should be starting there in the middle of January!0
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oooh yay! thats fantastic! i am so happy for you :O) big moves! i love it~0
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As someone who moved from Wichita, Kansas to Milwaukee, Wisconsin to be with my boyfriend, I can honestly say that it's the best decision I ever made.
At first, I struggled with having to depend on my boyfriend so much. I didn't have a job when I moved up here and I hated feeling like I wasn't pulling my weight. But we made it work. I now have a job that I enjoy and we've got a pretty awesome life together.
Things just work out.0 -
As someone who moved from Wichita, Kansas to Milwaukee, Wisconsin to be with my boyfriend, I can honestly say that it's the best decision I ever made.
At first, I struggled with having to depend on my boyfriend so much. I didn't have a job when I moved up here and I hated feeling like I wasn't pulling my weight. But we made it work. I now have a job that I enjoy and we've got a pretty awesome life together.
Things just work out.
Im glad to hear that. I am very excited to be moving in with him but I am nervous too. I have never lived with a boyfriend and this is all new to me, plus its not like I am moving just down the road. lol0 -
Okay so I know I am SUPER late (I need to check in here more) but I think if this decision feels right then you are doing the right thing! I understand your being apprehensive about depending on someone else financially but on the same token, just because you take this job right now doesn't mean you'll be there forever necessarily! It sounds like everything is working out for you, super exciting!!0
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can i just say i am SUPER excited for you! Jan 18th~ big day!! :O)0
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can i just say i am SUPER excited for you! Jan 18th~ big day!! :O)
Thanks girl!!!!!!0
