Nervousness
kimi131
Posts: 1,058 Member
I'm dating a new guy and I really like him. I know it's not really good to have a 'checklist,' but let's face it, a lot of us do. I sorta thought I'd never really meet a checklist guy until this guy (Jake) came into the picture. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hearing wedding bells or anything, but I do like him a lot. We've been on two dates and two "semi-dates." I call them semi-dates because they were just meet up for an hour or so and talk kinda dates. He's a lot of fun, jokes and teases.
On the one before last, he commented about me being quiet. I know I was super nervous that day. Not sure why, it was our third date (or first semi-date
), but I felt more nervous than I did on our second.
Then today I saw him again. I didn't feel that nervous, but he sure noticed it. He kept commenting about it and then started teasing about how he was going to find some way to get me to open up. This went on for a while and it started to bug me. Being nervous isn't something I want (in fact, I'd make it go away if I could). But mainly because I've seen this happen many times in my life. A guy will comment about how nervous/shy/quiet I am and pretty soon I stop hearing from him all together. Most guys make that comment on the first or second date; they don't stick around for four dates. The guys who make it to the boyfriend category either never notice the nerves or they never mention it. I've never had a guy mention the nervousness and stick around for awhile.
I am pretty sure I'll hear from Jake again after today for a few reasons: 1. he told me on date two that he's a very honest guy and that if/when he doesn't think we should pursue it anymore he would flat out tell me. 2. we both said we like each other again today. 3. he called me as soon as he left to let me know there was a speed-trap on my street and to be careful. we joked around a little.
But, how much longer will he stick around to find the real me? I have no idea; not long, I'm guessing. In all honesty, it could take me a month to really open up and be myself. I've always felt like I can tell how much I like a guy by how nervous I get. The more nervous, the more I like him. The more relaxed/flirtatious I am, it means I'm really not that into him. I'm so backwards. It's probably why I don't get asked out much and when i do, it's by guys I have no interest in.
I'm always nervous when I meet new people though. It's not just guys I'm into. Take me to a party with a bunch of people I don't know and I'll be a wallflower. Very rarely do I come across a person who can bring out the real me immediately. It does happen occasionally, but not often. Usually they are people who are very outgoing, talkative, and it never even occurs to them that I might be quiet. Jake seems to fit into that category, but I'm still nervous around him. I guess because of the attraction factor.
So, I don't know if there is anything I can do about this. I would love to let people see the real me (I think she's much more fun!) from the beginning, but I don't know how. I just have to warm up to people.
On the one before last, he commented about me being quiet. I know I was super nervous that day. Not sure why, it was our third date (or first semi-date
), but I felt more nervous than I did on our second.Then today I saw him again. I didn't feel that nervous, but he sure noticed it. He kept commenting about it and then started teasing about how he was going to find some way to get me to open up. This went on for a while and it started to bug me. Being nervous isn't something I want (in fact, I'd make it go away if I could). But mainly because I've seen this happen many times in my life. A guy will comment about how nervous/shy/quiet I am and pretty soon I stop hearing from him all together. Most guys make that comment on the first or second date; they don't stick around for four dates. The guys who make it to the boyfriend category either never notice the nerves or they never mention it. I've never had a guy mention the nervousness and stick around for awhile.
I am pretty sure I'll hear from Jake again after today for a few reasons: 1. he told me on date two that he's a very honest guy and that if/when he doesn't think we should pursue it anymore he would flat out tell me. 2. we both said we like each other again today. 3. he called me as soon as he left to let me know there was a speed-trap on my street and to be careful. we joked around a little.
But, how much longer will he stick around to find the real me? I have no idea; not long, I'm guessing. In all honesty, it could take me a month to really open up and be myself. I've always felt like I can tell how much I like a guy by how nervous I get. The more nervous, the more I like him. The more relaxed/flirtatious I am, it means I'm really not that into him. I'm so backwards. It's probably why I don't get asked out much and when i do, it's by guys I have no interest in.
I'm always nervous when I meet new people though. It's not just guys I'm into. Take me to a party with a bunch of people I don't know and I'll be a wallflower. Very rarely do I come across a person who can bring out the real me immediately. It does happen occasionally, but not often. Usually they are people who are very outgoing, talkative, and it never even occurs to them that I might be quiet. Jake seems to fit into that category, but I'm still nervous around him. I guess because of the attraction factor.
So, I don't know if there is anything I can do about this. I would love to let people see the real me (I think she's much more fun!) from the beginning, but I don't know how. I just have to warm up to people.
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Replies
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I know how you feel I am vary quite around new people because I don't trust easily. I was in a vary bad relationship for two years with a guy who started out being so nice and after a while I started to lose my weight and feel better about myself so he started to treat me bad saying "You should be happy that I will put up with a girl like you." or "No other guy would ever find you attractive." I hurt to hear that so my weight went back up and I closed myself up. I started to think that his words were true and that no one would ever love me for who I was. And I have seen a lot of guys prove him right so I don't talk a lot and I can't open up to the ones I like because I am sacred of what they think or what they would say. I am afraid that he would be right again, I am working so hard to open myself up to people so that I can prove him wrong and feel better about myself. You are a lucky person to have someone that likes you and if he is the one and he really likes you he will see that it is worth it to wait and see you open up and don't be afraid to do it because you are just hurting yourself in the long run.0
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Just find a way to loosen up, focus on something else, and not think about being nervous, obviously the guy is into you. Nothing to be afraid of as you want him to like you for you.
or bring your nervousness out in to the open and talk about it, make light of it.0 -
Just be yourself and dont over think things and enjoy being hanging out with him. Checklists are silly in my opinion. Most of the time people saya they wont and will only date people that meets that list and then a week later they are dating someone who is the opposite. You cant really plan when it comes to dating. Its either there or not. Its really simple, people are either into each other or not, is there chemistry, is the attraction there, and then is there enough commonality. Just have fun and like gupton82 said, focus on something else, anything to stop putting preasure on yourself. DOnt worry, he is into you. If you still cant seem to shake the quietness, try alcohol to loosen up or maybe do a double date with your best friend at a place that you are comfortable with. I promise you, stop overt thinking it or you will push him away. Just let it happen. The bottom line, its way too early to be thinking or talking about anything serious. This is the period where you just have fun, get to know each other, and impress each other. I wish you luck. You got this.0
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You will wind up with someone, the question is only whether or not this person will be the one you wind up with. I'm not a fan of lists for three reasons: 1) You're going to meet a lot of people, and have different interactions and relationship potential with all of them, it simply can't be quantified in a list. 2) It could cause you to overlook people you would otherwise find out were perfect for you. 3) It puts extreme pressure to make relationships with people who fit the list work.
The way you're talking about feeling could pretty much exactly describe me. This is the thing though: You will wind up with someone, whether it's this person or the next, and that person will be the person you're meant to wind up with, the person who accepts all of you for who you are. If it's not this guy, it's because it's not *meant* to be this guy.
Another thing (I read this and it was both mind blowing and obvious at the same time) is that the goal of dating is not to get together with a specific person, but the person you are most compatible with, not this specific person necessarily (though it'd be nice!). That means there's nothing to be nervous about, you want the person to see you, the uncensored you, because if he's the right person, he'll like all the little quirks that come out when you stop censoring yourself.
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