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just have to vent this!

MusicKeepsMeSane
MusicKeepsMeSane Posts: 309
edited October 6 in Social Groups
i'm very angry with my friend for saying this. he knows that i'm bi and has for a few months now. well he said: " well you might hate me for saying what I'm about to say but I don't believe anybody is born gay, bi or straight it seems to me that it would be a product of your upbringing"

i mean seriously, WTF?! people don't choose to be gay, lesbian, bi, or -straight based on how they were raised. this just ticks me the freak off. the way i was raised was that being straight is the only thing allowed. i'm not bi because i'm rebelling against the way my parents raised me, i'm bi because i am. does anyone else agree with me - that the way you're raised has nothing to do with your sexuality?

Replies

  • kunibob
    kunibob Posts: 608 Member
    When people say things like this to me, I always ask them if they recall the moment when they chose to be straight. :happy:
  • david581c
    david581c Posts: 337
    life and being raised certain ways effects everything to a certain extent, though I'm no expert.

    Seems like the way someone is raised effects their true attractions, for instance someone who is gay...if they're raised in a super uptight place it will probably effect them in many ways.

    did you like just stomp away or did you converse with your friend?
  • GaiaGirl1992
    GaiaGirl1992 Posts: 459 Member
    I think being gay comes from both environment and genetics.

    There are some kids that just have no interest in the other sex from puberty on. but obviously if a kid has been severely abused sexually, they may in turn prefer and trust their own sex more.

    it's a big topic in the Psychology fields about what has more influence, your surroundings or your genetics. you would need the background of the individual in order to determine if they are gay by birth, or by upbringing.

    and I'm not a know-it-all, I just covered this in my college psychology class ^-^
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
    i'm very angry with my friend for saying this. he knows that i'm bi and has for a few months now. well he said: " well you might hate me for saying what I'm about to say but I don't believe anybody is born gay, bi or straight it seems to me that it would be a product of your upbringing"

    i mean seriously, WTF?! people don't choose to be gay, lesbian, bi, or -straight based on how they were raised. this just ticks me the freak off. the way i was raised was that being straight is the only thing allowed. i'm not bi because i'm rebelling against the way my parents raised me, i'm bi because i am. does anyone else agree with me - that the way you're raised has nothing to do with your sexuality?


    I guess I don't really see a problem with it. Your friend stated that he didn't think people were born with an orientation. Instead he thinks it's based on how one is raised. He said nothing about choice. Maybe he said something you didn't put in originally, but it doesn't sound particularly offensive.

    I happen to think sexuality can be fluid, but I don't think that means you can pray the gay away or that it's something as simple as a conscious choice.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    I don't buy into the idea that being raised a certain way will magically make you gay.
    Maybe being raised better will make you more likely to healthily come to terms with your sexuality instead of bottling up and covering it with internalized homophobia... but being raised in a certain way isn't actually going to change what gender(s) you're attracted to.
  • rodegghero
    rodegghero Posts: 212 Member
    I believe we are all born with the capacity to have a fluid sexuality. For most.of us that means we live in shades.of gray. But I believe that events in our lives and current society can help shape the direction we go. I consider myself bi and I believe both genetics and my upbringing played a role in that.
  • EricNCSU
    EricNCSU Posts: 699 Member
    When I went back to school as an adult and took 3 semesters of Biology as a 27 year old, and not a 18 year old freshman it kinda clicked with me for whatever reason. I think it is almost completely genetic, yes environment plays a part if you grow up where that kind of relationship is tolerated, but then if you still not attracted to guys/girls but can't be with girls/guys then you just hide it deeper in the closet until you can finally come out.

    I don't mean this as offensive, so I apologize if it is, but I can't think of a better way to phrase it... I am a straight man, very much attracted to women and not at all attracted to men.. but I have quite a few characteristic that I some people would call... i don't know... i dont think metrosexual is the right word, but I have some "gay" tendencies.. I joke about my "gay streak". I think we all have one, whether we acknowledge it or not. It doesn't bother me, and most of my gay friends find it humorous. I think that a couple different chromosome tweaks and maybe I would be attracted to men? Who knows. It helps me be open about it and not offended or disgusted by same sex couples at all....

    I may be completely off, but it makes sense to me.
  • bayertablets
    bayertablets Posts: 213 Member
    I don't buy into the idea that being raised a certain way will magically make you gay.
    Maybe being raised better will make you more likely to healthily come to terms with your sexuality instead of bottling up and covering it with internalized homophobia... but being raised in a certain way isn't actually going to change what gender(s) you're attracted to.

    ^^ THIS ^^
  • babbassi
    babbassi Posts: 27 Member
    Your friend is an idiot. Ask your friend what would make him turn gay, and what part of his upbringing made him come out straight.

    Ask your friend to try being attracted to the same gender for a week and see if it works.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    I always point out that there is homosexuality in the animal kingdom as well. Are these animals choosing to be gay just to get attention/piss of their parents? Are some penguins gay because they like the way they look in cut off jeans?

    And Eric I can relate to being a straight dude with some pretty stereotypically gay tendencies. You're not alone. I have a theater degree and an Indigo Girls cd. Part of being comfortable with your sexuality is not getting all hung up on gender issues. I think guys like you and I are much less likely to actually be homosexual than the dudes out there calling everyone "gay" every five seconds and trying to beat up homosexuals. "Ooh these gays make me so mad I just want to shove my penis in their mouths to make them shut up!!" Sure buddy. Keep overcompensating.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    I also heard someone say there's no such thing as bi, you're either straight or gay. Idiots.

    I agree with you, you are what you are. But a lot of people are just ignorant, just have no clue or even no exposure.
  • ShaneWinston58
    ShaneWinston58 Posts: 156 Member
    I agree with kunibob (1st post to your question). I basically ignore ignorant people. That is exactly what I would have asked him.:wink:
  • blissfuldrake
    blissfuldrake Posts: 128 Member
    HAH! If my upbringing was factored into my sexuality, I would be a very prim, proper, asexual, heterosexual farmer's wife. LOL. Nah, it was the fact that I was allowed to read SciFi...hehe....opened new worlds for me. RIP Robert Heinlin, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Anne McCaffrey and all the other magnificent pioneers!
  • roisins_girl
    roisins_girl Posts: 11 Member
    I didn't know what being gay meant till I was well into my Jr. High years and even through high school I had no idea how it all worked. It was never discussed in my house at all, never brought up. Once it came to light, it was then looked down on because my mother attempts to be a Christian fundementalist. (Not very good at living it, but she certainly preaches it). So The gay was bad in my house. It still is according to her.

    Guess what? I'm gay. I have always been gay since I can remember and having the BIGGEST crush on the neighbor girl at 5 years old, to falling in love with various female tv/movie stars. I just didn't know what it was.

    So, I'm on the nature side of the argument.
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