Frustrations

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To my fellow brides: How do you deal with bridesmaids that just don't seem to FLIPPING CARE that you're getting married? I swear it's like pulling teeth sometimes and I just feel like I'm a horrible person for getting married... which I shouldn't. 4 out of 6 of my girls are wonderful, but my two closest friends are totally distant and aren't showing any enthusiasm for me. Am I the only one that has this issue?

Anyone else have any frustrations?

Replies

  • cantobean
    cantobean Posts: 287 Member
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    Uh...I don't know...how are they showing you that they don't care?

    My wedding is still 8 months away so my girls are happy for me, but not gushing about my wedding all the time. I mean, life goes on...

    I don't think being a bridesmaid means you have to drop your life and eat, sleep, and breathe wedding for a year. They should be happy for you, but not everything has to be related to your wedding. I have entire conversations with my bridesmaids that have nothing to do with wedding.

    My personality is not very gushy or over-the-top. I'm more logical and it's hard for me to act excited about anything. Even if I am excited, I don't show it in the same way as some people (you won't see me yelling, jumping up and down, that sort of thing). Maybe your girls are just more introverted in that way?
  • hillm12345
    hillm12345 Posts: 313 Member
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    I haven't even asked all the girls I want yet, but the ones that I have asked are excited for me. Again I feel like I'm only in the beginning stages of planning and haven't asked them to shell out any money for dresses shoes etc. So we'll see when it comes to money how enthused they actually are.


    If they are truly your friend, I would hope that they would recognize how important this day is to you and how much you need their support. perhaps talking with them and expressing some of your feelings would help. Maybe they don't even know how their actions are coming across.
  • TNTwedell
    TNTwedell Posts: 277 Member
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    I havent had any issues - my girls are all being great (but yes - its still 8 months away, so the stress hasnt kicked in yet) but I am also a Bridesmaid in one of MY bridesmaid's wedding and she is having a TERRIBLE time with one of her other girls.
    This girl argues at every turn, thinks all of Allies ideas are stupid (and says so). still hasnt bought her dress (the rest of us all bought ours back in September). Its really bad & very hurtful to my besty.
    I honestly suggested to her to just kick this chick out - (thats what I would do - I dont have time for other people's drama. If you are wasting my time, then leave) its YOUR wedding and you should be surrounded by people who are happy for you and want to help in anyway they can.
    Its a bit harsh & I know its a delicate situation so maybe you can just ask them if there is anything thats bothering them? I agree that they might not even know what they're doing is hurtful to you. Express that you really need their support & see if things change...
  • megskin15
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    Ok so I typed out this huge long explanation and tried to post it.......... and the page didn't work. SO. I'll attempt it again.

    Here's the lowdown on my situation. I have six bridesmaids- my sister (MOH), my cousin, 2 friends from school, my fiance's sister and a newer friend (my fiance's cousin's wife).

    My two friends and I go way back- one I met in first grade and the other in eighth. Right off the bat these two just didn't seem happy that we were engaged. One was excited to be asked to be a bridesmaid, but the other really didn't have a reaction at all (my wedding will be her 4th in 4 months so I understand). I have seen both girls at least twice since our engagement and neither of them has asked to see my ring and neither of them has said anything about our engagement pictures that we had taken in October.

    I keep our day to day conversations focused on things other than the wedding. I ask them how their days are going, how Christmas went, how one of them was doing after her dog passed. If I have anything wedding related I send out a mass message to all 6 girls. I don't send these messages constantly- I think I've sent out two to three since I asked all of them to be in the wedding. These messages are just to say that I was able to find a bridesmaid dress that I liked, that their measurements and down payments are due next month, what color shoes I'd like them to wear for the wedding.... things like that. 4 out of 6 of the girls message me back saying that they love the dress, the idea about my making flower hair pins for them, that kind of thing... the other two I feel like I literally have to BEG them to give me feedback. One didn't say anything on the thread until today and I started the message in September. I had an issue with that same girl while she was in the state for Christmas and we made plans and she didn't bother telling me that they weren't going to come over... I ended up texting her boyfriend to see if they were coming and they fed us some lame excuse about not being able to make it and didn't even apologize for not letting us know.

    I know I should focus on the fact that I have 4 bridesmaids that are wonderful and ask if there is anything that I would like them to do for me for planning or even just get giddy and tell me that they're so excited and honored to be in the wedding. It's just hard not to be hurt by the fact that my two best friends aren't more excited for me. Hell I'd be ok if they faked excitement at this point. I guess it just hurts that people I've known less than 2 years are more excited that this is happening than people I've known forever.
  • lada5574
    lada5574 Posts: 4 Member
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    I'd drop them! Being a bridesmaid is actually a job in my wedding - you are my maid.. Helping me out. It's not an honorary position just because you're related! That's why I only have 3.. My sister, my finances sister and my best friend. All are excited and all have special little jobs (even my sister who lives in the us - I'm in Australia)

    Why not give the, little jobs and if they don't do them, explain that you need people who will help you out and be good friends (things like making the place cards or sourcing the bridesmaids earrings etc.)

    If they don't do it, drop them and appreciate the girls you have that are actually interested in your day.
  • megskin15
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    Dropping them doesn't seem like an option for us- Joe has a huge family and wants to include his friends, which is why his sister and cousin's wife are involved in the ceremony. If I get rid of my two girls then he'd have to ask 2 of his family members not to be in the wedding which would totally be a bummer for him.

    I like the idea of giving them jobs, however one lives 2 hours away from me and one lives in a different state so I cant give them materials to do jobs.
  • Joanie823
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    I am having bridesmaid drama too... I am only having 3 girls, MOH (sister), 2 maids, (1 is my bff i've known forever and the other is my finace's sister). My finace's sister is giving a hard time, does not want to buy the dress (I made sure to keep the price under 175.00, and complains about every dress I have picked out. Then showed up to the bridal expo I invited her to hung over so she was ill feeling the whole time and not participating. She sat in a chair while while I walked around 1/2 the time. I would LOVE to kick her out and only have 2 girls in my wedding.... but being his sister I can not. So I feel your pain not being able to just kick the ladies out you are having a hard time with. I would just let them be and utilize the wonderful ladies you do have helping :happy: