The Cycle: Bulimia & BED
mistersmithsbox
Posts: 65
Basically put, BED was bred at an early age (~8/9yo) to get past the crazy diets doctors put me on as well as deal with my "juvenile" depression. FFwd 4/5years and I figured out bulimia was my ticket out. (I've since been diagnosed with DID, ADD, and Bipolar disorder which compounds my all or nothing attitude.) Since this time, I'm either binging and not compensating or binging and compensating by starving/purging/etc.
In '09, I wanted to stop my bulimia but, I suppose, my brain figured if I didn't get rid of what I'd eaten I was fine. This caused my BED to spin out of control and food was my everything second only to my girlfriend. Now I constantly feel wracked by guilt and fear. I can diet with the best of them but that usually violently turns into me not eating, binging, and not eating to fix the problem. If I don't diet, it's as if I allow myself to eat everything and, because I feel worthless, I just keep doing it. (I lost 45# last year only to freak the hell out and gain back all but 7# in 3 months.)
I want help but most health professionals I've had contact with over the years only want me to go on a diet (because I am, in fact, obese) and only think I eat too much and/or eat too much of the wrong things. Most doctors I've talked to don't how to handle BED at all and it kind of effs their heads up thinking someone my size could have bulimia. (I was only diagnosed once when I was 14.) I also have the problem of no health insurance.
What would you suggest I do? I thought of maybe find an ED support group but I really don't want to be judged as some fraud.
In '09, I wanted to stop my bulimia but, I suppose, my brain figured if I didn't get rid of what I'd eaten I was fine. This caused my BED to spin out of control and food was my everything second only to my girlfriend. Now I constantly feel wracked by guilt and fear. I can diet with the best of them but that usually violently turns into me not eating, binging, and not eating to fix the problem. If I don't diet, it's as if I allow myself to eat everything and, because I feel worthless, I just keep doing it. (I lost 45# last year only to freak the hell out and gain back all but 7# in 3 months.)
I want help but most health professionals I've had contact with over the years only want me to go on a diet (because I am, in fact, obese) and only think I eat too much and/or eat too much of the wrong things. Most doctors I've talked to don't how to handle BED at all and it kind of effs their heads up thinking someone my size could have bulimia. (I was only diagnosed once when I was 14.) I also have the problem of no health insurance.
What would you suggest I do? I thought of maybe find an ED support group but I really don't want to be judged as some fraud.
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I can relate to what you are going through. Like you, I started at an early age (I was 12 when I first started) and because once I hit my early 20's my weight went up. Most doctors don't generally look at plus size girls as having bulima. It's a sad sad mistake. I've never consulted any professionals, so I really can't help you with that.
No one has the right to look at someone & say they don't have an eating disorder. Don't let anyone make you feel like a fraud!0 -
I'm sorry you're going through this
As for finding a support group, I would recomend it. I have been to a few before and there were girls of all sizes. Everyone was very supportive, because in a support group most everyone that is there WANTS to be there and no one would assume someone who didn't actaully have their own problems would attend by choice.
An eating disorder is something that goes on inside of your head and is reflected on the outside of your body, but it's reflected in many different ways..
I hope you can find one where you feel comfortable girly0
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