don't let others define you and your body. Go strive for and achieve the healthy body you want, regardless of whether people think it's the body that you're supposed to have or not.

^^This! You said it perfectly! This is your body, you're the only that gets to control how it looks, good or bad, and yours is the only opinion that truly matters.

I don't like stereotypes at all either. Before Jennifer left me we'd frequently have to deal with being stereotyped even by other lesbians. Jen, being smaller than me, was stereotyped as being feminine while mainly based on my size I was stereotyped as being butch. I am far from "butch" and I really don't like the word all that much, but out of Jen and I she was definitely butch and I was/am definitely femme. Labels, labels everywhere and they do no good do they? In fact, I believe they do our community a lot of harm. I'd love to see more discussion on this topic. :flowerforyou:

Amen to that.

I'm also tired of people thinking I should have short hair just 'cause I'm gay. HAIR DOESN'T HAVE A SEXUALITY, OH MY GOD.

Of course hair has a sexuality. ._. People. I swear. The second I went all natural and cut off my permed hair, my aunt asked me if I was a lesbian. W.T.F?

"But.. you don't look gay." Granted, I'm not, but I didn't know gay had a look.

It really doesn't matter. I have had long hair and short (this summer I shaved my head -- I'm a baker, and the kitchen was 90!). I can look as butch or as femme as I want (I am neither). I don't really care as long as I'm comfortable.

Do what is healthy for yourself. If you want muscles, then go for it.

Originally the bear community started as anyone who didn't fit the stereotype of the skinny, outrageously flamboyant, queen. That could include body type and behavior. As of late we seemed to have placed a little too much emphasis on the physical for my tastes.

EDIT: Here's my husband and I waiting to get married. Neither one of is what you'd call particularly femme. As a side note, that's probably about 60lbs ago for me (on the right).

It really doesn't matter. I have had long hair and short (this summer I shaved my head -- I'm a baker, and the kitchen was 90!). I can look as butch or as femme as I want (I am neither). I don't really care as long as I'm comfortable.

This. I've shaved my head and I've had really long hair. I love sports and I own more make-up than I'm proud to admit. I haven't (as of yet) had many labels thrust upon me.

Originally the bear community started as anyone who didn't fit the stereotype of the skinny, outrageously flamboyant, queen. That could include body type and behavior. As of late we seemed to have placed a little too much emphasis on the physical for my tastes.

EDIT: Here's my husband and I waiting to get married. Neither one of is what you'd call particularly femme. As a side note, that's probably about 60lbs ago for me (on the right).

You two are adorable.

I'll second that... What a handsome couple :smooched: :flowerforyou:

*Like* a great deal

Lesbians are burly. Gay men are skinny. Right?

Oh, unless you're a lipstick or a bear, in which case you're pretty (lipstick) or big and hairy (bear).

*sigh* We all know that we face stereotypes about our love lives and our promiscuity/disease-status/etc. But we're also constantly inundated with stereotypes about what our bodies should look like.

I hate these stereotypes, but that's not to say they're not seductive. I've caught myself wondering if I "pass" for straight, if I'm a pretty lesbian (I like makeup and skirts!) or a butch lesbian (I have short hair and muscles!). I constantly struggle with the body I want to have and the body I feel like I'm expected to have. I want muscles, but I find myself wary of muscles lest someone should think I'm too butch to be with my male partner.

It's true -- I find myself sabotaging my own goals, sometimes, because of the urge I feel to undermine these stereotypes that are ascribed to me.

Which makes me want to say this to myself and to everyone else: don't let others define you and your body. Go strive for and achieve the healthy body you want, regardless of whether people think it's the body that you're supposed to have or not.

That is all :flowerforyou:

I agree labels are wrong. I, myself, get told all the time that I 'don't look like a lesbian'. I hate that. BUT with that being said, I really feel like our community really plays UP to those labels. Especially in the midwest. I have been a part of the Chicago 'burbs lesbian scene and now I live in Milwaukee and even though i don't go out as much, i still see it. The lesbian community LIKES the butch-femme dynamic. People automatically think if your a 'butch' you should be with a femme and vice versa. My Gf happens to be what I guess you would call a 'butch'. She doesn't call herself that and hates the label. It also seems that older lesbians tend to be more label orientated then younger ones. Maybe it's not like this everywhere, but from my perspective, it is here. people don't take two 'femme' lesbians that are together seriously and think that two 'butch' lesbians together are weird. I'm not sure how it is with the guys, but that's what I've seen in my almost 20 years of being out int he community.

I think labels hurt us. It's what people talk about on TV and when we get made fun of they always show some burly women in a flannel with a mullit. Or they show some really flamboyant gay man and to them, that is what we all look like.

We need to start eliminating 'labels' within the community, and start accepting each other for all the wonderful differences each of us have.

Too many people need to simplify or distort and reclassify things they don't understand so that they fit into their expected social patterns. These labels for same sex couples are based on the expectation that man/woman is the "normal" relationship dynamic, because many people seem to be more comfortable with gay relationships that somehow mimic that dynamic.

Of course the truth is that people and their relationships are wondrously varied. Most lesbian couples I know do not believe the 'butch/femme' label makes any sense in their relationship.

What is more, many of my straight female friends don't identify as being particularly 'feminine' in the traditional sense and many of my male straight friends reject the traditional trappings of masculinity as outdated, patriarchal, and stifling.

These pictures fit for some people, because almost any picture will fit some portion of the population. Those people should continue being who they are and the rest of us should respect them and respect ourselves, and continue on our own merry way.

The onlything that should have lables placed on them is food and christmas presents. People, clothes, politics should all be label free and this would be so much of a better world.

I don't fit into any gay community. It's rather sad. I was in the "Chub/Chaser" community but since losing weight that's gone by the wayside. I don't fit into the bear community. I for sure don't fit into the other communities.

Some days I feel like a lost cause because I will never find love. I hate the way I look, true story.

The way you look has nothing to do with finding love. Finding love is about being open to it and finding someone who wants to go there with you.

When I first came out I ran to ties and suits but my girlfriend hated them on me and wanted me to be more girly. For her I wore girl's clothes, dresses and had long hair. I hated myself and ended up hating her.

When we split, I went and dated "butch" and "femme" women and I will admit that I tend to find butch women more attractive as a rule, even though that is "weird" to a lot of people in our community.

I had a similar experience, my ex tried to make me more femmey than I am, I didn't mind to start beacuse I don't mind femming it up for the odd evening out, but it became all the time. Frequently she would buy me clothes & tell me what I should wear and how to act when we were out. One day she sent me back to get changed before we could meet up with her friends and I snapped, I knew at that moment the relationship was over. Loooking back I don't know why I put up with it for so long but it was a gradual thing & didn't seem like a big deal at first.

I don't know if i really have a type physicly, I'm into tall and short women, fat & skinney, femme, butch, dykey the lot. Recently I've been more drawn to butch women, but really, I just love women!

Haha. I guess I'm pretty feminine for a lesbian. I wear dresses pretty often when I go out and my hair is currently long. (Sometimes I chop it off, but it's super long.) I also wear makeup.

I used to be mostly attracted to kinda butchy, mostly androgynous.. chapstick lesbian types, haha. And only thin girls, mostly taller than me.

But as the years have passed, I find myself attracted to a full range of laydeeeez, haha. Short, tall, butchy, femme, skinny, fat, and everything in the middle.

Attraction is a funny thing. :laugh:

I don't feel any need to dispell stereotypes, just be who you are, who cares if you reinforce or dispell a stereotype. I'm neither butch nor femme, but I can make myself look either way with body language & clothing. I lovvvve strong women, hot, hot, hot, lol.

I could not agree more