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Restrict,no. Restrict, no. Restrict, NO!
skywa
Posts: 901 Member
I've been doing really well lately. I went from a diet of 600-800 calories to 1500-1700. I've been working really hard on eating more, and eating as healthy as possible. Yes i am still avoiding certain foods, and i still feel guilty after i eat most days. But i haven't purged or restricted in weeks.
I just feel so fat lately. I try to brush it off and ignore it. I've been avoiding the scale like the plague. Still, i can't help but hear this secret whisper in the back of my brain; "Just restrict for a while, you'll feel better." All at once i am painfully conscious of my body, and how full it is. And i can't help but miss the feeling of being empty.
I know that i shouldn't feel this way. I logically know it is wrong, and i am thinking mad, mad thoughts. Yet it gnaws away at my resolve none the less.
I need; health, wellness, food (fuel).
Yet i want; hunger, emptiness, purity, zero.
I just feel so fat lately. I try to brush it off and ignore it. I've been avoiding the scale like the plague. Still, i can't help but hear this secret whisper in the back of my brain; "Just restrict for a while, you'll feel better." All at once i am painfully conscious of my body, and how full it is. And i can't help but miss the feeling of being empty.
I know that i shouldn't feel this way. I logically know it is wrong, and i am thinking mad, mad thoughts. Yet it gnaws away at my resolve none the less.
I need; health, wellness, food (fuel).
Yet i want; hunger, emptiness, purity, zero.
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Replies
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I know how you feel! I know what I need, but dont want it. I just started MFP about a week ago. I have been eating more than usual, but still not enough.
What I keep thinking, though..is that the thought of "Just restrict for a while, it will make you feel better" will turn to (if I give in) "You fat, stupid cow! Thats not enough! Eat less...or better yet, dont eat at all!" And I know where that ends up.0 -
These are my exact thoughts. It's so hard upping your caloric intake. I feel disgusting since my body isn't used to eating all this food. I'm weighing in tomorrow, I'm so afraid to see what the scale will say.0
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I wish I could find the reason and the solution to help all of you, including myself !0
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I hate feeling so guilty whether I eat or not! If I restrict I feel like I've betrayed my recovery (because I have) and if I don't I feel guilty for eating and hate myself. I know exactly how you feel.0
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You definitely aren't alone. I have the same battle constantly. You're doing really well, maybe make a list of reminders of how much better you feel now you're eating more?0
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The list is a really good idea! Don't know why I hadn't thought of doing that? I think one of mine on my list is that "I would be warm" I am not enjoying being cold all of the time. I have VERY recently started my recovery so I am trying to take in all suggestions I can.0
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Wow I commend you on how well you are doing!!Tell that voice to go to Hell! (sorry if offended you) You dont need the ED. It isnt a healthy thing. So you wont want the feelings of being empty. You will be to busy enjoying life not thinking about that! They say it is a control thing. Remind yourself you still are the one in control. Ignore that voice and keep moving on as I am told the better you get the less the voices come around. Keep up the great work! Besides doesnt it feel really go to stay I had a good day or I am doing good. Remember that feeling when you want that empty feeling. YOU SHOULD BE SOOOOOOO PROUD!!0
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I thought i was the only one who hears a voice. i am scared to tell people about it because i feel like they will think i am nuts. I also hate being cold and i hate the hungry feeling that i try to ignore so much.. I sometimes watch other people happily stuffing their faces and think what i wouldn't give to sit down eat a full normal meal and not feel like i've instantly gained every single pound i've lost or feel guilty for even eating at all. whats scary is i DO think i am in control and everytime my friend says my naughty side is in control i insist its my decision but i guess deep down i know i need to take over my body0
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I hate that voice.I hear it everytime I eat. The minute I put food in my mouth, it just tells me "You're such a fat***. You shouldn't be eating." I try my best to push it aside but sometimes it gets to be too much.0
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The more we all ignore that voice and fight it, the weaker it will get. Keep up the good work everyone!0
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