Friendships...
lobearjw
Posts: 62
Hey everyone. So I have an issue. I'm 18 years old and I can honestly say I've never really had a REAL friendship. What do I consider a real friendship? Well this is what my definition would be:
-Someone you can trust with any and everything about you or that's going on with you
-Someone you can spend time with on various occasions
-Someone who will be willing to talk to you more than once a week. Not EVERYDAY necessarily but at least more than one time a week.
-Someone who wants to be around you and build a true friendship with you
-Someone who doesn't just consider you their friend when they see you and any other time forgets you even exist
-Someone you feel comfortable around and don't have to feel like your "weight" or what type of person you are affects who you are around them
-Someone to be there through good times and bad
That's what my definition of a REAL FRIEND would be. But I can say I feel like I've missed a lot of that. I'm alone so much and I just feel its hard to find people like me to reach out to. IDK what to do....I wish I knew about what its like to go out with the girls, or have a talk with the girls, or whatever else comes with real friendships but I just don't and it really hurts.
-Someone you can trust with any and everything about you or that's going on with you
-Someone you can spend time with on various occasions
-Someone who will be willing to talk to you more than once a week. Not EVERYDAY necessarily but at least more than one time a week.
-Someone who wants to be around you and build a true friendship with you
-Someone who doesn't just consider you their friend when they see you and any other time forgets you even exist
-Someone you feel comfortable around and don't have to feel like your "weight" or what type of person you are affects who you are around them
-Someone to be there through good times and bad
That's what my definition of a REAL FRIEND would be. But I can say I feel like I've missed a lot of that. I'm alone so much and I just feel its hard to find people like me to reach out to. IDK what to do....I wish I knew about what its like to go out with the girls, or have a talk with the girls, or whatever else comes with real friendships but I just don't and it really hurts.
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Replies
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I'm struggling with some of that right now. I had a falling out with a big group of girlfriends from high school and now I have a very limited group of friends.
The best advice I can give is to find people who bring out the best in you. I didn't like the person I became with my high school friends. I was immature, selfish, and constantly irritable. The friends that I have now encourage me to be creative, to achieve my goals, and to give of myself to others. Those are the kinds of people who will become true, fast friends for life.
Another piece of advice I can give is to take up a hobby that you enjoy. Maybe you like art or books or video games, but pursue something you love and you'll be surprised how many people you'll meet with the same interests. I love to knit, for instance, and there are groups in my hometown that get together just for that purpose. I'm also trying to form a French conversation group. You're bound to run into some great people while you're on a path to your goals.
Also, volunteer. That's pretty much guaranteed to make you appreciate what you have.
Just remember that everyone lives life differently. I sometimes wish I had a childhood friend that I'd known since kindergarten, but after a lot of burned bridges, the only person I've known that long is my sister. That doesn't make the friends I have now less meaningful. Friends are gifts, which means they're surprises!
You are in charge of your own happiness.
Hope this helps! Stay strong!0 -
Hey girl,
I have felt the same way, especially when i came to college. I made one too many superficial relationships , where I knew I couldn't be myself. I'm also the type of person who prefers having 1 or 2 very close friends than 50+ acquaintances.
I definitely agree with the suggestion of joining groups/activities that interest you. It'll be much easier to find like-minded people you can relate to. Also, don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with anyone and everyone you meet. You never know when a relationship could evolve into something bigger. One of my best friends now grew out of me taking a chance and putting myself out there. Remind yourself that nothing is ever lost and you can't forecast the future from what you do today.
The thing is real friendships are like flowers! They need nurturing and time to grow. So don't worry if you don't have what you deem as a real relationship right now. Plant some seeds. Look at who among the people you know have the potential to become real close friends, then focus on those people. Or maybe there are people who wanted to become close to you, but you weren't ready/noticing. Invite them out, ask them how they're doing. The truth is that is sucks and you have to put yourself out there. It's also scary to that there is a risk of rejection, but when those flowers grow, you will be so happy you did!
Okay, yeah I know that was very cheesy. haha. But it's the truth!
Also, a note about going out with the girls. For me personally, I tend to make close friends with guys much easier. I don't know what it is about a group of girls, but it can get so catty and dramatic. Guys are much more chill haha.
Last, but not least. Think of yourself as whole and love yourself! It's easy to blame yourself for not having close friends. (At least that's how my brain tends to work) When I came to college, I definitely had trouble adjusting without having my high school friends I had been so close to. I thought I just sucked at making friends or something I did turned people off. But that was me overgeneralizing. Had I been patient, I wouldn't have been so hard on myself. Remind yourself of the amazing qualities you possess and how people would be so lucky to have YOU as their close friend.
Good luck, girl and go plant some seeds!
Keia0 -
I am going through the same thing. I was just thinking I really wished I had a best friend to go to the gym with and just have a girl to talk to. I have never really had as close a best friend as I would like..someone I feel completely comfortable around. Ha, someone to do all the girly things with. I have no problem talking to people and reaching out, but I don't know how to turn it into being best friends.
I live in an apartment with my boyfriend and another couple we are both friends with. When the other girl has her friends over I just get depressed. Some would say to go out and join them, but I don't want to be friends with the type of people her friends are. So I just get lonely. My boyfriend is my best friend, but some times i just need a girl to talk to!!
I guess I'll just keep smiling and wait
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