Assumed Attraction
david581c
Posts: 337
For starters, I'm on the fence, I'm open to anyone, if someone's attractive I'll jump at 'em. just so happens woman have been more attractive.
Why is it if someone thinks you're gay you'll go for anyone? seriously, to people who don't understand they thing to be gay means you'll shack up with anyone with the same genitalia, and that's upsetting because what make's the "gay" crowd different from any other? Any straight guy wouldn't hop on the nearest vagina, so why is it accepted that the nearest crotch will suffice?
Guess I'm going through a moment here, mainly because my job just installed camera's and called me out on hugging a male employee who just got cheated on and was feeling desperately depressed so I gave him a hug, and it was reciprocated, and he thanked me and appreciated the humanity displayed.
I ended up in H.R. asked if I accepted to swallow pride. I know i'm not the the sharpest knife in the drawer, though why does sexuality come into play when you see a human being struggling to cope with reality?
maybe I'm just overreacting, though, I can't shake a feeling that in a small sense society was dealt another minor setback.
though, I'm a self diagnosed hypochondriac so who knows.
Why is it if someone thinks you're gay you'll go for anyone? seriously, to people who don't understand they thing to be gay means you'll shack up with anyone with the same genitalia, and that's upsetting because what make's the "gay" crowd different from any other? Any straight guy wouldn't hop on the nearest vagina, so why is it accepted that the nearest crotch will suffice?
Guess I'm going through a moment here, mainly because my job just installed camera's and called me out on hugging a male employee who just got cheated on and was feeling desperately depressed so I gave him a hug, and it was reciprocated, and he thanked me and appreciated the humanity displayed.
I ended up in H.R. asked if I accepted to swallow pride. I know i'm not the the sharpest knife in the drawer, though why does sexuality come into play when you see a human being struggling to cope with reality?
maybe I'm just overreacting, though, I can't shake a feeling that in a small sense society was dealt another minor setback.
though, I'm a self diagnosed hypochondriac so who knows.
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I would review your employer's policy on physical contact and if it doesn't prohibit hugging another employee I'd shove the handbook up their *kitten* and tell them to leave me alone. However, if the hug was against policy then just bite it. There's nothing you can do.
As for assuming that any gay person will have sex with any other gay person, well, this stereotype seems to have cemented itself in place since the 70s. One of the arguments used against the gay community, of course, was promiscuity and examples of bath houses and such were shoved down the throats of Americans who were unwilling to do their own research so the promiscuity stereotype took hold and I don't see it letting go for awhile. The really unfortunate thing is that what happens in America ends up spreading around the world. The same arguments that were used in the States in the 70s are now being used in other many countries of the world, but if I keep going this comment will end up being a book.
So yeah, you're not overreacting and you need to check out those policies. Cheers! :drinker:0 -
thanks.
trust me, I've looked into the policy.
it's an old company trying to be adapted to the 22'nd century, if you know what I mean.
if anything I'm new, i've rewritten company policy and productivity standards. so they're at a crossroads.
seriously, out of fear of production, they banned cell phones at work. it so archaic, I'd wish I was above this, though they sign the paychecks, which should inspire me to look beyond this twisted employment I call a job.0 -
I feel for you. I would be a nervous wreck (and probably cry) if I got called to HR for anything let along hugging somebody. No one at work knows that I'm bisexual and I would proabably be ostrasized if it were to come out.
Did you explain to HR what the issue was? That the hug was in no way sexual, you were just comforting another person (who happened to be a guy) who was going through a hard time personally? What was their response when you told them it wasn't sexual?0 -
-facepalm- Every time a male-bodied person shows feeling, we have to be scared and prepared for the worse. Sexualizing hugs. -cringes-
I agree with everything Candy posted. All in all, it's a stupid assumption.0 -
-facepalm- Every time a male-bodied person shows feeling, we have to be scared and prepared for the worse. Sexualizing hugs. -cringes-
I agree with everything Candy posted. All in all, it's a stupid assumption.
Sad and true. My boyfriend and I were just talking about how we wish that cis-males could offer emotional support via hugging or touch to another cis-male without it being turned into an "OMG GAY! EW EW EW!" thing. Homophobia comes out in so many weird, insidious ways.0 -
-facepalm- Every time a male-bodied person shows feeling, we have to be scared and prepared for the worse. Sexualizing hugs. -cringes-
I agree with everything Candy posted. All in all, it's a stupid assumption.
Sad and true. My boyfriend and I were just talking about how we wish that cis-males could offer emotional support via hugging or touch to another cis-male without it being turned into an "OMG GAY! EW EW EW!" thing. Homophobia comes out in so many weird, insidious ways.
Both of these sum up my feelings exactly.
I can't believe they had a problem with a HUG.0 -
OMG!!! David you need to find a new employer....
I can't believe that in the 21stC any company could get away with installing CCTV to spy on its employees.
I work for an American-owned company with a Global presence. In the UK we have a very open policy on fairness and that includes sexuality. In fact until recently... our local boss was an out, gay man. I know of at least 4 other colleagues who are gay and in fact I used to work in a team of 4 gay men and 2 women :laugh:
I hug and kiss my colleagues all the time... we all do... because we're friends as well as colleagues and I'm only in the office 50% of the time, so when I see them we greet each other in this way... as I do all my friends regardless of their orientation.
I could understand if it was unwarranted or non-reciprocated then that would be wrong... but I am so glad I live in the EU where personal freedom is regarded as paramount.
Take care :flowerforyou:0 -
HR has dealt with my "eccentricities" and when it comes down to it, I put out the numbers so they turn a blind eye. It's a very hetero company so they call the shots I'm just an employee.I feel for you. I would be a nervous wreck (and probably cry) if I got called to HR for anything let along hugging somebody. No one at work knows that I'm bisexual and I would proabably be ostrasized if it were to come out.
Did you explain to HR what the issue was? That the hug was in no way sexual, you were just comforting another person (who happened to be a guy) who was going through a hard time personally? What was their response when you told them it wasn't sexual?
life is what you make it, I'm not attracted to male nor female, I'm attracted to personality. they cant grasp that.-facepalm- Every time a male-bodied person shows feeling, we have to be scared and prepared for the worse. Sexualizing hugs. -cringes-
I agree with everything Candy posted. All in all, it's a stupid assumption.
Sad and true. My boyfriend and I were just talking about how we wish that cis-males could offer emotional support via hugging or touch to another cis-male without it being turned into an "OMG GAY! EW EW EW!" thing. Homophobia comes out in so many weird, insidious ways.
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I suppose. I just simply wish people could be somehow human, and realize that if someone is struggling, [male/female] , support isn't a question but a necessity.-facepalm- Every time a male-bodied person shows feeling, we have to be scared and prepared for the worse. Sexualizing hugs. -cringes-
I agree with everything Candy posted. All in all, it's a stupid assumption.
I guess, I feel almost greek, I just want people to be happy.0 -
I don't think I could've resisted the urge to ask the HR person if they ever hugged their kids or grandparents, or if they saw that as 'inappropriate'.
/edit then again, my impulse control issues have gotten me into trouble before. i'm working on that >.<0 -
That happened to me twice at my former work place. There was a new hire that I was training and all was cool( discussing movies we wanted to see during breaks etc) until she found out I was gay. She told HR I was hitting on her. WTF. There was no way I would ever hit on that woman. The second one was an employee who was accused of passing merchandise. Very young girl. I was her supervisor and she was so scared I thought she would vomit. It was kind of a half hug, I patted her shoulder and told her everything was gonna be ok, once again...all was ok until I was outted to this young person and once again I was called into the office. Now at my job I find myself almost announcing my orientation when I meet someone that is more than a quick hello. No, I am NOT hitting on you.0
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That happened to me twice at my former work place. There was a new hire that I was training and all was cool( discussing movies we wanted to see during breaks etc) until she found out I was gay. She told HR I was hitting on her. WTF. There was no way I would ever hit on that woman. The second one was an employee who was accused of passing merchandise. Very young girl. I was her supervisor and she was so scared I thought she would vomit. It was kind of a half hug, I patted her shoulder and told her everything was gonna be ok, once again...all was ok until I was outted to this young person and once again I was called into the office. Now at my job I find myself almost announcing my orientation when I meet someone that is more than a quick hello. No, I am NOT hitting on you.
wow, people are so self centered! Sounds like some morons I have met though. People are ridiculous!0 -
Small update, had a company wide meeting on "PDA" or Public Displays of Affection. You could hear the Wallace's, the two super obviously gay employees, collectively gasped. We all were told to sign, i drew a guy holding hands with a pride flag something ala Grammar House Rock.
Im a bit iffy, mainly because i just got the raise and promotion i was trying to get.
I guess i gotta stack cash somehow
though i dont plan on retiring here. 0 -
David, I think that there is a lot of misconception. When I first came out, I lost most of my friends. This is because I had belonged to a very conservative Christian church (only allowed to wear skirts, long hair, head coverings, etc). A while later, a dear friend from that church contacted me. We met and talked. She was afraid that I would try to make her gay and be attracted to her.
I explained to her that when I was married to a man, I had not been attracted to every man around me (actually, I wasn't attracted to any men.) lol. I asked her if she was attracted to every man she met. I explained to her that I was attracted this one woman -- not every woman, just as she was not attracted to every man. I had no desire to "make her gay." She and I have continued to talk about my new life, although it is against everything that she believes.
I think there is a misconception that all gay men are attracted to all men and all lesbians are attracted to all women, and that all we want to do is "convert" them. Ummm. no.0 -
I think there is a misconception that all gay men are attracted to all men and all lesbians are attracted to all women, and that all we want to do is "convert" them. Ummm. no.
I agree with this idea whole heartedly. My mom invited a work friend over for Thanksgiving and a few days before made sure to let her know that I am a lesbian and that my girlfriend would be there as well. She then asked the woman if she had a problem with it. Her response was "On no it doesn't bother me at all, as long as she doesn't come after me, cuz i don't go there!!" Why is the assumption of some people that just because I'm attracted to the same gender means i want you? And furthermore, am I so aggressive that despite me knowing your sexual orientation that I will try to "convert" you?
This situation is actually two fold, because not only do some of these people fear that you will be attracted to them, they are sometimes offended when they find out you're not! It's like you cant win!0 -
Aren't there laws against discrimination due to sexual orientation?
I'm so sorry, that is AWFUL and if I was you, I'd be doing my research and knowing exactly what your rights are.
Different scenario but I went toe-toe with an ex land lord who was trying to evict me w/o good cause and get an additional $2,000 out of me. I researched the laws, went to legal aid b/c I couldn't afford a lawyer, went to court for our hearing and he still refused to settle and I was NOT backing down b/c I knew I was right according to the laws. He then got a lawyer and 2 days later he agreed to my terms. So apparently he didn't think some 24y.o. (at the time) single mom knew what the hell she was talking about and his lawyer set him straight. If he had pursued it further, I would have won in court and then could have counter sued.
Moral: it pays to look up the law books and even see if you can find a lawyer to talk to who'll give free legal advice via phone. Better safe than sorry. Best of luck with everything0 -
Thats anvery good point, im so...disoriented and psuedo lethargic that sometimes i feel i would be better off letting sleeping dogs lie.
So far nothings changed, gay, straight, whatever...they all still show theyre involved.
Just like 4 months ago when HR said the spanish speaking people werent allowed to speak spanish anymore.
Oh god this. Place is bad....0 -
Wow that is pretty bad. I work for a place on the other end of the scale. They're super into 'diversity' and 'individuality' and makes sure everyone knows that we're allowed to be there and we all have a right to our own lifestyles. They stress the fact that, for us, being gay was never ever a CHOICE. Because, hell...if it was, I don't think I would choose half of the things I have had to go through.
It really impressed me that they took it that far. That they actually took a moment to understand us and stepped into our shoes.
On the other hand, I have seen it backfire. Someone would come out and then those extremists who can't agree to disagree or simply coexist, make hell out of it and say we're throwing it in their faces. They also get scared about the points you have all posed 'they're going to hit on me and make things uncomfortable!' I had that happen to me and I just laughed at the girl and said "I'm married. Get over yourself."
Thankfully, my work experience has been mostly great. Everyone knows and loves my girlfriend and treats us like family.
Educate the people around you that you're not a disease and you respect personal boundaries. lol Tell them all to get over themselves.0 -
OMG I hate that people think I would all of a sudden WANT them. I am very selective and not everybody is my type. I guess it is their ego being extremely high.0
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Once, my boss dragged me in and said she thought I should attend sensitivity training. She overheard me joking with a guy who worked for me and saying, "Well, life is a sexually transmitted disease." We both had a good laugh, but SHE was offended. sigh...
And as far as people being weirded out about gays and lesbians 'promiscuity'. LOL What do you think they think about us bi-sexuals? :ohwell: :yawn: Even many members the 'community' seems to have problems with us not being 'pure' one way or another.
say la vee...LOL
:drinker:0 -
That's a good question. Why is their a popular narrative about gay people going for anyone? here are some random thoughts...
1) Homophobia drives the Gay-As-Vampire metaphor: Raise your hand if you've ever heard comments/policy/legislation etc. based on the premise that Gay people will try to convert you or your loved ones. And Vampires are generally characterized as sexually sophisticated predatory sociopaths
2) Historically people who are not considered mainstream are usually sexualized as exotic (ever wonder why some of our straight friends feel more free to talk about sexual issues with us they would never bring up with their straight friends?) It's also unfair to reduce something like homosexuality down to a sex act, which is what a lot of people constantly do.
3) Gay as Godless Pinko-Commie: Since about the 1950's The U.S. Definition of gay people (perhaps yesterday more than today) is anyone who had any kind of sexual contact with the same gender. In the 50's, the duty of any red blooded American is to marry then produce registered voters. Gay people existed (then organized) outside of that expectation, which caused fear & resentment. Enter the concept of Gay-As-Left Gay as Rebel, Gay as Socialist, therefore Gay as Anti-American. This definition kind of crystalized after WWII and persisted through the cold war.
4) Gay people may be more able to cross mainstream sexual boundaries than Heterosexuals.(This is a tricky argument) but I've known of a lot of people who come out then feel as if they've expatriated from Heteropression-town and realize they no longer need to observe real or perceived sexual boundaries that heterosexuals are expected to. This could also drive the idea that gay people are more sexually sophisticated than their heterosexual counterparts.
ok.. no more coffee for me.0 -
Damn dude, great post.
Got me laughing more that like 5 times.
I figure jus like any community, theres gonna be distortions. Its nice to see that since i was a kid, in California society has advanced a lot in terms of acceptance and equality, it aint perfect, but its getting better.0 -
This really drives me nuts! For some reason, people seem to think that being gay is all about sex, or that gay people want to have sex all the time. So weird!
I also find it really strange that people think I don't know - or can't find - men attractive, just because I don't want to sleep with them. I'm not blind.0 -
I'm from Miami and I believe it's actually called discrimination when you tell an employee they can't speak Spanish. You can only discourage personal conversation on employee time, not decide the language they may speak. I used to have to go at it with customers all the time over it. That was total ignorance of them to even think they had a say in complaining about a language. I for sure knew I wasn't allowed to tell Spanish speaking employees not to speak their language. I would ask them to engage with the customers and not congregate amongst each other on company time.
I couldn't imagine being told not to speak my own language. That's a very iffy situation.depending on where you are. And screw the "PDA" ! I think it's horrible, gay, lesbian bi, hetero, or trans, whatever ones orientation. It's not "PDS" Public Display of Sex, our children can't even give a high five in most schools these days let alone a hug to a friend. I think it's ridiculous how the world finds ways to control people, meanwhile crime is at its highest rate and people are victims with no protection. Such a simple subject can really get me going....but, as I said before, I don't want to be that one to write a novel either.0
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